Live in the Moment?

[simple girl]

GS, I have been battling this off and on for quite a while now myself. It seems when we change things up a bit, it helps me for a while. For example, changing jobs, or moving, or as others have said, trying a new hobby. Still, I struggle with this issue, especially when we come back from vacation.

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pasadenaDC Interesting post, I'm 30 y/o as well with a 95th percentile job with ER somewhere on my horizon. My struggle is that I'm always thinking twice (okay maybe three or four times) before spending money and I just have a hard time spending in the now... thinking that it may be more useful later. I use it as a mental security blanket, which can be quite inhibiting. It feels like no amount of money in the bank can really make me happy. I know money does not equal happiness. But dang, sometimes having an excess is just more stressful than living with much much less. I have TRIED to value experiences (travel, vacations, hiking, outings with friends/family) and spend accordingly versus buying CRAP/STUFF and it has served me well for the most part. But still, its always eating at me. I appreciate all the responses in this thread. I'm always cycling this stuff in my head....

Your post reminds me so much of my big brother. He was in the same position at your age, and not spending much. He was the family miser and when he was a kid, his favorite cartoon character was Scrooge McDuck.

Anyway, he retired at around 50 (49? maybe), and then once his future income was assured, he was able to start spending more. He has enough that despite withdrawals, I suspect that his portfolio is growing in the long term. He lives in St. Louis but bought a second home on Maui, and has been doing a lot of international travel every year. Unlike me, he has the travel bug. He bought a new Corvette at the beginning of ER but realized that he was really happier driving an old truck, so he got one and left the Corvette in the garage except for an occasional outing. He still drives a truck but buys whatever appeals to him. He has plenty of STUFF now, as well as experiences, and he is most definitely living the good life and enjoying it.

I guess that what I am saying is that *if* you survive to ER, you may find that spending doesn't bother you as much and that you were glad that you did it your way. Life is a gamble.

[DangerMouse]

Don't be so focused on the end goal that you don't enjoy the journey. You need to find a balance between saving for FIRE and living know so you don't ever feel like you lived a life full of regrets.

[happy2bretired]

I just started reading this book, but, you might find it interesting and helpful.

Curious? by Todd Kashdan

Amazon.com: curious?: Books

[Lusitan]

One the one hand, I do tend to spend a lot of time thinking about reaching FI, which can seem to make time drag slowly toward the goal ...

... on the other hand, sometimes I look at my toddler and how cute he is and I just want to hold on to these days forever and stay exactly where I'm at, yet the days seem to fly by.

I guess between the two of these feelings, my sense of time is probably pretty balanced.

[WhoDaresWins]

I have wasted a lot of time over the course of my life worrying about things that never happened or that I had no control over. I don't do this anymore. I try to enjoy the good things in each day, control the variables that I have some ability to control, and leave the rest to fate. Maybe you have to be on the downward slope in life feel this way, after you have been batted around a bit.

[Midpack]

Who doesn't wrestle with this. To me, balancing "now" and my "future" has always been one of life's great ongoing questions/decisions.

To paraphrase others, life is a journey, not a destination. May not work for you but I started a simple spreadsheet about 26 years ago named LIFEGOAL that has the dates of all the milestones in my life. It also has all my major goals all along the way, professional, personal, financial or otherwise. I have always been motivated by goals and I recognized that early on. It is rewarding to always have goals realized, goals within reach and longer term goals to work towards. They change each year, but there are always those past, present and future goals and continual progress.

Many days work is a grind for most of us unfortunately. But when it's really tough I remind myself that it's what enables some of my goals - and I won't have to do it forever. When it becomes unbearable, I will move on to something else, depending on my FI status. FWIW...

[Meadbh]

GS, if you haven't read it, read Stephen Covey's "The seven habits of highly effective people" and focus on habit 7, "sharpen the saw". Everyone needs to step back on a regular basis to reflect, enjoy and put things in perspective. You will just burn out if you don't.

[meekie]

Wow GoodSense, I've definitely been feeling a lot of the same things recently, as has hubby. We both decided over the last year to try to start spending more of our money instead of hoarding it - watching it disappear as we invested more and more made us realize that we should at least enjoy *some* of it.
I'm very much a planner by nature, I like to plan things, research things, collect information. I've found that I spend way too much time in the planning phase and not enough time in the "enjoying" phase.
One thing I try to do is take more pictures while I'm at a party or on vacation. It's much easier for me to mentally go back to that time if I have a photo of it, and it lets me enjoy something for a lot longer than I normally would.
Maybe you should think about what you want to do when you retire. Then see what you can work into your life now. Want to do a lot of travel? Start learning some languages. I'm started doing some woodcarving, which I intend to spend a lot more time on once I'm retired, but I took a drawing class recently which will help with my carving in the future.
I also really like Kronk's idea of taking days off more often. Just call it a retirement practice day.

[BunsGettingFirm]

Good thread. I was in that mode for a while too in my early 30s. Thank goodness to the backward sliding portfolio that I realized that I really need to have some fun now. Money is just money. Don't blow it all, but don't hoard it all. Rolling around in a mattress full of money just give you paper cuts in places you don't want to have paper cuts.

[Mill]

I also get caught up in the spend it now or save it for later debate with myself. I think it all boils down to doing whatever gives you the most satisfaction/security with your money. Personally, I like to save and invest and watch my money grow. Its fun to me, and it gives me more pleasure than buying stuff. A Live-above-your-means type would think this is a miserly; boring way to live, but your life is yours, and it is what you make it. As others have mentioned, tomorrow is not guaranteed, so live your life the way you want to, and if it involves spending money, or taking an extra vacation, then so be it.

I value my free time, so I take 6 or 7 weeks vacation a year. I only get 2 paid weeks, and the 5 unpaid weeks a year; times 20-25? years will undoubtedly delay FIRE. I think how much more ahead I could be, but youve got to live your life with some balance.

good thread.

[eridanus]

Set a goal, find out how much you need to save, put the savings on auto-draft, and spend the rest.

In theory, anyway.

[NW-Bound]

You all should wait until they are in college before you can truly expect to enjoy such trips. And that is of course assuming that you survive their teenage years. That is when you really lose all your hair.

Meanwhile, enjoy your little kids. I still remember taking time off from work to attend my kids' school plays, and see happy kids on the playground. It is hard to fathom how such cute little kids in elementary schools would grow up to be the obnoxious ones you see in high schools.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NW-Bound It is hard to fathom how such cute little kids in elementary schools would grow up to be the obnoxious ones you see in high schools.

Our parents had the same question.

Ha

[NW-Bound]

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha Our parents had the same question. Ha

Correct! Some of the kids grew up to have their pictures taken and posted in the concurrent threads about some shoppers in Walmart. There are some scary adults there.

Seriously, my siblings and I were never much of a trouble to my parents. They had it easy with us, compared what we have to deal with ours. Ah, the progress over time.

Regarding traveling with kids, we did do some travels with ours when they were younger. We went on road trips, and also air travels. They were fairly well behaved on cross-country flights, to go to Florida for example. However, we did not even think of taking them to Europe; from where we are, it would be an excruciatingly long flight. Pain and suffering for everybody. Even for ourselves, the return flights were always a lot more miserable than the outbound flights.

We did leave them home with relatives a few times. No, the world did not revolve around them. Leaving them home was for really for us.

[Jay_Gatsby]

Wow, didn't know my post would touch off such a great discussion of traveling with kids. We're not planning on a European vacation in the next couple of years, but that doesn't mean we won't go on vacation...somewhere. The best advice I was given in regards to traveling with kids is to have a firm base of operations where you can dump all your luggage and kid-related stuff, and go from there.

My parents took me and my siblings on trips all across the U.S. when we were younger. Once we were old enough for summer camp, they sent us all away for a month while they took off for Europe and just spent time with each other at home without us. No complaints here, as I learned how to hunt, track wildlife, shoot a bow and arrow, shoot .22 rifles, work leather, and all sorts of other "useful" skills.

[freebird5825]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay_Gatsby Wow, didn't know my post would touch off such a great discussion of traveling with kids. ...My parents took me and my siblings on trips all across the U.S. when we were younger...

Ah the days of piling everyone in the station wagon and going to Cape Cod, Montreal, Pennsylvania Dutch country, Maryland shore and Washington DC, when it was actually affordable for families.

[Milton]

Quote:

Intellectually, I know there's no race. I'll get there when I get there. And my life will be happier if I just sit back and enjoy the ride. But the dull grind of going to work every day just wears on me.

Yeah, me too. I am so sick of reading endless medical reports and preparing legal opinions that in all likelihood no one will ever read.

Quote:

My only suggestions are to take days off. Not even necessarily to go on vacation, just stay at home for the day. Catch up on some movies. Do some niggling chores around the house if the mood strikes. Just allow yourself to take a breath.

Good advice, which I will endeavour to follow.

[IndependentlyPoor]

Memories, memories. My father used to say that our 1963 Catalina had his fingerprints permanently embedded in its steering wheel after taking Skyline Drive. It is (was?) a narrow one lane road, with a sheer rock face on one side and a sheer drop off on the other. No shoulders. No guardrails. A year after our trip there, one of my father's coworkers literally scraped the mirrors and doorhandles from his car.

Holiday Inns with pools. Howard Johnsons with ice cream parlors. The interminable drive across across the plains to escape Texas. Sigh.

[Jay_Gatsby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by freebird5825 Ah the days of piling everyone in the station wagon and going to Cape Cod, Montreal, Pennsylvania Dutch country, Maryland shore and Washington DC, when it was actually affordable for families.

Yup. Some fond memories there. I mentioned a few family trips when I gave my dad's eulogy a few weeks ago. I miss him.

In any event, I enjoy driving on the highway. Lots to see as you drive through places most people fly over on their way to one of the coasts or major cities. Likewise, you can listen to all kinds of music, books on CD, etc... (as long as it's not "and the wheels of the bus go round and round... ).