Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-25-2009, 09:10 AM   #101
Moderator
ziggy29's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 15,612
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
I've gotten these before, but the best one was when someone told me I was selfish for not having kids! That one really burned--the nerve!
I think the world is too screwed up -- and getting more screwed up -- to bring someone else into it.

Also, we have 6.5 billion people on Earth and we are looking at the potential for increasing contention for limited natural resources. It won't surprise me if WW3, when/if it occurs, is fought over the control of finite natural resources. I personally feel no need to bring someone else into that.

Underpopulation is the least of the world's concerns.
__________________

__________________
"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)

RIP to Reemy, my avatar dog (2003 - 9/16/2017)
ziggy29 is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-25-2009, 10:25 AM   #102
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
IndependentlyPoor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Austin
Posts: 1,142
I never thought of it before, but this might well be another example of the double standard. Folks don't ask me why they aren't fathers, but women get the ugly questioning.

Sorry gals, this just might be another thing (in a long list) of unpleasant things you have to deal with.

I for one have been horrified (and that is not an exaggeration) at the though of being a parent since I was a teenager. The worry and responsibility would crush me. I have seen too many instances of good parental intentions backfiring with tragic results. Somebody's gotta do it, but given the world's population growth rate, I don't feel guilty one bit about putting an end to my genetic line. I do believe in Hillary's "it takes a village", and only gripe a little about subsidizing everyone else's children through school tax, income tax breaks, and absurdly advantageous family insurance rates. I just ask that families respect my contribution as a single, contributing member of society.

Gosh I am being opinioned thses days. If the moderators want to take this down, I won't complain.
__________________

__________________
IndependentlyPoor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 11:31 AM   #103
Moderator Emeritus
CuppaJoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: At The Cafe
Posts: 6,866
Quote:
Originally Posted by IndependentlyPoor View Post
... I just ask that families respect my contribution as a single, contributing member of society.

....
I remember dad saying that single people contribute nothing to society but I didn’t buy it. Sad thing was he had four sisters who never married and I'm sure they knew of that attitude. At least one of them turned down a bad proposal and our entire family attended her former boyfriend’s wedding to someone else when I was about 4. I watched that marriage deteriorate over the years. They stayed together until the DW died in her early 60s. How should we count their contribution to society in raising two children in their very bad marriage?
__________________
CuppaJoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2009, 03:43 PM   #104
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,017
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
I've gotten these before, but the best one was when someone told me I was selfish for not having kids! That one really burned--the nerve!
I used to get that a lot. I never understood the logic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
I am less than nurturing and that I probably wouldn't be all that great with kids after all.
Ditto here. I enjoy delivering medical care to infants, but I wouldn't want to come home to them!
__________________
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2009, 09:38 AM   #105
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 16,501
I didn't want kids because I was afraid I'd get one like me. For the life of me I don't know why my poor mother didn't strangle me.

Commiserating with a neighbor who had two active boys, the neighbor said "The Lord made 'em cute so you wouldn't drown 'em".
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2009, 10:19 AM   #106
Recycles dryer sheets
Sea Kayaker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Vancouver/Gulf Islands/Baja
Posts: 479
I'm 37, and the DW (37 also) and I have pretty much decided we aren't going to have kids. Upsets my mom a bit - she says I would make a great father... and I probably would. But having just been married earlier this year to a woman I had been waiting my whole life for, I feel its just too late now. I'm there will be questions and regrets down the line... but so be it.

The positive aspect is obviously the gobs of money we are going to save... when people ask me about not having kids, I respond by saying that I should be able to retire while I'm still in my 40's. That ends the questions real fast.
__________________
Sea Kayaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2009, 11:21 AM   #107
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
DH and I decided a year after we got married (in 1978) that we did not want to have children. I got plenty of remarks made to me about non procreation, but I just ignored them. Seems as if I've always bucked the system in regards to what I should/should not do.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2009, 11:47 AM   #108
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,372
At least half of our friends decided not to have children when they got married. Most are still married to the same persons and virtually all seem to not regret that decision in the least. Nice that contraceptive measures could ensure that decision for them.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 10:27 AM   #109
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
BunsGettingFirm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,502
Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggy29 View Post
I think the world is too screwed up -- and getting more screwed up -- to bring someone else into it.

Also, we have 6.5 billion people on Earth and we are looking at the potential for increasing contention for limited natural resources. It won't surprise me if WW3, when/if it occurs, is fought over the control of finite natural resources. I personally feel no need to bring someone else into that.

Underpopulation is the least of the world's concerns.
Not an unrealistic assumption. I don't remember many Tom Clancy quotable quotes, but he did say, "War is robbery writ large."

So what do you think the resource fought over will be, oil or water?
__________________
BunsGettingFirm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 12:35 PM   #110
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 30
I thought for most of my life I didn't want them, but decided late that we did. I used to get together with career-minded girlfriends and trade comments similar to what I have read above....world overpopulated, I don't want a kid to turn out like me, I don't want to work forever, I like my freedom, kids are annoying (ok I put that one in, but that's what I thought before having kids). Now we have two little ones, cute as buttons and not a single bit annoying! (well, most of the time, anyway).

It was all true for us....activities we did before with our time don't concern us much now; life has more meaning; I am a better person...I feel more fulfilled and like I have more purpose; DH and I have never been closer; In retrospect, I was just going through the motions of life, now I live a much more satisfying, fuller life; I can't wait to get home and play with them every day! Definitely the right decision for us, but seemingly not meant for everyone.

I have lots in life to give me fulfillment no less. As a surgeon, I get the opportunity to literally save people's lives (with the help of my entire healthcare team of course). DH and I have travelled around the world, volunteered in third world countries, lived luxuriously when we choose, eaten well, partied hard, and laughed with friends until our bellies hurt. Still no experience in my life compares to richness, fulfillment, and satisfaction of raising our children.

Not for everyone, to be sure. The good thing is that if one is already happy with their life as it is, they will presumably continue to be happy for the same reasons for the rest of their lives. They would never know the difference with children. So it really is a win-win decision.
__________________
michelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 02:01 PM   #111
Moderator Emeritus
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 11,032
DW and I don't have children and don't want any. All the nagging in the world won't change that. I think that our families pretty much gave up on trying to "convert" us.

We have been called selfish, we have been told that our marriage was a sham (because for some people apparently the only purpose of marriage is to procreate, therefore no kids = not a real marriage), we have been pressured by our parents with MIL counting down how many eggs DW potentially had left before menopause, etc... It has been ugly sometime. But not unexpected. While we have been more than patient with family and friends, we usually snapped right back at strangers offering their unwelcome opinion.
__________________
FIREd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 02:13 PM   #112
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 9,039
Oh c'mon FD...they just want you to experience the misery pleasure they have experienced with their children.......



btw...before someone jumps all over me...

Kudos to people that want/have children...

Kudos to people that elect not to have children...
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 02:38 PM   #113
Moderator Emeritus
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 11,032
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
Oh c'mon FD...they just want you to experience the misery pleasure they have experienced with their children.......

Obviously I am in no position to judge whether raising kids is a miserable or pleasurable experience. But, as a teenager, I spent many summers working with kids as a summer camp instructor and I was once an elementary school teacher, so unlike many new parents, I have some idea what it takes .

The only thing I know is that this is our choice and I want people to respect it.
__________________
FIREd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 02:57 PM   #114
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,372
The theme of this thread is living in the moment, and some people find having children helps them do this. But that should be tangential to being a parent, not a reason to have them. There are much easier ways to live in the moment. I have an immature relative who said having her child "saved her life." My feeling is that is a huge burden to put on that child....
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 03:02 PM   #115
Moderator
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,456
Yep, I'm so glad it made life worth living for some folks to have them younguns and all, but for me, my life was already worth living, so hey, to each his or her own.

Firedreamer, I used to have to give tours to busloads of kids, and hell itself could not have been hotter. My existential nightmare would be to be trapped in a kindergarten classroom. Argggghhhhh!
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 03:26 PM   #116
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahinSC
Firedreamer, I used to have to give tours to busloads of kids, and hell itself could not have been hotter. My existential nightmare would be to be trapped in a kindergarten classroom. Argggghhhhh!
No doubt. I worked as a "camp counsellor" in my teenage years looking after 6-8 year olds. I don't think I could muster the energy or patience for that ever again.
__________________
michelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 03:48 PM   #117
Moderator Emeritus
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 11,032
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post

Firedreamer, I used to have to give tours to busloads of kids, and hell itself could not have been hotter. My existential nightmare would be to be trapped in a kindergarten classroom. Argggghhhhh!
For 6 years, I spent my summer supervising 70-80 kids age 5-7 (I was head instructor for that age group). The field trips were actually my favorite part. But yeah, I was glad when the summer was over! I sometimes get flash backs when I babysit my 5 year old niece. I feel mentally exhausted after entertaining her for just a few hours.
__________________
FIREd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 04:08 PM   #118
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Pittsburgh, PA suburbs
Posts: 1,769
Quote:
Originally Posted by FIREdreamer View Post
For 6 years, I spent my summer supervising 70-80 kids age 5-7 (I was head instructor for that age group). The field trips were actually my favorite part. But yeah, I was glad when the summer was over! I sometimes get flash backs when I babysit my 5 year old niece. I feel mentally exhausted after entertaining her for just a few hours.
When my son was born almost 27 years ago, I had all these lofty notions about having to fill time with him in educational ways, always giving him my undying attention. That notion bit the dust quickly. He learned to entertain himself, went to pre-school at 4 to give me a break, let him watch lots of cartoons and eat candy(things I said no child of mine would EVER do). He is pretty well adjusted and very independent now. And, interestingly, doesn't own a TV and is a health food type of guy. I think he always knew we loved him, would do anything for him and that we did the best we could.
__________________
WhoDaresWins is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 04:32 PM   #119
Moderator Emeritus
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 11,032
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhoDaresWins View Post
When my son was born almost 27 years ago, I had all these lofty notions about having to fill time with him in educational ways, always giving him my undying attention. That notion bit the dust quickly. He learned to entertain himself, went to pre-school at 4 to give me a break, let him watch lots of cartoons and eat candy(things I said no child of mine would EVER do). He is pretty well adjusted and very independent now. And, interestingly, doesn't own a TV and is a health food type of guy. I think he always knew we loved him, would do anything for him and that we did the best we could.
Unfortunately that's not how my niece is being brought up. She doesn't know how to entertain herself and needs to be the center of attention. Her parents perpetuate that behavior IMO but there is not much I can do about it.
__________________
FIREd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2009, 05:16 PM   #120
Dryer sheet aficionado
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 30
Quote:
The theme of this thread is living in the moment, and some people find having children helps them do this. But that should be tangential to being a parent, not a reason to have them. There are much easier ways to live in the moment. I have an immature relative who said having her child "saved her life." My feeling is that is a huge burden to put on that child....
Agreed. To clarify, I did feel like I was living in the moment/maximizing my life experience before children (b.c.), it is only in retrospect that it seemed more like I was "going through the motions" compared to after I had them. Probably just my perspective, possibly some confounders at play (more financially stable now, don't have to study as much, don't have to do as much call), and maybe even an element of confirmation bias (we are all guilty at times). Also, the nature and demeanour of the children can make a big difference. Some children are hellians from the moment the cord is tied...not so far with mine. Regardless, just the way it was for me, and not meant to be considered as an insight into anyone else's life.

Quote:
Yep, I'm so glad it made life worth living for some folks to have them younguns and all, but for me, my life was already worth living, so hey, to each his or her own
Again, to clarify, life was very good before having children. With children life is also very good...but in a different way. It is difficult to explain, so I will cease trying.
__________________

__________________
michelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Ah Ha moment! Just happened. newguy88 Other topics 10 04-06-2008 04:46 PM
A moment of silence please... cute fuzzy bunny Other topics 8 02-19-2007 09:29 AM
A Senior Moment frayne Other topics 1 01-26-2007 10:11 AM
Just a nice moment Rich_by_the_Bay Other topics 8 09-26-2006 10:45 AM
Senior moment? Or... REWahoo Other topics 10 06-27-2006 01:24 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:54 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.