Live in the Moment?

[Vinniw]

My wife tells me I think too much about the future and FIRE - but at the same time I dont do it at the expense of living now. Once you have your autopilot plans in place then box it off, regularly monitor, then and get on with life.

What about some shorter term goals around other aspects of your life?

 

[Sea Kayaker]

I think my DW and I have a very nice balance between keeping our FIRE dreams alive and well, and living our lives to the fullest. For example, in a week we are heading to Cabo, renting a Jeep for week, and eating out at least once a day. We can justify this because our accomodation is free for two weeks.... and we just bloody well deserve it.

 

[Milton]

I think the happiest people are those who maintain peer friendships and have some interest or interests that they pursue regularly.

Quite right.

BTW, try not to restrict yourself to friendships only with peers: expanding your circle to include people younger, older, richer, poorer, better and less educated than yourself is almost always rewarding.

 

[BunsGettingFirm]

I don't think they got it wrong at all. You have the right to pursue happiness. No one said you were guaranteed to achieve it.

Not even at one of those massage parlors? I thought that's mostly guaranteed.

 

[mh]

Psssssssttttttt...and do trust me about this one.

Repeat these 3 magic words, 3x on a full moon night.
"It's all invested"
"It's all invested"
"It's all invested"

Or, just practice in front of a mirror to get it right.

On the few occaisions i've been hit up.
The "It's all invested" method has worked pretty well for me also..

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Not even at one of those massage parlors? I thought that's mostly guaranteed.

That would be a "happy ending".

 

[scrabbler1]

I knew when I was 20 years old that I never wanted to have children. Two summers working at a day camp pushed me hard in that direction.

To those of you who got "bingoed" (the term we childfree use to describe phrases we hear from the childed which belittle our lifestyle choice to be childfree), you have my sympathies. Women seem to get them more than men do, and married people more than single people. I am 45, single, and male, so I rarely get them. But I find them very annoying, insulting, and condescending when I do.

But I do take considerable joy in telling people that the main reason I was able to retire last year at the age of 45 is that I am childfree. We childfree see no positives in having kids, only negatives. And any positive things we get in being around kids we can get in ways other than by having kids. For example, my involvement in the local school Scrabble program gives me joy but at the end of the day I get to leave the kids and return home to a quiet, kidfree home.

 

[Lusitan]

We childfree see no positives in having kids, only negatives.

Thankfully, you lot are (non)breeding yourselves out of existence. Final victory and World Domination will belong to the sleep-deprived, noisy-housed, rug-rat juggling parents of today ... bwwwaaahaaahaahaaahaaha!

 

[thefed]

Hi folks,

I am finding that I am having more and more of a hard time "living in the moment" so to speak. In other words, I find that i am unable to enjoy myself, for the most part. I continue to look forward to some future event. The only exception is when i go on vacation, where I feel that I can finally stop and take a breath. (But of course vacations only remind me of how much I want to FIRE)

My j*b is OK. I don't love it but it's above 95% of the jobs out there. It's fairly pleasant. I really shouldn't complain.

My life otherwise is quite fine. I am married, 30, no kids and not planning on any. I have supportive friends and no major health or financial issues.

The big picture is that I feel that i am in a race chasing FIRE. I feel that all I am doing is to keep myself intellectually occupied until FIRE, then I can finally live for myself and not just to sell my time for money.

While this is a great reason to LBMM and save and invest, I feel that this is a very unhealthy attitude. I am at least 10 years away from FIRE. We may be able to pull it off by eating catfood only in 2016.

Any suggestions? i don't want to wake up one day and realize my life has passed me by.

i just now saw this post and havent read responses, but it really hits home. i get like this every so often, but less and less more recently. i have to really focus on enjoying the moment, splurging a little, observing the small things in life, trying to meditate, outdoors really helps me, family helps etc.

It's a tough one....i think a lot of goal oriented people that are over achievers get that way because of their one-track mind toward aforementioned goals.

 

[audreyh1]

That early morning walk we take every morning through the state park seeing and hearing the wildlife, and experiencing the differences each day. That really sets up the frame work for living in the moment for me.

While we've been here in the valley we've been out first thing every morning, and it's neat because there is the anticipation of "I wonder what we'll see today?". Very motivating to get up and go.

Audrey

 

[zymoscribe]

Here is some helpful reading

Hi GoodSense,

In the end, as one get's through one's 30's you have to create your own reason for being. FIRE is a nice thing, but it's not a destination, it's a process to your own satisfaction and meaning.

Below are a few tools that can change lives. Maybe one or more will be useful. I suggest you start at the bottom of the list and work up.

Best of wishes, you have great prospects and it's all yours to make happen.
Zymoscribe

Books of importance
Excellent site to buy used books, if not at your library which is the best place to start since saves money for FIRE
http://www.abebooks.com/

The Black Swan: The impact of the highly improbable
Nassim Nicholas Taleb

The 80/20 Principle: The secret of achieving more with less
Richard Koch

Actually the Black Swan and the 80/20 speak somewhat to the same challenge, but are both very different in focus and concepts of what to do.

The 7 Levels of Change: Diffferent thinking for diffferent results
Rolf Smith

The Myth of the Rational Market: A history of risk, reward and delusion on Wall Street
Justin Fox

How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free: Retirement wisdom you won’t get from your financial advisor
Ernie J. Zelinski

The Power of Now: A guide to spiritual enlightenment
Eckhart Tolle

Love & Death: My journey through the valley of the shadow
Forrest Church

Flow: The psychology of optimal experience
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

 

[GoodSense]

Thanks folks for all the helpful suggestions. I especially appreciate the reading list. For a few years I almost completely stopped reading for fun (no time, too much running around to do, etc.). Only in the last few months I started reading again, and it's been great. I am a slow reader when I am relaxed, so I can only read one to two books a month, but even the small numbers add up.

 

[Celany]

Wow, this was a great thread to find! I have a lot of the same fears, &, like a lot of people, I try to pour the money that I do spend into experiences, instead of stuff. My one main exception is art. There are certain artists (like Mark Bryan, specifically his "learning to fly" series) that I'll buy prints from, because I can stare at them for hours & smile. But those purchases only come after months of mulling over the image.

One thing that I've been reminding myself, when I start to feel like I'm too FIRE-focused is: "If I die tonight, will I be OK with what I did today?" For me, that doesn't give me permission to buy every latte & sparkly jewel that catches my eye. But it does remind me that if I'm feeling really down & drained, I need to do *something* to be good to myself. I keep a little mental list of small indulgances that really make my day. Right now, that would be a chunk of good, rare steak (bought on sale, sliced into 6oz servings in my freezer), a bubble bath (with bath products I got as a gift), some cheap Yellowtail red wine ($7.99), & a good book (free from the library). A very nice mini-vacation, for very little cash.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Wow, this was a great thread to find! I have a lot of the same fears, &, like a lot of people, I try to pour the money that I do spend into experiences, instead of stuff. My one main exception is art. There are certain artists (like Mark Bryan, specifically his "learning to fly" series) that I'll buy prints from, because I can stare at them for hours & smile. But those purchases only come after months of mulling over the image.

One thing that I've been reminding myself, when I start to feel like I'm too FIRE-focused is: "If I die tonight, will I be OK with what I did today?" For me, that doesn't give me permission to buy every latte & sparkly jewel that catches my eye. But it does remind me that if I'm feeling really down & drained, I need to do *something* to be good to myself. I keep a little mental list of small indulgances that really make my day. Right now, that would be a chunk of good, rare steak (bought on sale, sliced into 6oz servings in my freezer), a bubble bath (with bath products I got as a gift), some cheap Yellowtail red wine ($7.99), & a good book (free from the library). A very nice mini-vacation, for very little cash.

Nothing wrong with spending money, as long as you get value for it. As for doing something meaningful each day, that's an admirable goal, but one that most folks can't even consider after having to complete all of the obligations they assumed. Then again, perhaps your suggestion is significant, in that most people should reassess periodically whether the various obligations they've assumed are taking them closer or further away from their goal(s) in life.

One must have the courage to ask oneself "why" every once in a while....

 

[HFWR]

One must have the courage to ask oneself "why" every once in a while....

The "W" in WTF?

 

[Celany]

As for doing something meaningful each day, that's an admirable goal, but one that most folks can't even consider after having to complete all of the obligations they assumed. Then again, perhaps your suggestion is significant, in that most people should reassess periodically whether the various obligations they've assumed are taking them closer or further away from their goal(s) in life.

One must have the courage to ask oneself "why" every once in a while....

I don't actually aim to do one meaningful thing every day. In fact, a lot of days, when I ask myself if I'd be OK with what I did today, if I died tonight, the answer would be "eh, it's been a boring day, but it was the right sort of day to have. I'm happy with the steps taken, even if it wasn't special".

As for asking oneself why...oh yes, I do that a lot. And if the 'why' is properly aligned with 'what' I'm looking for. I find that, if I don't, I end up on the wrong path. And even if ever step I took makes sense, when I look at the step immediately before it, the overall 'walk' actually meandered off to the side a bit. I suppose I can get easily distracted if I'm not careful.

 

[Mach]

A part of me also wonders if my life is too good, that I am taking it for granted. It's hard to just change one's attitude without the environment changing, though.

Yes, but it's how you are wired. Your mind is the way it is after millions of years of adapting to an environment far, far different than what you've engineered yourself. If it were content at 30, without kids, just traveling, your genes would have been weeded out back in some prior era of time.... As you approach mid-life, my personal experience was that it just got more pronounced. I'm 36 now but I decided to have a child at 34 and it blows the doors of your doldrums. I mean, you have a mini-dictator who rules your life, tricks you out of your cheerios with all sorts of sophisticated psychological tactics, and provides countless hours of entertainment and joy...and work, and worry, and fear. And if they are happy and healthy, it's just all good. In any case, having a child resets your priorities and removes you from the center of your tired and bored universe. At least it did for me. Another alternative is job change or starting a business. Not for the faint of heart, but new challenges are also a big game-changer. Don't feel bad, I mean, half the population turns to drugs, alcohol, cheating, etc. to overcome that..so if you have good sense and least you avoid those traps. I started a business and had a kid, and I don't really wonder what I'm doing or what I'll be doing tomorrow. A dynamic, changing, challenging environment, with spare time only in moderation...is one way that may cure the rut.