Marriage and FIRE

[Bankerwithabrain]

I've been gearing for a life of FIRE over the last 10 years. I'm now 30 and have a net worth of $600k. I would say it was some work to get here, but honestly once you are used to LBYM, maximizing income, and investing wisely, it hasn't really felt like a sacrifice. It's a way of life I enjoy.

My issue is that I've been dating a lot recently and find that many girls are high maintenance - especially those from rich families. They enjoy shopping for pleasure, expensive vacations, etc...

It's also been shown that most divorces stem from financial issues.

My question is, how much weight should one put on looking at a potential spouses money habits? Is it more important to find someone that is intelligent , attractive and shares similar interests? Would you not pursue someone that seemed excellent except for being loose with money?

What if the woman comes for a rich family so is used to that way of life? I don't think I could support a woman that solely shops at high quality designer brands. I also wouldn't feel comfortable taking hand downs from a rich family either.

Any thoughts?

 

[Keim]

Marry a woman who is frugal, like you.

I did, and it has made all the difference in the world.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Neither you nor your future spouse is likely to change so choose wisely.

 

[GrayHare]

Since money is important in life, a long-term marriage of a spender and a saver can be very challenging.

 

[omni550]

Money habits are majorly important in the success of a long-term relationship or marriage.

omni

 

[Chelhxi]

Extremely important. You need someone with a similar money personality.
And I wouldn't share that net worth with a potential wife until you're close to the stage of discussing the pre-nup and other specific wedding details. That's a lot of money at your age and you don't have to be an extreme gold digger to be interested in that kind of wealth.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Marry a woman who is frugal, like you.

I did, and it has made all the difference in the world.

+1. If your goals are in alignment, you will enjoy continued prosperity and savings, but if they aren't, you can expect acrimony and discord to show up sooner or later.

 

[HFWR]

+1. If your goals are in alignment, you will enjoy continued prosperity and savings, but if they aren't, you can expect [-]acrimony[/-] alimony and [-]discord[/-] divorce to show up sooner or later.

FIFY

 

[Meadbh]

A sense of humor helps too....

Wedding Ceremony - My Waffle Wedded Wife

 

[FIREd]

For the long run, I think it is best to choose a partner with similar values.

 

[haloFIRE]

Great question. Marry the one you can't live without. Chances are if she is the one, she will have the same values you do. I got lucky - feel deeply in love with my wife before either of us knew much about the other's finances. We were lucky to be like minded - allowing us to live on 37% of my income without even touching hers.

Super job accumulating so much so fast! If you can find a like minded spouse, you may even beat your FIRE age goal!!

 

[haha]

Any thoughts?

Do what a lot of other independent men and woman are doing. Build a support network apart from your sexual relationships, and stay single.

Aside from the obvious financial issues, how wise is it to put all or almost all your emotional chips on one marriage partner, in a country where half the people get divorced and there does not have to be any reason at all, other than I no longer find you exciting?

If you want children, get rich, retire, get a middle class woman in a third world country, have your children and keep out of America. Before doing this, get a local attorney to help you understand the pitfalls.

I go to a social meetup where almost everyone has been divorced, and stayed single or perhaps remarried and got divorced again. They all say they would never marry again, although truthfully in many cases likely we would have no other choice.

I say these things, but I have never seen a young man pay any attention to words from battle scarred veterans, even from their own father or uncles. Young guys seem to want to see their own blood on the floor.

Ha

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I think if you are married, having a frugal spouse is one of the most important aspects of early financial independence. It can also help to have a high income spouse willing to live on one paycheck and save the other. But at least you should look for someone who isn't going to want to spend all the money you earn and is on the same page as you in terms of savings.

Expensive homes, cars and the latest fashions are big impediments to accumulating wealth. If you haven't read it already, check out the Millionaire Next Door book and its follow ups for more on the importance of frugal spouses.

 

[JoeWras]

I say these things, but I have never seen a young man pay any attention to words from battle scarred veterans, even from their own father or uncles. Young guys seem to want to see their own blood on the floor.

Ha

Ha, I respect your opinion, and understand where you are coming from.

But you have to also respect that some would prefer a try at the traditional institution -- for various reasons. Not everyone wants to have children in third world countries per your advice, for example.

 

[haha]

Ha, I respect your opinion, and understand where you are coming from.

But you have to also respect that some would prefer a try at the traditional institution -- for various reasons. Not everyone wants to have children in third world countries per your advice, for example.

Oh, absolutely. But mostly of this forum is for entertainment, right?

I was happily married for years, and am grateful for having local children. If I were young, truthfully I would very likely do now what I did years ago. I could not do without my children. But it's fun to give advice, even though as I said, I have never seen any young man pay any attention to it from me or anyone else.

It's why the human species continues.

Ha

 

[Sarah in SC]

And ahem, let's don't forget to extol the many joys of a childfree marriage, while we are pontificating from our computer terminals.

 

[travelover]

It is hard to think rationally about choosing a mate. Just remember it is a downspout not a compass.

 

[JoeWras]

And ahem, let's don't forget to extol the many joys of a childfree marriage, while we are pontificating from our computer terminals.

Hey, I don't have any either, and that's probably made me and DW more compatible.

Unless I have some I don't know of in 3rd world countries.

 

[Keim]

It is hard to think rationally about choosing a mate. Just remember it is a downspout not a compass.

Love it!

I'll add that if it is pointing north, it is unwise to make important decisions at that time..

 

[MichaelB]

And ahem, let's don't forget to extol the many joys of a childfree marriage, while we are pontificating from our computer terminals.

The virtues of childfree lifestyle. I'm not sure childfree couples truly appreciate their blissful circumstance. Like drinking a glass of refreshing water in an oasis without first having crawled across a blistering desert.

 

[JoeWras]

It is hard to think rationally about choosing a mate. Just remember it is a downspout not a compass.

We have some brilliantly creative people on this board. Thanks for the laugh!

 

[JoeWras]

The virtues of childfree lifestyle. I'm not sure childfree couples truly appreciate their blissful circumstance. Like drinking a glass of refreshing water in an oasis without first having crawled across a blistering desert.

I think you are right. I did recently spend a lot of time with grand nieces and nephews. Frankly, I don't know how people who have kids in their mid or late 40's survive without dropping dead.

 

[Bankerwithabrain]

I wish it were only so easy to find someone that matches exactly what you are looking for.

I do value marriage and kids so I would like to finally settle down soon. It is difficult/impossible to find someone that is perfect.

I have found in life that rich girls are generally better educated, more interesting, and driven - but they are also much less likely to value frugality. On the other end of the spectrum are hippy type girls that are happy making their own clothing (or going nude...), but I find they are generally denser. (No offense to people from either category on the thread...)

Then there are other values - religious, personality, social - as well as appearance that needs to be factored in.

I just wonder if it is to much of a compromise to marry someone that fits all of the other categories except the frugality. Very difficult to think about.

Especially if the girl is from a wealthy family where they might even assist in keeping up her standard of living (and thereby raising my own as well). I definitely am not looking to gold dig and don't even know if I would like living that lifestyle. I think there is something good to be said about eating what you kill rather than relying on hand outs.

Has anyone married a spouse that did not share similar financial background and ideals?

 

[GrayHare]

Financial compatibility might not be the #1 element for a happy marriage, but I'd certainly place it in the top 3.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

You might be in for a tough search -

"The online bank ING Direct recently conducted a survey that asked participants to name words that might come to mind if someone offered to set them up with a person described as frugal. Of the respondents, 27 percent answered "stingy." 15 percent said "boring." Only 3.7 percent said sexy."

If Frugality a Turnoff?
Dating Frugal People - Frugality Turns Women Off - Marie Claire

So for the male posters here with frugal wives, where did you meet her? I guess you found one of the coveted 3.7%.