Real Life vs. "Gray Time"

[brewer12345]

As I trudge along in my rut, I increasing find a hugely sharp divide between time that is my own (weekends, vacation, etc.) ad time in the cube. I had a 4 day weekend this weekend and I can't believe how much living I got in in this time period: A day to reconnect with my wife and kids after a week on the road, a glorious sunny day hunting, a day where I took my kids and FIL (DW home sick) to the National Western Stock Show (we had never been), and a day outside brewing/baking/cooking. In contrast, time at work is "gray": time passes, I do what I have to do, I pass the time with friends and coworkers, but it is all somehow lacking in substance. I get free for a few days and I feel like I have awakened from a coma or something.

Anyone else feel this? Is it a consequence of chasing down age 40 later this year?

 

[Meadbh]

I had that experience early in my career, when I was an intern working 70-80 hours a week, at age 23. I remember well having two weeks without a day off, feeling I just could not work one more night, and then a sun-filled weekend of golfing with my dad, followed by a delicious seafood meal in Kinsale (Ireland). I think it was the desolation and despair of work that made me relish every free moment. I returned to work on Monday refereshed and ready for another mind-numbing stretch of slave labour.

 

[W2R]

Brewer, I cannot even begin to describe to you how much the quality of my life has changed for the better, now that I am retired. I feel as though I have been freed from my chains and have just begun to live.

This is one of many reasons why (for many) I would urge frugality to a nearly ridiculous degree in order to retire as early as possible. Also, I would urge taking care of one's health, as you are doing, so that one may enjoy as many years in retirement as possible.

 

[audreyh1]

Good for you for using your weekends so very well!

 

[MichaelB]

Anyone else feel this? Is it a consequence of chasing down age 40 later this year?

"Awakened from a coma". For me it was "escaped from prison". It sounds like you have rediscovered yourself and life after so many years. This is why I ER'd and for sure others feel the same.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Good for you for using your weekends so very well!

+1
Yes, and maybe occasionally remind yourself what the personal purpose of your high-paying job is and how fortunate you are to have it as it will ironically enable you to escape the world of work that much sooner, and also to retire much much earlier than almost everyone else?

Can't resist the Office Space quote based on when you started this thread: "sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays...."

 

[bo_knows]

Cube-dweller here. When we had our first child back in April, we were a frantic mess with our work schedules (who isn't?) and I felt very similar to you.

We ended up changing around our schedules so that we could have our son at home instead of daycare. This meant that I switched to a schedule of 4 10hr days, and had Fri-Sun off. While it took some getting used to (hey, I'm a govt contractor, I don't do well with more than 40hrs in a week!), the ever-present 3-day weekend is a boon to my happiness.

Whats your FIRE situation look like? Can you cut back to 32hrs (Mon-Thurs) without impacting your timeline much or negotiate 4 10hr days? I know that some positions just don't allow for this if you require coverage all week.

Good luck in your rut.

 

[travelover]

Brewer, I feel for you. Try working this kind of a schedule while being over 50 in a work environment that is very age biased, in a poor economy. And seeing older colleagues laid off because they have "lost the fire in their belly".

 

[xyz]

Brewer, I cannot even begin to describe to you how much the quality of my life has changed for the better, now that I am retired. I feel as though I have been freed from my chains and have just begun to live.

This is one of many reasons why (for many) I would urge frugality to a nearly ridiculous degree in order to retire as early as possible. Also, I would urge taking care of one's health, as you are doing, so that one may enjoy as many years in retirement as possible.

+1 W2R said it all !

 

[Meadbh]

Unfortunately, "gray time" is also part of real life. It's the price we have to pay to get to ER. Right now, those weekends are so precious because they are scarce. Do not assume that all your ER time will be "that" wonderful.

 

[Lazarus]

It pretty much is! But I am happy doing nothing.

 

[ronocnikral]

One thing our stubborn CEO (who actually sucks at his job, but married the correct family) can't get through his dense head is that 9/80's (every other friday off) is quite common in my industry. And they mean a lot to us "younger folk." While we have continually gotten denied for proposals for a 9/80 work schedule through our VP, my comrades and I are working to jump ship. Come to find out, we are also underpaid by about $30k to $40k/yr. Sure, life is great in SLC, but if you can live in Denver, make more money, have more time off and not work for an arrogant $%&@, which would you choose?

 

[Redbugdave]

Brewer...I know exactly how you feel. The older you get, the more aware you become of the wasted time in your life. And I hate wasting time...and lately, even for money. Work is full of that. I managed to work my schedule with longer hours at work in order to get more days off for my real life.

You need to try to spend more time at work doing things you like personally, such as researching the land you hunt on Google Earth, and reading forums like these. Plan ahead. And use some of your sick time!

I have 11 months to go...and I am beginning to feel like I am coming out of a depression that has lasted months or years. I guess it's different if you are management and have control of your schedule. Not having control has a lot to do with it.

 

[Retire2013]

Thanks, brewer, for starting this thread.

I cannot agree with W2R more.

I have not ER'd yet but I may be able to within the next 24 months. I am so excited. For now, I must stay the course and put in more "gray time."

 

[brewer12345]

Can you cut back to 32hrs (Mon-Thurs) without impacting your timeline much or negotiate 4 10hr days?

Hahahahahaha! The culture at my employer can best be described as both Neolithic and patronizing. Not a chance.

 

[travelover]

One thing our stubborn CEO (who actually sucks at his job, but married the correct family) can't get through his dense head is that 9/80's (every other Friday off) is quite common in my industry...........

At Megamotors, this every other Friday scheme was offered up and ended up being a trap. People that were expendable every other Friday were viewed as expendable, period. The astute quickly caught on that the management up-and-comers did not participate and in forced ranking discussions at performance review time, participation in this program was damning evidence of a lack of commitment.

Gee, all this reminiscing makes me miss my old j*b.

 

[ls99]

Fortunately I never had a cube dwelling j*b. Much of it was techie, in a shop or outdoors, aboard ships, or other exotica. Wold never have raken a j*b that incolved being chained to a bench or a desk.

All in all very lucky in options and choices in the variety of ways I made buck. Not a lot but alway enough. I actually got paid to see the world, variety of countries cultures.

Though I admit the last five years in the public transit were rough. It was not the technical, managerial stuff, but the politic, union drivel, so called trianing classes, cultural sensitivity crap the took up 80% of the w*rkday.

We had bought our new house about a year before my exit. Commuting 3 1/2 hours on weekends to get it ready, and moving stuff was far more enjoyable than 1 hr at w*rk.

 

[brewer12345]

Holy cow! I am glad I totally blanked out the 3 day long conference call I am on this week. It would have totally ruined part of my weekend.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Brewer - this is a common feeling when you hit your 40s. Went through it myself and still am to a certain degree. However, when I look at my net worth spreadsheet it puts things in perspective.

 

[AndrewJackson]

Brewer, I cannot even begin to describe to you how much the quality of my life has changed for the better, now that I am retired. I feel as though I have been freed from my chains and have just begun to live.

This is exactly what I want! Even though I am fresh to the work force at 22 years old, I know there is a better quality of life out there. I have been reading Jacob at ERE lately, and it really doesn't make sense that we are more productive yet our quality of life continues to go down.

 

[Walt34]

Actually, for the most part I liked my career job. Every job has some bad days and phases I suppose, mine was no exception, but especially the last ten years or so I enjoyed and only retired for reasons that had nothing to do with the work itself.

Isn't it amazing how often bad management can drive away hard-working intelligent people who otherwise enjoy their work and really don't want to leave? I see that so often on this board.

My current job is just that - a job. Not bad, not good, just there while I figured out where to go from here. And it pays well, which doesn't hurt either. But where you're at now is about where I am now too.

I'm now rereading Zelinski's How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free with a fresher eye toward where to go next, which in hindsight I did not have clearly defined at the time. Or, admittedly, defined at all. Oh well, I'm still learning about some things.

In the meantime there are a couple of immediate tasks to take care of, the main one being supportive of DW as she deals with a difficult phase with her father's life, selling the house and he in a nursing home.

Another task is making a more concerted effort to significantly reduce the amount of "stuff" we have. We're not candidates for "Hoarders" but there's a lot here we haven't used for years. Admittedly most of it is mine, not hers, partially because of the ingrained values of Depression-era parents who only reluctantly threw out anything. Cleaning out FIL's house, was a bit of an eye-opener. He was almost Spartan in the amount of stuff he had but when downsizing from a 3-bedroom house with a finished basement to a 1-bedroom apartment there was still lots left over.

Goodwill is going to be seeing a lot more of me.

 

[Sojourner]

I completely get the OP's outlook, which is why I decided to ESR this year. (Well, I also reached FI so that was clearly part of the decision matrix, too.) I am thoroughly enjoying the extra "real life" time I'm getting now that I only have to go into the office a few days each week. Oddly enough, I'm also enjoying the "gray time" in the office a lot more, I think because the work itself isn't so bad and I enjoy socializing with people there. It was just the week in, week out, relentless 40+ hours chained to a desk routine that was bogging me down. Now, I feel like there's a much better, healthier balance between work and play.

 

[Sarah in SC]

As I trudge along in my rut, I increasing find a hugely sharp divide between time that is my own (weekends, vacation, etc.) ad time in the cube.
...In contrast, time at work is "gray": time passes, I do what I have to do, I pass the time with friends and coworkers, but it is all somehow lacking in substance. I get free for a few days and I feel like I have awakened from a coma or something.

Anyone else feel this? Is it a consequence of chasing down age 40 later this year?

Yes, oh yes. And I must inform you that the post-40 years are even worse. Gray time is such a good way to describe it. Oh, the other things that you could be doing instead...

 

[nun]

I empathise with this. I'm well paid in my current "gray job", but it doesn't inspire me, the days drag and I find myself doing enough so I don't feel proud of what I'm doing. The effects can propagate through your life. But inertia is a powerful force, particularly when you've been somewhere for a while, have family to consider and the pay check keeps coming in. I recently turned down an offer of a job that I think I'd really enjoy and would have made me proud, but it would have meant a relocation and the combo of salary and benefits were worst than I get now, but if you loathe the 9-5 is it really worth the damage to the psyche and self respect?

 

[braumeister]

This problem is a big part of the reason many people buy lottery tickets.