Planning for Mom's next step- Update

[Tailgate]

Several interesting threads in this section of the forum along with a timely PM from a forum member with very helpful information, leads me to post a new topic based on my older thread from last year: Planning for Mom's next step . That post has all the details of her situation.

I am meeting with an Elder Law attorney Thursday to update my checklist for 87 year old DM's plan laid out in my original post.

After moving to independent living last October, she has since settled in nicely and loves the place.

Life for her will probably be changing faster than I expected. Her short term memory is more of a frustration than an affliction at this point. Doc says it appears age-related for now. On the physical side of things, she experienced a mini-stroke in her left eye a week ago which has blown out all but her peripheral vision. It's apparently irreversible. Her right eye vision remains good and Doc is watching it closely. The TIA has triggered a round of visits to a neurologist and a cardiologist. To top it off, she also had a urinary tract infection that led to some pretty wild hallucinations and a trip to the ER. She is doing fine now and otherwise pretty darn healthy. Her friends in her age group are mostly gone now or in AL or one of the depressing NH situations. She is truly blessed.

I mention this stuff as an example of how quickly things can change with a medical event. This has lead me back to the attorney and my checklist to update.

The what-ifs include:
LTC and Assisted Living issues
Medicaid if and when
Veterans Aid and Assist
Finding the right AL and NH facilities in the area (he should know)
We have all appropriate legal docs updated and are about to sign for pre-planned funeral insurance.

I'll also use the time to update our own situation. We are Elder Orphans with no one to care for us down the road... lots of what ifs there, along with asset protection for my DW after I'm toast. If doesn't comfort me that my DW is numb to discussions of finances and future.

Am I missing anything that I should be asking?
If I hear any words of wisdom from him, I will certainly pass them along.

 

[MBAustin]

Nice update, Tailgate, and happy to hear that your DM has settled in well. Sounds like you are doing all the right things. UTIs are definitely an issue to watch out for. My DM got several and my sister finally discovered that the root cause was poor hygiene, so she agreed to have assistance with bathing twice a week. Memory issues don't help with that, and it also seems to reduce water drinking which just compounds the situation.

I also know from a friend's (difficult) experience that VA assistance takes a LONG time so if you think she may need it, better to start earlier than later.

You're certainly being a terrific son and hopefully this will be an opening for honest discussions with your DW about your own futures. All the best!

 

[Moemg]

The one thing I found out during my Mom's stay in independent living and end of life care is that most facilities have a social worker who will guide you through a lot of this when it is time . I also found that hospice is a godsend for the elderly even if they are still mobile . They sent an aide to assist with bathing and another aide to handle my Mom's other needs . They also provided depends and ensure all covered by Medicare .They made my Mom's last few months comfortable .

 

[Tailgate]

good points, especially about hospice...thanks

The one thing I found out during my Mom's stay in independent living and end of life care is that most facilities have a social worker who will guide you through a lot of this when it is time . I also found that hospice is a godsend for the elderly even if they are still mobile . They sent an aide to assist with bathing and another aide to handle my Mom's other needs . They also provided depends and ensure all covered by Medicare .They made my Mom's last few months comfortable .