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Old 02-13-2015, 03:32 PM   #21
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My mother was in relatively good shape until the last two weeks. She even held up ok through chemo. She wasn't up for travel, and had checked most of the boxes she wanted to check, but she was able to enjoy her friends and family for most of her six months from diagnosis to passing.

I took an unpaid leave of absence from my job after my mom's diagnosis. I'm very glad I was able to do that. In my case I had a job that kept me in London 50% of the time and I lived 1000 miles from mom when I was in the States, so the visits would have been very infrequent had I not taken the leave.

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Old 02-13-2015, 04:02 PM   #22
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You MIL's situation is awful. As others have said what is important is the quality of her remaining life and your DW being able to spend as much time with her as benefits them both.

None of us knows when our life will end and although your MIL has been given an estimate it is just that. I didn't notice whether or not MIL has a husband or significant other but if so that companion will need emotional support as well.

My sympathies to all.

Duck bjorn.
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Old 02-13-2015, 04:21 PM   #23
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I am so sorry to hear this.

My brother was misdiagnosed with a shoulder pull in the spring of 2001. He found out that he had Stage 4 Lung Cancer 10/31/2001 and died on my birthday 3/17/2002. He was 45 years old and was a single parent to his 9 year old daughter. He called me on my birthday to wish me a Happy Birthday and sounded fine. They called me back within the hour to tell me he had died.

Listen to the others who said to spend as much time with your mother-in-law as possible. I wish that I had spent more time with my brother.
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Old 02-13-2015, 05:12 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by MRG View Post

Your DW can claim FMLA for her mom's illness, assuming it's in private sector, I know nothing about government type j*bs. The will DRs will know all about the process. That said, I think FMLA only protects her(or like) j*b for 12-13 weeks, many employers do allow you to extend that protection. DW should ask her chain of command first.(IMO)

All that said, only your DW and family can say what's right. Looking back I'd traded my job for an extra amount of time with family, but that wouldn't have worked with their illnesses. I wish you the best in a tough situation.
You're correct about FMLA. DW has only been with her current employer for 8 months, so she doesn't yet qualify (need 1 year). Her boss indicated they would accommodate her if she needs time off for this. Now we just need to figure out what to do- move there for a period of months (years?), or make repeated trips. The FIL is quite dependent on my MIL for cooking, cleaning, food shopping, etc. He comes from the "old school", where the wife does all that. We need to help them so they don't revert back to MIL doing everything. So maybe DW moves in with them for a while? Not sure how that would work. We have a lot to think about.
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Old 02-13-2015, 05:19 PM   #25
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Older people have so much to tell us, if we give them the chance. Unfortunately, my husband's mother died a few months before he and I met (he says she would have loved me and vice versa). I so wish I could have asked her about her son before I knew him, when he was a boy and a young man. Also, I wish I had known, as a child, to ask my now long-dead maternal/paternal relatives about their families and what it was like growing up, etc. So my thought is,encourage your MIL, while you have her, to talk about everyone she has ever known.

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'There is only one success to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley.
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Old 02-14-2015, 09:41 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by jon-nyc View Post
My mother was in relatively good shape until the last two weeks. She even held up ok through chemo.
My late wife, heading towards her 54th birthday (she never made it) with small cell carcinoma, seemed to be getting better and better, (and I deluded myself into thinking she was going to 'make it') day she insisted on going grocery shopping alone......I said "OK, but blow the horn when you get back in the driveway and I'll come collect the bags".

Fat chance.

Bang...she pushed the door open with her foot...because her hands were full with about 6 heavy grocery bags.

Better and better......until the day it was as if she'd stepped off a cliff.
"Exit, pursued by a bear."

The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
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Old 02-14-2015, 10:49 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by tfudtuckerpucker View Post
My mother-in-law was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. This means it has spread outside her lungs, in this case to her bones, liver, glands, and probably her brain. She was being treated for recurring "pneumonia"- now we know that wasn't it. It's incurable, with a 5 year survival rate of a few percent, and a median of 8 months to death. It is so abstract to think about, and then suddenly it happens to your loved one. She is 75 and has always been very healthy.
My dad's diagnosis with pancreatic cancer is what ultimately brought me here. 5-year survival of 5%. He's into year 3 now...

Sister was just diagnosed with colon cancer at age 44. She had the tumor removed and started chemo with a good prognosis on Monday.

Very sorry to hear about your M-I-L... I didn't need another reminder of why ER is a goal of mine, but there are a lot of them out there (unfortunately)!

"So we beat to our own drummer in the sun;
We ask for nobody's permission to run.
I just wanna live in a world like that;
Now I'm gonna live in a world like that!" - World Like That, O.A.R.
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