Death w Dignity experience NSFW(?)

[38Chevy454]

Thanks for sharing your very personal story. I can believe it took you a couple tries to finish typing it all out.

I appreciate your explanation and descriptions of the process. I agree that it is sad how we can help.our animals. But in most states not help our relatives.

 

[nhcycling]

Thank you for sharing your very personal and heartfelt story. God bless.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

When I signed up for home hospice they informed me that this would prevent a police investigation after death. Yeah, just what the bereaved need eh, a police investigation.

With my Mom and Dad it was pretty simple (relatively speaking, of course). With Mom, the RN was there when she passed and was able to sign the release (or make the declaration of death). My Dad passed on the weekend, so the on call RN had to come by which took a little bit to sign the release. In both cases, they called the FH who were there within about an hour. Also, we dealt with the remaining controlled medications (morphine) which took about 15 minutes. I am sure this is handled differently across different states.

I remember the #1 rule the hospice had...DO NOT CALL 911!!! If they were admitted to the hospital, they would effectively be removed from hospice. We had DNRs taped on the fridge and at all entrances to the house to keep any first responders "at bay" (in case some idiot DID call 911).

 

[RobbieB]

For me the RN came and did her thing and informed the pre-paid funeral home. But when the guys came for her one still asked about calling the cops. Death in home is a thing. I guess everyone doesn't know about the home hospice thing. I would have expected the funeral home people would though.

 

[Sue J]

Thank you for posting. It means a lot to hear the details from someone who has experienced it.

 

[Retire2013]

Thank you for sharing your story. Wishing you peace, good health, and happiness.

 

[Silver]

I am so sorry for losing your wife, but happy you were open to love again. This is an unusual strength that, I believe, speaks to the love you have experienced before. Once you have felt it, it's hard to be without.

End of life issues are so personal, so limiting, so painful, so emotionally wrenching. Forward is the only path left for the living. I wish you comfort along that path.

 

[WestUniversity]

Thank you for taking the time and the space to write such a touching account of your experience. I’m certain it was difficult to do but what a beautiful tribute.

As I type this response I’m watching my own DW as she is watching the baseball game. As much as she frustrates me at times, I love her even more and I cannot imagine my life without her.

I pray for God’s peace and healing for you and yours…

 

[ncbill]

Yes, thank you very much for sharing your story.

 

[old medic]

I also wish to thank you for sharing what is one of the worst parts our of lifes. I Want to extend my best wishes to you..

 

[Jerry1]

Scrapr - thank you for posting this. At 60, this isn’t something I think about, but it’s something that, when the time comes I hope to be able to take advantage of, versus the alternatives. This post was very insightful.

For me the RN came and did her thing and informed the pre-paid funeral home. But when the guys came for her one still asked about calling the cops. Death in home is a thing. I guess everyone doesn't know about the home hospice thing. I would have expected the funeral home people would though.

When my father in law died, he was on hospice. The police did come to the house but they were there for about 5 minutes. The hospice nurse signed a form and the police expressed their condolences and left.

 

[Major Tom]

Helping a loved one to pass in this way is, in my opinion, an expression of great love, care, and respect. Your late wife was blessed to have you to be able to support her through that process.

Also, as others have said, thank you for sharing this very personal story. I agree with all those who have expressed the opinion that this option should be available in more places.

 

[BlueberryPie]

Thanks for sharing. I had friends go through a similar path (Lou Gerihg's disease), it makes you think about what you would do in the same situation, and I know if I were the terminally ill patient I would do anything in my power to make sure my family knows it is my choice and that I need their support, that it's an act of love.
But I'm a chicken and I hope I never have to play either role in such a situation.

 

[Sunset]

Thanks for sharing, it has made my eyes watery just reading it.
DwD is something every place should have.


My Dad passed away a couple of months ago, he had been telling me he just wanted to die for months. He was in lots of pain.

We brought him into the hospital because his doctor kept dropping the ball. We saw he had a bed sore, so that was our hospital excuse.

We were shocked when they took him to ICU, as we had thought they might just turn us away.
A couple of days later moved him to a regular bed.
The hospice folks came and talked to us, turned out he was so fragile and in pain, there was no cure.
They kept him in the hospital, under hospice (what a blessing).

We sat with him every day for 5 days while he was on lots of morphine, until he died.
It would have been so much better to have DwD, and avoid the last month of crippling pain.

 

[skyking1]

You had mentioned this in the other thread, and I am really glad you followed through. That was generous of you to open up and tell us how it went for you and your wife.

 

[Scuba]

Scrapr, thank you for sharing your personal and deeply touching experience. DwD took lots of love and courage from both you and your wife.

As others have said, I wish the DwD option existed for those suffering from dementia and/or Alzheimer’s. One of my biggest fears is living for a prolonged period with severe cognitive impairment.

Best wishes to you in pursuing happiness despite losing your beloved wife of so many years.

 

[Chris7]

Scrapr, thanks so much for sharing this. What a good life you two had.

I only wish a DWD option existed for dementia, which has hit every family member who lived into their 80s. I do NOT want to live with it. Talk about a total lack of dignity.

^^This.


@Scrapr, thank you for sharing your story. My mom has Alzheimer's and it is awful. Physically she is okay, but mentally, no. And she has to have everything done for her now. This was her worst nightmare. A good friend of hers went through it, but only lived about 18mos after the diagnosis. For my mom, it is going on 5 or 6.


I do wish that diseases that are likely to cause a long, slow death should be included. @Amethyst, maybe we should start writing our state reps now.


cd :O)

 

[Scrapr]

^^This.


@Scrapr, thank you for sharing your story. My mom has Alzheimer's and it is awful. Physically she is okay, but mentally, no. And she has to have everything done for her now. This was her worst nightmare. A good friend of hers went through it, but only lived about 18mos after the diagnosis. For my mom, it is going on 5 or 6.


I do wish that diseases that are likely to cause a long, slow death should be included. @Amethyst, maybe we should start writing our state reps now.


cd :O)

Both my parents had Alzheimers. I fear I am doomed.Yes I wish that Alzheimers could be included but it's hard to see a way to do it with adequete safeguards

Thank you all for the kind words. Some have talked about my strength. I didn't look at it that way but as love. I know she would have done it for me. In fact she did when I have some medical issues 6 or 7 years ago. It focused me on what can I do right now. And I have tried to carry the in the moment lifestyle in my retirement

I was also running my business. I had just hired a man to take over the business (sell it). So he kind of got thrown to the wolves. The 2nd year I hired a business coach to help him progress. He's doing great now. That time was a "bit stressfull"

 

[aja8888]

Scrapr, thank for posting your experience with this. I hope the new person in your life appreciates what a kind and loving person you are.

We have been interviewing Hospice folks for my wife as she is getting worse with her advanced COPD. Unfortunately, there is no DwD in Texas so we will have to go with whatever is in the future.

 

[youbet]

Scrapr, thank for posting your experience with this. I hope the new person in your life appreciates what a kind and loving person you are.

We have been interviewing Hospice folks for my wife as she is getting worse with her advanced COPD. Unfortunately, there is no DwD in Texas so we will have to go with whatever is in the future.

I don't believe we have DwD here in Illinois either. But when a close friend was dying of COPD recently, in his last days he was so heavily drugged he was unconscious and the doc ensured his DW he was totally unaware. In fact, before the drugs were increased to that level the family gathered with him for goodbyes. After that, the drug levels were increased, he went unconscious and apparently unaware until the end.

It seemed like an "end run" but I was so glad to hear they were able to do it that way.

I'm so sorry for your DW's situation aja8888. COPD is tough stuff and I hope a reasonable solution for her comfort is determined.

 

[Scrapr]

Scrapr, thank for posting your experience with this. I hope the new person in your life appreciates what a kind and loving person you are.

We have been interviewing Hospice folks for my wife as she is getting worse with her advanced COPD. Unfortunately, there is no DwD in Texas so we will have to go with whatever is in the future.

God luck aja

My FIL passed from COPD. He was in some pain we were at wits end trying to get him into hospice. The docs kept saying we need to have him come to the office to do an eval. that would have required a medical transport & I would not do that to him. I finally went to the admin office & broke down. They arranged hospice to come out that night. He was in hospice for several weeks. The morphine at the end kept him comfortable. Good luck

 

[powerplay]

Scrapr, thank you for sharing your personal journey with your wife through DWD. It was a very loving thing to support her in the difficult choices.


It's good to know this option exists here should I ever need it.


My Mother went through a very difficult and painful cancer death and pain management really didn't manage anything. She had one doctor pushing chemo up till the end and another doctor saying 'why are they doing this to you'. DWD was not available at that time so I don't know if she would have chosen it or not.


My aunt died from cancer in 2013. It was extremely painful and the pain meds didn't touch the horrible pain she had. I never want to be forced to die like that.


I went through cancer treatment a couple years ago and am still suffering from many long term or permanent side effects. Not sure I would be willing to do any of it again should there be a recurrence. My acupuncturist told me yesterday about some people she has treated who did recover from some of their severe side effects 8 to 12 years later. I guess there is always hope.

 

[aja8888]

I'm so sorry for your DW's situation aja8888. COPD is tough stuff and I hope a reasonable solution for her comfort is determined.

God luck aja

My FIL passed from COPD. He was in some pain we were at wits end trying to get him into hospice. The docs kept saying we need to have him come to the office to do an eval. that would have required a medical transport & I would not do that to him. I finally went to the admin office & broke down. They arranged hospice to come out that night. He was in hospice for several weeks. The morphine at the end kept him comfortable. Good luck

Thanks both of you. I appreciate the concern.

She's not quite ready for hospice, and they did an evaluation at our home and said call us when she gets worse. Her pulmonary doc told us four years ago that most people with her level of COPD make it about four or five years. She has done most of that time and all it will take is one lung infection (flu, Covid) to make things real bad. She's on a lot of drugs......(12 of them?) for breathing help, anxiety, BP, cholesterol, etc. and the breathing steroids have caused severe osteoporosis.

The bone issues have caused real hell for her as 4 vertebrae split when she was reaching for an item off the counter. Those bones had to be glued back together (Kyphoplasty surgery). Right after the bone surgery, the doc told me her bones had lost so much density, he could see thru them viewing the x-ray used during the gluing process. She also has lost 4" in height in the last couple of years.

We are not taking any long trips going forward, for sure.

 

[whatnot]

Scrapr - Thank you for sharing your deeply personal journey. You have probably helped quite a few people with your story. We will all have to face the end of our lives or that of a loved one and the information you shared is not often discussed but is extremely important.
Wishing you peace and happiness with the next chapters of your life.

 

[Telly]

Scrapr, Thank you very much for sharing your difficult situation. I live in a state that I doubt will ever allow DwD.

I had a relative, who lived in another state, who was diagnosed with a particularly nasty cancer that there is no real "cure". Just a medical prolonging of misery masquerading as help, which results in death anyway, just strung out. When he was back home for a bit, he locked himself in a room in his house, pulled out his map, checked it twice, and took the Exit marked Hemingway. I do not fault him for this. There was no DwD anything available. Further hospitalization and "treatments" meant more sickness and misery. No options available except self-initiated termination, most of a very disturbing nature. No "dignity" in most of them, and some may jeopardize innocent people.

For me, I found out some years ago in an ER with great pain, that I am strongly Morphine-resistant, same with Hydromorphone (Dilaudid).