Stage 4 lung cancer

[tfudtuckerpucker]

My mother-in-law was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. This means it has spread outside her lungs, in this case to her bones, liver, glands, and probably her brain. She was being treated for recurring "pneumonia"- now we know that wasn't it. It's incurable, with a 5 year survival rate of a few percent, and a median of 8 months to death. It is so abstract to think about, and then suddenly it happens to your loved one. She is 75 and has always been very healthy.

There's a new Frontline episode, called "Being Mortal". It's worth watching- has to do with end of life decisions, which will soon impact our family.

 

[Moemg]

So sorry to hear about your Mother -in -law .

 

[rodi]

I'm sorry to hear about your bad news tfudtuckerpucker.

I read the book Being Mortal and dvr'd the frontline special - haven't watched it yet.

I hope your mother (and spouse) are able to come to decisions that make sense to them and lead to the right balance of quality of life vs extension of life.

 

[samclem]

tf,
I wish you and your family the best as you face this challenge.

 

[bbbamI]

I'm so sorry. I know firsthand how devastating a cancer diagnosis to a loved one feels.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[KB]

I'm sorry to hear about your MIL.

 

[NW-Bound]

I am sorry to hear about the bad news.

My mother-in-law was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer... a 5 year survival rate of a few percent, and a median of 8 months to death... She is 75 and has always been very healthy.

Just last week, I heard of two cases of colon cancer of people that my siblings know. Both are stage 4, and the sad thing was that one patient was just 50 and the other was in the 30s.

Yes, life is precious, and we often take things for granted when we are healthy, or think that we are.

 

[Bestwifeever]

So sorry to read this. Such a shock for your family. I hope you are all able to support each other and your MIL in particular, of course.

 

[texcurtis]

I wish your family strength and love during this time of life.


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[daylatedollarshort]

So sorry to hear about your MIL.

 

[Amethyst]

I am terribly sorry for your bad news and your poor MIL. It does seem like doctors only treat the most obvious symptoms these days, without digging deeper. Even sadder, I think doctors pay less attention to older women's symptoms. My late SIL at age 60 had the same experience: even though she lost 70 pounds in 8 months, the doctors kept treating her for "bronchitis" and never tested for cancer until she was late-stage.

Amethyst

 

[MRG]

Very sad to hear about your MIL. Not a fun time, I've lost too many loved ones to this disease.

 

[jon-nyc]

I'm sorry to hear this. My mother had the same diagnosis 7 years ago this month. She was gone 6 months later. Spend as much time with her as you can.

 

[imoldernu]

I am terribly sorry for your bad news and your poor MIL. It does seem like doctors only treat the most obvious symptoms these days, without digging deeper. Even sadder, I think doctors pay less attention to older women's symptoms. My late SIL at age 60 had the same experience: even though she lost 70 pounds in 8 months, the doctors kept treating her for "bronchitis" and never tested for cancer until she was late-stage.

Amethyst

+1
I cannot count the number of cases we've seen over the decades of living in retirement communities. Very dear, very close friends, who have treated for symptoms but where the cause went undiagnosed. Brain cancer, colon cancer, lung cancer, pancreatic cancer... and liver, bladder, throat... cancers.

The hard part to deal with, is the lateness of discovery... stage 4. Some cases are understandable, as rapid progression is not always recognized, but the most common cases that we've seen have been have been for lung cancer, where the person had been treated for chronic cough, with few other symptoms.

We commonly make a limited number of very close, kindreds spirit friends... soulmates, so to speak. I can count on the fingers of two hands the number of my own BFF's... Four of these have died from cancer, that was not diagnosed in time for effective treatment. Not to say they might have lived, but in all four cases, death came within four months.

It is not yet financially possible to do full, intensive, total exams on a wide scale. Someday, perhaps, but not yet. As medicine concentrates on preventative care, the best hope for longer life, may come from diagnosis and repair. We can only hope.

 

[tfudtuckerpucker]

Thanks for your kind comments. They are very helpful.

 

[Tortoise]

I'm very sorry to hear about your MIL.

When I first noticed a large lump growing on my chest, I went to my primary care physician (PCP) who said it was a harmless lipoma. Six months later the lump had grown and I hurt all over. I went back to my PCP and insisted that they take an x-ray. The lump turned out to be a plasmacytoma that had grown out of one of my ribs. I was into stage 3 of Multiple Myeloma by that time. Average lifespan after initial diagnosis is 48 months. I have had it for 5 1/2 years and I plan to stick around as long as I can by using various chemo options and radiation.

After my diagnosis, my wife and I made sure that our wills and health care directives were up to date. We also talked to an attorney and set up an A/B family trust. This was before the non-taxable inheritance limits were raised to $5.34 million. We don't really need the trust anymore, but it was part of our estate planning at the time of my initial diagnosis.

Again, I am sorry to hear of your MIL's diagnosis. I hope that now that she will be getting the correct treatments she may live longer than the average that you quoted, and hopefully her quality of life will be better.

P.S. Thanks for pointing out the Frontline video.

 

[nuke_diver]

I'm sorry to hear this. My mother had the same diagnosis 7 years ago this month. She was gone 6 months later. Spend as much time with her as you can.

Ditto on this. From my own experience with my mother's death from Ovarian cancer I hope that quality of life considerations are kept in the forefront as well.

 

[robnplunder]

I'm sorry to hear this. My mother had the same diagnosis 7 years ago this month. She was gone 6 months later. Spend as much time with her as you can.

+2 on that.

 

[tfudtuckerpucker]

+2 on that.

That's good advice. The statistics are grim, but it's clear that her remaining time is very unpredictable, and we don't know how long it will be before she is not mobile. Now I need to convince DW that her job will always be there, but not her mom, and we need to think about how to best spend time with her (MIL is in another state).

 

[MRG]

tfudtuckerpucker,

Your DW can claim FMLA for her mom's illness, assuming it's in private sector, I know nothing about government type j*bs. The will DRs will know all about the process. That said, I think FMLA only protects her(or like) j*b for 12-13 weeks, many employers do allow you to extend that protection. DW should ask her chain of command first.(IMO)

All that said, only your DW and family can say what's right. Looking back I'd traded my job for an extra amount of time with family, but that wouldn't have worked with their illnesses. I wish you the best in a tough situation.

 

[jon-nyc]

My mother was in relatively good shape until the last two weeks. She even held up ok through chemo. She wasn't up for travel, and had checked most of the boxes she wanted to check, but she was able to enjoy her friends and family for most of her six months from diagnosis to passing.

I took an unpaid leave of absence from my job after my mom's diagnosis. I'm very glad I was able to do that. In my case I had a job that kept me in London 50% of the time and I lived 1000 miles from mom when I was in the States, so the visits would have been very infrequent had I not taken the leave.

 

[Brat]

You MIL's situation is awful. As others have said what is important is the quality of her remaining life and your DW being able to spend as much time with her as benefits them both.

None of us knows when our life will end and although your MIL has been given an estimate it is just that. I didn't notice whether or not MIL has a husband or significant other but if so that companion will need emotional support as well.

My sympathies to all.

 

[Dreamer]

I am so sorry to hear this.

My brother was misdiagnosed with a shoulder pull in the spring of 2001. He found out that he had Stage 4 Lung Cancer 10/31/2001 and died on my birthday 3/17/2002. He was 45 years old and was a single parent to his 9 year old daughter. He called me on my birthday to wish me a Happy Birthday and sounded fine. They called me back within the hour to tell me he had died.

Listen to the others who said to spend as much time with your mother-in-law as possible. I wish that I had spent more time with my brother.

 

[tfudtuckerpucker]

tfudtuckerpucker,

Your DW can claim FMLA for her mom's illness, assuming it's in private sector, I know nothing about government type j*bs. The will DRs will know all about the process. That said, I think FMLA only protects her(or like) j*b for 12-13 weeks, many employers do allow you to extend that protection. DW should ask her chain of command first.(IMO)

All that said, only your DW and family can say what's right. Looking back I'd traded my job for an extra amount of time with family, but that wouldn't have worked with their illnesses. I wish you the best in a tough situation.

You're correct about FMLA. DW has only been with her current employer for 8 months, so she doesn't yet qualify (need 1 year). Her boss indicated they would accommodate her if she needs time off for this. Now we just need to figure out what to do- move there for a period of months (years?), or make repeated trips. The FIL is quite dependent on my MIL for cooking, cleaning, food shopping, etc. He comes from the "old school", where the wife does all that. We need to help them so they don't revert back to MIL doing everything. So maybe DW moves in with them for a while? Not sure how that would work. We have a lot to think about.

 

[Amethyst]

Older people have so much to tell us, if we give them the chance. Unfortunately, my husband's mother died a few months before he and I met (he says she would have loved me and vice versa). I so wish I could have asked her about her son before I knew him, when he was a boy and a young man. Also, I wish I had known, as a child, to ask my now long-dead maternal/paternal relatives about their families and what it was like growing up, etc. So my thought is,encourage your MIL, while you have her, to talk about everyone she has ever known.

Amethyst