It's hard to know when to give it up, but there won't be any doubt when the moment arrives. You will know when it's time to go.
The time has arrived for my spouse. And this time she really means it.
When she left active duty in 2001 she had to sign a six-year Reserves obligation until April 2007. That seemed like forever in 2001 but now it's only nine months away. She could have immediately transferred to inactive status to serve out that obliserv, and she can still do so at any time. She currently has 23 good years of service and next April, at the end of her obliserv, she can file for a retirement that'll start paying out in 2022.
But since 2001 she's felt compelled to pursue her career to its end, despite my repeated FIRECalc printouts showing her that the game was won and she was just running up the score. In her defense, in her position I'd find it hard not to get sucked into the same behavior. At least the Navy told me when to go home, not just when it was time to change jobs.
She narrowly missed being mobilized in 2002 & 2003. She worked at a couple PACOM departments on short active-duty jobs of a couple weeks or a month, but each office was filled with stress, tension, raving psycho bosses, and the usual stuff that inspired her to leave active duty. Each year she worked a little less. Over the years she'd settled into the minimum weekend a month and a couple weeks a year, just like the Reserves used to be.
But each time she went back to work she'd get an offer-- "Hey, can you stand watch in the command center?" "We need a contractor for the next six months-- waddya think?" "Have you considered civil service?" Luckily she'd see enough during her time there that she'd quickly realize why they were so short of people. Still, those competitive juices flowed, her ego would inflate, and she felt privately insulted if she went back to work on Monday and didn't have an offer by Wednesday.
She's worked through 90% of her issues and she's been ready to hang it up for several months now, after the inevitable "just one more thing". But the Navy Reserve only pays a select few of its more senior officers and in late 2005 she lost her pay billet. For nearly a year she's been drilling for retirement points without pay. On one hand it was driving her even closer to retirement, but OTOH she was eagerly seeking any opportunity to get a pay billet, get out of the volunteer unit, and regain her "worker's self esteem". (Whatever that is.) At least she agreed that she was being a little nuts about it, but she felt obligated to pursue all the options until her hand was played out. Fair enough, I understand and I'd feel the same way.
This month the perfect storm of events came together:
(1) A PACOM department widely regarded as the best (least crazed) office in the building asked her to work for a couple weeks. Despite the supervisor's great reputation it quickly became apparent that he was just as overwhelmed, overstressed, and crazed as the rest of them. He spends all day out of the office avoiding e-mail, phone messages, & personal contact. He doesn't take it out on his people but he isn't there to help or protect them, either. He courted her pretty aggressively to get her into his office but he hasn't spent a moment of his time on her since she started working there.
(2) This boss invited her back for a couple weeks in August but she just couldn't make up her mind. Nice boss, don't want to burn bridges, but not enjoying working there. She was forced to contemplate why she was even showing up for work, let alone going back for more.
(3) She was asked to interview for a great (interesting & ego-enhancing) PACOM billet that might even have brought her back on active duty, but she didn't make the final cut.
(4) She's applying for a Reserve drill (paying) billet that starts in December, but there are already rumbles that the competition is stronger than her record. It's not at PACOM but this will be the fifth year that she's applied for the job. It's a cool job (disaster planning) but the chances are only 20%. We'll know by the end of August if she has it.
(5) There are persistent rumors that much of the remaining Navy Reserve officers will be mobilized in October to backfill the Army in Iraq. That's a strong corporate hint to retire. If (4) doesn't pan out then she'd either better start pricing desert boots or head for the IRR/retirement.
Still she's been agonizing whether to work "just a little bit longer" or to retire, and we've spent quite a bit of quality grownups time this month discussing her options. Dory's new versions of FIRECalc are very strong medicine but just not quite powerful enough to persuade her. "It's not about the money!" I know better than to argue, so I've been the supportive spouse at 7 AM: "Have a nice day at the office, honey, hope the H-1/H-2 merge traffic isn't too bad. Hope you can make it home before 7 PM. You don't have to phone-- I'll be surfing or napping!!"
Today was supposed to be the big boss meeting where they'd review her accomplishments and ask for her decision about August. But I just received this e-mail from her at 10 AM PACOM time:
"We had an elusive boss sighting today. He said (in a hurry and out of breath), 'Can I impose on you to stand watch next Thu & Fri?'
'Gee, boss, sorry, Wed is my last day.'
'OMG it is? Are you coming back to us.' (Already has the door open and is heading out.)
'Nope.' (To the back of his head as he raced down the hall.)
Dude, I am now officially cured. I'm done with PACOM. Aloha, Wifey"
So, (1), (2), & (3) are now complete. She'll know about (4) soon, and if she gets it then she can put up with it for three years. It's more about going through the process than actually getting the results. But I bet tonight we're drafting the retirement paperwork for (5) and just waiting out (4) to make it official.
Next month we're spending a couple weeks' vacation with family & friends, including one of her mentors-- a woman we've known for 26 years who's now an O-6 with over 30 years of Navy service. By the second frosty beverage she'll ask "So, what's next?" It should be quite the interesting conversation.
I probably won't be participating in that discussion. I'll be touring our 13-year-old daughter around USNA and having an interesting conversation of our own...
For those of you whose working spouses aren't quite ready to hang it up, give 'em time. They need to keep running around & tugging on their corporate leashes until they surprise themselves or else reach the same conclusion that you've already reached.
They put up with your quest for ER serenity, and they'll finish their own in good time.
The time has arrived for my spouse. And this time she really means it.
When she left active duty in 2001 she had to sign a six-year Reserves obligation until April 2007. That seemed like forever in 2001 but now it's only nine months away. She could have immediately transferred to inactive status to serve out that obliserv, and she can still do so at any time. She currently has 23 good years of service and next April, at the end of her obliserv, she can file for a retirement that'll start paying out in 2022.
But since 2001 she's felt compelled to pursue her career to its end, despite my repeated FIRECalc printouts showing her that the game was won and she was just running up the score. In her defense, in her position I'd find it hard not to get sucked into the same behavior. At least the Navy told me when to go home, not just when it was time to change jobs.
She narrowly missed being mobilized in 2002 & 2003. She worked at a couple PACOM departments on short active-duty jobs of a couple weeks or a month, but each office was filled with stress, tension, raving psycho bosses, and the usual stuff that inspired her to leave active duty. Each year she worked a little less. Over the years she'd settled into the minimum weekend a month and a couple weeks a year, just like the Reserves used to be.
But each time she went back to work she'd get an offer-- "Hey, can you stand watch in the command center?" "We need a contractor for the next six months-- waddya think?" "Have you considered civil service?" Luckily she'd see enough during her time there that she'd quickly realize why they were so short of people. Still, those competitive juices flowed, her ego would inflate, and she felt privately insulted if she went back to work on Monday and didn't have an offer by Wednesday.
She's worked through 90% of her issues and she's been ready to hang it up for several months now, after the inevitable "just one more thing". But the Navy Reserve only pays a select few of its more senior officers and in late 2005 she lost her pay billet. For nearly a year she's been drilling for retirement points without pay. On one hand it was driving her even closer to retirement, but OTOH she was eagerly seeking any opportunity to get a pay billet, get out of the volunteer unit, and regain her "worker's self esteem". (Whatever that is.) At least she agreed that she was being a little nuts about it, but she felt obligated to pursue all the options until her hand was played out. Fair enough, I understand and I'd feel the same way.
This month the perfect storm of events came together:
(1) A PACOM department widely regarded as the best (least crazed) office in the building asked her to work for a couple weeks. Despite the supervisor's great reputation it quickly became apparent that he was just as overwhelmed, overstressed, and crazed as the rest of them. He spends all day out of the office avoiding e-mail, phone messages, & personal contact. He doesn't take it out on his people but he isn't there to help or protect them, either. He courted her pretty aggressively to get her into his office but he hasn't spent a moment of his time on her since she started working there.
(2) This boss invited her back for a couple weeks in August but she just couldn't make up her mind. Nice boss, don't want to burn bridges, but not enjoying working there. She was forced to contemplate why she was even showing up for work, let alone going back for more.
(3) She was asked to interview for a great (interesting & ego-enhancing) PACOM billet that might even have brought her back on active duty, but she didn't make the final cut.
(4) She's applying for a Reserve drill (paying) billet that starts in December, but there are already rumbles that the competition is stronger than her record. It's not at PACOM but this will be the fifth year that she's applied for the job. It's a cool job (disaster planning) but the chances are only 20%. We'll know by the end of August if she has it.
(5) There are persistent rumors that much of the remaining Navy Reserve officers will be mobilized in October to backfill the Army in Iraq. That's a strong corporate hint to retire. If (4) doesn't pan out then she'd either better start pricing desert boots or head for the IRR/retirement.
Still she's been agonizing whether to work "just a little bit longer" or to retire, and we've spent quite a bit of quality grownups time this month discussing her options. Dory's new versions of FIRECalc are very strong medicine but just not quite powerful enough to persuade her. "It's not about the money!" I know better than to argue, so I've been the supportive spouse at 7 AM: "Have a nice day at the office, honey, hope the H-1/H-2 merge traffic isn't too bad. Hope you can make it home before 7 PM. You don't have to phone-- I'll be surfing or napping!!"
Today was supposed to be the big boss meeting where they'd review her accomplishments and ask for her decision about August. But I just received this e-mail from her at 10 AM PACOM time:
"We had an elusive boss sighting today. He said (in a hurry and out of breath), 'Can I impose on you to stand watch next Thu & Fri?'
'Gee, boss, sorry, Wed is my last day.'
'OMG it is? Are you coming back to us.' (Already has the door open and is heading out.)
'Nope.' (To the back of his head as he raced down the hall.)
Dude, I am now officially cured. I'm done with PACOM. Aloha, Wifey"
So, (1), (2), & (3) are now complete. She'll know about (4) soon, and if she gets it then she can put up with it for three years. It's more about going through the process than actually getting the results. But I bet tonight we're drafting the retirement paperwork for (5) and just waiting out (4) to make it official.
Next month we're spending a couple weeks' vacation with family & friends, including one of her mentors-- a woman we've known for 26 years who's now an O-6 with over 30 years of Navy service. By the second frosty beverage she'll ask "So, what's next?" It should be quite the interesting conversation.
I probably won't be participating in that discussion. I'll be touring our 13-year-old daughter around USNA and having an interesting conversation of our own...
For those of you whose working spouses aren't quite ready to hang it up, give 'em time. They need to keep running around & tugging on their corporate leashes until they surprise themselves or else reach the same conclusion that you've already reached.
They put up with your quest for ER serenity, and they'll finish their own in good time.
