Semi-retire for a long distance relationship?

[maddythebeagle]

So...I have been seriously talking with my high school girlfriend (I moved away in h.s. and we drifted apart) but have reconnected 4-5 months ago....Never of us feel inclined to completely move but keeping options open.....about 1500 miles apart....north and south divide

We have certainly connected more than before and have significant amount in common so pretty far away from making any demands, but just listen to what each other wants and being good friends....

So the question that I had was what others have done eventually....we have talked a bit about living part year at each location....me more the summers and her more the winters...some people that I have talked to have kinda thought that was ridiculous since I have a house and might only end being there 5-6 months a year.....

 

[aaronc879]

I think it's an all or nothing situation. Either move to the same city or go your seperate ways. Personally, I wouldn't move anywhere for someone else but I know a lot of people that would. It's up to you.

 

[TromboneAl]

I know a couple who does exactly this. It's ridiculous. They now both have friends and obligations on both coasts. Seems like a total waste of money and effort to me, but they don't see it that way.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Life's short and it could be true love--try it and see how it works. At least you'll see how you like being together 24/7, and then you can make a plan if the back and forth doesn't work out.

PS: haven't read it but My Boyfriend's Back by Donna Hanover (actress and former Mrs. Giulani) http://www.amazon.com/My-Boyfriends-Back-Donna-Hanover/dp/1594630100 is about true life reconnecting (she is now with her hs sweetheart, I believe) --maybe some of the people in the book have tried what you're planning?

 

[haha]

Life's short and it could be true love--try it and see how it works. At least you'll see how you like being together 24/7, and then you can make a plan if the back and forth doesn't work out.

PS: haven't read it but Amazon.com: My Boyfriend's Back: Donna Hanover: Books is about true life reconnecting--maybe some of the people in the book have tried what you're planning?

I have heard that these back to the future romances can really work out well. There is something about the girl who drove you wild when you weren't so used to that feeling that may never go away. Especially if she was sane as well as sexy, and she has added an interesting maturity.

On moving overall without this old flame aspect, I have seen some disasters. Some maniac from DC with a good career, maybe 45 years old met a woman from out here on a cruise ship out of New Orleans. Within a month he had quit his job and moved out here, in another month they were married. Then over the next few years I watched her humiliate and castrate this poor guy until he looked like a deer that had been shot but wasn't down yet.

He eventually woke up and got divorced, or she ditched him- I don't know them well enough to know. I have known her over a long time in the dance world, and knew her well enough that I had what was for me unusual good judgment to never want to know her any more closely. I knew him only by passing a little time with him at the bar.

He went back to DC, I hope he was able to put his old life back together.

Ha

 

[maddythebeagle]

Well, yeah it is an expense to have 2 places for sure (although my place is pretty modest anyway)....I think in our case, it would be upper midwest vs. Florida so there are climate differences in summer and winter...so not so bad....My current job has such a high pay rate that I probably wouldnt get similar pay full time someplace else anyway...and I had thought about less hours anyway with my savings being in good shape....We are both mid 30s, so this really is a serious relationship and known each a long time...

 

[slouch]

What's attracting you to the long distance relationship? Why not date someone local?

 

[Calgary_Girl]

I know at least one long distance relationship that worked out and is still going strong: MINE! DH and I met 11 years ago. He's American, I'm a Canuck and we met up here in Calgary while he was on business. What can I say? Sparks flew right away and we dated long distance for a little over a year before he popped the question. To make a long story short, we'll be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary in November

 

[haha]

I know at least one long distance relationship that worked out and is still going strong: MINE! DH and I met 11 years ago. He's American, I'm a Canuck and we met up here in Calgary while he was on business. What can I say? Sparks flew right away and we dated long distance for a little over a year before he popped the question. To make a long story short, we'll be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary in November

But you are together now, right?

 

[Calgary_Girl]

But you are together now, right?

Yes. I guess my point is that what starts as a long distance relationship right now can turn into something more "permanent" where either Maddy or her girlfriend are willing to relocate permanently. Trust me - the long distance thing sucks after a while. As my DH says "either pi** or get off the pot".

 

[Bestwifeever]

What's attracting you to the long distance relationship? Why not date someone local?

Answer from the original post:

So...I have been seriously talking with my high school girlfriend (I moved away in h.s. and we drifted apart) but have reconnected 4-5 months ago....Never of us feel inclined to completely move but keeping options open.....about 1500 miles apart....north and south divide

 

[maddythebeagle]

Yes. I guess my point is that what starts as a long distance relationship right now can turn into something more "permanent" where either Maddy or her girlfriend are willing to relocate permanently. Trust me - the long distance thing sucks after a while. As my DH says "either pi** or get off the pot".

Thanks....the long distance thing hasnt always been too bad...we have reconnected for 4-5 months now and have been planning some visits, but at some point, yeah we will have to do something. I like the responses, though...the male response usually seem to be find somebody closer vs. the female response it that it could be true love! Hey, we have both looked and havent found somebody that is as complete and sparks us....

 

[Martha]

Mad, if you live part of the year in away from Wisconsin, will you be able to work part of the year at the job you have now? That is what I am not getting. If you can, then great!

How about her? Can she find stable work that would allow being away half the year?

 

[maddythebeagle]

Martha: yeah, it very much looks like I will be able to work part of the year where I am and probably work remotely a day or two the rest.......She is also looking at that option or simply being able to take off 3-4 months herself. She actually works at a church that emphasizes family life so probably wouldnt be that hard on her end.

 

[Martha]

You are lucky! You get to be a snowbird in your 30s! I think that it is a great idea. My BIL can check on your house when you are gone.

 

[maddythebeagle]

Yep. I didnt think it was too bad of an idea...I have some family members that certainly have talked about house sitting from time to time...

 

[Canadian Grunt]

Martha: yeah, it very much looks like I will be able to work part of the year where I am and probably work remotely a day or two the rest.......She is also looking at that option or simply being able to take off 3-4 months herself. She actually works at a church that emphasizes family life so probably wouldnt be that hard on her end.

What's the down side.....give it a try, if it works great...otherwise you will be thinking "what if" for the the rest of your life.

Life is short.

 

[socca]

Then over the next few years I watched her humiliate and castrate this poor guy until he looked like a deer that had been shot but wasn't down yet.

You mean this isn't normal?

 

[DangerMouse]

Maddy, just wondering what you decided to do in the end.

 

[freebird5825]

Thanks....the long distance thing hasnt always been too bad...we have reconnected for 4-5 months now and have been planning some visits, but at some point, yeah we will have to do something. I like the responses, though...the male response usually seem to be find somebody closer vs. the female response it that it could be true love! Hey, we have both looked and havent found somebody that is as complete and sparks us....

i'm a woman...but a darn logical and cautious one.
i'm hearing 2 people tentatively trying to increase the amount of time they spend together without either giving up all, i.e. their respective home nests. i'm hearing a very smart plan here. several weeks or months together beats the spurious weekend thing, as it will give you 2 a better feel for each other. the only hitch i see is the potential for the "absence makes the heart fonder" syndrome overshadowing all else.
i wish you 2 all the best of luck and love!

 

[Hobo]

I am 62 years old and I think the idea sucks. I have fallen in and out of love scores of times. It is a lot easier to find a suitable wife than it is to spend all of your time, money and heartbreak missing each other. Love comes and goes all too easily and all too quickly. On the other hand, you have only once chance to fully prepare yourself for the future - be that financial development, career development, or just time to live life to the fullest.

Best piece of advise I've ever heard is this: NEVER stay stuck at a fork in the road. Choose a road, and follow it. You will never know where the other road went. You sound stuck to me!

 

[maddythebeagle]

Maddy, just wondering what you decided to do in the end.

Well....we are still getting to know each other again so we havent jumped on anything yet but I feel that we will end up together...I will be visting for a month at the start of the year...

 

[maddythebeagle]

Best piece of advise I've ever heard is this: NEVER stay stuck at a fork in the road. Choose a road, and follow it. You will never know where the other road went. You sound stuck to me!

I actually think that is good advice Things have kinda fallen apart after just 6 months and 3 years together before that and havent moved.....I actually started seeing a counselor with emphasis on family issues and very much thinks it is time to move on as does my family and friends...It appears the feelings turned out not to be as mutual and she maybe was responding to me just putting myself out there, but I am ok with it...as everything has said to me, there are a lot of "red flags" here and even stuff from our past together that I didnt quite understand until now. I wont list them here but some pretty crazy stuff that she knows that she needs to work through and not sure she has really put a full effort into. So happy about resolution of things and not having to worry about house and job right now....Not sure I could have done much there for awhile anyway with the economy....Now looking to just get out more and meet some new people that I have been doing...

 

[FinanceDude]

Mad, if you live part of the year in away from Wisconsin, will you be able to work part of the year at the job you have now? That is what I am not getting. If you can, then great!

How about her? Can she find stable work that would allow being away half the year?

Mad, where in Wisconsin do you live?

 

[maddythebeagle]

I am in the NW part of the state...