Best places for singles over 65

[Zoocat]

Gray recommends taking on projects and activities that encourage interaction in order to achieve a common goal. "Try some activity that you are not very good at and ask for help," advises Gray. "Men bond with women more easily when they are doing something to help the woman."

I think this is not an antiquated belief we see here, but actually a means to have an initial icebreaker.
Real example - I gave dh2b my business card, which he swears to this day he had no clue what I was up to.
Not much response.
But when I asked him for help with my dialup (at the time) email server problems, he was right there (by email) giving me advice on what to try.That led to lunch, which led to... At no time did I have to flutter or act dumb.
So maybe just maybe this advice is not as bad as it looks.

I agree with you here. I wouldn't hesitate to ask for advice/help from anyone if I needed to. What I object to is Gray's implication that women should use that advise asking behavior as a technique to interest a man. A really lame and stupid idea that dumbs down the woman.

You know there are lots of good things about staying single (per the video above) but one that I really appreciate these days is not having to do or say anything to please a husband. Until I was single again, I didn't realize how much energy I spent thinking about him and trying to please him. What a relief to be done with THAT!

 

[Amethyst]

one that I really appreciate these days is not having to do or say anything to please a husband. Until I was single again, I didn't realize how much energy I spent thinking about him and trying to please him. What a relief to be done with THAT!

That's bad if you were the only one trying to do the pleasing. I definitely would not want to stay around for that. I like to use up energy pleasing someone I love, but it has to be reciprocated or it's no fun.

 

[Orchidflower]

My question about this article was more about the cities they chose as so wonderful. Memphis? #1 in crime on some lists. Ft. Lauderdale? Isn't that town loaded with gay men? What's that going to do for us older gals?

 

[haha]

Remember how Gomez went crazy when Morticia spoke French?

Ah, Morticia! There is a woman I could love!

And for you ladies, would Raul Julia ever drag you to a tractor pull?

Ha

 

[Purron]

Tractor pull? Don't think so. Raul Julia? Maybe. I have found many Latino men to be very attractive. Case in point: Antonio Banderas. Mama Mia!

 

[haha]

Purron, here's your boy. My lovely Victoria Abril is at the wheel, Loles Leon riding shotgun. This is the end of the Almodovar movie Átame.

YouTube - Resistiré - ( Con Antonio Banderas )

 

[ziggy29]

I guess there are not many fans of Sadie Hawkins day on this board?

I would have been a fan of it had I been asked out on that day...

 

[growing_older]

Freebird, you're onto something. Sounds a lot like the advice given out on this board. Okay, everyone, own up to it, how many of you are dating someone you met on this forum?

Not me, but wouldn't I love to find someone who believes in LBYM and FIRE. Maybe we can open a dating section. My ad starts: "loves long walks and low SWR...."

 

[haha]

So, here's the article we've all been waiting for ().


The article also quotes that "expert" John Gray of "Men are From Mars . . " fame. He gives some startling new and original advice to join new clubs and activities to meet people!. "Try some activity that you are not very good at and ask for help," advises Gray. "Men bond with women more easily when they are doing something to help the woman."

Hilarious! Gray must have stepped into the way-back machine!

I understand how you feel, and how most of the other women posters seem to feel.

But I am going to give you a story that may shed a different light.

My brother is a widower, and about my age. He looks about like me, but has less hair. He is very intelligent and witty and understands his partners unspoken boundaries. He knows when to hold 'em, and when to fold 'em. Also he can talk and he can keep his mouth shut. Other than that, just another guy.

He has had so many dates, many paid for by the women, that he is considering buying salesmen's software to keep track of all the personal details of his new friends. They have ranged from about his age to maybe 20 years younger.

Since he was a faithful husband for over 40 years, his success on the dating scene pretty much surprised me, so I asked, hey Romeo, what is the secret?

His answer-"I am always nice. I pay attention to them. Each one has something she is seeking. It takes about 5 minutes to figure that out. Then, if it isn't going to cost much cash money, I give it to her."

He sees his role not as protector of his social role or self image, but as someone who was lonely and doesn't want that to continue.

So maybe if one wants to date at older ages, one thing that improves results is to give your date a bit of what he/she wants. If a woman needs to think she is beautiful and interesting, a kind man who can see this will make her feel beautiful and intelligent. Doesn't cost anything does it? Why not give the same consideration to a man, who may want to think he is dominant, hip, rich, or whatever?

One thing very certain, an older man is not likely to spend much time with a woman who isn't tending to his psychological needs. He already did that; it was called his marriage.

Ha

 

[Zoocat]

One thing very certain, an older man is not likely to spend much time with a woman who isn't tending to his psychological needs. He already did that; it was called his marriage.

Ha

Well, yes, I certainly agree that it doesn't "cost" anything to make an effort to appreciate someone. A lot of divorced women complain about the same thing regarding their ex-spouses. But I don't think I've made myself clear enough on that issue. I don't mind, in fact welcome, the opportunity to gain knowledge and aid of any kind from anyone kind enough to offer it to me. And I would be very grateful and appreciative of any man's special efforts to fulfill my wants and needs. The only thing I was objecting to was the cheeziness of Gray's suggestion that seemed to indicate that deception was ok.

 

[Zoocat]

My question about this article was more about the cities they chose as so wonderful. Memphis? #1 in crime on some lists. Ft. Lauderdale? Isn't that town loaded with gay men? What's that going to do for us older gals?

That's an excellent point! But the article wasn't just for women. There are gay single men over 65 too. But I do wonder what's wonderful about Memphis. Except maybe for country western music lovers.

 

[haha]

The only thing I was objecting to was the cheeziness of Gray's suggestion that seemed to indicate that deception was ok.

Deception is a loaded word. Everything is relative. How attractive is any older person? In reality, how attractive are most younger people? Some of them might look good naked but their minds would bore or annoy or chase away almost anyone. If you didn't need them for your own wants and needs whatever they are would you be likely to bother?

Face it, there would be no dates if we all took truth serum.

When I meet new female friends in the dance world I can usually predict fairly well whether they will bounce around till they get worn out, or perhaps find someone to go steady with. It isn't their looks unless these are extremely unattractive; it's how realistic their aspirations are, and how well they understand what that implies.

ha

 

[Moemg]

Excellent Posts Ha ! From what I've seen from my various times in the single world is you have to lighten up . Don't go into dates wondering how this person will fit in your life . Just enjoy the fun of companionship .

 

[Zoocat]

I'm not sure why this thread has deteriorated to the topic of "dating" per se. But I will say that I think there is a place in the world of "senior" dating for the group date. The group date is a fun, no pressure environment usually found in "singles" groups or other types of organized special interest groups. I was involved in group dates for a while when I was first single and enjoyed the company of the men and women. No one was trying to "date" anyone. Everyone was just there to have a fun social occasion.

When looking for a great town to be single in I think it's important to learn if there are some of these casual social groups that are made up of single people your age.

 

[Khan]

I agree with you here. I wouldn't hesitate to ask for advice/help from anyone if I needed to. What I object to is Gray's implication that women should use that advise asking behavior as a technique to interest a man. A really lame and stupid idea that dumbs down the woman.

You know there are lots of good things about staying single (per the video above) but one that I really appreciate these days is not having to do or say anything to please a husband. Until I was single again, I didn't realize how much energy I spent thinking about him and trying to please him. What a relief to be done with THAT!

So true.

I no longer had to worry about what to say, what food to cook, whether any little thing would please or displease.

Indian Summer




In youth, it was a way I had
To do my best to please,
And change, with every passing lad,
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know,
And do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!

--Dorothy Parker

 

[Orchidflower]

HaHa's brother is one smart cookie. I've found that so many senior people--especially the ones who've been single for a loooong time like myself--seem to want to concentrate the entire conversation on their life, their needs, their doings. Makes one not very interesting or sexually appealing.

 

[socca]

So maybe if one wants to date at older ages, one thing that improves results is to give your date a bit of what he/she wants. If a woman needs to think she is beautiful and interesting, a kind man who can see this will make her feel beautiful and intelligent. Doesn't cost anything does it? Why not give the same consideration to a man, who may want to think he is dominant, hip, rich, or whatever?

If the 'kind man' doesn't actually believe she is beautiful and intelligent, then he is deceiving her. This may work in the short run, but it's unlikely to work in the long run. Ironically, the dumb women are more likely to be fooled.

Extreme scenario:

Him: "I think that you're the most gorgeous specimen of female femininity that I've ever met. However, I don't ever want to see or talk to you again."

Her: "Huh?"

 

[haha]

If the 'kind man' doesn't actually believe she is beautiful and intelligent, then he is deceiving her. This may work in the short run, but it's unlikely to work in the long run. Ironically, the dumb women are more likely to be fooled.

Extreme scenario:

Him: "I think that you're the most gorgeous specimen of female femininity that I've ever met. However, I don't ever want to see or talk to you again."

Her: "Huh?"

This is the narrow minded viewpoint that keeps people sitting at home. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that varies with conditions.

Just have another Martini or listen to a romantic song if you are having trouble seeing hers. I agree with you that if you are deliberately deceiving someone to get either sex or money you are doing wrong. But things are usually not so clear cut.

In one of my dance communities there is a very large woman. She asked a guy who we all know to dance one night. He said "No, you're not my type." "What is your type?" "Someone who isn't fat."

She told me this story while we were having a drink. She was hurt. Obviously she knows that very large women are a minority taste, but she also knows that I appreciate her as a woman. She has lovely hair, she smells good, she wears very dramatic dark lipstick colors, and she likes men. I would have no trouble making her feel desirable, and it would not involve deception on my part. Women aren't stupid; they know that just because you make them feel good you are not necessarily interested in marrying them. It helps to remember that she probably sees "better" specimens than you 100 times a day too. Men and women are whole creatures, not just collections of attributes.

I should also say that your extreme case would not happen to a man who is looking for friendship and companionship, rather than solely a sex partner. I think Mr. Rogers was right, everyone is beautiful.

I would like to briefly address the original question- what place is best for older singles? South Florida is probably best for sheer ease of access to people.

Overall, there are more men relative to women in western cities, high tech cities, Alaskan fishing villages, Edmonton, etc. But most older women do not want to pull up stakes and become waitresses in a mining camp or fishing village.

Some cities are more married than others. Seattle has a lot of unmarried adults.


Ha

 

[RonBoyd]

I'm not sure why this thread has deteriorated to the topic of "dating" per se.

I don't know either but since it has:

Penelope Trunk's blog has a post that, while not exactly in the same age group, does fit in the current discussion.

When women get power at work, do they use it like men do?

I look around to see if people at the diner are staring at us.

He is surprisingly interesting. He’s semi-pro in an odd sport, and he has a business plan to create a quirky application for the iPhone. We talk for an hour.

Outside he says, “I’d like to see you again.”

I think that’s hilarious. I mean, I can’t believe a 25-year-old wants to see me once, let alone again. And I can’t imagine how things will unfold. So I say, “Okay.”

I, also, don't have a clue why I am following this thread... perhaps I am, deep down and way up in there, a voyeur.

 

[Moemg]

I agree with Ha that South Florida is a great place for singles . There are so many activities that do not require a partner. I see single women and men everywhere just enjoying life . There are a lot more single women in S.Florida but during winter season the male population increases with all the golfers and fishermen .

 

[socca]

This is the narrow minded viewpoint that keeps people sitting at home. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that varies with conditions.

A better spin to put on the issue is to realize that a (sexual or otherwise) attractiveness judgment isn't always required. If you're just going out to have fun, then you can turn off your attractiveness judgment module because it's largely irrelevant to just having fun. However, if you're heading out to find a sexual (or some other type) of partner, then mostly likely you'll do some judging to separate the attractive (to you) from the unattractive (to you) candidates.

I actually don't think we're disagreeing on this topic.

P.S. The above issue is why I don't 'date', at least initially. It's better just to go out and have fun.