Slipping into Depression

[drb520]

I was in a high stress industry and position with national sales responsibilities. I hit the wall several months before my 55th birthday and retired. We are financially well off and no money issues....we are very fortunate. My problem is after 2.5 years of retirement, I'm now rested and ready for a new mission.....I'm a closet Type A personality. I work part-time in the neighborhood and this has helped. Golf is OK but not a passion. I've volunteered a little but it does not feel right. I like working, but no longer want to play the game. Lately I've started to get depressed about long days and too much time....before I wouldn't take time to go to the restroom. Just venting I guess, typing this helps. Any thoughts? Thanks for listening.

 

[W2R]

Sometime a person becomes a work-a-holic to avoid facing or thinking about depressing issues.

Maybe you can see a counselor who could help you to face whatever it is that is really depressing you, in a way you can tolerate.

Others may have less drastic solutions but my opinion is that depression can be so serious, and can lead to such tragedies, that if you feel truly, seriously depressed it is better to seek help now than to wait.

 

[REWahoo]

I see you are in Arizona. Any possibility the heat is getting to you? I know it sure depresses me...

 

[DangerMouse]

You probably need to set some new goals for yourself. What do you enjoy doing? Have you thought about taking an extended vacation somewhere? What about doing a 3 month RV trip around the US? Try something totally out of the box for yourself.

 

[bbbamI]

Exercise and intimacy works for me.

 

[freebird5825]

I was in a high stress industry and position with national sales responsibilities. I hit the wall several months before my 55th birthday and retired. We are financially well off and no money issues....we are very fortunate. My problem is after 2.5 years of retirement, I'm now rested and ready for a new mission.....I'm a closet Type A personality. I work part-time in the neighborhood and this has helped. Golf is OK but not a passion. I've volunteered a little but it does not feel right. I like working, but no longer want to play the game. Lately I've started to get depressed about long days and too much time....before I wouldn't take time to go to the restroom. Just venting I guess, typing this helps. Any thoughts? Thanks for listening.

Welcome to the forum

First off, I give you a lot of credit for writing this post.

I could have written your post...I was also in a high expectation field, a Type A overachiever, and exited at age 48 to preserve my health and sanity.
I've been "out" for 2 yrs 5 mos now. I did the high charged volunteer thing for the first 1.5 years and have backed off that now because some of the environments started to remind me of w*rk. I volunteer once a month at a food bank with no politics and good people. It is a very good fit.

Maybe you could keep looking for something else to do as a volunteer, but on a more casual basis. It is hard to sit still.

Some of what you are describing hit me this past winter. I went into hermit mode intentionally (the deep snow helped out a little )
just to simplify life and catch my breath. Thankfully this stage did not last long.
These days, I'll give myself a A- or B+ type rating. Some folks here maybe beg to differ.

If you still feel depressed, then definitely make an appointment to see your doc and then a counselor, even if just once.
A counselor won't tell you what to do, but will help you assess your current situation and help you go forward.

Smile, relax, and enjoy.

 

[ziggy29]

Any possibility the heat is getting to you? I know it sure depresses me...

Quoted for truth.

 

[Poundkey]

Exercise and intimacy works for me.

Exercise also works for me, but intimacy is no longer an option.

To OP....As Dangermouse suggests....try something out of the box. Golf may not be a passion, but something out there is. Search for it. Should you discover what your passion is, it may turn out to be the work you like/need without the games. If you never discover it you've still experienced the search.....which may help the depression.

Some cognitive therapy might put you past this rough spot and onto the path you're searching for. This is not what would be considered a drastic solution and will most likely be a great help.

From someone who's experienced this sort of thing I wish you the best.

 

[Darryl]

I think this is where Nords refers you to Ernie Zelinski's "get a life tree" after seeing Nords recommendation on several occasions I just read Ernie's "The joy of not working" good book.

Set some new goals you can get excited about.

 

[FinallyRetired]

Congratulations on being able to retire early, that's quite an accomplishment these days. About the long days, it's tough to go from full throttle to nothing, so I think what you are feeling is pretty normal.

I eased into retirement over several years through reduced hours, and at first I had episodes similar to what you describe. As freebird said, your writing and acknowledging the problem is important, because depression comes from repressed emotions.

Assuming you're not clinically depressed, for which a professional can help, I think developing a social network around newfound interests would be a good thing. Parks and rec classes? Reading clubs? Almost doesn't matter what it is, important thing is to stay connected, especially since you come from a sales background.

Retirement, like anything else, does feel better the more I'm into it. If anything, the days now feel almost too short. I'm getting to be a professional time waster.

 

[Moemg]

I hit that point pretty early in my retirement and I am not a type A . The thought of endless social activities and luncheons bored me . I took some classes but I still needed something so I started selling on ebay . I started with just things around my house but now I've branched out to other merchandise . I do not do it for the money though the money is nice . I do it for a sense of purpose . I was totally burned out of nursing and needed something else . The thought of volunteering did not do it so here I am almost two years into retirement and an ebay powerseller . Who would have thought it ? I think the clue is to find something you like even if it is not what other people think a retiree should be doing . Some find their niche in hiking or travel or samba dancing for me it's shopping and selling .

 

[bizlady]

The obvious might be to go back to work full time or part time. Maybe you are ready to go back for a time.

Have you considered consulting, or starting a business? There are sites online where businesses post for projects, usually plenty for marketing.

Lastly, maybe mentoring somewhere, perhaps at a high school, vocational or even college is an option.

Just some thoughts..

 

[Bestwifeever]

Buy/start/invest in a small business and have your profits go to charity--you sound like you were energetic in your previous life and maybe you are missing the interactions and the quantifiable results of business performance.

But first talk with your doctor--something else might be bothering you, or your brain chemistry is off and medication might be needed to adjust it.

 

[Moemg]

Buy/start/invest in a small business and have your profits go to charity--.

Here is where my profits go ! Charity begins at home .

 

[Bestwifeever]

What a cutie pie!!! He looks like he could cure anyone's depression! Is he available on your eBay page?

 

[Moemg]

What a cutie pie!!! He looks like he could cure anyone's depression! Is he available on your eBay page?

No, He is priceless !

 

[donheff]

One of the insidious things about depression is that it demotivates you from doing the very things that would lift it - engaging with people and activities. If your case appears to be more than temporary blues you should talk to your doctor. Depression is treatable.

 

[73ss454]

I retired from the automotive field at the end of 2006. Very stressfull 12 hour days for 35 years. Spent a lot of time moving to Fla. and fixing up the new house the way DW wanted it. With a loss of a ton of money in the last year do to the recession I started to get worried financially.

After looking around for some sort of PT work I landed a PT job selling Boats. It's been helping financially but the stress level is building again. 20 more months to SS and that will end all employment and I can get back to doing nothing.

If Mr. Market comes back to around 12K I'll be out quicker.

 

[Walt34]

I was in a high stress industry and position... We are financially well off and no money issues....we are very fortunate. My problem is after 2.5 years of retirement, I'm now rested and ready for a new mission.....I'm a closet Type A personality.

Wow, does that sound like me! Been there and done that. Went from full throttle to idle, in hindsight that was a bad idea.

The first year was like a long vacation what with moving to a new area and outfitting a new home. I tried some consulting but the drive was too long and to remain competent in that field (computer forensics) one really needs to be immersed in it full time. For a month I was a car salesman and learned that while I have many talents, sales is not one of them.

For the past year I've been working working doing armed security (I'm a retired police officer) at one of those secretive government installations with zillions of cameras all over the place and surrounded by barbed wire fencing. The short commute is important to me as I have little patience with sitting in traffic and the hours of 1400 - 2200 mean I can sleep late and still get home at a reasonable hour. While it's not as exciting as big-city police work it's all right.

So for now, this works for me. If/when I leave this job I'll probably take some classes at the nearby university.

 

[Leonidas]

I was in a high stress industry and position with national sales responsibilities...My problem is after 2.5 years of retirement, I'm now rested and ready for a new mission.....I'm a closet Type A personality.

Sounds familiar, except I was never in the closet and my Type A reputation was well known in the organization.

Wow, does that sound like me! Been there and done that. Went from full throttle to idle, in hindsight that was a bad idea.

Same story here. Made the decision to leave in less than 24 hours, and I was still strapping on my parachute as I ducked out of the hatch.

Like Walt said, at first it seems like a long vacation, and what's not to like about that? But after that comes the realization that you are solely responsible for your life, and if you're lucky that is a loooong time. Work demands no longer dictate what you do every day, and the part of your ego that was derived from your career is history.

Retiring young is not for weenies, and I think it's normal to find yourself a little lost for a while. It's a difficult transition for some of us, especially the type A folks, letting go of the w*rking you and embracing the retired you.

Being a type A mentality in retirement is not going to work. Carrying that "must be #1" mentality over into retirement is just going to put you on another treadmill that just goes in circles. There will be no promotion, no bonus, no certificates, medals or accolades given because you got all of the stuff done that everyone (including you) thought you were supposed to "accomplish" in retirement. ("So, what do you do all day?")

Ultimately, I think that the identity we create during our careers is just an artificial construct that is only valid while w*rking. As much as I loved what I did, and as good as I was at doing it, that is no longer who I am. My days are filled now with taking care of the things that have to be done to sustain life for me and the family, and then filling the rest of it with the things that bring happiness and personal satisfaction. That's my mission.

While it's not as exciting as big-city police work it's all right.

Do you miss the excitement any? I went through a period where I was super risk averse (success is collecting the pension for 60 years!) and I found I missed doing "exciting" things. I'm working my way back into it - so far the wife is cool with me and the oldest going sky-diving (as cool as she can be about such things).

It's a recent development, and I don't want to do anything stupid that screws up the retirement, but I feel the need for some excitement. People deliberately trying to hurt me is off my list, but other than that I'm open to ideas.

 

[Martha]

Your post Leo fits well with your Andretti quote.

I prefer less excitement and my ideal day is putzing around and visiting with friends. Today I am cleaning out the garage in anticipation of listing my home for sale. I am enjoying it. The weather is nice. I haul out stuff, take pictures for Craigslist, and fill the trash bin. Life is bliss.

 

[REWahoo]

I haul out stuff, take pictures for Craigslist, and fill the trash bin. Life is bliss.

Marge, please be sure the 'stuff' is going into the trash bin and not the woodchipper...

 

[Nords]

I'm working my way back into it - so far the wife is cool with me and the oldest going sky-diving (as cool as she can be about such things).
It's a recent development, and I don't want to do anything stupid that screws up the retirement, but I feel the need for some excitement. People deliberately trying to hurt me is off my list, but other than that I'm open to ide
as.

I miss the adrenaline highs of a good engineering drill set or successfully completing a nasty submarine mission. But I'm not willing to pay the price of getting to those points, nor recovering from them.

I've read (IIRC "Survivor's Club"?) that the most common cause of parachuting deaths today is [-]that first bounce off the landing zone[/-] operator error-- failure to open the chute due to being locked into some other maneuver, or target attraction, or cutting too sharply at too low an altitude. The auto-release backups (triggered by minimum altitude) are apparently proving their value.

Going back to jumping would certainly take care of the "What do you DO all day?" and "How do you spend your money?" issues. But I find that surfing 10-footers is more than enough excitement, and pretty much the limit of my capability.

And both of those might be safer than paintball league or NASCAR racing school...

 

[Leonidas]

Your post Leo fits well with your Andretti quote.

I don't know if it's an acquired taste or the result of a personality trait - it might be a chicken or egg first kind of question.

There was definitely a "type" of person attracted to the work. A former co-w*rker, who was also in management, had a ritual of celebrating his birthday by going out to the most dangerous dope corner he could find and making an undercover bust just to prove he could still do "it". It's not that we weren't afraid, it's that we didn't want to be ruled by our fears. One guy overcame his phobia of spiders by buying a pet tarantula.

I'm going to have to touch base with some of these guys and see how they deal with it in retirement.

After retiring I was somewhat tempted by the money that government was throwing around at people like me who were willing to go to dangerous places. There was a moment during a trial run when it was really "exciting" and I started hating myself for being irresponsible and getting killed just as my family was celebrating the end of my career.

A few years into retirement I find that I'm struggling with this. It was easy to be risk averse when my boys were younger, but now, especially with the oldest, it's not that easy.

I'm working on trying to understand the difference between pure fear-driven adrenaline thrill, and fun things that also happen to have some degree of danger. The oldest kid is in his peak macho inspired thrill seeking age and I'm hanging in there with him, but there's a lot of conflict going on. We went snowmobiling, something neither of us is experienced at, and we did go off the trails quite a bit. There were a few times I got concerned for him and that protective vicarious-fear came back at me as I realized I was in the same situation. I found myself backing off on the throttle (something I'm not used to doing) and telling him to do the same.

He thinks he's invincible, but I know he's not, and that reminds me that neither am I. So I have found that caution, fear, responsibility or whatever, is dictating my choices more than I'm used to.

There are risks associated with any activity, but I worry that I've become overly cautious of the risks associated with any activity. Yesterday, while standing in line at the airport I found myself close to a guy about my age who was in a wheelchair. It was a pain for him dealing with the TSA and I started thinking about all the travel I have planned and how difficult it would be to try and do that in a wheelchair. And I was nursing a sore knee caused by getting up wrong while practicing free fall in a wind tunnel, and I started getting nervous about skydiving. I had this whole conversation with myself that eventually led to a temporary stalemate with the voice that said "be careful" countered by the one that said "don't let fear keep you from enjoying life."

 

[Leonidas]

I've read (IIRC "Survivor's Club"?) that the most common cause of parachuting deaths today is [-]that first bounce off the landing zone[/-] operator error-- failure to open the chute due to being locked into some other maneuver, or target attraction, or cutting too sharply at too low an altitude. The auto-release backups (triggered by minimum altitude) are apparently proving their value.

Haven't seen that book, might have to get it.

I've been reading up on the topic and this is a quote from The Dropzone.Com's advice to media reporting on accidents.

What is far more common is that a skydiver makes a mistake landing a perfectly good canopy (39% of the 35 U.S. skydiving deaths in 2002, the most common cause of death), collides with another skydiver in freefall or under his parachute (21% of the 2002 deaths), or fails to respond correctly to a survivable equipment malfunction (12% of the 2002 deaths). (Note: skydivers do carry reserve, or backup, parachutes; a malfunction of the main parachute does not automatically kill the skydiver.) We all like to think that we'll make all the right decisions when the chips are down, but the unfortunate truth is that nearly all skydiving deaths are caused by "pilot error"-a mistake on the part of the skydiver.

I appreciate the value of good training, "train like you fight and you'll fight like you trained". Much of my research is spent looking at schools, their accident rates, etc.

And both of those might be safer than paintball league or NASCAR racing school...

We already do the first and racing school is on my list under the subtitle: "Really Cool Stuff I Want To Do".

But I find that surfing 10-footers is more than enough excitement, and pretty much the limit of my capability.

Dude, what about the sharks?

I'm wondering if one man's crazy is another's "oh, that looks like fun". Surfing is not on any of my lists, but if I ever find myself with the opportunity I might give it a whirl. Of course while sitting out there waiting for the wave, at least some energy would be spent trying to see if something was about to munch on feet or arms.