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I'm about 5 months from downshifting to part-time, so I'm pulling away from some responsibilities, and they are looking for a replacement. It's close enough to feel real, I guess.
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That is adding to my sense that it's over ("it" being my career), I've done all I'm ever going to do, it's all downhill from here, that's all you'll achieve. I know a lot of people who've done a lot more than I did with their careers. So I'm feeling this sense of being a loser or failure, as I pull away from work. I'm discovering that I have a sense of shame about it. That is completely not what I expected.
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I am taking the plunge to retirement next month, and over the past six months, since I really realized I would be 'retiring', I have had and still have all of the feelings you have so eloquently expressed.
I let everyone know at the beginning of this year, that after the first quarter I would be pretty much gone. And they started making plans about how to replace me, kind of made me feel, for the first time, left out.
But that is exactly what I wanted to be, left out. But still, it is hard realizing as you have said, whatever I have achieved in my working life, is all I will ever achieve.
But also I realized that the things that so excited me in my early life, don't have the same excitement now. And also I remember all of the transitions I have had previously, although many often meant a job ending, personal relationships ending, they always lead to other opportunities. So that is what keeps me going getting through the feelings you have expressed.
I do feel the same as you, but I was not as brave as you to express it here in a new thread. That is one of the reasons I joined this forum, to learn about the feelings of the long timers. And talked to my retired BIL about his feelings after retiring (he said I wasn't the first to ask him). I think a lot of us share your feelings.
I always identified with my work, and was proud of that. I came up with solutions to problems in the shower, in the john, walking around. I was always thinking of new things to try, worrying about current problems, stressing about relationships with colleagues, etc etc etc. And I was really proud that I identified with what I did. I was proud of my successes, as trivial as they might have been in the great scheme of things.
But it is time now for give up pleasing other people, pleasing my clients, spending my hours figuring out how to solve their problems. Now is the time for me to figure out more important issues. About how to fix the patio deck, where to plant the orange tree, where do we want to drive to this week without worrying what day we have to get back.
After six months thinking about this I realize that I am ready to start doing things for me and my wife, and end doing things for the "man."
As for your part time work. This is one area where you have to be careful I think. If your job is the kind where you can leave 100% of everything at work when you go home, it is okay. But if not, I think you will still have 100% of the stress (worrying all week) and only 20% of the income. A very bad tradeoff I think.
I am not planning on any part time work of this type after next month. In my work, and I am guessing yours, you have to go or stay. Not too much in between. And any real potential for retirement joy will come after the part time work ends.
Well, we will see what happens in the future. Best of luck to you.