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- Jul 18, 2010
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Reading this thread makes me very grateful that DH and I have always been on the same page about this kind of stuff!
I am amazed at all the asymmetric relationships reported in this thread. I would expect these spousal attitudes to drive people directly to the door. Maybe that should be the response - "I am ready to pull the plug, think how much more secure you will be if I go with you rather than without?"
I may growl at him a bit, but I'll get over it, and then he brings me a glass of wine....
This statement changes my perspective on the situation quite a bit. Perhaps she is concerned that your retirement plans rely too much on her money?
Can you understand if a wife does not work in general (not retired, just doesn't work) and the husband works to support the couple and she thinks that is fair? Isn't that a common situation? How is it different? What is wrong with a husband working to support the couple while the wife doesn't work? It seems to me that is a common situation whether the wife is retired, working part time, or never worked.I can't understand how your wife could retire herself and then think it fair for you to have to keep working when you have enough money to retire.
This is very uncommon today, is it not? Except perhaps when the man makes very good money and there are children?Can you understand if a wife does not work in general (not retired, just doesn't work) and the husband works to support the couple and she thinks that is fair? Isn't that a common situation? How is it different? What is wrong with a husband working to support the couple while the wife doesn't work? It seems to me that is a common situation whether the wife is retired, working part time, or never worked.
It takes a lot of trust though, since if things go bad in the marriage, she has little economic incentive to hang around. Family court will see to it she can continue to live indefinitely at the level to which she has become accustomed.
Ha
My situation is not all that contentious, there is no danger of a divorce...besides she actually has a lot more money that I do so if I was to go it alone it would probably be tougher than it is together.
Can you understand if a wife does not work in general (not retired, just doesn't work) and the husband works to support the couple and she thinks that is fair? Isn't that a common situation? How is it different? What is wrong with a husband working to support the couple while the wife doesn't work?
I didn't say any of those things were common. You are proposing something I didn't say and then arguing about it, I think they call that a straw man argument.What's wrong with the wife having to get her husband's permission to get a credit card? Or open a bank account? Why not repeal woman's suffrage while we're at it?
Can you understand if a wife does not work in general (not retired, just doesn't work) and the husband works to support the couple and she thinks that is fair? Isn't that a common situation? How is it different? What is wrong with a husband working to support the couple while the wife doesn't work? It seems to me that is a common situation whether the wife is retired, working part time, or never worked.
I didn't say any of those things were common. You are proposing something I didn't say and then arguing about it, I think they call that a straw man argument.
I know several couples in which the husband is the primary breadwinner, and the wife either does not work, or she works part time and makes substantially less while taking care of the house and the kids.
I accept your apology, but you are doing it again. I don't know what "view of the world" you are referring to that you imply that I hold? I didn't say that I hold any particular view of the world.Perhaps I misunderstood you post. In the context of the OP's concerns, it seemed very old fashioned to me that the husband should continue to work simply to satisfy some view of the world that is not very relevant in modern American society. My apologies for the misunderstanding.
OP,I'm confused by all your comments on this thread. You have been a couple for a long time, what is the her/money/my money idea. Did you agree you would each fund your own ER? Since you are still working does she contribute part of her "bigger" stash to monthly expenses, or do your fund all the expenses from your salary? If it's the latter, her stash will only grow bigger with time and she greatly benefits from your continued work.
As for your FA, don't count on he/she to tell you that you have more then enough. They benefit as well when you have fresh money to invest. You might not get the answer you desire and then your ER plans will an uphill battle.
Once you start a drawdown the FA income will drop as well.
I accept your apology, but you are doing it again. I don't know what "view of the world" you are referring to that you imply that I hold? I didn't say that I hold any particular view of the world.
I have a good idea of how much she has but I don't know to the dollar and same with her. Most of the daily expenses are paid out of my salary. When she was riffed we ran our numbers at the time and knew 1 salary was ok for us so I supported her as she hated her job then and we had other concerns that made it an advantage for her to not work...and it just extended.
Reading this thread makes me very grateful that DH and I have always been on the same page about this kind of stuff!
My dad did this. In spite of that, because he was wiling to run some investment risks and my mother was not, he left a larger estate.I'm assuming you are not okay with using all of yours, while hers stays untouched.
Reading this thread makes me very glad I am single, and can retire when I alone decide the time and $$$ are right. The idea of having to get another person's "permission" to retire is completely unfathomable to me.
Reading this thread makes me very glad I am single, and can retire when I alone decide the time and $$$ are right. The idea of having to get another person's "permission" to retire is completely unfathomable to me.