Dying Alone

Dying alone is really bad (especially if it is a prolonged death due to something like cancer). Unfortunately, I have number of relatives who will die alone. Too many of them are divorced, and don't have close relationship with their children. I have a DW & DS who will stick by me so I hope :).
 
rayinpenn said:
I try to take Benjamin Franklyn’s philosophy...
Click to expand...

What a beautiful quote, Ray- I saved it. I think it helps explain why I dealt pretty well with my mother (age 85) and DH (age 78) dying within a month of each other last year. They lived long, (mostly) happy lives and their parts just wore out. I know that will happen to me, too, but I'm fighting it every step of the way by working to stay as healthy as possible.
 
I do think age makes a difference on how you feel about a death. My BF's 19 yo got a rare liver disease and died and that was horrible. When my Mom died she was just short of 90 so I was fine with that.
 
Amethyst said:
There are paid advocates. They are quite expensive. I imagine the more successful ones do a fairly good job, although then again, how would their helpless customers even be able to rate them?
Click to expand...

Maybe you'll get one last survey to fill out:

"On a scale of one to ten, how did your advocate do in easing your death?"

"Comments you'd like to add?"
 
Being a advocate for someone is a lot of work and takes time and you really have to stay on top of things. Sometimes medical professionals will argue with you or ignore your instructions. I had to fire one hospice because of this. They were not supporting me but rather fighting with me. I did it out of love for a friend of mine that had no one left. YOu could not pay me to do it. It raised my BP and ruined more then 1 day trying to take good care of my friend. Not sorry I did it but it was tough.
 
Teacher Terry said:
Being a advocate for someone is a lot of work and takes time and you really have to stay on top of things. Sometimes medical professionals will argue with you or ignore your instructions. I had to fire one hospice because of this. They were not supporting me but rather fighting with me.
Click to expand...

Can you clarify?
 
Elbata said:
That's been my wish. Since I've eaten many animals, I think it would be fair if they got their turn with me. At least I wouldn't have to go through the suffering that we put them through.
Click to expand...

That is so funny and true. Not only we eat animals, but we sometimes skin them alive, put them in boiling water while they are still moving around, display their naked dead body for sale, ...
 
Moemg said:
A very casual acquaintance of ours disappeared on Set.8. He had a girlfriend for several years but they did not live together . He has medium dementia and so does she . It was finally discovered that he had a stroke and was in a local hospital . The girlfriend goes to visit him but they do not let her in since it is family only .The only family he has is a daughter whom he has not seen in over 20 years and a angry ex wife .He has now no longer in the hospital but no one can locate were he is . Daughter & ex wife will not answer any attempts to locate him and he had no power of attorney for health care or finances .Bizarre but true .
Click to expand...
What gives these maniacs the authority to decide who should see a sick person, if that person is not objecting to the visit?

This whole authoritarian medical positioning really annoys me. Pretty soon the hospital will just instruct a sick person to send all his money in, then go ahead and die already.

Ha
 
robnplunder said:
That is so funny and true. Not only we eat animals, but we sometimes skin them alive, put them in boiling water while they are still moving around, display their naked dead body for sale, ...
Click to expand...
Which animals do we skin alive, at least here in The US and Canada?

Ha
 
NCBILL: my friend that had Alzheimer's was starting to do very weird things and she was seeing things that were not there so the neuro doc gave her an anti-psychotic. Well it had a side effect of pulling her neck down and to the side which is painful. The home never called me but I noticed it. I learned about it in grad school and it is painful and can be permanent. So I called the doc and the meds were stopped. Fast forward to 6 months later her cancer comes back and we have hospice in the home and they take care of all her meds. I told them to never give her this particular med. Well they do anyways and of course I notice the side effects and call hospice. I fought with them an entire day and they would not let me talk to the doc. I then fired them and hired another one. Each hospice requires a ton of paperwork to be provided by me. The home was decent but they never call you when something is serious like this. There is no way they could have not noticed what was happening to her and she was even sleeping like that. That is one of many things that happened before she died.
 
Teacher Terry said:
NCBILL: my friend that had Alzheimer's was starting to do very weird things and she was seeing things that were not there so the neuro doc gave her an anti-psychotic. Well it had a side effect of pulling her neck down and to the side which is painful. The home never called me but I noticed it. I learned about it in grad school and it is painful and can be permanent. So I called the doc and the meds were stopped. Fast forward to 6 months later her cancer comes back and we have hospice in the home and they take care of all her meds. I told them to never give her this particular med. Well they do anyways and of course I notice the side effects and call hospice. I fought with them an entire day and they would not let me talk to the doc. I then fired them and hired another one. Each hospice requires a ton of paperwork to be provided by me. The home was decent but they never call you when something is serious like this. There is no way they could have not noticed what was happening to her and she was even sleeping like that. That is one of many things that happened before she died.
Click to expand...



This is a great example. I doubt a paid advocate would care enough. I think one has to be emotionally invested to be an effective advocate.
 
That helps explain a bizaare sight in a local restaurant (an enormous dive, really, but popular for luncheons due to large plates of food). There was a table of a dozen ancient ladies, and three of them had their poor old faces all but in their plates the entire time they were there. All I could see were the white puffballs on top of their heads. It looked uncomfortable as well as humiliating. I bet they were on that medication, and couldn't control the position of their heads.

Teacher Terry said:
NCBILL: my friend that had Alzheimer's was starting to do very weird things and she was seeing things that were not there so the neuro doc gave her an anti-psychotic. Well it had a side effect of pulling her neck down and to the side which is painful..
Click to expand...
 
Amethyst said:
That helps explain a bizaare sight in a local restaurant (an enormous dive, really, but popular for luncheons due to large plates of food). There was a table of a dozen ancient ladies, and three of them had their poor old faces all but in their plates the entire time they were there. All I could see were the white puffballs on top of their heads. It looked uncomfortable as well as humiliating. I bet they were on that medication, and couldn't control the position of their heads.
Click to expand...

If it is an antipsychotic given to Alzheimer's patients, would such ladies be eating in a regular restaurant?
 
Amethyst said:
That helps explain a bizaare sight in a local restaurant (an enormous dive, really, but popular for luncheons due to large plates of food). There was a table of a dozen ancient ladies, and three of them had their poor old faces all but in their plates the entire time they were there. All I could see were the white puffballs on top of their heads. It looked uncomfortable as well as humiliating. I bet they were on that medication, and couldn't control the position of their heads.
Click to expand...

Could've been Dowagers Hump.
 
When my friend was initially on that drug she still lived at home with her DH and we would all go out to eat. Those people may just be over medicated too with something else. My friend ended up in the home because her husband was dying and became too sick to care for her. We helped them stay together for about a yer by going over to help about 3-4x's/day but it came to a head when we wanted to go on vacation.
 
Let me guess, risperidone?

My loved one had a rarer form of dementia which ultimately involved several involuntary commitments @ our state mental hospital.

Though, in retrospect I should have begged (or bribed) the above to keep them there rather than being discharged back out to a 'regular' nursing home.
 
Last edited:
No is was Haledol. It is an old psychiatric drug. The old drugs have a lot more side effects then the newer ones. They even tried to tell me that her condition was not painful. To which I replied how about I pull your neck down and to the left 24-7 and you let me know how it feels. Fortunately I caught it soon enough that her neck returned to normal. I was glad when she finally died because she was so kind and loving and suffered so much. No one should suffer like that. It is such a horrible disease.
 
Teacher Terry said:
NCBILL: my friend that had Alzheimer's was starting to do very weird things and she was seeing things that were not there so the neuro doc gave her an anti-psychotic. Well it had a side effect of pulling her neck down and to the side which is painful. The home never called me but I noticed it. I learned about it in grad school and it is painful and can be permanent. So I called the doc and the meds were stopped. Fast forward to 6 months later her cancer comes back and we have hospice in the home and they take care of all her meds. I told them to never give her this particular med. Well they do anyways and of course I notice the side effects and call hospice. I fought with them an entire day and they would not let me talk to the doc. I then fired them and hired another one. Each hospice requires a ton of paperwork to be provided by me. The home was decent but they never call you when something is serious like this. There is no way they could have not noticed what was happening to her and she was even sleeping like that. That is one of many things that happened before she died.
Click to expand...



I admire your dedication to your friend. She was lucky to have you. Much blessings to you.
 
Thanks Letj. She was in a terrible situation with no family left alive and I just did what I hope someone would do for me in that situation. Plus she was one of the sweetest, kindest, loving people I have ever met.
 
As a single and childless person (gad that sounds pathetic lol) it's something that I think about as well. It's easy, when we are healthy, to think we will somehow be able to make good decisions or even be able to take care of ourselves if we live to the point of needing some type of assistance.

Even with friends who are in the same situation it's going to be a challenge. This is a hard topic to discuss but I'm glad you brought it up for discussion OP.
 
Those of you looking to get married so you won’t die alone are missing an obvious question. What happens if your spouse dies first? That’s what happened to my dad. After my mom passed away, he married a terrific lady 8 years younger than him. They both expected that he would die first, and she would live on and on. But she was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away first. Fortunately my dad had my siblings and I to look after him until he died about a year later.

So you never know. I guess if you are going to get married to have someone look after you in your final days, try to marry someone quite a bit younger.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

cbo111
Getting an elderly parent to give up living alone
2 3 4
Replies
92
Views
5K
Scuba
S
Chuckanut
Plant based fake meats
2
Replies
46
Views
2K
orbops
O
T
Literally: Life After Fire
2 3
Replies
64
Views
4K
Lewis Clark
L
REWahoo
Changed my Medigap carrier from MoO to Allstate
Replies
8
Views
532
mf15
M
R
Prevent Disinheritance of Heirs After Remarriage
2
Replies
27
Views
3K
Slim11
S

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom