Literally: Life After Fire

[TickTock]

I won't bother to link the article that this quote came from.

"It's not just the financials of retirement that are scary. There's a significant emotional weight to it, too. Riley Moynes, a retired educator who wrote the book "The Four Phases of Retirement: What to Expect When You're Retiring," said that for many people, the first year or so of retiring is exciting. They're free from work; they have time to relax and get moving on plans. But that soon shifts. People begin to feel lost. They need to make a conscious effort to reinvent themselves and find a purpose."

So I've heard stories about folks who retired, lost their purpose, and faded away or passed on. But my experience is that retirees are happier. I had one mentor who retired at 70.5 who I thought would work into his grave say after three months, "Why didn't I do this ten years ago?" And it seems to me that by and large the folks on these forums feel the same.

I'm not saying that finding a purpose isn't important. Just that IME, retirees finding that purpose hasn't been an issue.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Some people have a bunch of hobbies so filling their time is easy. I don’t so of the 12 years I’ve been retired I have worked part time all but 3 and those weren’t my choice.

I taught a college course for 8 years hence my username and have consulted in my field which I am currently doing. I have my kids and many friends and also do some volunteering.

 

[W2R]

I'm not saying that finding a purpose isn't important. Just that IME, retirees finding that purpose hasn't been an issue.

I think a purpose is important for, say, a hammer, a wrench, a sewing kit, or a new high-salaried employee. I am none of the above. I can spend all day sleeping, doing jigsaw puzzles, or hugging a puppy, and feel perfectly fine about fulfilling my "purpose" during these later years of my life.

 

[Dtail]

I play and teach Pickleball 6x weekly for 35 hours, so that is one of my retirement "jobs".
I do most of the errands, all the money monitoring and investment decisions.
I don't miss my career one bit, even though I loved it.
The fiancé and I can also just watch multiple movies and the thunder and lightning on a rainy day and be happy.

 

[aja8888]

I do everything for the household since it's just me and the dog now.
I walk 10,000 + steps per day and go to the gym twice per week.
My dog is two years old and that's like having grandkids living with you (I have none).
I hang out with a dozen or so guys over 70 and we play golf once per week, depending on the weather.
My friends and I meet for coffee/breakfast daily at 7:30 AM.
I cut my own grass and handle all the landscaping tasks.

I stay busy....I don't miss work in the least.

 

[rodi]

If one's identity is defined by their career/persona at work, yeah it can be a rough transition. I'd quibble with the quote, though... Most who have that issue when they retire discover it quickly - not 2-3 years in. My BIL is struggling with this at the moment... his whole identity is/was being the tech problem solver at his workplace... His wife his helping him redefine himself as the guy who travels, plays pickelball, and does errands with her. He's slowly adapting.

Edited to add:
I never had this issue. I was finding that work was interfering with my other interests... I wanted more free time to pursue them. I also totally embraced a quote from Dave Barry that I read in my early 30's...
"Don't mistake your career for your life"

 

[brett]

Our first two years after early retirement were very busy. Change of lifestyle, home, travel for 9 months. There was no sense of loss. A little surprising since DW claimed that I was a workaholic and could never retire early. Wrong!

The only time we paused was 9 years later during covid. Stuck at home.

Getting back into it now.

Lifestyle changes included diet/eating habits, more consistent exercise, and weight loss. We both attribute these changes to better health and a general increase in a feeling of well being.

I believe that these lifestyle changes really helped move us into a good retirement headspace as it were....and to maintain those changes.

The other change. I have become even more liberal in my outtook since retiring and more laissez faire, etc. Not certain if this is attributable to retirment or to international travel experiences.

Seeing some friends and some close relatives fall victim to ill health and/or death have made us more aware that we need to keep moving forward in our lives and appreciate what we have and the times that we may have left.

I absolutely agree that tne financials are only part of the retirment story. They are nothing but an enabler.

The other part, the lifestyle part is an integral part that has to work to just as well...or better as the case may be.

 

[38Chevy454]

Old saying that I have repeated here many times: You may have a job to retire from, but you need something to retire to.

 

[flyingaway]

The most important purpose of working is to make money. If you don't need money, ...

 

[Lorenzo]

I'm not envious of the people who worked a traditional job their entire working lives and then just one day stopped cold-turkey. Due to some circumstances beyond my control and some within my control, I have been slowly ramping down my work for years, spending more and more time on hobbies and travel and less and less time with nose to grindstone. What I AM envious of is the money many of those nose-to-grindstone people saved. I guess there is no right or wrong way to transition into retirement.

 

[Calico]

My job never defined me. It was a means to an end, so there was no need to "reinvent" myself in retirement.

I have two purposes in retirement........

1. Read.All.The.Books.
2. Pet.All.The.Cats.

I haven't finished yet.

 

[Midpack]

Though it doesn’t happen to everyone, there are some people who become bored and depressed in retirement, that’s not the quality of life any of us are looking for. Most often it’s probably people for whom their career was their life, their purpose and their social network. Less likely if you’re married, especially with kids. Surely we’ve all worked alongside a few people who really didn’t have much of a life outside work. Add being forced to retire before you planned due to health issues or RIF and/or not having adequate funds for the retirement you imagined. I’m glad most here are doing well in retirement, but just because it’s worked out for you doesn’t mean retirement is all wonderful for everyone. Some people aren’t good at seeing the POV of others…

 

[LateToFIRE]

I'm a former nose to the grindstoner. Having recently RE'd I can see that it's going to take a solid 2-3 years of transition, less out of any angst over finding a new purpose, more to do with lifestyle restructuring/relocation. I am looking forward to some semblance of a routine... someday.

 

[Luvtoride]

Thanks for posting this thread Tick Tok (and I love your Bill Perkins quote in your signature). As a recent (9 month) retiree, your comments and those of others seem to all hold true to a degree. Most of us will go through many phases of life after working.

Like Brett said, I'd just be happy to be healthy enough to go through many of these phases for years to come. Right now, with young grandkids nearby we are never at a loss for things to do and ways to fill our time. Things will change as they get older (and we do too).

I've gotten to the point where I don't want to ask my friends how they and their families are doing because I get bad/ difficult news many times.

 

[Andre1969]

My guess is, the right way to transition into retirement is, whatever works best for you! I'm a bit on the fence right now, as to how I want to go out. I'll admit to being stuck in OMY ("One More Year") Syndrome. I just hit 54 on April 2 of this year, and really want to go out by my 55th birthday, which is now 51 weeks away. But I'm starting to question myself a bit.

Part of me wants to try phasing it out. My job will let me cut from 40 hours per week to 30, and still be considered full time, with health insurance, 401k, and other benefits. I think my leave accrual would get cut from 7.7 hours every two weeks to 5.8, but other than that I don't think there's much of an impact.

So chopping 25% of my work hours out of the equation could be a nice transition to retirement, I'm reminded of some similar experiences in the past, where that didn't quite work out.

Back in college, I had a part time job as a waiter, working for Denny's. I was living with my grandparents at the time, and unfortunately, the second year in, Granddad got sick, with complications from lung cancer. Between the stress from that, and overloading myself with college courses, and the job, my school work started to suffer. So I cut back on the restaurant job.

However, instead of enjoying the extra free time, it just made me hate the time I had to go into work, all that much more. Towards the end, I was down to one day a week, Saturdays. I finally got fed up and quit when one of the managers pissed me off, and then the following week it was Granddad's funeral, so that was a twisted sort of irony. But, I didn't go back to work, and I LOVED it!

Fast forward to the mid 90's. I was in a bad marriage that was leading to divorce, and the bills were racking up. I took a second job delivering pizzas, and initially was pulling close to 40 hours per week doing that. It was 5 nights per week: Mon/Tues/Thurs/Fri/Sat, on top of the regular M-F full time job. I was able to do it for awhile. But as I got a handle on the bills, I cut back to 4 nights per week. Then I jumped ship from Little Caesar's to Papa John's, when they came into town, as I knew they'd clean up the competition. I made a lOT more at Papa John's. Once I got the bills paid off, I tried to keep working 4 nights per week, to save up some money. But, once I realized I didn't need the money so much, I cut back to 3 nights per week. And then we got a new district manager who was a real piece of work, and one Saturday night in late 2000, when we were understaffed, I finally got fed up and quit, on the spot. They had to shut the store down for the night, as a result. And I know it's not professional, but that felt GOOOD!

I ended up going back, in the spring of 2001, on a further reduced schedule. Something like 3 nights per week, but not as the closing driver. But by that time, the money just wasn't worth the aggravation, and I only lasted a couple months before quitting again. I gave myself an out, telling them that my full-time job needed me more, so my availability would be too spotty to be reliable.

Well, in September of 2001, for whatever reason, I went back yet again. I think I did it, because the stock market was getting volatile enough that I figured I'd have some spending money to buy on the dips and such. But my first day back was September 10. When 9/11 hit, we were actually pretty busy on that day, but then business fell off. I was also still on a reduced schedule, and by this time there was enough employee turnover in the store that it didn't feel the same. So, on Columbus Day of that year, I quit yet again. And this time, gave it up for good.

By that time, I had also gotten a few raises at work, that helped offset the loss of income from the second job, so it was even less necessary.

So, I'm sort of worried the same thing will happen, if I try to phase my current job out. But, I guess it could be worth a try. The worst thing that could happen, I guess, is that I try it, don't like it, and end up quitting completely, anyway.

 

[Souschef]

I retired in 2009 after my former boss retired and the new one turned it into a toxic work environment.
I had recently remarried and we downsized to a manufactured home, in a city of 30,000, a far cry from the 1.5 million in the SF Valley.
I started flying again, and volunteered flying patients for Angel Flight West.
I also prepared taxes for low income people through the Tax Aid program.
My new wife had not traveled much, but wanted to, so when the dust settled we had done 18 cruises, 511 travel days, and 52 trips.
We recently relocated to an apartment by the ocean, about 3 miles from where DW grew up. It was like coming home for her.
At 85/80, we are still enjoying life, albeit at a slower pace.

 

[marko]

Before or after ER I never understood the whole "purpose" thing.

Having said that, it did take me about 2 years to "come down" from my previous life as a senior executive. But I never looked for or found my purpose nor do I care. I finally stopped being my job and slowly became "me".

I do lack the empathy gene but my aim is mainly to enjoy life as much as possible and ensure that those dear to me are feeling the same.

 

[jollystomper]

Finding a "purpose" in retirement is, in my view, only an issue if you saw your job as your purpose. That is a big reason why I still have more than a few co-workers at Megacorp around my age still working, even though they acknowledge that financially they could retire.

As much I I loved my job, I fortunately began to see it more as a tool to be used to accomplish other things, things which eventually enabled me to retire. I was easily to give up things like speaking in front of hundreds at IT conferences, or publishing white papers and other technical documents that thousands would read - things that could stroke one's ego . I have had co-workers ask me "don't you miss those things and the related benefits?" Sorry, not me .

On the other hand, I have a younger brother, a doctor with his own practice, who sees his purpose to help others, and he does that through his work. So I doubt he will ever choose to retire from it. In addition, one of his sons will be finishing up med school next year, and I know my brother wants him to eventually have join the practice, and eventually take it over. So that too is part of his purpose.

Ultimately, if one is happy with one's purpose, then that is fine. However, some do not realize until after they retire that their work was their purpose, a likely reason why they flounder. The old "retiring from something(s)" vs. "retiring to something(s)" issue.

 

[SJhawkins]

Not retired yet but close, a couple of OMYs!

My first thing I want to do is relive my 8th grade summer when I retire, was my last summer really not working! I was really good at keeping busy and did not spend much of anything, had no dollars to spend so there's that.

 

[Lucie]

.

Part of me wants to try phasing it out. My job will let me cut from 40 hours per week to 30, and still be considered full time, with health insurance, 401k, and other benefits. I think my leave accrual would get cut from 7.7 hours every two weeks to 5.8, but other than that I don't think there's much of an impact.

So chopping 25% of my work hours out of the equation could be a nice transition to retirement, I'm reminded of some similar experiences in the past, where that didn't quite work out.

I was struggling with OMY for a few years. My last 2 years of w*rk I cut back to 4 days/week. I took Wednesdays off, which was a perfect way to break up the week. As a "type A" personality, I knew I would get bored with three day weekends. I found it refreshingly liberating and enjoyable. It was once of the best choices I made. It also made the transition into retirement so much easier.

Now that you are in a different phase of your life, there is no reason to believe it will be the same as past experiences for you. Maybe you can take your vacation days one at a time each week for a month or so and see how it works for you before you decide.

 

[Flyfish1]

Thanks for posting this thread Tick Tok (and I love your Bill Perkins quote in your signature). As a recent (9 month) retiree, your comments and those of others seem to all hold true to a degree. Most of us will go through many phases of life after working.
.

Congrats! I'm 11 months into retirement now and am adjusting well without " finding a purpose". Exercise, hobbies, travel and the ability to read a book on the couch at 2 pm on a rainy day is a blessing.

Before or after ER I never understood the whole "purpose" thing.

Having said that, it did take me about 2 years to "come down" from my previous life as a senior executive. But I never looked for or found my purpose nor do I care. I finally stopped being my job and slowly became "me".

+1 on exactly that!

 

[Ronstar]

"It's not just the financials of retirement that are scary. There's a significant emotional weight to it, too. Riley Moynes, a retired educator who wrote the book "The Four Phases of Retirement: What to Expect When You're Retiring," said that for many people, the first year or so of retiring is exciting. They're free from work; they have time to relax and get moving on plans. But that soon shifts. People begin to feel lost. They need to make a conscious effort to reinvent themselves and find a purpose."

Really? I've been retired 10 years and have never felt lost. And never felt the need to find a purpose. I'm busy 24/7/365 and don't know how I ever found time to work. I had hobbies and interests honed during a few years of part time work before retirement, so I didn't have an abrupt change when I retired.

 

[Toocold]

One of my goals for early retirement was to get bored. Prior to retiring, I was so busy (and stressed at work) that I didn't have a chance to think about anything else.

After 3 months of pure detoxing, my natural sense of boredom set in, which led me to new curiosities like bathroom renovations, tiling, plumbing, electrical, which were so far beyond my previous corporate job. Now it's on hardwood flooring. My DW loves it. After 5 years of this, I have gone from a complete neophyte to an acceptable handyman, with many more projects to go.

 

[RetiredHappy]

My work defined me and I was afraid that I would feel lost after retirement at age 53. But then I picked up golf immediately and now my purpose is to lower my handicap each year. I play golf 4 to 5 times a week and that is purposeful enough for me.

 

[MarieIG]

I think a purpose is important for, say, a hammer, a wrench, a sewing kit, or a new high-salaried employee. I am none of the above. I can spend all day sleeping, doing jigsaw puzzles, or hugging a puppy, and feel perfectly fine about fulfilling my "purpose" during these later years of my life.

I love this!

I thought my identity was to a certain extent wrapped up in my career, but I attempted to get my financial affairs in order in preparation for retirement, and (somewhat) took to retirement like a duck to water.