Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions.
The funeral was Wednesday and my sister's rabbi did a lovely eulogy. My sons and husband were pallbearers. My Dad said he (and Mom) wanted a plain pine box casket (wooden pegs, no nails) which is common for Jewish burials so there was no need to consider the other options. For Jews it's all about allowing nature to take it's course rather than trying to preserve or delay the process. No embalming and the body is not displayed for viewing except for those of us who wish to have a last look and for one of us (me) to sign the identification papers.
She liked to dress simply but always added a colorful scarf so we picked out a favorite one for her. My Dad was very comfortable with everything we did.
A few Jewish customs that I appreciated -
The mourners (Dad, sister and I) wore small black ribbons pinned to our clothing. In a quick ceremony before the funeral you tear the black ribbon to symbolize that your heart is torn. Orthodox Jews actually tear their clothing, this a modified symbol.
The mourners can toss a handful of dirt into the grave before leaving or if you'd like to you can use shovels until it's full. They provided a couple of shovels and after the 3 of us, everyone else took turns. My sons filled it to the top. It might sound gruesome but it's kind of cathartic.
Jewish funeral food is THE BEST. Lox and bagels, smoked fish, egg salad, tuna salad, cheeses and fruit. Every Sunday my parents had lunch at their favorite deli and she would order blintzes (crepes filled with ricotta cheese) and applesauce. She was pretty small near the end and she could finish off 2 of these huge blintzes! So we included blintzes and applesauce for lunch after the funeral.
The funeral home gave each of us a large candle in a glass jar to take home and light and leave it lit until it burns out, 7 days later. Mine is in the kitchen and this morning I was up early and it was still dark out. There was a nice glow coming from the kitchen. It felt good.
My Dad is managing. The last few days have been very tiring but he appreciates the support. In his head he's anxious to move on to his life alone, he's been assessing all the things he no longer has to do and how his daily routine can be simplified.
Today I'm home, taking it easy and absorbing it all. Tomorrow my sister and I will go to our Dad's and go through her things. My Dad has all the memories, he doesn't want the reminders of her stuff. And I think he wants the closet space. Clothes will be donated unless my sister wants something. My mom didn't care for flashy jewelry and my sister and I have very different taste so we'll see if there is anything we need to keep.