Are You Afraid Of Your Neighbors?

[rk911]

in nearly 50-yrs we've had but one problem neighbor. they weren't particularly friendly but we waved and nodded.

i used to have rotating shifts and days off so i was home during the week a lot. i would read my morning paper in my recliner by the front window and after a while i started noticing a steady flow of cars pulling into their drive and leave 5-min later.

after several days of this i went to the PD and reported my suspicions. they asked for and received permission to observe from our house. they set up shop for a day or two and then were gone. a few weeks later i arrived home from work just in time for to see the principal occupants being led out in handcuffs. my suspicions were correct...they had been dealing drugs. they made bail and were out in a day or two but the car traffic had stopped. they moved out shortly thereafter.

we currently have some great neighbors.

 

[LOL!]

I have lived in the same house on a cul-de-sac of about two dozen homes for more than 25 years. Some of my neighbors have lived here longer. As far as I can tell all the neighbors are great both new and old.

I have keys to about 10 of the other homes because they have asked us to look after their houses and/or pets when they go on vacation. I had a medical emergency when my wife was out of town. I called a neighbor for help, but they were also out of town and called two other neighbors who came right over to help me immensely. We are all doing favors for one another ... dropping off at the airport ... pet sitting ... mowing a neighbor's yard when they are on vacation ... taking care of pools ... giving small jobs to the neighborhood kids.

And even giving out a cup of sugar or milk or some eggs when someone is out while baking.

Hardly a day goes by when I don't talk to a few of my neighbors when we are outside getting the mail or going somewhere.

All the above doesn't mean that there is not some drama sometimes, but that just makes life more interesting.

 

[street]

^ that is the way it should be. I see that in the small towns here everyone helps one another any way they can.

 

[MRG]

in nearly 50-yrs we've had but one problem neighbor. they weren't particularly friendly but we waved and nodded.

i used to have rotating shifts and days off so i was home during the week a lot. i would read my morning paper in my recliner by the front window and after a while i started noticing a steady flow of cars pulling into their drive and leave 5-min later.

after several days of this i went to the PD and reported my suspicions. they asked for and received permission to observe from our house. they set up shop for a day or two and then were gone. a few weeks later i arrived home from work just in time for to see the principal occupants being led out in handcuffs. my suspicions were correct...they had been dealing drugs. they made bail and were out in a day or two but the car traffic had stopped. they moved out shortly thereafter.

we currently have some great neighbors.

We had the same thing happen in MO. New neighbors in a rental home. One day an unmarked State Police shows up to ask could they watch our neighbor during the night. Apparently they were selling from day 1 but we couldn't see their home. After a week I came home to find Sherriff, State Police....

They obtained a search warrant based on a child's welfare and found these morons selling speedballs, a combination of meth and PCP.

 

[Mdlerth]

Forbearance is my middle name

We have one neighbor who used to be very unpleasant. She constantly hectored everyone with her trivial complaints, making unfounded accusations about their children, pets, parking habits, etc. When her husband died 15 years ago, everybody thought the Grim Reaper must need glasses since he obviously missed his intended target.

But widowhood must agree with her. Life insurance bought an upgraded lifestyle with a new Benz, some cosmetic surgery, and her two kids trundled off to boarding school and college. She almost never is at her own house any more. If she's still a harpy, the only victims are her toy boys.

Then there's me. A low-maintenance guy, I'm amiable and I drive gently. Whatever the neighbors do is none of my beeswax unless it affects me in a significant way, which it never does. I don't find fault.

Even with that tolerant approach, Yours Truly is probably the second-worst neighbor on Bagshot Row: one of my dogs will impulsively run off a couple of times per year, and he can be a handful.

The rest of the folks on the street are uniformly delightful.

Now, if you include the larger "neighborhood" who post on Nextdoor, some of them desperately need a straitjacket.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

We have found that Nextdoor (and its users) can be different depending on where you live. In Atlanta, it was a shiznat show. 15,000+ "neighbors" and nothing but fear/worry/idiocy. Now, we are in a fairly rural area with about 1,000 "neighbors" and it's more of a lost and found for pets/livestock. Examples:

Atlanta Area: "I saw a car in the cul de sac...I have never seen it before. Police have been notified."

Flyover Country: "Anyone seen Carl the Goat? He got out again and Jimmy said he saw him yesterday and the Sack n' Go."

 

[bltkmt]

+ 1 and the around the other 30% is...
"Do you know a Plumber, Carpenter or Mason"

Or, "I have/need moving boxes."

 

[Spock]

The neighbor across the street has an ankle monitor. The all night "quick stop" traffic visiting the house, plus the unmarked cop car sitting in front of my house watching their house sort of sets the vibe... (the cop stopped my wife and I when we were out for a walk... he was with the fugitive warrant office, not investigating crime).



The neighbor to the East mysteriously has the A/C running all WINTER long with blackout curtains on all of the windows...


The neighborhood is high density with an HOA that is only 13ish years old. But the HOA doesn't do anything unless somebody complains first, and then shares the complainant info. Since the developer still controls the HOA, residents have no say in the HOA mgmt selection. Goats, chickens, junk cars, all the stuff the CC&Rs prohibit is not dealt with, but if I miss a $40/mo (and rising) HOA fee, they can put a lien on my house.


So yeah... when we drive out of the neighborhood the wife lays her seat back so it only looks like one of us is in the car and not both of us leaving at the same time (indicating the house is empty now, come rob us while we're out buying groceries).


Nextdoor is pure BS. But I completely understand the "call the cops" vs. just talk to the neighbor first responses.

 

[youbet]

+1

My thoughts exactly. I really see no upside to reading threads mongering fear etc.

-gauss

Yes, indeed. There's something about many Internet forums, discussion groups, bulletin boards, etc., that brings out the worst in people and sometimes horrible/hateful things are said. But most of these sites are anonymous, so actual face to face retribution/conflict is unlikely. But there doesn't seem to be the same level of anonymity on Nextdoor.

I joined briefly. Some of the information and commentary was useful. But when a few gossipy or ranting forwarded emails arrived, I dropped out.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

The neighborhood is high density with an HOA that is only 13ish years old...Since the developer still controls the HOA, residents have no say in the HOA mgmt selection.

13 years old and the developer *still* controls the HOA?! That must be a MASSIVE neighborhood!

 

[GalaxyBoy]

I have a nodding relationship with one of my neighbors. I say hello and he says nodding. Seriously it’s odd. I try to strike up a conversation and he ignores me even if I’m ten feet in front of him. Oh well I just return the favor now.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I have a nodding relationship with one of my neighbors. I say hello and he says nodding. Seriously it’s odd. I try to strike up a conversation and he ignores me even if I’m ten feet in front of him. Oh well I just return the favor now.

Those are the oddest "relationships", aren't they? On most days, we take the pups for a walk through the neighborhood and there is one neighbor that we see often...she will wave enthusiastically every time we see her but pretty much ignored us at the last HOA meeting.

 

[kgtest]

The question to go directly to a one-on-one conversation versus using the some authority is one where the context matters.

If you try to resolve it on your own and fail, then resort to the authorities, you're on record as the enemy, whereas if you start with the authority and have the opportunity to remain anonymous, then you won't be on the neighbor's "hit list".

For those here who would have preferred the "why didn't you just tell me" approach, you're not the ones I'm afraid of, because you're all rational people. It's that nut-job neighbor who'll be your sworn enemy for life because you called the cops on him for doing something obviously illegal and something that makes life for others miserable.

All that being said, I've never called the cops or HOA on anyone. That's not to say I haven't witnessed some problems, it's just that I'm not going to upset the apple cart for something that, if I look back on it 5 years from now, won't even register.

I had to call the cops on neighbor once. I felt terrible, but some young lad was passed out with the car running, subwoofers pumping, country music so loud at 4am.

Surely it would result in a DUI...but I had an infant and toddler who couldn't sleep, and neither could I and I wasn't going to go "wake him up" from a drunken stooper at 4am.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

That is one of the things one buys, the neighborhood. Ours is very boring from that standpoint. The worst thing we have to put up with is folks stopping to chat and complain about the weather.

 

[rk911]

when our center would get a call about a "suspicious person" or suspicious vehicle" the first question our call takers would ask was "why is it/her/him" suspicious?". most of the time the answer was a variety of "i've never seen it/her/him" in the neighborhood before. every now and then we'd get a report of someone trying car doors, moving thru backyards or the ever popular "the car in front of my house is rocking and bouncing". regulations required we respond to them all but most of them were low priority.

 

[Bir48die]

To answer the main question, we have nice neighbors though the ones to the West are a bit needy and want us to be their best friends. Spend a lot of time saying no.

My Nextdoor experience was "I think I'll join to see what it's like!". First day on some political discussion came up and the whole thing blew up. Poof! I was gone.

Perhaps there should be a specific site for those with lost animals.

 

[misshathaway]

I have a nodding relationship with one of my neighbors. I say hello and he says nodding. Seriously it’s odd. I try to strike up a conversation and he ignores me even if I’m ten feet in front of him. Oh well I just return the favor now.

I am so baffled by that. I live in a ground floor apartment in a building with old-style front porches. It is lovely. The porches all abut each other at the sides. I am on a corner so there is only 1 porch to my right. The first time my porch neighbor came outside while I was on my porch I said, "Hi, I'm your new neighbor. Nice to meet you." He was about 8 feet away from me and looking directly at me. He said nothing and went inside. He never goes out on his porch if I'm out, even though I don't say anything to him now. He's entitled to his privacy. The guy who lives above him is in his 70's and barely friendlier. He will respond with as few words as civilly possible if we bump into each other going to the mailbox. So odd.

But my neighbors above me are great. They have 3 kids and yet they make no noise. If we bump into each other outside they will chat.

If one of the 2 silent guys was doing something that interfered with my life I would never talk to them about it. Not afraid, but instinct tells me to leave them be.

 

[Jeffman52]

No issues with my neighbors. If I need to complain about something that bad I will just put on my big boy panties and walk over and "chat" with them about it. All kidding aside, sometimes its the approach to what is the issue that gets you thrown off someone's porch.

 

[Walt34]

Reading all these posts makes me think we've been very lucky with neighbors. Only once did I go over to a guy's house (about five doors away) to ask him to turn down the music in our old neighborhood. He was actually grateful that I'd knocked on his door rather than calling the police (I didn't tell him that I WAS the police) and explained that he was in a band and was practicing, and had even put foam rubber in the windows in his basement to muffle the sound.

Whatever he did after that worked, I never heard any more noise (ahem, "music") from him.

Here in WV no issues at all, all the neighbors are friendly, no lunatics, nutjobs or crusaders. There's even a sex offender down the street but as someone else pointed out, if half of a teenage couple is over 18 and the other half is under it's pretty easy to get caught up in that net. I had to remind DW of that.

 

[LOL!]

Those are the oddest "relationships", aren't they? On most days, we take the pups for a walk through the neighborhood and there is one neighbor that we see often...she will wave enthusiastically every time we see her but pretty much ignored us at the last HOA meeting.

She was waving to your dogs. It is difficult to associate a dog-less persona with their dog-full persona.

 

[Pellice]

Geez, I hope neighbors aren't afraid of me. On the one hand, I am a rather small "older woman." On the other hand, as a birder, I carry binoculars around almost always, including while I'm traipsing around behind our rows of townhouses. Usually with my cat on a leash. There's some field and woods that attract my interest. I've lived here a long time, so I hope people have written me off as a lady birdwatcher. But there are a lot of new people, including foreign-born, who may have never encountered such a phenomenon. The birder code of ethics forbids directing binoculars towards housing (well, *maybe* if there were a great gray owl or something), but I grew up in an area where you NEVER stepped out of line and ALWAYS strove to be like everybody else. NJ isn't like that, but I am conscious that I am not entirely like my neighbors.

 

[rodi]

I live in an older/established neighborhood with no HOA, and a mix of seniors and families with school age kids. Most folks are pretty mellow. I haven't heard any complaints about pot smoking or spying in people's back yards... (Pot is legal here).

Nextdoor has it's share of complainers... favorite whining topics are dog owners who don't pick up after their dog and dog owners who use the baseball fields for 'off leash' (not allowed and well posted saying don't do it.) But it also has awesome threads - my current favorite is about 200 posts long and is about where to get the best carne asada burrito. People are passionate about their mexican food joints around here... I now have three new places to try based on that thread.

 

[jollystomper]

We have never had an issue with our neighbors. Fortunately we are in an HOA, and the neighborhood has been established for 40+ years. One reason seems to be that we bought the house from folks that seemed to be rowdy and have a lot of public fights in their backyard, along with rowdy kids who threw parties that often required the police to show up and deal with various issues (sadly one of their kids had died in a party related incident). We were surprised, in the first week we moved in, to have about 30 folks in the neighborhood stop by to welcome us.

Our neighbors we knew well and got along with great. We have shared fruits from trees ("you want some, feel free to pick some"), tools ("open shed" policy, take what you need, leave a note), home repair/improvement skills, mowed each others lawns in times of need, settled issues caused by our kids without destroying our friendships (and now they are adults the "kids" keep in touch and get along), and have tried to be good neighbors with each other. Even the daughter of one neighbor and her boyfriend, who now live in that house and do have parties, are very friendly and respectful (in fact we more often tell them "don't wory about it" about things they think might be causing a problem for us).

I have thought about signing up for NextDoor but based on the reviews I do not know if it is worth it. My opinion is that on most of these "community" internet sites (this one being one of the exceptions) too many folks are on to wage a vendetta about some issue that, in my view, is not worth building a hill to die on.

 

[robnplunder]

My latest next door neighbor (rental tenants) are an intimidating bunch - loud motorcycles, run down mobile home, big all wheel drive trucks, mean dogs, dirty cloths & beards, .... We wanted to talk to them about their feeding feral cats whose population exploded. But we always backed of b/c we don't quite know what their reaction is going to be. They could start being nasty. They may just blow off us. So, we just put up with them, convincing there is no harm and no foul, hoping they will eventually move out.

 

[Badger]

The majority of my neighbors are fairly new in this old neighborhood where most of the houses have been knocked down and replaced with McMansions. Many have young families and are busy working. Some are retired and are frequently gone so no problems there. A few are not the kind of people I would have any interest in knowing and one is just obnoxious and a bully. Would I approach any at their front door to discuss a problem? No. Not worth the effort and potential kerfuffle with some of them. The police even suggest to leave that to them. They don't want some neighborhood scrap to contend with. If, however, any of them have an emergency (even the obnoxious bully) I would be there to help and then go back home afterwards.

I have my own group of friends of my choosing whose company I enjoy and don't need to clutter my life with people I have nothing in common with. Society and how people conduct themselves is much different than 50 years ago so I only associate with those of a similar mindset.


Cheers!