Awkward situation with friends

[Sunset]

I have never heard of a place that didn't do separate checks. Separate checks is the way to go. If there is a place that doesn't do that for some reason then go somewhere that does.

Or 2 people move to the next table and now the 4 occupy 2 tables

 

[Scuba]

This separate check practice must be a regional thing. In Southern CA, almost no restaurants will do separate checks for larger groups. I’ll be asking when we go out as a foursome so hopefully they’ll accommodate that. I’ve never asked before as historically we’ve just split checks.

I just returned from a trip to the South. There, most waitresses asked before taking the order how we wanted the check divided up. They did indicate that doing separate bills for our group of 10 would take longer, to which we said that’s fine, we understand.

In So CA, if I refused to patronize restaurants who insist on doing one check per table for my social group, we would have very few places we could go. Almost all restaurants in my area won’t do separate checks for larger groups. Takes too much time. Much easier on them to force the customers to figure it out among themselves.

 

[braumeister]

Almost all restaurants in my area won’t do separate checks for larger groups.

Two different things, in my experience.

Larger groups get one check because I think they assume one or two will cheap out on the tip so they automatically tack on a standard percentage to the group's bill for tips. Then the group just has to split it up for individuals.

But for the OP situation, separate checks for a four-top with two couples is so common it's normal behavior. I see no reason a restaurant would balk at that.

 

[Badger]

+1

As long as the servers knows up front, there is zero difference between separate checks per couple at the same table or separate checks per couple sitting at adjacent tables. Etc.

+2

I have never heard of a place that didn't do separate checks. Separate checks is the way to go. If there is a place that doesn't do that for some reason then go somewhere that does.

+3

Or 2 people move to the next table and now the 4 occupy 2 tables

+10

Cheers!

 

[CaptTom]

When the bill came we just told the server what each of us was paying for and she took care of it right at the table in just a few seconds.

I hope you tipped well. It was kinda rude to wait until the bill came and then ask the server to change it. My guess is she already had it separated out, figuring you might end up doing that.

Or 2 people move to the next table and now the 4 occupy 2 tables

I was thinking the same thing. Sit down separately then after ordering, act like you just noticed each other and decided to sit together.

I doubt I'd actually ever do that. More likely I'd use that as an example to explain to the restaurant how stupid their policy was, before going somewhere else. I can't imagine the food ever being so much better that I'd put up with such poor treatment of customers.

 

[jollystomper]

I have never worked in food service, so am thinking why some restaurants do not want to split checks.

I think that with just two couples and two checks, it's not hard to note who is ordering what, and which items go on whose checks.

When you have 10 couples ordering all different things, it can get messy for the waitstaff to track. Hence, the reason to mandate a single check for a big crowd.

What ya'all think?

An additional factor might be the ordering/tracking function of the restaurant management software. Current software makes it much easier for separate checks at the same table.

This separate check practice must be a regional thing. In Southern CA, almost no restaurants will do separate checks for larger groups. I’ll be asking when we go out as a foursome so hopefully they’ll accommodate that. I’ve never asked before as historically we’ve just split checks.

I just returned from a trip to the South. There, most waitresses asked before taking the order how we wanted the check divided up. They did indicate that doing separate bills for our group of 10 would take longer, to which we said that’s fine, we understand.

In So CA, if I refused to patronize restaurants who insist on doing one check per table for my social group, we would have very few places we could go. Almost all restaurants in my area won’t do separate checks for larger groups. Takes too much time. Much easier on them to force the customers to figure it out among themselves.

I agree. It may also be a urban vs. suburban/rural thing. Or a competitive advantage ("if we have to do this to compete with other local restaurants, then we will") thing.

 

[Badger]

I hope you tipped well. It was kinda rude to wait until the bill came and then ask the server to change it. My guess is she already had it separated out, figuring you might end up doing that.



I was thinking the same thing. Sit down separately then after ordering, act like you just noticed each other and decided to sit together.

I doubt I'd actually ever do that. More likely I'd use that as an example to explain to the restaurant how stupid their policy was, before going somewhere else. I can't imagine the food ever being so much better that I'd put up with such poor treatment of customers.

And another +1

Cheers!

 

[marko]

Another consideration might be that this is coming from the back of the house and not the server.

When you order 5 burgers, it's 1000 times easier for the BOH to get one tag reading "5 Burgers" than 5 separate tags of "1 burger, 1 burger, 1 burger, 1 burger, 1 burger".

The main thing is that it helps insure that all plates will arrive at the same time as the cook has no way to know that all 5 orders are together and for expedience, may cook tags out of order of arrival to the line. (they might be running 20 plates at a time, not just yours)

In a busy restaurant, it makes life a lot easier, less prone to mistakes and frankly, I suspect not having the "separate check people" would be welcome. I'm sure Red Lobster type places has no problem with them.

Around here, 'no separate checks' is fairly common though not exclusive; the better/busier the establishment, the more likely to refuse separate checks.

A more common trend here (Boston area) is a 3%-5% "kitchen fee" on top of your check for the BOH, which I do find offensive but more and more unavoidable.

 

[Music Lover]

I hope you tipped well. It was kinda rude to wait until the bill came and then ask the server to change it. My guess is she already had it separated out, figuring you might end up doing that.

We normally advise how we are paying up front, in this case we forgot and she didn't ask or forgot to ask, there was no intent to be rude. Anyway, it only took her 15-20 seconds to make the adjustment so no harm done.

 

[Aerides]

Or 2 people move to the next table and now the 4 occupy 2 tables

Ah, never waited tables I see.

Quite likely that other table is another server's section, or was about to be seated by the hostess and now isn't, and now that other server gets a table out of rotation...and a mess all around. Orders are also marked for table numbers when submitted, and a lot of restaurants use food runners to deliver from the kitchen.

Avoid any of these shenanigan's. While the intent is to make the restaurant fix behavior, all it would do is cause a huge mess for those wait staff just trying to do their jobs.

If it's important, call ahead and ensure the restaurant can split checks for a 4 top to 2 checks. If they can't/won't, go elsewhere.

 

[Music Lover]

In a busy restaurant, it makes life a lot easier, less prone to mistakes and frankly, I suspect not having the "separate check people" would be welcome. I'm sure Red Lobster type places has no problem with them.

Around here, 'no separate checks' is fairly common though not exclusive; the better/busier the establishment, the more likely to refuse separate checks.

A more common trend here (Boston area) is a 3%-5% "kitchen fee" on top of your check for the BOH, which I do find offensive but more and more unavoidable.

Ah, so fancy restaurants can't/won't provide separate checks but basic chains can somehow manage without a problem. That's hilarious

 

[Sunset]

Ah, never waited tables I see.

Quite likely that other table is another server's section, or was about to be seated by the hostess and now isn't, and now that other server gets a table out of rotation...and a mess all around. Orders are also marked for table numbers when submitted, and a lot of restaurants use food runners to deliver from the kitchen.

Avoid any of these shenanigan's. While the intent is to make the restaurant fix behavior, all it would do is cause a huge mess for those wait staff just trying to do their jobs.

If it's important, call ahead and ensure the restaurant can split checks for a 4 top to 2 checks. If they can't/won't, go elsewhere.

Nope, never waited tables.

Also, I did show a wink emoji as I wouldn't actually do that, since it would kill the conversation ability and just be socially awkward.

However, everything you have pointed out, shows it would be a strong protest move.

 

[marko]

Ah, so fancy restaurants can't/won't provide separate checks but basic chains can somehow manage without a problem. That's hilarious

The BOH dynamic is quite different between a chain/mom and pop and an upscale "fancy" establishment. Oranges and apples.

I suspect a lot of the separate check issues come from the kitchen and its efficiency and not the server.

Expediter to runner: " how was I supposed to know that these orders were all together?! I'm running 25 plates right now. I did half your order then I did some others. Now you tell me I need to rush this tag? Sorry, kinda busy"

 

[Badger]

Another consideration might be that this is coming from the back of the house and not the server.

When you order 5 burgers, it's 1000 times easier for the BOH to get one tag reading "5 Burgers" than 5 separate tags of "1 burger, 1 burger, 1 burger, 1 burger, 1 burger".

Someone was going to do this sooner or later.

Cheers!

 

[Act2]

A lot of good points.

I sense an opportunity for an easy to use restaurant ordering software that groups a table together for the back of the house (so the apps arrive together and the mains arrive together) but splits the tickets as desired for the front of the house. Surely this is not beyond the ability of programmers to do.

As for me, in north central Texas I rarely eat at a restaurant that will not easily do separate checks, although some will limit to six checks per table. Sometimes we have a big church group of mostly singles where that 6 check limit matters. We always say up front how we want the checks done.

 

[isisdave]

Two bits of guidance from DW the family counselor that will get you through 90% of such dilemmas:

1. Ask for what you want.

Sub-guidance from me: If you want to enhance the odds a little, ask "Are you willing to have separate checks this time?" Even people who would answer "no" to "Shall we have separate checks today?" are less likely to state that they are not willing to.

2. Pick your battles carefully.

 

[pc95]

DH and I have friends we have dinner with regularly, often in our homes but sometimes out. We have always just split checks in restaurants 50/50, figuring that over time, it evens out.

This was fine until DH and I stopped drinking alcohol after his heart attack earlier this year. We did not drink at all for several months, and even now very rarely do and never during just a casual dinner with friends.

Since we’ve stopped drinking, we’ve been out to restaurants with these friends twice. Both times, our food orders were similar but we drank water while they had 3-4 drinks between them. When the check came, they didn’t mention that perhaps they should put in more to cover their drinks. Tonight our part of the tab was over $30 more than it would have been had we gotten separate checks.

Most restaurants in our area don’t do separate checks. We like our friends but I don’t want to continue to pay far more than the cost of what we ordered.

What is a tactful way to handle this?

A friend of mine has given this story very similarly, with one additional twist, they switch off on bills for dinner between the 2 parties, and when it comes the others turn to pay, they drink water, and then they switch to alcohol when not paying. I think its a needling kind of thing. I look at it though, if I'm treating - that's it, and money is secondary. You should be splitting the bill up front if you're worrying about $30. And most restaurants will separate the check if you ask in advance - the problem comes when you wait to split.

 

[pc95]

Poppycock!

Bingo.

 

[Scuba]

Just an update — we haven’t been out with our friends again since I wrote the OP. We have had plans to get together twice but we had to cancel both times due to illness. We will definitely get together before the holidays but probably at our home, so it will be 2023 before we have the “separate checks” situation at a restaurant.

We used to go out with friends much more frequently but between the higher cost of dining out and not feeling like the value is there and health issues, this year has been low key and mostly staying home.

 

[Luvtoride]

Scuba, better to spend your time traveling using TripIt!
Good luck.

 

[Scuba]

Scuba, better to spend your time traveling using TripIt!
Good luck.

I agree 100%!

 

[ky-mike]

Split the dinner bill, but ask for a separate bill for the drinks. That might be a fair way to handle things.