Baby Bird Finally Left the Nest

[rk911]

i just don’t understand why grown adult kids want to live at home. when i turned 18 i couldn’t wait to be on my own. didn’t care for school very much. i wanted my own place and a job. we don’t have kids so i’m sure that’s part of my lack of understanding but none of my friends stayed home post college or after military discharge.

 

[Sunset]

The problem is, we were too nice as parents. DD moved out at about 28. I moved out at 18.5, and never looked back. Living at home sucked! Make lots of arbitrary rules, be really nosy about everything they do, monitor their browsing history at the router, etc., and I can guarantee you won't have to worry about convincing them to move.

+1
Don't forget snooping through the room and dresser drawers too.

I left home as soon as I got my first job out of college. It was a lot more comfortable visiting the parents than living with them.

 

[427Vette]

Good grief! these adoults still living on parents' apron strings?
What is it withese modern kids?

A week after my discharge from the Army at ripe old age of 21 and change, I got my own apartment. I paid for it initially with savings form my grand 1967 to 70 GI salary.
Well OK, it was somebody's basement, with a retinue of ant columns traveling through twice a day. They were very orderly and could tell time of day by their arrival. But I paid for the place. Fully furnished it with early attic and late basment purchases along with curbside findings. Got job, $2 and change per hour, plus the sidejob of gas jockey. I even bought a car, a used 63 Pontiac Bonneville.
At 23 bought my own house. It was tiny with a postage stamp of yard, but it was my place, with a mortgage of course.

I agree with this. The whole idea of a "kid" (at what point are they not considered a kid any more?) living at home into their 30's seems preposterous. I am curious what people think the underlying issue really is. Is it because the parents coddled them to much and didn't let them make decisions and mistakes as young children? Were they not allowed to have any freedoms as a young kid so they feel better being watched over as an adult? Or are some kids just simply lazy? Possibly scared of the real world? A huge tightwad maybe?

Like others have mentioned I was ready to leave as soon as I could. I can almost start to understand that once a kid gets a little older its easier to just stay at home. When I was 16 I was done with the rules and supervision but I obviously needed to stay there. However at about 20 when I had a full time job and a part time job and a little side business going I didn't have time to break any of the rules anyway. At that point it was just nice to have my laundry done every week and a meal once in the while. So at 30 I am assuming it only gets more comfortable.

I followed the recent thread of the 26 year old guy who retired early with a quite a bit of astonishment. Now seeing this thread where the person is still living at home at 30 and finally buying their own toilet brush astonishes me as well. Like they say it takes all kinds to make the world go round. I wish her the best of luck.

 

[chris2008]

Spending all salary on other stuff than rent or groceries is nice.
For young ladies, fashion changes so often and fingernails, make up and stuff can be very costly.
For guys it might be sport toys and games.
Eating out multiple times a week can be a habit hard to break.
Why not take some support from the parents, after all they are responsible for the kids' existence[emoji6],

 

[target2019]

I'd love for my 30 year old to move back. She's an RN.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Does he qualify for the Retirement Saver's Credit? Free money from Uncle Sam.

https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/taxes/can-you-take-the-savers-credit/

I didn’t know about that one either. Our boomerang kid is working part time, finishing grad school while living at home, and is in a field where it’s hard to find a job (not enough to go around).

He doesn’t spend much most of the time, and we decided to give him some of his inheritance early-the annual amount to max out his Roth IRA.

I know he’s prepping to launch. He decided to take two snowboarding trips this winter, something he’s never done before. To me that shows he’s getting ready for independence. He knows in the future he won’t have time off in the winter for such trips.

He has more saved than I had debt when I finished medical school.

 

[Dtail]

i just don’t understand why grown adult kids want to live at home. when i turned 18 i couldn’t wait to be on my own. didn’t care for school very much. i wanted my own place and a job. we don’t have kids so i’m sure that’s part of my lack of understanding but none of my friends stayed home post college or after military discharge.

There doesn't appear to be the shame of living with the parents like there was when we were growing up.
I moved out at 23 y.o. after saving for 2 years for a down payment on a co-op.

 

[Dtail]

You can do tax-deductible tIRA contributions to reduce yourself below the limit or down to the next level and then go with Roth contributions.

For example, if limit is $32,000 and before any retirement contributions AGI is $34,000 then you can do a $2,001 deductible IRA contribution to reduce AGI to $31,999 to qualify for the 10% tax credit and the $2,001 contribution would result in a $200 tax credit plus the 12% reduction in taxes... so a total refund of $440 (22%).

From that point, additional tIRA contributions would return 22% but additional Roth contributions would only return 10%.

Good creative thought.

 

[Bigdawg]

there seems to be two recurring story lines here on ER.org that seem strange to me. #1 is the paying for kids college being an automatic. #2 is the adult children living at home. Regarding #1: My parents helped a little but I paid off my student loans by the time I was 30. You are not required to pay for your kids college. You do know that right? My DW and I did pay for our kids college because it was free. The kids went to college on our post 911 GI bill. Otherwise they were stuck with whatever was in their trusts. When they were born I put $50/month into gift trusts for their 21st birthday. The GI bill opened later to our surprise and it was "use it or lose it" so the kids got free college. Regarding #2: DS didn't even wait until college to leave. Going into his senior year in HS he signed a juniors hockey contract and moved 5 hours away to play hockey and live with a family. Then he was off to college never to return. He will be 27 next month. Just got married. I dont go over the numbers with him. DD is 24. She went 7 hours away for college. Then transferred so she was only 5 and then transferred again and was 3.5. Two weeks after undergrad she high tailed it to Melbourne Australia for a paid intership for one year. While there she applied to grad school at Trinity in Dublin Ireland. She finished her master's and is now local living with her BF. We do go over numbers with her because she is still driving the car I bought for her in HS. She pays for gas. She pays mom for cell phone and car insurance. But, she has over 50K saved already and makes over 50K/yr and her BF make over 90K. Both kids knew from an early age that there was no living with mom and dad after HS (other than college summers). Now if something happened such as divorce, etc... then of course we would take them back very short term. I'm sorry but 30 year olds should not be living with their parents unless there are extreme circumstances such as recovering from divorce, medical issue, short term after job loss, etc...

OP, Best of luck for your DD.

 

[candrew]

there seems to be two recurring story lines here on ER.org that seem strange to me. #1 is the paying for kids college being an automatic. #2 is the adult children living at home.

All that any parent owes their kid(s) is a decent upbringing and a start in life.

 

[MichaelB]

There are so many circumstances that affect these situations, and we don’t know most of them. I applaud parents whose children followed this ideal path leading to education, employment and early independence. The others I do not judge or criticize, there are far too many variables at play.

 

[mountainsoft]

The whole idea of a "kid" (at what point are they not considered a kid any more?) living at home into their 30's seems preposterous. I am curious what people think the underlying issue really is. Is it because the parents coddled them to much and didn't let them make decisions and mistakes as young children? Were they not allowed to have any freedoms as a young kid so they feel better being watched over as an adult? Or are some kids just simply lazy? Possibly scared of the real world? A huge tightwad maybe?

Trust me, as a parent of a 30 year old kid living at home, I ask myself all the time what we did wrong. On the other hand, we are certainly not alone. At least 3-4 of my nieces and nephews still live at home in their 30's. Some of my daughters friends still live at home in their 30's too. Her closest friend is married with a kid, but they rent a basement apartment at her mother-in-laws house. Her friends that do live on their own get a good deal because their parents own the apartments.

Our daughter was always a good kid. She never went through the rebellious teenage years, and she always had the freedom to come and go as she pleased. Unlike my wife and I with our parents, she enjoyed spending time with us. But she has many interests and activities out in the real world. She often does things I would never have the confidence to do on my own.

The economy certainly factors into it. There are plenty of jobs out there, but most only pay $11-13 dollars, while the average rent for a cheap one bedroom apartment is about $1100-1200 per month in our area. Anything not "ghetto" is typically higher, so I was really surprised to find her duplex apartment for $1000/month. We struggled when we first started out, but our rent was only 1/4 our income back then. Big difference. (I earned $1000/month and rent was $225).

We did pay for her college, half was the local community college, and the other half was the local state college. So we easily covered it out of pocket with no loans. She has her Bachelors degree in English, which I never thought would lead to anything, but that was her passion so we supported it. Unfortunately, that doesn't translate into good paying jobs around here. None of her friends she went to school with are doing anything related to their English education either.

I wish I knew the answer why it took so long, but at least our daughter is finally starting her own life. So far she seems to be doing well.

 

[REWahoo]

There are so many circumstances that affect these situations, and we don’t know most of them. I applaud parents whose children followed this ideal path leading to education, employment and early independence. The others I do not judge or criticize, there are far too many variables at play.

+1

"Failure to launch" has many causes, and parenting often isn't one of them. There are countless examples of siblings who left the nest at far different ages.

 

[PatrickA5]

There are so many circumstances that affect these situations, and we don’t know most of them. I applaud parents whose children followed this ideal path leading to education, employment and early independence. The others I do not judge or criticize, there are far too many variables at play.

+1

I don't get the need to criticize others circumstances/choices.

I moved out after high school, went to night school 7 years to get my degree while working 50 hour weeks. It sucked big time. So what? Just because that was the way I did it, doesn't mean I think my kids should have to.

As far as your kids are concerned, do what you think is right. Don't worry about what other think.

 

[Mdlerth]

As different as two entirely dissimilar things in a pod

there seems to be two recurring story lines here on ER.org that seem strange to me. #1 is the paying for kids college being an automatic. #2 is the adult children living at home.

When DW was expecting our first child, she asked her Uncle Dave if he had any advice for raising children. You see, Uncle Dave had raised twelve kids; with that many, surely he must have learned a thing or two worth sharing.

Uncle Dave thought for a moment and then replied "Ben was just like Charlie. Other than that, they were all different." With a sample size of 12, he found only one pair of replicates.

DW and I have only 5, but sure enough they all turned out differently; different from each other and different from me. We have one boomerang who I've already mentioned. The other 4 all left the nest promptly and flew their own paths to independence. Que sera sera.

 

[pb4uski]

^^^^ That is one of those mysteries of life. Same parents, same home, same upbringing, same schools.... but totally different! How does that happen?

 

[pacergal]

There are so many circumstances that affect these situations, and we don’t know most of them. I applaud parents whose children followed this ideal path leading to education, employment and early independence. The others I do not judge or criticize, there are far too many variables at play.

++
Thank you.

 

[harley]

There doesn't appear to be the shame of living with the parents like there was when we were growing up.
I moved out at 23 y.o. after saving for 2 years for a down payment on a co-op.

That must be it. At 18 or later finding out you are living with your parents significantly cut down on the number of girls interested in going home with you. That's probably the number one reason I left as early as I did. Actually it's probably the number one reason I did pretty much anything.

And just for clarification, I'm not criticizing anyone who has an adult child living with them. We went through a boomerang too for awhile. My question is why the kid would want to do it. Moving out was the driving force in my late high school years. At that age I'd much rather be broke and independent than financially secure and living with my parents.

 

[ncbill]

OP, why not buy a duplex, have your kid be the live-in manager?

They could learn about direct RE investing while they & the other renter are paying your mortgage on the place.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Depending on what part of the country you live in rents can be unaffordable for some young people. Here a 1 bedroom costs between 1200-1400/month while wages aren’t high.

 

[pb4uski]

Depending on what part of the country you live in rents can be unaffordable for some young people. Here a 1 bedroom costs between 1200-1400/month while wages aren’t high.

But why aren't they sharing a 3 bedroom apt or house with some friends to make their housing more affordable? That is what we did, and it was fun having other people around.... I have fond memories of sharing an apartment with a roommate and a house with 4 other roommates. Fun times!

 

[Bestwifeever]

There are so many circumstances that affect these situations, and we don’t know most of them. I applaud parents whose children followed this ideal path leading to education, employment and early independence. The others I do not judge or criticize, there are far too many variables at play.

Yes! And the parents of the kids not following what some people think is the ideal path probably deserve even more applause for hanging in there with them.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Pb4, a house starts at 2k/month for a small one. You need security deposit and first and last month’s rent. How many young low wage workers have 6k between them?

 

[pb4uski]

Probably not many, but I think some landlords will work with them if they sense they will be good tenants. Besides, if they have been living with theie parents for months on end, shouldn't they have saved $1,500? (assuming that 4 people could share your small house).

I relayed earlier that when our sone lived with us we charged him $400 a month rent and told him that he could have it back when he moved out... he would have had that $1,500 that was needed after 4 months of living at home or if he was sharing the home with 2 others he would have his share of the deposit after 5 months.

 

[Gumby]

But why aren't they sharing a 3 bedroom apt or house with some friends to make their housing more affordable? That is what we did, and it was fun having other people around.... I have fond memories of sharing an apartment with a roommate and a house with 4 other roommates. Fun times!

I always had roommates/housemates. Made the rent affordable and provided built in social life.