Conversations about Money to have with your family over the holidays?

[Luvtoride]

I wasn't sure of the right place to post this. Although some may find these types of articles clickbait, I have found that Morningstar offers pretty good sensible advice on many financial topics.

In particular, the section about the conversations to have with your adult kids is pretty good. Ways to give enough information about our strategy and plans without needing to disclose specifics of $$ amounts, which might not be realized for years or decades. This is a topic often discussed here at ER.

https://www.morningstar.com/article...vewithyourfamilyovertheholidays&elqTrack=true

Happy Holidays all.

 

[MarieIG]

Well, all ok things to discuss but:

I discuss retirement savings and emergency accounts with my kiddos over the holidays - but the rest of that stuff - seriously no. I'm not bringing up end of life care over Christmas dinner.

I have broached certain additional topics throughout the year.

 

[Midpack]

I think it's an important discussion, but I definitely wouldn't do it 'over the holidays.' I'm sure there are better occasions.

 

[Dash man]

We’ve told them everything they need to know for now. They know our net worth including investments and real estate. They know the state of Pennsylvania will insist on their share. They know where we’ll be buried and by whom. They know who our attorneys are. They just don’t know what to do with all of our “stuff” when we’re gone! [emoji23]

 

[MichaelB]

Well, all ok things to discuss but:

I discuss retirement savings and emergency accounts with my kiddos over the holidays - but the rest of that stuff - seriously no. I'm not bringing up end of life care over Christmas dinner.

I agree. Important topics but they each need their own moments, and holiday family get-togethers are not good times.

“That turkey stuffing was delicious, Mom, thanks. And speaking of getting stuffed, have you given any thought to your end of life wishes?”.

 

[Koolau]

Both mom and dad "acknowledged" end of life issues but would never discuss them. Turned out to be easier than I had thought as each parent "faded" away and we had lots of time to deal with impending arrangements and financial issues.

The only talk we've had with the kids is that they should not count on much when we pass. We plan to gift to them while we are alive and the remainder goes to charities we've supported longer than we've had kids. Heh, heh, not sure they like that, but what can they say?

 

[Spock]

The three nopes of polite holiday dinner conversation: politics, religion, money. (and in some cases football)

 

[MarieIG]

I agree. Important topics but they each need their own moments, and holiday family get-togethers are not good times.

“That turkey stuffing was delicious, Mom, thanks. And speaking of getting stuffed, have you given any thought to your end of life wishes?”.

 

[Telly]

No problem discussing those issues with our well-adult children. Of course, not at dinner! Last Christmas it was last wishes. I'm the minimalist, so mine is easy. Feed me to the fire ASAD (As Soon As Dead). No coffin, no embalming, no services, no visitation, etc. etc. and no urn. I'll be quite happy being reduced to star material. Ashes to ashes... atoms to atoms

 

[Stormy Kromer]

The timing of this is uncanny.

I spent an entire afternoon on Thursday updating our will instructions and put together a list of all our assets and who to contact. It included phone numbers and account numbers I gathered our life insurance and all other accounts and put them in one envelope and a two page list of instructions on how to handle our assets when we're gone, including real estate. I enclosed a key to our safe deposit box where we keep our abstracts It included a list of people and companies that can help them.

It also included brief funeral wishes.

I stuffed this envelope in a safe at home in our basement and showed our two adult children where it is last night when they were over for Christmas Eve . I didn't get into details, I just told them "when we're gone you two take this envelope to our attorney".

Then we went upstairs for dinner. No stress at all.

 

[Car-Guy]

Before my parents passed we discussed their financial status/plans/wishes a few times. Honestly, I don't recall if it was during one of our holiday visits or not... I guess it depended on the moment.

We don't discuss "our" plans and status with the DD very often. We've told her but don't dwell on the subject.

 

[Sue J]

Earlier this month I asked DH if he'd be OK with me telling our older son (38) the status of our finances. DH is almost totally disconnected from anything having to do with money. This is his choice. I have tried!

I just want someone else besides me to know the big picture and where things are in case I'm not here. We have had conversations that include "If I go first", etc. and he pretends to pay attention and nods politely.

Our son is a natural saver and cautious investor, like me. I don't expect him to do anything or monitor anything right now. I would just feel better if he knew where we stand and where to start if I wasn't here.

I recently got a new iMac computer. It has a keyboard with a Touch ID which is so handy! So I told DH I wanted his finger authorized to get access to signing on and all the logins and passwords. It took him a few weeks to "find the time" but he did sit down and get it done. A step in the right direction!

 

[Teacher Terry]

My kids have all the information as I have told them and also have a complete death packet with everything in it. Not something I would want to discuss At holiday time unless that’s the only time you see your kids.

 

[pacergal]

When we updated our will/POA/healthcare end of life stuff a few years ago, we briefly discussed with kids and showed them where we keep our financial notebook and end of life/advanced directives. They do not know exact amounts, but know we are doing ok financially.

 

[Rianne]

The three nopes of polite holiday dinner conversation: politics, religion, money. (and in some cases football)

+1 Other than a comment or two. We always get together and have big meals at restaurants or homes. My siblings are on opposite sides of the political spectrum but always a respected and very little conversation in that direction.

Religion is also very different from atheism to strong Christianity. We get along and talk about everything else but that. Although a few members like to quote the Bible, which is fine. IMO, it's brilliant and helpful literary fiction. I look to it for advice and counsel.

Money is discussed in abstracts. Although a comment my DB made frightened me a bit. Dark skies ahead, but keeping my fingers crossed for him.

 

[karen1972]

We are more at the point of trying to see if mom has indications of cognitive decline. Thanksgiving there were a few times mom got confused, just minor stuff but enough to raise eyebrows. I'll likely have to approach the topic come Easter and see if she has any thoughts on what she would like to see happen IF she reaches that point.

I just want to make sure the bills get paid and she doesn't get swindled. Money was always a sore point with my parents, my dad didn't trust her with it, she doesn't want anyone telling her what to do anymore as he's passed, but we all know he didn't trust her because she use to bounce checks, then had a significant gambling problem which basically had them starting over at zero at 55...so its a super tough topic to broach.

 

[Koolau]

We are more at the point of trying to see if mom has indications of cognitive decline. Thanksgiving there were a few times mom got confused, just minor stuff but enough to raise eyebrows. I'll likely have to approach the topic come Easter and see if she has any thoughts on what she would like to see happen IF she reaches that point.

I just want to make sure the bills get paid and she doesn't get swindled. Money was always a sore point with my parents, my dad didn't trust her with it, she doesn't want anyone telling her what to do anymore as he's passed, but we all know he didn't trust her because she use to bounce checks, then had a significant gambling problem which basically had them starting over at zero at 55...so its a super tough topic to broach.

Mom must have been supporting 50 charities. At year's end she'd have a stack of cancelled checks 2 inches high. $5 to this fund and $10 to that fund. And the more things she supported, the more other charities bought her name and sent pleas to her. I eventually began intercepting her mail and writing to the "funds" and telling them that she had passed. It was only slightly effective in stopping the pleas, but interception did keep her from responding. That meant I had to stop at her house every day and go through her mail. I felt bad about it, but she really didn't have the money to help others at that point.

 

[Badger]

Mom must have been supporting 50 charities. At year's end she'd have a stack of cancelled checks 2 inches high. $5 to this fund and $10 to that fund. And the more things she supported, the more other charities bought her name and sent pleas to her. I eventually began intercepting her mail and writing to the "funds" and telling them that she had passed. It was only slightly effective in stopping the pleas, but interception did keep her from responding. That meant I had to stop at her house every day and go through her mail. I felt bad about it, but she really didn't have the money to help others at that point.

This is the kind of thing I worry about with my wife and myself as we get older. We "gift" to our children and I donate goods (litter, towels, food) to a local animal rescue in our area but years ago I stopped donating to anything else. It is sad the scams that target the older generations. I saw my mother get sucked into the magazine rip-offs. What 80+ year old women who was a homemaker all her life would have a use for 10 years subscriptions to Guns and Ammo, Homesteading in Alaska, Custom Cars, Model Rockets, etc., along with her House Beautiful. I also saw my grandmother who only had a very small SS check and had to move in with my parents get constant demands to save her soul by giving her money to a local church. Everybody has their hand out for a dollar.

Cheers!

 

[Koolau]

This is the kind of thing I worry about with my wife and myself as we get older. We "gift" to our children and I donate goods (litter, towels, food) to a local animal rescue in our area but years ago I stopped donating to anything else. It is sad the scams that target the older generations. I saw my mother get sucked into the magazine rip-offs. What 80+ year old women who was a homemaker all her life would have a use for 10 years subscriptions to Guns and Ammo, Homesteading in Alaska, Custom Cars, Model Rockets, etc., along with her House Beautiful. I also saw my grandmother who only had a very small SS check and had to move in with my parents get constant demands to save her soul by giving her money to a local church. Everybody has their hand out for a dollar.

Cheers!

It's so sad to see older folks be taken advantage of. An insurance guy did that to my mom and I got him disciplined (and got mom's money back!)