Do you tell parents portfolio value?

[Gumby]

we want to know that they still love us, to help us and guide us, and when we're up, we want them to be proud that they've done well in that guidance and proud of us and happy for us.

I gave that up when I was about 13. So, no, I would never disclose anything about finances to my parents. They know we have a big old house in a nice neighborhood and what they perceive to be good paying careers, but that's it.

 

[Keim]

Reminds me of that old saying "Do you want to look rich, or be rich?"

Agreed. Though I have to add that I'm sure he lives at least a little below his means. I am sure he has his eye on the ball. But his means are higher than mine!

 

[brett]

We keep our finances to ourselves. Our parents, when living, only knew that we were comfortable. Our childen, in laws, and assorted relatives have no idea of our financial situation.

We have been asked about our financial position in the past but always answer in the oblique. We have also declined to invest in a BIL's business-by way of a large mortgage. Never good to do business with those closely related to you. At best, it ends in tears. At worst it ends a relationship.

This is how we prefer it and it is not an uncommon attitude with people from my tribe....Scottish Presbyterians. We cannot help ourselves!

 

[Ready]

We never discuss specific figures with any family members. Even still, we have had family members come out of the woodwork asking us to invest in their business schemes, asking for loans, or just asking for donations. Imagine how much more it would increase if they knew our actual numbers.

I think you open yourself up to unwanted attention when you disclose this information, and I'm not sure what it accomplishes. Share your figures anonymously in this forum for feedback and kudos on how you are doing. It's much safe than disclosing such personal information to people you are closest to.

 

[FIYes]

I never shared my net worth or salary with my mother even when she asked. While I would have been fine with her knowing the amounts, I knew that she would tell other people who really had no business knowing. What little she did know about my finances she did tend to "over share."

 

[48Fire]

yes, saves my dad from asking the question, and it provides some rationale to why I am retiring early. We have always talked openly about money - his and mine.

 

[traineeinvestor]

Personally I would not. Obviously, you know your parents and are best placed to judge their reactions but unless you are very confident that you will get the reaction you want, why take the risk of getting the wrong reaction?

If I wanted to let my parents know that we were doing well, I might indirectly let them know by asking for advice on investments without specifying the amount involved. It could be as simple about asking whether it is better to make early repayments on the mortgage or invest. A few of these conversations over time will convey the right message without needing to disclose specifics.

 

[MooreBonds]

I agree that because there are unique family situations and dynamics, this specific topic is very different from family to family.

My father is a successful entrepreneur himself, in a completely different line of work. In high school, there were times when I think he doubted my work ethic (but I found something I love to do and I do it very well) and I have this nagging inside me to share with him how successful we have been at saving, investing and planning. They know very well that we have been fortunate, worked hard, have no debt, etc. We get a nice Christmas check each year from my parents, and they always make sure that they do things evenly for me and my siblings, so I don't really fear or think it would change anything along those lines as my siblings have each had their own success and are doing well.

My parents own their own business and dad is very "numbers" driven and something in me wants that validation of sharing with him as I think he would be astounded that we had 2.3m in investments.

Because you said that your father is a successful entrepreneur himself, is numbers-driven, AND because you say that you think he 'doubted your work ethic' (but what parent hasn't? ) and that you entered a completely different line of work, I have a feeling that he would be impressed with your fiscal accomplishments.

However, I wouldn't necessarily do it over dinner. Perhaps just start out by bring up a general finance topic. Maybe talk about something that was posted on the ER forum, and say "Hey dad, I read this story/comment on this early retirement forum I visit a lot....". It would naturally lead into a topic of "ER??!? Why the heck would you be reading an ER forum?" Or, just simply start talking about investments, and some stock you recently bought, and ask him if he had any good investment ideas lately.

You could eventually arrive at simply asking him "so how much do you think I'm worth?"

Given what you've said, he'd probably guess low, at which case you could mention the approximate number. My guess is he'd take a stab at a cool million, since many people have a hard time adjusting to income growth, and still think it would take as long to reach a million with today's higher incomes versus when they were starting out.

 

[John Galt III]

My parents recently asked my net worth. I said "OK, I'll tell you if you promise to keep it confidential" "Yes, Yes!" So I told them. My Dad, who is getting forgetful, blabbed it the very next day to my gf.

 

[LoneAspen]

My Dad died when I was young, but my Mom lived into her 80's and just recently passed a few years ago. I had a very close relationship with her, and managed her finances.

I could tell my Mom anything, and be assured she wouldn't leak it to my siblings. She could do the same with things she told me.

Anytime I had major financial news in my life, I would tell her. She was very aware of me losing everything when I pursued real estate, and then had to move back to California and do IT work.

Sadly, she won't be around to share the good news if this company I'm at "makes it" and I'm able to FIRE in a couple years. But if she were, I'd share the news with her.

I would not, however, share numbers with my sisters. I don't think any good could come of that, especially given that some of them have their own children who are coming of age in the working world and might be looking for assistance (ie, handouts).

 

[seraphim]

Casuallly ask your dad his opinion on investments, and the figure come out in the conversation.

 

[DeborahB]

I am managing and investing most of my father's money for him, so I pretty much know what he has. It was set up as a trust when mom died - he gets all the income. But his financial outlook on life is about 40 years out of date - costs have risen and his perception of expenses and what people make has not. So I don't tell him or my sibling anything other than I am doing okay and have enough to live on if I'm careful. I say the same to my sibling. My mother died a few years ago - I could have told her anything.

My father would think I was making enormous money if I had said $50K/year (as a salary). Safer not to say, and I'm retired anyhow.

 

[cranberryjoe]

I never shared specific net worth numbers with my parents, just that I was doing well. Once during my early career I shared my salary info with them, which at the time was more than what they were making combined. They were proud. They would be proud today knowing that the modest inheritance they left helped pull up my retirement date by about 2 years, although when I shared with my dad 8 years ago that I was hoping to retire at 55, he frowned and advised me to work longer to be sure I didn't run out of money.

I would avoid sharing specific amounts if it's likely they would be told to other family members. Suddenly you might get a lot of visitors letting you know how good they've been to you over the years!

 

[RenoJay]

My parents, my sibling and myself are all self-made millionaires, all via different routes. (Dad saved and invested during the 80's/90's bull market and bailed out in 2000 because he was worried about Y2K. How funny is that?) Bro saved a large portion of his income. I was a successful entrepreneur. We share freely and not only does it make my folks proud, but also allows them to feel like they can lavish their money on themselves a little more since no one "needs" the inheritance. The tone of the conversation will vary by family, but I think your dad will be very proud.

 

[CoolChange]

My parents, my sibling and myself are all self-made millionaires, all via different routes. (Dad saved and invested during the 80's/90's bull market and bailed out in 2000 because he was worried about Y2K. How funny is that?) Bro saved a large portion of his income. I was a successful entrepreneur. We share freely and not only does it make my folks proud, but also allows them to feel like they can lavish their money on themselves a little more since no one "needs" the inheritance. The tone of the conversation will vary by family, but I think your dad will be very proud.

I went the route of your brother: Saving and investing.

I have shared my salary and net worth with my mother in the hopes that she will feel more free to spend her money on herself and that she will not worry so much about something bad happening requiring nursing home care. (Yes, I would spend down my net worth to make sure she was comfortable.) She has very modest savings and lives on less than her SS income.

I do think she is proud and amazed; but, she also thinks I spend entirely too much money even though I live on a very small fraction of my current salary and am planning to live on less than 2% of my current portfolio after RE.

Unfortunately, I also shared my plans to RE which make her very uncomfortable since she is a child of the Depression who cannot really understand my eagerness to walk away from a good job. (She does not really understand or trust the markets; CD's and her home are the only investments she has ever been really comfortable owning.)