FIRE and friends

pixelville said:
Are there groups / meetups for FIRE where you meet others (not virtually) who are also ERed?
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Several of my younger neighbors are FIREd. One is an ex-investment banker, another sold her business. I just guess that my immediate sphere of people just don't care whether you work or not. My relatives don't care either. My good college friends from 30-odd years ago don't care either.

I'm actually mildly appalled that friends, relatives, former colleagues, and acquaintances have any influence on whether you tell it like it is or you have to invoke subterfuge and lie. If they ask, I give it to them straight.
 
Onward said:
That's exactly what I'm most afraid of. Thanks for articulating what I couldn't quite.

And the situation is made worse by the fact that, among all my close friends, I have worked the least hard over the years. I know that and they know that. I'm just the only one who read Terhorst, Dominquez, and Bogle.

O gawd, what have I gotten myself into?
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Don't diminish your situation, Embrace it. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and much to be very proud of.

- Your thinking is flawed here. Be who you want to be.

lulu4.jpg
 
Or you could do it the way I did. Spend your last days, weeks, months, whatever telling everybody you work with you are FI and never have to work again. Go around with a big s**t eating grin on your face. Interject into every work related conversation about how they shouldn't assign any long term projects to you, since you are retiring soon! Mention how you'll be glad to help them after you are gone, for either an obscenely high consulting fee, or a pitcher of Old Dominion Ale, depending on what mood you're in at the time.

After a few weeks of these activities you won't need to worry about telling your friends anything! :LOL:
 
Someone who pops up out of nowhere isn't likely to get nosey about your finances, and if he does, I assume you know how to head off unmannerly curiosity.

(Unless there's been a generational shift, and it's now acceptable behavior).

It may "throw" him that you are following a totally different path than he expected, but look at it this way: If he's a mensch, he can take people as they are. I found a boy on Facebook (now a middle-aged man of course) with whom I"d been childhood friends. I figured he'd be successful and married to a beautiful spouse. He is. The spouse is a man. Didn't faze me a second and we are having fun getting re-acquainted (we both went for blonds!)

Amethyst

FIREdreamer said:
I don't think he would have a problem if I told him the truth. But he might have questions. Like how could I possibly afford it. Talking about money with him would be much more uncomfortable than talking about politics or religion, which for me are not at all uncomfortable topics of conversation...:)

The thing is, FIRE is clearly off the beaten path. Up until now, in almost every single aspect of my life, I have been the guy who has followed the beaten path faithfully. By stepping off the path, I feel like I am breaking every rule in the book!;)
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MasterBlaster said:
Don't diminish your situation, Embrace it. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and much to be very proud of.

- Your thinking is flawed here. Be who you want to be.

lulu4.jpg
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Love it...check out my avatar!
 
Come on folks.
Don't pay any attention to dreamer.
He's just trying to figure out a way to save face.
We all know he's now a kept man. :LOL:


Now how do I break this all to the chemist/personal brewer ?
Do I just tell him (my son), that if he studies hard and plays his cards right, he could probably retire early too?
Steve
 
Dreamer,
I hope you guys are OK with the new situation.
It will probably take a while to adjust.
I find my self feeling a little guilty with the wife working and me at home.
Even though she seems OK with it.
She knows she can retire any time but just isn't ready yet.
Which is fine with me, it helps to spread the bills around a little more.
She wants to get the chemist closer to his degree before pulling out.
Steve
 
harley said:
Mention how you'll be glad to help them after you are gone, for either an obscenely high consulting fee, or a pitcher of Old Dominion Ale, depending on what mood you're in at the time.
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:D
 
bbbamI said:
but...but...I promised. ;)
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Never mind what you promised. They´ll end up asking for a side view:). And then a rear view, and after that.....:D? Rascals, all of them:LOL:!

Err.... those aren´t diamond studs, are they....:cool:?
 
I also hope to pull the plug in my late 30s, in 7-10 years. I will be going the "sabbatical" route, or will be simply "taking a break."

Most of my friends are currently 28 - 32, and they will not understand retirement, even though I've been hinting at it for years. For example, when we talk about our careers in 10 years, I often say, "i'll be retired in Guatemala by then." Then everyone laughs and thinks I'm joking. Most of them are just starting out in their career, some don't have stable employment. I don't want to make them to feel bad about themselves or inflict more pain.

I will probably still be doing something even after I FIRE, so I guess I can always say I'm working on house projects or taking classes somewhere. DH and I don't plan to tell anyone about our financial situation, except for perhaps my in-laws, who love their jobs, so they will not be jealous to hear that we can retire early.
 
After reading the posts here I'm starting to think that your age, or your stage in life, has a lot to do with how you approach the issue of explaining your FIRE, and how your friends react to it.

When you and your friends are 35, w*rk- and family-life haven't fully kicked your ass yet, and you probably haven't really grasped your own mortality yet. So if someone announces he's retiring, good for him.

When you and your friends are 55, retirement is on the horizon for most of you. If you break free a few years before me, good for you. Save me a seat at the pool.

Ah, but the 40s.... W*rk- and family-life have beaten you down so far that you go to sleep praying for relief, if you can sleep at all. Your body starts to protest if you push it too far, and for the first time you realize that you won't live forever. Yet you're spending your healthiest remaining days doing unpleasant things for unpleasant people. Retirement seems so far off and so expensive that it's not even a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. But you cling to sanity by reminding yourself that all your peers are enduring the same thing. If they can make it, so can you. It's a national and familial responsibility, a "normal" phase of life.

And then you hear one of your friends, that guy who never seemed to have much to begin with, is suddenly exempt--permanently exempt--from everything that's tormenting you that will continue to torment you for years and years to come.

What can he say to you that won't cause deep, deep resentment and threaten your friendship?
 
GoodSense said:
I also hope to pull the plug in my late 30s, in 7-10 years. I will be going the "sabbatical" route, or will be simply "taking a break."

Most of my friends are currently 28 - 32, and they will not understand retirement, even though I've been hinting at it for years. For example, when we talk about our careers in 10 years, I often say, "i'll be retired in Guatemala by then." Then everyone laughs and thinks I'm joking. Most of them are just starting out in their career, some don't have stable employment. I don't want to make them to feel bad about themselves or inflict more pain.
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Probably a smart move to refer to your possibly permanent spell of unemployment as a "sabbatical" or "taking a break". Hey, maybe somebody would make you an employment offer you can't refuse during your "sabbatical". I would potentially take something early on in FIRE if it fell in my lap, the money was ridiculously good, and the terms were good.

I'm curious how many of the posters that say "be completely honest and who cares what other people think" also ER'd in their 30's? ER'ing in one's 40's or 50's is a lot more common among people I know of versus ER'ing in one's 30's. Plenty of public safety and military jobs allow retirement for those in their 40's, and even the standard 30 year career in a civil service position can lead to people retiring in their late 40's or around 50.

Having others know that I have ER'd in my 30's will lead them to the obvious conclusion that I'm pretty wealthy (which would be a truthful conclusion). But I don't necessarily want to let everyone know just how wealthy I really am (for different reasons).

I think if I were retiring in my late 40's instead of mid-late 30's I'd probably be more honest since most wouldn't really be surprised. I would still be an outlier but not a "freak of nature"! :D
 
We are experiencing this too. DH is officially retired about 7 weeks now and each time I say to someone that he's "retired" it's sounding a little more concrete. So many people here are unemployed that it's not unusual to see folks not working. But retired is a whole other concept.

If someone asks about it I say that he was aiming for retiring in 2013 but his job was eliminated and we saw it coming and prepared for it so he was able to retire a few years earlier than planned.

Here on the ER board most of us are comfortable discussing money and lifestyle and LBYM, etc. I'm finding that in real life most people aren't like that. I get the feeling that I'm giving too much info. Except for talking about this with my dad. He gets it. Then again, my mom keeps asking DH if he's found work yet and "what do you do all day"? And she asks if I'm going to work full time now. My BIL (NJ resident) asked DH if we'd be moving in order to downsize. Nope, it's cheap enough to live right here where the house is paid for and taxes are $200/month.
 
Sue J said:
Here on the ER board most of us are comfortable discussing money and lifestyle and LBYM, etc. I'm finding that in real life most people aren't like that. I get the feeling that I'm giving too much info.
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I completely agree.

When the next guy up the line from my supervisor found out that I was retiring, he stopped by my cubicle to chat. It was a very pleasant chat for me, with him reminiscing about my accomplishments. Then he asked about the timing of my retirement - - why now? I just knew he didn't want to know about my LBYM, long term planning, TSP, other investments, paid off house, etc, so I just said "Well, it was the first day after I was eligible to retire. I decided that since I have my finances in order, why not?"

That was really all he wanted to know. He didn't want to know the details of my finances, but just wanted some reassurance that they were in order. Some people are just worried that the retiree might be quitting a perfectly good job in a time of high unemployment without thinking it through.
 
Alright, I replied to my friend and told him I was about to take a sabbatical.

He shot back a few questions:
1) what will you do all day?:LOL:
2) when will you go back to work, and in what industry?:rolleyes:
 
FIREdreamer said:
Alright, I replied to my friend and told him I was about to take a sabbatical.

He shot back a few questions:
1) what will you do all day?:LOL:
2) when will you go back to work, and in what industry?:rolleyes:
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1) What you do on weekends
2) Don't know, don't care
 
FIREdreamer said:
Alright, I replied to my friend and told him I was about to take a sabbatical.

2) when will you go back to work, and in what industry?:rolleyes:
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Question number 2 is probably what I would ask an old friend I was catching up with. "What are your future plans?"
 
pixelville said:
Somehow everyone believes we were lucky although it is really life choices we made years ago (no kids, live frugally). One reason some of the "friends" may be staying away from us is that we remind them of the life they wish to have but don't - which increases their dis-satisfaction with their job & life.
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I believe it. Certainly I have encountered similar negativity from people who are obese and in poor health: they believe that those of us who are in decent shape are simply lucky, and have no comprehension of the time and effort involved in an exercise program.

FIREdreamer said:
Alright, I replied to my friend and told him I was about to take a sabbatical.

He shot back a few questions:
1) what will you do all day?:LOL:
2) when will you go back to work, and in what industry?:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
If this person was a very good friend years ago and you trust him, then by all means enjoy an honest and non-judgmental dialogue about your plans. Sometimes it can be very helpful to gain another perspective.

If not, I see no reason for you to have to justify your decisions to him.
 
When I left work it became much easier to distinguish friends from acquaintances. My friends were the ones that said things like "good for you and congratulations". We see each other frequently and they have been genuinely curious to see how it goes with me, and they use that for their own plans.

The others - well, we just sort of drifted apart and can't seem to find time for each other, and I've never really had any desire to understand the reasons for their suspicions.

Family members as well.

Life is too short to worry about this stuff.
 
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