For those who have successful children

[Letj]

You read my mind! Nothing quite as entertaining as a boastadosis thread giving some folks the opportunity to do some chest pounding……….

I have observed that the only socially allowed boasting is about your children. I suspect it’s a not too subtle way of saying “check out my great parenting skills”. I feel bad for those, despite having good parenting skills, can’t boast maybe because their children have physical or mental illness or just don’t have what’s required to be a rocket scientist.

 

[nhcycling]

My 3 adult children are successful, they are kind/giving/loving to their family, neighbors, friends and strangers alike; they are humble; they volunteer at homeless shelters/food pantries/advocate for less privileged. They’re always given back. All 3 have rescued dogs from shelters but that’s a small thing. They have good values and raise their children with these. They are all married and also financially well off but that’s not what matters.

 

[Letj]

My 3 adult children are successful, they are kind/giving/loving to their family, neighbors, friends and strangers alike; they are humble; they volunteer at homeless shelters/food pantries/advocate for less privileged. They’re always given back. All 3 have rescued dogs from shelters but that’s a small thing. They have good values and raise their children with these. They are all married and also financially well off but that’s not what matters.

Now that’s worth boasting about. When I talk about my children I boast about how lucky I am to have such caring and loving young ladies.

 

[neihn]

When they were young, we moved to a good school district and paid a lot of attention in their school activities (sat down with them with their home works, instead of watching TV or went out

 

[Calico]

My 3 adult children are successful, they are kind/giving/loving to their family, neighbors, friends and strangers alike; they are humble; they volunteer at homeless shelters/food pantries/advocate for less privileged. They’re always given back. All 3 have rescued dogs from shelters but that’s a small thing. They have good values and raise their children with these. They are all married and also financially well off but that’s not what matters.

Finally, someone who defines "success" the way I have always understood it.

 

[Nords]

I remember the discussions about where she would go to college. I'm hoping the answer is 21 and I'm really not getting older!

Ha! That conversation was in 2007-- 14 years ago.

I'm afraid to ask how old Nords' daughter is now.

She'll turn 29 years old in a few months. She and her spouse are raising our 18-month-old granddaughter Arya, who shows strong signs of being even more of a fireball to raise than her parents were.

Our daughter graduated from Rice University with a degree in civil & environmental engineering and a NROTC commission. She's served her five years of active duty (a destroyer and an aircraft carrier) and moved to the Reserves. She's logged two good years there and has now gone inactive to finish out her final year.

Her spouse is still on active duty, and they're transferring to San Diego in two months. After that tour they're plotting for his orders to Oahu...

 

[ncbill]

Ha! That conversation was in 2007-- 14 years ago.


She'll turn 29 years old in a few months. She and her spouse are raising our 18-month-old granddaughter Arya, who shows strong signs of being even more of a fireball to raise than her parents were.

Our daughter graduated from Rice University with a degree in civil & environmental engineering and a NROTC commission. She's served her five years of active duty (a destroyer and an aircraft carrier) and moved to the Reserves. She's logged two good years there and has now gone inactive to finish out her final year.

Her spouse is still on active duty, and they're transferring to San Diego in two months. After that tour they're plotting for his orders to Oahu...

My student naval aviator wants to go to Rota as soon as he can...at least a couple of years...we said sure, we'll be happy to visit you there.

 

[target2019]

What was the secret? What advice would you give to parents? We have a 10 and 12 yrs old kids. TIA

I label both as successful since they have overcome serious obstacles, travelled the world, and have jobs in secure fields (IT security and Healthcare).

They have two parents, and adolescence was a total battle at times. We all laugh at those things now. I let them make major mistakes and recover. I was supportive when they needed it. But there was always an interesting interplay where each had a preferred parent.

I believe as my parents did, that EDUCATION was the key. We moved to a more expansive town because the best public schools were there. We wanted more diversity and better facilities for them. And we sacrificed a lot to help them through higher education.

They are both very generous with us today, and no complaints to share.

 

[MichealKnight]

IMO, nothing wrong with being of service to others. Also, nothing wrong with being very successful money wise. It's not a mutually exclusive things.

I'm 45 now. No college. My apex in business was in my late 20s. For a few of those years I made around $600,000 per year, 40 employees, sat next to Senators and Governors of our state for fundraisers or other events. I was able to do things to help people - - - but my goodness, having the money made it easier to do bigger and better things.

So if someone made a big net worth in early - age - GREAT!

If someone is saving dogs or teaching kids to read - GREAT!

IMO, mixing the 2 is glorious.

 

[SJ1_]

What was the secret? What advice would you give to parents? We have a 10 and 12 yrs old kids. TIA

Our son is incredibly successfull in his career and the father of 4 that people dream of. He knew he was loved and we always encouraged him. I was the best man in his wedding and the thing that stood out was he told me "I was always there"

As much as I would love to take credit for all this (we have 1 child) we had good freinds who had 2 children the first in every way was an amazing child. The 2nd was a nightmare . This was career, life choices etc
total opposite

My theory is if you love your children they will be better off than most people
but the rest is up to them

 

[ERObjd]

So far none of our grown kids have returned to the nest, so I call that a WIN all day long! All 3 seem to be making it on their own and 2 of of them make 30k per year. Our oldest makes about 100K but lives in LA so his buying power is pretty low. The 2 that make 30K probably have more in savings since they still live in the midwest.

No Failure to launch and no boomerangs allowed here!

 

[Brat]

Advice: 1: be a good role model; 2: help them to have success in school; 3: peers are important for teens - make sure that their friends are the type of people you want your children to be; 4) encourage them to participate in after school activities that build skills (be they Scouts, speech or computer clubs).

Education after high school can improve their chances of financial success. College is not the solution for everyone but many a trade school graduate makes as much as those with a Batchelor's degree.

That said, both of my children are college graduates and have passed professional exams in their fields. One has a business, the other is an executive. The one who has a business always had "side hustles" from middle school on.

Frankly, when my son graduated from high school I had my doubts about his chances of graduating from college. He was admitted to his first choice of school, ended up with double major and academic awards. Wonders will never cease.

 

[brett]

We encouraged our children to read at a young age. We always set the expectation with them that post secondary education in what ever field they selected was important. We them make their own mistakes but we celebrated their individual successes.

 

[Masquernom]

One day at work, years ago, I was standing in the hallway talking to some other guys about their kids. A lady walked up and stood listening to us for a few minutes. I didn't know her. After the other guys walked off, she turned to me and started talking.

She said nobody could ever tell her that some kids aren't born good and some bad. She said she and her husband had three children. She said they always did their best to treat them all the same. She said their oldest was a doctor. Their youngest a lawyer. Their middle child was in prison.

She said the middle child had been trouble since the day he was born. She shook her head and walked away. I never knew who she was, and never ran into her at work again.

So, I guess there are limits some times to what you can influence.

 

[Surewhitey]

Couldn't imagine raising one now vs just 20 years ago. Teaching them morality, right from wrong, true justice, love thy neighbor kind of stuff is so politicized.

Don't let society be their moral compass. Teach them principles, not rules. Lead by example is probably the most important.

Financial training is less important if they are not good little people.

 

[Letj]

One day at work, years ago, I was standing in the hallway talking to some other guys about their kids. A lady walked up and stood listening to us for a few minutes. I didn't know her. After the other guys walked off, she turned to me and started talking.



She said nobody could ever tell her that some kids aren't born good and some bad. She said she and her husband had three children. She said they always did their best to treat them all the same. She said their oldest was a doctor. Their youngest a lawyer. Their middle child was in prison.



She said the middle child had been trouble since the day he was born. She shook her head and walked away. I never knew who she was, and never ran into her at work again.



So, I guess there are limits some times to what you can influence.

I think there’s some fundamental truth in that. Some children you just can’t reach. We all know good upstanding people who have problem children. I wouldn’t say some are born bad. I would say some are born with undiagnosed mental health issues that compel/influence them to make poor choices or make it difficult to not act on impulse and sometimes good people have a momentary lapse in judgement where they snap (I would think these are often impulsive people or those with emotional disregulation). Then you have the unfortunate fact of kids making poor choices with drugs and alcohol which can lead to all kinds of anti-social behavior. ADHD in children is something parents should keep a close eye on. It can really cause some poor choices.

 

[athena53]

Heck, even if I have the money....I wonder, is a kid better off with a private college degree? OR...if you go pubic.....and have $80,000 leftover to put in the kid's bank - is he better off that way?

My siblings and I all have degrees from respectable state universities and all did well by various measures (good careers, supported ourselves, now enjoying retirement). I think that the more prestigious (and expensive) colleges give you an edge if you want to go to grad school or get onto the fast track at an investment banking firm or some other place that recruits only from certain schools. I know GE's Management Training program used to be focused only on a small set of schools, for example.

I also think that your major is a big factor. Companies are getting crazy about recruiting only people with degrees in business, accounting, IT, whatever. They don't want to hire a very smart Philosophy major and train them in coding. Unfortunate, IMO.

I think there’s some fundamental truth in that. Some children you just can’t reach. We all know good upstanding people who have problem children. I wouldn’t say some are born bad. I would say some are born with undiagnosed mental health issues ..<snip>

Yes, that would be my Ex. His parents did the best they could.

 

[brett]

Most importantly we raised the to be independent, to understand the value of money, to be critical thinkers, to think out of the box, and not to be mindless followers of anything or everything.

 

[FargoI]

Define success. Do you mean strong, independent doers and thinkers, large bank account coupled with endless tangible goods...?

 

[newlyold]

There are so many success methods you should have started back before they got into kindergarten.

Read to them. Every day.
Teach them songs. Before they get into kindergarten they should be able to sing at least eight songs from memory, and it's perfectly fine if those songs are nursery rhymes.

Take away the electronic games, videos, cable TV, satellite TV, and teach them interpersonal skills. Teach them how to play "let's pretend" so their imagination expands. They'll get a LOT further being able to hold a direct conversation instead of texting.

Teach them about body language and how to use it, interpret it, and react appropriately to it.

Teach them at least one other language, and it doesn't matter if it's American Sign Language, French, Spanish, German, Russia--or even a "dead" language like Latin. The more languages they can read & speak, the better their minds will be at problem solving.

Get them physically active outside, preferably with a few other kids, but it's OK to do solo things like kayaking or rock climbing, as long as others are present for safety.

Teach them first aid--professionally taught classes. Life saving for swimming (every kid should know how to swim & save themselves and others), CPR for when you're having a heart attack, the Heimlich Maneuver, bandages, and more. The Red Cross can help you do this.

Get them involved in two or three sports that don't emphasis unsportsmanlike behavior. If you don't want them to be tackled or checked or injured or bullied later in life, maybe football or hockey aren't on the top of your list. How about soccer, baseball, tennis, cross country running or other track & field categories?

Dump any first-person-shooter games; they're not necessary for making friends or learning how to act in normal society.

Give them music lessons, and don't let them quit until they've completed at least seven years of lessons. Piano first, then a wind or string instrument (not including guitar--I'm talking violin, cello, bass, etc.).

Get them into Scouting. Support it 100%, and be involved. Your kids are your life, now; your sole priority should be creating good citizens with creative minds who are socially aware and who don't participate in bullying.

Teach them to have an open mind. LGBTQ is normal. Every colored skin is normal. Short/tall/wide/skinny is normal. Every religion is normal, as is the absence of participating in a religion.

Send them on beneficial travels, by which I mean church trips to help folks who are less well off than you are. Helping clean up after a natural disaster, helping build schools for need neighborhoods, helping poor people anywhere, but especially in the U.S.

Teach them morals. Bullying is wrong. Racism and the KKK are wrong. Might is NOT right.

Take them everywhere there are demonstrations of Science, Technology, Engineer, and Math. Maybe it's at the bottom of an underground mine. Maybe it's at an airport. Maybe it's at the ocean, underwater. Find opportunities to expose them to things that require using the hands and mind together.

Dump the sugar and coffee and "energy drinks", and give them a balanced meal. Don't make them clean their plates when they say they're full. Teach them it's OK to leave food on the plate--and help them to decide how much is the right portion for the first time; next time take less food and it won't have to be thrown out.

Be an example to them--keep yourself in great physical shape, avoid vices, be honest and always honor your word. Especially your written word.

Always drive the speed limit or under. Always yield and be courteous. Don't honk your horn, don't flip someone the bird, and never use strong language.

After all, you're they example. They'll do as you do when they grow up.

Be the best person you can be, so they can have the best example to learn from.

Our first was an Eagle Scout by the time he was fifteen. We had an exchange student live with us for several months from Germany, and our son later was an exchange student in German. The same with our daughter.

Our son completed a Bacheleor's of Science degree in Theoretical Particle Physics and another degree in Astrophysics and Math a few years ago. Last year he finished a Master's Degree in Particle Physics, and he'll have completed a Ph.D. in Theoretical Particle Physics in December of 2021. His university sent him three times for summer-long sessions working on the Large Hadron Collider for CERN in Switzerland, where he contributed to the project and was written up for his achievements.

Our daughter struck out on her own, finding her own job in Marketing when her preferred field of Theater closed due to COVID-19 just as she graduated with a Fine Arts degree in 2020. She moved herself from Minneapolis to Chicago this spring and had a new job seven hours after moving into her apartment. She picked a living location in downtown Chicago because there are five major theaters within walking distance, and has already applied there, receiving positive interview comments. I'm waiting for her to tell me she's got a new job any day now.

We gave them emotional support, ensured they applied for jobs while in high school, and taught them to be honest and moral, to be at work on time, and to take charge where there was need. They've received promotions and glowing comments from their employers, and they're both the kind of people you'd like to hang out with, work with, and be friends with.

They're independent, yet love people. Because we were involved in their lives without micromanaging them. We gave them good examples to follow, supported their extra curricular activities, pruned their vices and fertilized their minds and activities.

It's an old saying, but worth taking to heart: "Raise a child up in the way they should go, and they will not stray from their path."

 

[gtbguy]

Be parents and work with them throughout. Be at all school functions, PTA meetings, show your child you care about their education. Don't give them everything they ask for and make them understand what it is to work for something they want. One of the biggest things that I think helped, our daughter played piano since she was 5 years old.

We did well with our daughter. She graduated from a Catholic high school as the salutatorian. She received her BS from the University of Pennsylvania and she is currently in the top 4% of her class in law school at Cornell.

 

[Smallr]

Answers will vary. These attributes may be worth considering:

1. Love - unconditionally
2. Time - spend it with them, and show up whenever you can - they feel this
3. Set expectations - for everything - behavior, manners, grades, work ethic, etc. And model the same behaviors
4. Accountability - hold them accountable
5. See #1

Good luck!

 

[sunnysideup]

I only have one son. First thing was teaching him about the value of money and letting him make his own decisions. At five years old I gave him an allowance that was equal to his age. So five dollars at five years, six dollars at six years etc. I let him blow it every week and did not give him a dime more. He very quickly learned to prioritize what was worth spending his money on, and just became very good about saving so he could buy something that he really wanted.

Secondly, I was a tough love mother. I made sure he knew the rules, and if he chose not to follow the rules, there was a consequence. He would lose computer privileges or TV privileges, or both… For that night. They were things that he valued and losing them for a night was really tough on a middle class kid growing up. (yes, we are talking about a first world country here…)

I think it’s very important that children know rules and boundaries, and they need to know specific ones. Whenever I hear a parent tell a child “behave”, well, they’re behaving whether they’re being bad or good, right? So what is behave mean? does it mean sit in your chair, don’t talk loudly, use polite words like please and thank you…

I also forced him to study when he didn’t want to study, he had to finish his homework before he could watch TV or play with friends. When his arithmetic grade started going downhill, I signed him up for Kumon. He hated me because Kumon required 10 minutes of work, seven days a week. But guess what, he became very good at just basic arithmetic skills. He needed that since he ended up going into a science based profession.

I also made him get a job when he turned 16 working as a stock clerk. He worked about 20 hours a week and he still had sports practices. So he was very busy, and I don’t think the coaches liked it, but who cares what the coaches think.

I was very honest about what his strengths and weaknesses were. I told him that always do your best, but recognize that you will always be better at some things than others, and play to those strengths, don’t waste them.

I talked to him about my job and what I liked about it and what I thought was important about being successful at what I did. How I became successful. I took him to “take your children to work day when he was 13 and 14, and I set up little interviews with some of my coworkers. I gave him a question list and had him sit with some of my coworkers for 20 to 30 minutes and ask them questions, all related to what they did for a living, why they liked it, what they studied in school, and what advice they would give him.

One final thing, I have seen some of my friends who were helicopter mothers. Their children were afraid of everything when it was time for them to go off to college. You have to let your kids make some decisions even when they make the wrong ones. They will learn from them. it empowers them to make a decision, and it helps them learn how to deal with consequences, the reality that things don’t always go well, and how important is to think about your choices and what could possibly go wrong.

My son was a late bloomer, but he’s now a professional with a very good job and I’m really proud of him. He really did learn a lot from the lessons I set out there for him to learn from, it just took a while for him to demonstrate that he was even paying attention.

Good luck to you. There’s a lot of good advice on this forum.

 

[slowsaver]

I don't have kids, so I don't know. But if you look at my sister and I: one of us is successful (me) and the other one is an unemployed, addict, children from multiple fathers, felonies, elder abuser, list goes on and on ...

I think we were raised the same. What happened? I don't know.

 

[JJpop]

Spend quality time with them and be interested in what they are doing.
Do your best to expose them to many different experiences.
Teach them about respect and effort.
Nurture their creativity and have fun.
Most of all let them know that they are loved.