Do you have kids?
My Mom has often told me that a key role as a parent is knowing when to hold your tongue with your grown children. She learned that by dealing with an intrusive in law herself. She applied it with me, only stepping in a few times when she saw a disaster imminent. She's let me make my own decisions, been there when asked, and rarely offers unsolicited advice. And that's totally out of character for her.
Do you know why she does that? Because her relationship with her son, through all his mistakes, is more important than her ego. And she's there to help pick up the pieces if I don't listen to her. More often than not, I have.
Ultimately, you can't tell your grown kids what to do. Or you can, and then accept the results which will likely be resentment and poor relations. And then both sides - not just one - get to deal with that regret.
You might be amazed at the regret you will feel. Might take a couple years, but I wouldn't take this treatment.
I tend to agree with your comments when it comes to friends/acquaintances/neighbors. But family's different.
My social circle is not large, but it includes a surprising number of people, including close relatives, who find themselves permanently estranged from a parent, sibling, or child. And not because anyone hit anyone, or used drugs, or stole money; just because somebody hurt someone else's feelings beyond what could be endured.
And there is regret, yet in some cases, pride will not allow any of them (or the estranged ones either, apparently) to do whatever it is they need to do to fix the relationship. "They caused it!" "If they cared, they would..." "I'm not lowering myself..." "Who could have thought they would feel that way...." "How could they be so touchy...."
1. OP, do you have any daughters? I have a 24dd and there are days if I even look at her I get an earful. I am trying to learn the art of timing...
In our family we have a saying: "It's hard raising parents!"
OP's wife was a teacher and had her grad degree in early childhood development. Maybe she is still teaching, my mil does that, because she "knows".
Swimming lessons are taken care of as our DIL is a former collegiate water polo athlete and also worked as a lifeguard. DW and I are trying to figure out a way that we can convince DS and DIL to accept our offer to help pay for a pool safety fence as a house warming gift. Both she and our son are fiercely independent people.
You really need to let it go. Friendly advice from a person with parents and inlaws... the more I hear from them about a specific issue the less I want to listen. Trust them to do what is right and if it's not right for you... TOUGH LUCK. Live with it. Move on. Enjoy your family.
A ton of people don't have pool fences. We bought our house with pool and they didn't have pool fence though they did have little kids. We added it before we moved in but everybody is different and the reality is there are a ton of things more dangerous than an unfenced pool in the backyard.
So I'm curious, would you care to name a few things that are more dangerous then an unfenced pool in a private yard....
So I'm curious, would you care to name a few things that are more dangerous then an unfenced pool in a private yard....
So I'm curious, would you care to name a few things that are more dangerous then an unfenced pool in a private yard....
No kidding. Laundry detergent in small brightly colored packets that look like candy. Whose bright idea was that?How about toxic chemicals under the kitchen sink cabinet in easy access of a crawling 6 month old?
the bigger point is it's not the grandparent's business.
Farms are pretty dangerous, too https://www.marshfieldresearch.org/Media/Default/NFMC/PDFs/2017 Child Ag Injury Fact Sheet.pdf
Driving down the street in a car
Breathing smog
A million things.
The bigger point is it's not the grandparent's business.
How about toxic chemicals under the kitchen sink cabinet in easy access of a crawling 6 month old?
We had a pool when our daughters were very young and never had a pool fence (In California). We also had the daughter's 3rd grade class over for a swim party one time.
Well the chemical issue is a parent problem..you should move your chemicals but not fence your pool .
No It's one of those things that's everyone's business because kids will be kids whether its your kids or the neighborhood kids.Smog isn't even a close second to an accidental drowning..the drowning is instantly fatal...for boys 1 to 4 drowning is the leading cause of accidental death since about 2005.and you can't avoid driving in a car but you can fence your pool.