Seeing the sad thread of the person potentially going through a divorce and all the horrible things that come with that how people chime in with the things you do (big or small) that lead to a successful marriage!?
What works for the success of your marriage?
What a great thread - about the positive in life. It has been interesting, and even heartwarming, to read the comments.
With time, one becomes increasingly reluctant to generalize about what works in marriage. There is so much diversity in individuals, and in relationships, and there seem to be exceptions to any rule. But if one had to generalize, the two most important factors in a good marriage are probably kindness and empathy. Everything else stems from these.
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." - The Dalai Lama
Other folks have mentioned compatible values, and that is a very important factor, which helps a lot. But even other values that differ, are a surmountable obstacle, if the bedrock values of kindness and empathy are present.
Other "big things" that help with a successful marriage:
Practicing Gottman's 7 principles for healthy relationships - and avoiding the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse for relationships. Understanding each other's "love languages." Lots of information available by searching on these phrases.
Little things that help to make a marriage successful and happy:
Appreciate each other. Recognize effort, and thank each other for it. Be patient. Hold hands, including in public. If you have a routine of telling each other "I love you" at certain times, do it, even if you happen to be irritated with each other at the moment. Think about each other, not just about yourselves. And think about each other as a person, not just as a male or a female, not just as a husband or a wife. Make jokes. Touch. Be on the same side against the problem, not on opposite sides against each other. Be tolerant. Respect your spouse, and also respect yourself; keep a balance. Bring your wife in a fresh-cut bouquet of flowers from the garden, for no reason, if she likes flowers. Realize that being kind and being honest aren't mutually exclusive. Admire the color of the evening clouds together. Enjoy what you can of the present moment together, but also sometimes look at your life together from a distance, and realize that it is temporary, and savor it the more.
We have been together, in one way or another - good friends, courting, married - for nearly a quarter century. Longer than some, shorter than others. We have been very fortunate in some ways, and in other ways we can feel and see mortality approaching. Life is long, life is short. One must try to live it while it lasts, and help one's spouse to do so also.