I "made" $65K today. Why am I having a hard time donating to charity???

[mrfeh]

Might be a topic for another thread...if moderators agree, please move this post.

Spouse and I will probably start donating larger sums in the coming years. One of my concerns, probably adjacent to frugality, is donating to a charity that uses the money wisely. I want some assurance that my donation will benefit the cause, and not be wasted on overhead (ie. paying the people that run the charity large salaries).

Are there organizations that score charities in this respect?

 

[GhostofTomJoad]

Might be a topic for another thread...if moderators agree, please move this post.

Spouse and I will probably start donating larger sums in the coming years. One of my concerns, probably adjacent to frugality, is donating to a charity that uses the money wisely. I want some assurance that my donation will benefit the cause, and not be wasted on overhead (ie. paying the people that run the charity large salaries).

Are there organizations that score charities in this respect?

I can't vouch for them, but here is one tool I found:
https://www.charitywatch.org/

 

[Gumby]

Here is another charity evaluation site that I have used: https://www.charitynavigator.org/

 

[athena53]

Spouse and I will probably start donating larger sums in the coming years. One of my concerns, probably adjacent to frugality, is donating to a charity that uses the money wisely. I want some assurance that my donation will benefit the cause, and not be wasted on overhead (ie. paying the people that run the charity large salaries).

You're off to a good start with the local charity you mentioned- you were personally involved and could see the good it did. That's one reason I support a lot of local charities.

 

[steady saver]

I volunteered so much of my time with a local non-profit that supports the intellectually disabled that I became president of the board right around the time I retired. It's a working board, so it's not as easy as writing a check. Rather, it's hours of my time each week supporting various roles of the executive team.

Instead, my better half and I try to hemorrhage money at whatever silent auction we attend. Even with that, we still make 1-2 large donations at the end of the year with any extra money to an organization that rescues dogs from the 4-corners region in the Southwest US. For a set fee, a person gets into an animal transport van, collects 30-35 animals from a 100% kill shelter (zero boarding facilities), and brings them to a location in Colorado where they can be rehabilitated and adopted to loving homes. We make our budget at the beginning of each year, every cent we have left over goes to saving puppies, because I couldn't sleep otherwise. (personal issue I know) Last year we rescued around 60-70 animals. This year we're hoping to do the same.

Thank you for your efforts in saving those dogs! You've inspired me! We sadly had to put down our sweet dog during the pandemic and haven't gotten a new one yet (travel, etc). I've considered volunteering at our local shelter walking dogs or sitting with them but it is too heartbreaking for me. I know that sounds so counterintuitive but I know it would be too sad for me because I'd want to bring them home but we've agreed the timing is not right for us right now.

But I can get off my duff and make some $$$ donations to well-run local animal organizations.

 

[target2019]

When you volunteer locally, you see exactly how your time and money benefits the recipient.

I would use charitynavigator and look into how your donation to the top-level organziation is used.

 

[Chuckanut]

You made $65k today but could lose $75k tomorrow.
That's why you're nervous...

The solution to that is to take some profit.

Time is your enemy. If you wait long enough, spending lots of money on fun stuff won’t bring you much pleasure.

By helping others you are showing yourself the way to spend money, bring pleasure to yourself and others, and grow as a person. Nobody is recommending that you become a profligate, wasteful spend thrift. Make sure your contributions of time and money are going to honest worthwhile causes. And the money you spend personally, brings you some good times and gratification.

 

[rmcelwee]

Thank you for your efforts in saving those dogs! You've inspired me! We sadly had to put down our sweet dog during the pandemic and haven't gotten a new one yet (travel, etc). I've considered volunteering at our local shelter walking dogs or sitting with them but it is too heartbreaking for me. I know that sounds so counterintuitive but I know it would be too sad for me because I'd want to bring them home but we've agreed the timing is not right for us right now.

But I can get off my duff and make some $$$ donations to well-run local animal organizations.

We've been watching this guy's videos. Yeah, some of them are sad...

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have donated both time and money my entire life based on what I can afford. It’s a great feeling to help others. I mainly give to small local charities that don’t spend much on overhead.

My exception is the Salvation Army because the colonel and his wife work as a team and take one very low salary. Because they are religious some people won’t donate. This organization gave many of our clients with substance abuse a free place to live and eat for up to 6 months in return for attending church and AA meetings and working in their warehouse or thrift stores. Some ended up with paying jobs and the ones that didn’t the program gave our agency time to help them find jobs. Truly angels in my book!!

 

[threegoofs]

This is probably common around here so I am asking for advice. I have been frugal for my entire life. My DW and I beat the game, FIRE'd and are sitting in the cat bird seat. We haven't bought each other Christmas presents for the last 30 years but this year I said we needed to BTD and each choose five expensive presents. We probably spent around $8K total on those. We have been saying we needed to up our spending to $120K per year (it was usually around $40K) and we are finding ourselves at maybe $90K total YTD.

Last week we donated our time to a friend's church (we are atheists) to help build beds for kids who have none. My wife and I were really touched when a pair of 5-7 year old sisters told us that they have been sharing a crib sized mattress. We built a bed for a mentally challenged kid who said his neck and back hurt every day from sleeping on the floor. Last night my wife told me she wanted to spend $200 per month for bedding for six of these little beds. That is ~$2500 per year (72 beds). I could feel my blood pressure go up, not sure why, when she told me that and I felt nervous. We've also always wanted to go to Waffle House (or similar) a couple of times per month and leave a $100 tip (another $2500 per year). The $5K per year would not affect our networth at all so I don't know why I have been so "stingy".

I watched the market go up today and looked at my "earnings" - $65,000. Why am I having such a hard time giving? How can I change? I'm finally learning to spend money on myself (i.e. clicking on "Buy It Now" on Amazon instead of looking for an hour trying to save $0.37 on a better deal) so maybe I can actually make the transition.

FWIW, you can learn about "SHP - Sleep in Heavenly Peace" here:
https://youtu.be/KcbLNOQEnUQ?si=QZ93obTSXIys_X0h

Check out Ramit Sethi’s podcasts. He has several guests on that are multimillionaires, but still drive five miles to get a better deal on a pint of blueberries. He discusses the psychology of this and how to get around being frugal for frugality’s sake.

I had (have) the same issue - Ive been living under my means for so long, and now have more money than I’ll probably ever need, and this podcast really helped me be more sensible about my spending on charity, ‘frivolous’ stuff, etc.

https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/podcast/

 

[Koolau]

Whether you made 65K in day, or lost 65K in a day, should not influence your desire or guilt about giving. If you considering giving, give at a level you feel comfortable and cheerful about, regardless of your financial circumstances of the moment .

Hear, hear!

(So excited about what OP is doing to help kids! What a great charity.)

It's your money. Do with it what gives you the most pleasure. I'm now in that camp that doing something with money that makes a lasting difference is much more fulfilling than buying myself the latest (fill in the blank.) I have virtually everything I need/want. Giving to people who have virtually nothing makes a huge difference to them and warms my heart (and lays up treasure.)

As far as wins/losses in the the markets - I'm used to those ups and downs now and rarely consider them when it comes to my charity "budget." YMMV

 

[steady saver]

We've been watching this guy's videos. Yeah, some of them are sad...

Oh my gosh I just watched that very one last night! He is a good guy. I told my DH if I lived in Hawaii I'd be wanting to get on their foster list for that dog.

 

[steady saver]

Check out Ramit Sethi’s podcasts. He has several guests on that are multimillionaires, but still drive five miles to get a better deal on a pint of blueberries. He discusses the psychology of this and how to get around being frugal for frugality’s sake.

I had (have) the same issue - Ive been living under my means for so long, and now have more money than I’ll probably ever need, and this podcast really helped me be more sensible about my spending on charity, ‘frivolous’ stuff, etc.

https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/podcast/

+1 I stumbled across Ramit Sethi's podcast last year and listened to a few of the ones that seemed relevant to my situation. He did help me to look at spending with a fresh perspective and it's been very helpful. Old habits die hard but it IS possible to rewire the old brain...

 

[rmcelwee]

Check out Ramit Sethi’s podcasts.
https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/podcast/

Do you remember a particular episode that you think I would enjoy? I read through some of the titles and it seemed like it was kind of like Dave Ramsey (which is entertaining but not really applicable to my situation). I've subscribed to Ramit's YT channel and listen to a few of them. Thanks!

 

[Retired2016]

Don’t know your age, but QCDs might be an option.

 

[dandan14]

Interestingly enough, I had a similar talk with my wife this week over just spending $300 on a new phone -- because I don't really need it.
I decided to try something. I'm going to setup a budget. If I give myself permission to spend x per month in different categories, maybe that will help me check and give myself permission to spend.

 

[isisdave]

I don't think OP has a problem with the mechanics, or the source or quantity of available funds. Sounds to me like he has a problem with the concept(s) of charitable giving, and there are many.

My suggestion would be to identify one or two areas of concern/interest to him and his wife (separately or together), and start to make contributions to charities in those areas. They could be health research, poverty in America or overseas, education, libraries, or zillions of youth-oriented charities. Start at whatever level you like and ramp up on a few, or spread out to more the following year.

Vet the charities with one or more of the several agencies that do that to make sure they're legit, and that at least 90% of funds collected go to their programs and not overhead or fundraising.

You'll see that many of the top-rated charities are religiously oriented or sponsored, but please don't let that scare you away. I think they tend to do a better job of delivering the help where it is needed.

 

[Moparguy392]

We are in a similar quandary. We have plenty of $$ yet, other than necessities and small items, we are in a decumulation phase (or at least trying not to accumulate much more "stuff").
Two years ago we settled MIL estate. Had to have an auction house come out and select certain things for auction then haul them off. There remained quite a few things to be divided among family and charitable donations. Took quite awhile to disperse all that she accumulated. We wish not to visit that on our son to that degree.

 

[duckcalldan]

+1 for DAF. Years ago, we funded a DAF with appreciated stock and have been using that for charities ever since. I've given away more than we funded and the balance is still about what we originally put in.

Opening a Fidelity DAF transformed my giving mindset. Once I donated appreciated stock to it, the donation was “done”. From that point on, since the money in the DAF no longer belonged to me, it made me much more willing to donate later amounts and to a growing list of charities.

I still struggle with the same story of frugality that the OP mentioned at the outset. But as far as giving is concerned, I have become a cheerful giver.

 

[audreyh1]

Opening a Fidelity DAF transformed my giving mindset. Once I donated appreciated stock to it, the donation was “done”. From that point on, since the money in the DAF no longer belonged to me, it made me much more willing to donate later amounts and to a growing list of charities.

I still struggle with the same story of frugality that the OP mentioned at the outset. But as far as giving is concerned, I have become a cheerful giver.

Interesting perspective. Definitely, once you donate to the DAF, it’s already donated and no longer yours. Then it’s just a matter of who and when.

In our household I fund the DAF often opportunistically as tax planning warrants. And DH deals with the grants. He’s more focused on the charitable gifting aspect. In fact he’s looking forward to QCDs!

 

[teachme]

...

Well done on the charitable work and giving, making a better world.

Congrats on doing well financially and wishing you continued success.

After watching a few people we know well do very well financially and watching how they conduct themselves has led us to a few tweaks to our lifestyle as we age. Of the 2 couples one is probably $5M net worth and the other appears to be around $10M. The thing that is interesting is in the case of one of the couples they have aged out of being able to do some activities and were pretty frugal in their late 60s so their massive net worth doesn't mean much for them today and I still see the husband making financial decisions to not do something when it is a sub % (probably 0.0#%) impact on their net worth. It is their life to live however as we continue to build our net worth we've chose a slightly different path, although slightly morbid it cuts through the BS and was an easy way for me and the wife to find out how/where we wanted to spend our money.

Get a blank piece of paper and make 4 columns and put the following numbers at the top 1, 5, 10 & 20. Assume each number represents how many years you have to live. Put down everything you'd like to get done in that time before you pass. Can be something like go see xyz, contact someone you haven't spoken with due to some conflict years ago and tell them you love them. Obviously you'll be more aggressive if you only have 1 year to live versus 20 but when you finish you have a list where you can determine what is important to you and some may not even involve money (or very little) but in cases that do figure out where you'd like to spend it now and maybe pull forward some of the 5, 10 and 20 year stuff to now.

 

[GrayHare]

a multi-bucket list, I like it, teachme

 

[imnontrad]

I can understand the difficulty.
I know of one couple who has "solved" this. Each year in January they set a certain percentage of their portfolio aside as their "income" for the year. The agreement is that anything they do not spend during the year from that amount (including planned donation) all gets donated. Yes, they still donate a lot but it is also the motivation to go on trips and buy things they enjoy.
There can be great joy in giving/helping others. And either you will get the joy in seeing how you can make an impact to others or your heirs will get to do that.

 

[SlowlySaving]

Thanks for sharing your experience! I have very similar reaction as yours when spending money but I am getting better at it. Agreed with my wife that last few years to spend 10's of thousands of dollars to renovate two bathrooms, the kitchen and the the backyard. It was tough at first but I am getting better at just saying "OK" or "Yes!". You got this!

Happy Holidays!

 

[Cayman]

Generosity literally changes your brain. There is significant research telling us this. For most humans, charitable giving often feels good on several levels, and it stimulates the same feel-good dopamine chemicals that money and food trigger.

Whatever your reasons for giving, know there are many ways to gift (your time, talent, current dollars, future dollars, deferred giving are few examples of how you might gift). Find a good mix that works for you ... and kudos for opening your heart and giving your time and talent to those kids who needed beds.