Include Friend's Spouse In Letter or Not?

[easysurfer]

Okay, I probably should know this Miss Manners situation but don't.

An acquaintance of mine who lives at my condo building is about to move away out of state soon because of job change from her husband. In our last conversation, she mentioned that's why they are moving.

Before moving, she was thoughtful enough to go over with her husband who to say goodbye to before leaving. She mentioned (and she got a chuckle) that when she mentioned that she needed to say goodbye to me, her husband went "Who is that person?" .

I'm writing a letter to send to her wishing her well. My my mind is wrestling with should I end with "safe travels" or "safe travels to her and her husband"?

What would miss manners do? Is it the polite thing to include the spouse when talking to couples (even in this case the husband doesn't know who I am?). Would the spouse feel left out if letter didn't mention him? Or would the spouse feel a bit surprised since he doesn't know me and here I am mentioning him?

Somebody fill me in.

 

[brett]

Does it really matter? You will probably never see or speak to them again.

 

[W2R]

Include the spouse. Even though you don't know him, it's polite to recognize his existence since he is an important part of your friend's life.

 

[easysurfer]

Include the spouse. Even though you don't know him, it's polite to recognize his existence since he is an important part of your friend's life.

This was my gut feeling, so I'm going to go with this. Nice to have a second opinion though.

I'll go with the Christmas card to Jane Doe + family approach then even if I've never met the family.

Funny thing is I've actually met my friend's husband before and introduced myself to him as we shared the same elevator (condo living). But he must have forgotten .

 

[Aerides]

I have a couple of work friends I include on a holiday card list. I've never actually met their spouses, but I address cards to "Joe and Molly" vs. just Joe. They do the same, even though they've never met DH.

If you aren't sure of the names or comfortable on that basis, go with "best wishes to you both!" or something more generic.

 

[Dtail]

Include the spouse. Even though you don't know him, it's polite to recognize his existence since he is an important part of your friend's life.

Agree.

 

[MichaelB]

Include the spouse. Even though you don't know him, it's polite to recognize his existence since he is an important part of your friend's life.

Agree.

+2

Being polite takes little effort, reaps great reward, and makes others feel good.

 

[MarieIG]

+3

 

[marko]

Does it really matter? You will probably never see or speak to them again.

Yes. It does matter.
Everyone has some friends and acquaintances that we eventually never see again.

What's wrong with leaving them with as good a final impression as when you first met?

What kind of world would it be if our measure of courtesy was limited by the criteria of if we were going to see them again? I meet dozens of people every day that I'm never going to see again but why not be courteous, kind and thoughtful.

Sorry for the vent...two martinis into the evening.

 

[easysurfer]

Yes. It does matter.
Everyone has some friends and acquaintances that we eventually never see again.

What's wrong with leaving them with as good a final impression as when you first met?

What kind of world would it be if our measure of courtesy was limited by the criteria of if we were going to see them again? I meet dozens of people every day that I'm never going to see again but why not be courteous, kind and thoughtful.

Sorry for the vent...two martinis into the evening.

+1.

I'd also add that it does matter just for the sake of feeling good about being courteous, kind and thoughtful.

Especially when the acquaintance/friend was so thoughtful in the first place to even consider taking the time to have me on the list of people to say goodbye to as I'm sure things are pretty hectic already just getting ready for a big move.

 

[CardsFan]

Yes. It does matter.
Everyone has some friends and acquaintances that we eventually never see again.

What's wrong with leaving them with as good a final impression as when you first met?

What kind of world would it be if our measure of courtesy was limited by the criteria of if we were going to see them again? I meet dozens of people every day that I'm never going to see again but why not be courteous, kind and thoughtful.

Sorry for the vent...two martinis into the evening.

+1. Bold by me.

With that criteria, why would I ever tip a wait person on a road trip?

Why would I smile and wave to the stranger driving down the street?

Why would I hold the door open for the next person?

Have you ever seen the pleasant smile of an older person as you hold the door? And for the record, sometimes I AM that older person, and enjoy the courtesy and smile of a younger person holding the door for me.

 

[Venturer]

I am in an online motorcycle club. No it's not the one that "most" people envision,long haired woolly 1%er types. I joined it in 2001 to learn more about my new bike. I have friends from all over the world actually because of it. Some I have met and some I haven't met in person-yet. I remember in 2010 I was attending the 10th anniversary "Ride in" for the club. It was around midnight or so and I couldn't sleep so I went down to the lobby of the hotel we were in to get a snack. There was a lady sitting there who I remember seeing on one of the rides we had been on that week. We spoke and she ask if I would like to join her at the table. We ended up talking for a couple of hours about the club,places we had been, kids,grands,and just stuff. The next day she sought out my wife and I to go on the same ride that they were going to be taking. That chance meeting gave us a great set of friends that we still keep in touch with and have met many times since for vacations, weddings,funerals and just friends time together. They live 200 miles away but many times we get or give a phone call to just meet up this weekend for lunch at some point 1/2 way between us. There have been others in this group that we have met and are still friends with but not as close as with this couple. All because of a sleepless night and the chance meeting of a stranger. Life is funny that way at times.

 

[finnski1]

+1. Bold by me.

With that criteria, why would I ever tip a wait person on a road trip?

Why would I smile and wave to the stranger driving down the street?

Why would I hold the door open for the next person?

Have you ever seen the pleasant smile of an older person as you hold the door? And for the record, sometimes I AM that older person, and enjoy the courtesy and smile of a younger person holding the door for me.

+2^
Very well put. Especially the last part.

 

[Vincenzo Corleone]

Include the spouse. Even though you don't know him, it's polite to recognize his existence since he is an important part of your friend's life.

Agree.

 

[Vincenzo Corleone]

Yes. It does matter.
Everyone has some friends and acquaintances that we eventually never see again.

What's wrong with leaving them with as good a final impression as when you first met?

What kind of world would it be if our measure of courtesy was limited by the criteria of if we were going to see them again? I meet dozens of people every day that I'm never going to see again but why not be courteous, kind and thoughtful.

Sorry for the vent...two martinis into the evening.

+1. Bold by me.

With that criteria, why would I ever tip a wait person on a road trip?

Why would I smile and wave to the stranger driving down the street?

Why would I hold the door open for the next person?

Have you ever seen the pleasant smile of an older person as you hold the door? And for the record, sometimes I AM that older person, and enjoy the courtesy and smile of a younger person holding the door for me.

+1 on all accounts.

 

[easysurfer]

Thought I'd write an update. Did hear back tonight from my friend that I wrote the letter to. She thanked me for the well wishes for her and her husband and mentioned about will miss a very nice neighbor like me. Leaves me with a very good feeling of nice to be nice.

Said they will try to stop by to say goodbye before they leave.

I do have a bit of a sad thought though as they are a younger couple. Just by probability, I'll probably would have kicked the bucket by the time they reach middle age .

Still, never too late to make friends with good people.