Irresponsible Son-In-Law With No Health Insurance

[steveark]

Done enough

You have said your opinion. So leave it alone. Remember on average most people would save money by not having health insurance. Otherwise insurance companies would go broke. So odds are they will be fine. If not I would not help pay their bills. I would not let the grandkids starve but that would be the extent of any help, and that would be short term only.

 

[Scrapr]

Brilliant. Talk to a cancer survivor about costs.

DW is undergoing cancer treatment. We got a bill for one month. $95k....our portion? $23. This has been going on for a year and a half. 3 hospitilizations so far

 

[footenote]

DW is undergoing cancer treatment. We got a bill for one month. $95k....our portion? $23. This has been going on for a year and a half. 3 hospitilizations so far

My Sept 2015 - July 2016 cancer treatments bills were well into six figures, even with no hospitalizations.

Our cost: each year's deductible (which we went through quite quickly both years!).

 

[gwraigty]

I gave my opinion much earlier in post #16. I still stand by that. I'm puzzled at so many of these responses.

Did I miss something that strongly suggests that OP's daughter and SIL have asked for any advice or intervention into their business? It's not an unusual thing for someone to mention they're saving up for a down payment on a house. It can be a part of ordinary conversation with anyone. Did they ask for help with a down payment?

I do agree that important financial matters should be decided on together, between spouses/household members, as it does affect the entire household.

The OP doesn't approve of his daughter's choice of spouse, whether justified or not. She agrees with some of OP's complaints, but accepts her husband as he is. Why OP knows so much about his SIL's finances before the marriage is a curious thing to me. Or why he knows so much about their finances now. Either OP gives them the third degree about it, or they talk about it willingly, hinting at a bailout?

Trust me when I say that continually criticizing/complaining about/finding fault with/ can damage relationships irreparably. Not just between the OP and daughter/SIL. The grandchildren will notice their grandfather doing this to their father. Unless their father is someone who makes them feel threatened (raging alcoholic/drug addict/physical or emotional abuser), they love him and think well of him and their mother. (At least until they become teenagers.) Grandpa will be seen as the bad guy who yells at Dad all the time.

 

[Chuckanut]

Trust me when I say that continually criticizing/complaining about/finding fault with/ can damage relationships irreparably. Not just between the OP and daughter/SIL. The grandchildren will notice their grandfather doing this to their father. Unless their father is someone who makes them feel threatened (raging alcoholic/drug addict/physical or emotional abuser), they love him and think well of him and their mother. (At least until they become teenagers.) Grandpa will be seen as the bad guy who yells at Dad all the time.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You have made an excellent point. She chose him, and continues to choose to be with him despite his failings. This should not surprise anybody. It's nobody's business but theirs. And, it could be a lot worse. He could have had an affair and now have kids by another women, for example. It happens.

Ongoing criticism and disapproval will only poison the well.

Here's some other advice: You don't know what will happen to your child. If your child dies, their spouse now has sole control over your grandchildren. Getting on the bad side of them is usually not a good idea. I won't bore you with war stories about this, other than to say I know of several people who rarely see their grandchildren as a result of getting on the bad side of the surviving SIL or DIL.

 

[joeea]

But health insurance is more of political scam than payment system these days. Medical services cost 2X-10X more with insurance so you can be better off going bare.

Obamacare drove millions of healthy folks, like me, away from the insurance market entirely. I like using direct primary care to cover preventive maintenance.

So much foolishness...

 

[joeea]

Brilliant. Talk to a cancer survivor about costs.

Let me tell you about my $28,000 infusion treatments for my lymphoma.
Have had 12 so far...

 

[FIREd]

OP, we must all be allowed to reap what we sow. Otherwise we’d never learn anything.

You did your best to steer them in the right direction but if they ignore your advice and end up in trouble, you should let them deal with the consequences. Bailing them out will only teach them that being responsible does not matter because there will always be someone else left to hold the bag.

 

[youbet]

This is not a case of not having insurance, this is a case of cheap SIL wanting to buy beer/etc instead of insurance.

That sounds very reasonable to me. If he was wasting the money, I’d feel differently I’m sure.

 

[brucethebroker]

I asked him what would happen if for example he had the need for expensive surgery and he said "that won't happen". I said that I knew what would happen, that my wife and I would end up "bailing the out".

This conversation has just convinced him that he has nothing to worry about, financially, as long as he is married to your daughter.

Follow your wife's advice.

 

[gwraigty]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You have made an excellent point. She chose him, and continues to choose to be with him despite his failings. This should not surprise anybody. It's nobody's business but theirs. And, it could be a lot worse. He could have had an affair and now have kids by another women, for example. It happens.

Ongoing criticism and disapproval will only poison the well.

Here's some other advice: You don't know that will happen to your child. If your child dies, their spouse now has sole control over your grandchildren. Getting on the bad side of them is usually not a good idea. I wont bore you with war stories about this, other than to say I know of several people who rarely see their grandchildren as a result of getting on the bad side of the surviving SIL or DIL.

You're quite welcome.

I could tell some war stories myself. Suffice it to say that I have plenty of first-hand experience at this, from both a grandchild's perspective many decades ago, and now as a parent of 2 young adults who want little to do with their grandfather & step grandmother. As do I.

 

[Scrapr]

My Sept 2015 - July 2016 cancer treatments bills were well into six figures, even with no hospitalizations.

Our cost: each year's deductible (which we went through quite quickly both years!).

Yep. That was our experience. Mrs Scrapr was Dx late in the year so the first treatment spanned 2 policy years. So 2 deductibles. This year we were a little shocked they started asking for co pays in January again. Then we remembered....ohhhh, new policy year. We were laughing about in in the oncology waiting room with some other patients.

All year long we are telling each other...free healthcare..just like Canada!

 

[footenote]

Yep. That was our experience. Mrs Scrapr was Dx late in the year so the first treatment spanned 2 policy years. So 2 deductibles. This year we were a little shocked they started asking for co pays in January again. Then we remembered....ohhhh, new policy year. We were laughing about in in the oncology waiting room with some other patients.

All year long we are telling each other...free healthcare..just like Canada!

Please give Mrs Scrapr a hug from me

Wait... SEVERAL hugs

 

[popntx]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You have made an excellent point. She chose him, and continues to choose to be with him despite his failings. This should not surprise anybody. It's nobody's business but theirs. And, it could be a lot worse. He could have had an affair and now have kids by another women, for example. It happens.

Ongoing criticism and disapproval will only poison the well.

Here's some other advice: You don't know what will happen to your child. If your child dies, their spouse now has sole control over your grandchildren. Getting on the bad side of them is usually not a good idea. I won't bore you with war stories about this, other than to say I know of several people who rarely see their grandchildren as a result of getting on the bad side of the surviving SIL or DIL.

Of course ongoing criticism and disapproval can poison the well. You don't have to be a jerk about it. You can provide advice in a constructive and caring way. A parent with a healthy relationship with his kids not only has the right but also an obligation to express their opinion and provide advice especially when it's clear that a serious mistake is being made. Just as they have the right, as adults, to take or ignore that advice. And after providing the advice, no need to continue to bring it up or be nitpicky about it. They are ultimately responsible to make their own decisions and live with the consequences.

And as far as providing help on a down payment on a house, that should be out of the question until they have demonstrated that they are ready for home ownership. If SIL says he cannot afford health insurance, then they certainly cannot afford a house payment. Or if he has made the choice to discontinue health insurance even though he could afford it, then they are not responsible enough for home ownership. And what about life insurance? Has he decided that he doesn't need that either because nothing is going to happen to him?

At the very least I would tell DD to get SIL on her insurance before providing any assistance on the down payment.

 

[mitjaypat]

Your SIL is the reason healthcare is expensive. When he needs care, and cannot pay for it, that physician/hospital will add his burden onto people who can pay.