Just venting here folks, but the collective wisdom of this group is welcome. I am sure I'm not alone in this matter. I am not an early retiree; the plan is to retire at 65, and I'm turning 63 shortly. So effectively two more years on the job. My finances are in good order, but the financial plan in terms of home improvements and potential travel pretty much necessitates working until 65.
After 32 years in this workplace (a variety of positions over the years) I had my first relatively upsetting performance review today where I was told my communication style needs improvement, that my e-mails to several people this year were "curt" and feelings were hurt. (Unfortunately I work in an area of mainly women, and one hurt feeling is never forgotten.)
I realize that I am pretty burnt out, have nothing to gain (no promotions left; nothing exciting in terms of responsibilities coming down the pike), and have let down my guard at times because of this, especially in the face of the usual nonsense swirling around. Still, I work with all sorts of people all the time and the "he said/she said" stuff when I've evidently rubbed one or two people wrong during the year due to tone is hard to take. Part of me badly wants to just say, "this is no longer worth my time or mental health; I'm out of here."
But I'm also scared of retirement as I honestly don't know yet what I'm going to "do." I don't have a family, I do have friends that like to do lunches or movies, but I feel any earlier passion in life has been ground down to a nub due to having little to no time for it during my working life. I don't know how to find it again--or even what it is.
So I'm trying to figure out how to survive two more years of pettiness among colleagues on the one hand and sheer boredom on the other. I feel lousy for even saying this, to a degree, because this has actually been a good place to work for many years and it has generally been good to me. When I go out, however, it will be with a whimper and not a bang. Was I expecting to come to the end of my career with a bang? I don't know, but I've seen all sorts of people whimper out of here after a long and successful career and are never given another thought. That's sad.
And then there's the fear of the next step that also at this point seems to be looming emptiness. I just can't yet envision it.
I guess if you didn't notice I have a little pity party going on right now. I've had some health issues recently (surgery) that cause me daily amounts of pain and lack of sleep, and I'm sure if I could see myself objectively I'd understand this was coming into play. Any advice or encouragement is welcome to poor pitiful me.
After 32 years in this workplace (a variety of positions over the years) I had my first relatively upsetting performance review today where I was told my communication style needs improvement, that my e-mails to several people this year were "curt" and feelings were hurt. (Unfortunately I work in an area of mainly women, and one hurt feeling is never forgotten.)
I realize that I am pretty burnt out, have nothing to gain (no promotions left; nothing exciting in terms of responsibilities coming down the pike), and have let down my guard at times because of this, especially in the face of the usual nonsense swirling around. Still, I work with all sorts of people all the time and the "he said/she said" stuff when I've evidently rubbed one or two people wrong during the year due to tone is hard to take. Part of me badly wants to just say, "this is no longer worth my time or mental health; I'm out of here."
But I'm also scared of retirement as I honestly don't know yet what I'm going to "do." I don't have a family, I do have friends that like to do lunches or movies, but I feel any earlier passion in life has been ground down to a nub due to having little to no time for it during my working life. I don't know how to find it again--or even what it is.
So I'm trying to figure out how to survive two more years of pettiness among colleagues on the one hand and sheer boredom on the other. I feel lousy for even saying this, to a degree, because this has actually been a good place to work for many years and it has generally been good to me. When I go out, however, it will be with a whimper and not a bang. Was I expecting to come to the end of my career with a bang? I don't know, but I've seen all sorts of people whimper out of here after a long and successful career and are never given another thought. That's sad.
And then there's the fear of the next step that also at this point seems to be looming emptiness. I just can't yet envision it.
I guess if you didn't notice I have a little pity party going on right now. I've had some health issues recently (surgery) that cause me daily amounts of pain and lack of sleep, and I'm sure if I could see myself objectively I'd understand this was coming into play. Any advice or encouragement is welcome to poor pitiful me.