Man who stuck dates with the bill looking at prison time

[dvalley]

For a good story to balance these out....
I was out of town dog sitting and wanted to go to a nice restaurant and knew some company would make it more enjoyable. I sent out messages to quite a few women on a dating site and a few responded. One was interesting and interested. However she refused to go to the expensive restaurant as she didn't want any mistake that a hookup was happening. She insisted on a Mexican place where nothing was over $15.
We ate and watched football and had a few beers. We ended up seeing each other 3 times that week and I visited a few more times in the months to follow.
Nice to find her.

You should press charges that she stuck you with the bill for three dates

Online dating these days is pretty much one party trying to one up the other. It doesn't even feel like it's about finding a long term partner anymore (even 5yrs ago things weren't this bad).

 

[Peter]

Online dating these days is pretty much one party trying to one up the other. It doesn't even feel like it's about finding a long term partner anymore (even 5yrs ago things weren't this bad).

It certainly sounds that way from all the above stories. I was on match.com 20+ years ago and it all seemed very genuine. In the end, I was introduced to my wife by a mutual friend, and match.com then receded into past history.

 

[GravitySucks]

After reading this thread I'm wondering if the reason I don't get many hits on online sites is because I use recent photos where you can see i am over weight.
Maybe people expect I'm even older and fatter.

 

[dvalley]

After reading this thread I'm wondering if the reason I don't get many hits on online sites is because I use recent photos where you can see i am over weight.
Maybe people expect I'm even older and fatter.

Looks matter more than anything when it comes to online dating today. I'm in a pretty good shape, conservatively 6.5 to 7/10 looks wise, 6ft but even I only get very few dates...or dates that are relationship material. Most women, including the below avg ones, in online dating are looking for the Chris Hemsworth lookalikes. Many are simply looking for attention/validation, the minute you give it to them they're no longer interested. Three, most women who have been online dating for a while have read books like 'The Rules' etc which teaches them to act and behave in certain ways, not let things flow naturally. Like I said it's mostly games one up'ing the other. Of course, there are exceptions but within certain age groups those are rare and usually get picked up quickly...unfortunately usually by the player types and then when the players move on these women then go guards up, read the books that I mentioned above and the cycle repeats. Like I said, it's a very different world out there now compared to just even a few years ago but like with anything in life persistence...you have to be in the game to win it so don't sit it out.

PS. Start working out...mainly for yourself, it also gives a huge confidence boost and the side benefit is chicks.

 

[Newventurer]

You reminded me of DW and I having an "adventure" being the "lookout" for one of DW single friends who decided to date online. Our task was to also be at the same meeting venue - restaurant, bar, whatever - and to discreetly monitor from a distance. I set up a set of signals for her friend to use to indicate of things were going good, okay, bad, or ugly.

Her friend used a current, full body photo, which may have been a mistake since she is tall and tends towards the curvy side. Most of the men who showed up used older/touched up pictures and were shocked that she looked like her picture.

The worst thing we had to do was throw one guy off of her trail when the date did not go well and he wanted to follow her home. He felt that since he had spent time sharing a meal with her he deserved "something more". She ended up driving to a shopping mall parking lot, we trailed and sure enough the guy followed her there. She went into the mall and met us there, but the guy stayed in his car. where I took her car keys, went into her car, and drove off. I drove by his car on the way out and he seemed to have a puzzled look on his face. Meanwhile, DW brought our around to a different entrance and they left without the guy spotting them. Those were some fun times...


But... in the end, she did meet a man through this that they ended up hitting things off, got married after a couple of years, and are still happily married 10 years later.

So my recommendation... if you do go this dating route, have friends who can act as lookouts.

What awesome friends you are...maybe there is a job in retirement - “Rent a Grandpa” Ladies that are going on online dating first dates pay you to be available to ‘show up’ at the table for an ‘imagine meeting you here grandaughter’ moment if you get the signal things aren’t going well.

 

[Omega]

I recently joined an online dating site. I used current photos, but my bio, admittedly, is pretty lame. I have no clue what to say lol. I would never use old or doctored photos. What's the point of that

I've been on one date so far. It was "fine" but we both knew right away that there were no sparks at all. We split the bill for drinks and apps and left. And for the record, we both looked exactly like our photos.

Interestingly, I find myself caring more about the bio than the photo.

 

[Chuckanut]

What awesome friends you are...maybe there is a job in retirement - “Rent a Grandpa” Ladies that are going on online dating first dates pay you to be available to ‘show up’ at the table for an ‘imagine meeting you here grandaughter’ moment if you get the signal things aren’t going well.

Oh gosh, what a great idea!

I would do it for the price of a good beer or cappuccino.

 

[travelover]

I recently joined an online dating site. I used current photos, but my bio, admittedly, is pretty lame. I have no clue what to say lol. I would never use old or doctored photos. What's the point of that

I've been on one date so far. It was "fine" but we both knew right away that there were no sparks at all. We split the bill for drinks and apps and left. And for the record, we both looked exactly like our photos.

Interestingly, I find myself caring more about the bio than the photo.

Don't be discouraged. There is someone out there for everyone, but it can take a while to find that person. I dated for a number of years until I found someone that liked me for who I really was and vice versa.

 

[dvalley]

I recently joined an online dating site. I used current photos, but my bio, admittedly, is pretty lame. I have no clue what to say lol. I would never use old or doctored photos. What's the point of that

I've been on one date so far. It was "fine" but we both knew right away that there were no sparks at all. We split the bill for drinks and apps and left. And for the record, we both looked exactly like our photos.

Interestingly, I find myself caring more about the bio than the photo.

In my dating age range (late 30s to mid 40s) bios are not important because unless they like your pic they won't read your bio. If they like your pic enough though the bio can be literally be blank and they'll still reach out. I do put something basic in there about my hobbies etc. but that's about it. YMMV.

Oh yes, don't do old or touched up pics, that's just bad form.

 

[travelover]

In my dating age range (late 30s to mid 40s) bios are not important because unless they like your pic they won't read your bio. If they like your pic enough though the bio can be literally be blank and they'll still reach out. I do put something basic in there about my hobbies etc. but that's about it. YMMV.

Oh yes, don't do old or touched up pics, that's just bad form.

When I was using Match.com 15 years ago, many profiles had no picture. I found that the most attractive people did not post their pictures - in fact that is how I, a plain looking bald guy, ended up marrying such a good looking woman.

 

[JustCurious]

In my dating age range (late 30s to mid 40s) bios are not important because unless they like your pic they won't read your bio. If they like your pic enough though the bio can be literally be blank and they'll still reach out.

I do not agree. That may be true for some people, but it's not true for me and I don't think it's a fair generalization.

 

[jollystomper]

What awesome friends you are...maybe there is a job in retirement - “Rent a Grandpa” Ladies that are going on online dating first dates pay you to be available to ‘show up’ at the table for an ‘imagine meeting you here grandaughter’ moment if you get the signal things aren’t going well.

I just may add that to my "alternate retirement options" list!

The woman (I'll call her Stacy here) is a great friend of DW's, even though she is about 15 years younger than us. For whatever reason DW says she really likes me and, Stacy has asked me "what to guys think about..." questions that would make a sailor blush. She was a model when younger, had a difficult time as a single mom but was never the "I'm a victim" type and always optimistic. So we performed this service as we really wanted to protect her.

 

[dvalley]

I do not agree. That may be true for some people, but it's not true for me and I don't think it's a fair generalization.

Understood. Are you currently on the dating apps? If so, have you noticed the very first thing that's shown and in most cases the only thing shown first is the pics? There's a reason for that, everyone looks at the pics first, if there's no physical attraction they swipe left and move on. Only when there's physical attraction people spend the time to read bios. I'm not saying don't put anything in the bios because they can help break the ice but online dating is all about the pics.

 

[scrabbler1]

For me, after years of using earlier versions of online dating (i.e. newspaper personal ads and similar phone ad systems), I found on line systems reduced my chances of getting dates but improves the screening process. Before online dating, I found women in their 20s and 30s looked mostly at a man's height, the picture (if the system allowed it), and his money/job. I found that women always demanded a picture and used any lack of one to dismiss a man. However, men, like me who usually got far fewer responses, were not able to place such a requirement and often had to choose women without seeing a picture beforehand.


Once online dating became the more common means starting in the late 1990s, the order changed to picture (which tended to include height) and job/money. But my biggest hurdle was kids. Being childfree (i.e. doesn't have kids or want to have kids), eliminated about 95% of potential candidates because nearly all women in the 20s and 30s either had at least one or wanted to have at least one. Before online dating, when ads were charged by the line or even the word, this trait was not usually learned right away. I would at least date some women for a little while before something broke us up, but not always the kids thing because we often didn't date long enough to realize this incompatibility.


Thankfully, I met a woman on line 14 years ago and have been together since.

 

[Badger]

30+ years ago I used a local dating service after a divorce a few years earlier. It took me that long to take the chance. First date was always a breakfast or lunch date. I didn't have enough income to afford dinner dates. Met a lot of interesting women and rarely asked any of them for a second date. The one time the first date was for happy hour I met my future wife. She didn't drink or smoke children were grown, was well dressed from work, articulate, pleasant demeanor, and attractive. It turns out she had tried meeting other men and I was the last chance. I was pretty much of the same mind set. Still married 31 years later.


I wouldn't know what to do today if I was single again. I may have to subscribe to the following:

Cheers!

 

[JustCurious]

Understood. Are you currently on the dating apps? If so, have you noticed the very first thing that's shown and in most cases the only thing shown first is the pics? There's a reason for that, everyone looks at the pics first, if there's no physical attraction they swipe left and move on. Only when there's physical attraction people spend the time to read bios. I'm not saying don't put anything in the bios because they can help break the ice but online dating is all about the pics.

I am currently using dating apps and I do not agree with your generalizations. Also, the apps I use do not have the option of "swipe left."

 

[dvalley]

I am currently using dating apps and I do not agree with your generalizations. Also, the apps I use do not have the option of "swipe left."

OK please elaborate then. Do you read bios first, ignoring the pics? or are you saying you read bios even after you don't find someone attractive? I'm a bit confused. Also curious what dating apps you're using.

 

[JustCurious]

OK please elaborate then. Do you read bios first, ignoring the pics? or are you saying you read bios even after you don't find someone attractive? I'm a bit confused. Also curious what dating apps you're using.

You made several generalizations about what "everyone" does, including this one..."everyone looks at the pics first, if there's no physical attraction they swipe left and move on."

I don't think it's ever true to claim what everyone does. I am not going to get into my personal life on a public forum or what apps I use, but it's common knowledge that one of the most popular dating sites is Match.com, and they do not have the option of "swipe left." You asked if I read the bios first and ignore the pics... it depends on the profile, there is no one single answer. If someone stands out as particularly unattractive for whatever reason, then yes, I will move on without any further inquiry, but most profiles are like most people...they are not stunningly model level attractive, nor are they particularly unattractive... they fall somewhere in the middle. And for those majority of people, I try to look at the whole profile, including at least reading some of the bio before deciding whether to move on. I will tell you that the opposite of what you are saying is true in my case...even if I find the picture to be attractive, if there is no bio, I will move on. No matter how attractive a woman may be, if she can't take the time to write something about herself and what she is looking for, I'm not interested.

Edit to add: I agree with Aerides' comments in the post after mine...there are women in whom I become much more interested despite a lack of initial physical attraction if they have a well written profile and I find points of common interest. I am looking for the whole person.

 

[Aerides]

Do you read bios first, ignoring the pics? or are you saying you read bios even after you don't find someone attractive? I'm a bit confused. Also curious what dating apps you're using.

When I used Match (as a female), I absolutely looked past less-than-ideal photos in hopes of finding a great bio. A woman who is looking for an actual serious relationship is going to have a whole person in mind, not just a face. And yes I can for sure say there were men who were more attractive once I read a good profile - plenty of times.

Just as there were some men who I met, despite little or no immediate physical attraction, found myself reconsidering after 30 mins of good conversation.

When I saw a man with a lightweight profile, I'd assume they were just looking for a bonk or a few dates, but not marriage or anything serious. Even if I thought someone attractive, a scant profile was a signal to keep looking. So if your profile is written as if you assume no one is bothering to read it, you may be waving away a lot of the quality serious women, and left attracting only the "date for dinner+" types.

I also learned after a few tries to be more honest and specific with myself and my profile of what I was looking for, and who I was, quirks, interests, flaws, and that really helped. The responses I started getting once I took that approach were far far better suited for me.

I got married well before Tinder, but my single friends (male and female) don't view that as a place to find a partner.

 

[dvalley]

You made several generalizations about what "everyone" does, including this one..."everyone looks at the pics first, if there's no physical attraction they swipe left and move on."

I don't think it's ever true to claim what "everyone" does. I am not going to get into my personal life on a public forum or what apps I use, but it's common knowledge that one of the most popular dating sites is Match.com, and they do not have the option of "swipe left." You asked if I read the bios first and ignore the pics... it depends on the profile, there is no one single answer. If someone stands out as particularly unattractive for whatever reason, then yes, I will move on without any further inquiry, but most profiles are like most people...they are not stunningly model level attractive, nor are they particularly unattractive... they fall somewhere in the middle. And for those majority of people, I try to look at the whole profile, including at least reading some of the bio before deciding whether to move on. I will tell you that the opposite of what you are saying is true in my case...even if I find the picture to be attractive, if there is no bio, I will move on. No matter how attractive a woman may be, if she can't take the time to write something about herself and what she is looking for, I'm not interested.

Gotcha. I guess since I haven't used Match in a long time I don't know about their 'app' but all the modern dating 'apps' like Tinder, Bumble, CMB, Hinge, even OKcupid now are all swipe-style apps that emphasize on pics because most people, "not everyone", don't want to waste time reading stuff about someone they're not at least somewhat physically attracted to.

 

[dvalley]

When I saw a man with a lightweight profile, I'd assume they were just looking for a bonk or a few dates, but not marriage or anything serious. Even if I thought someone attractive, a scant profile was a signal to keep looking. So if your profile is written as if you assume no one is bothering to read it, you may be waving away a lot of the quality serious women, and left attracting only the "date for dinner+" types.

Makes sense. I'm just relaying what I see out there. Also, many apps limit profiles to 150 characters or even less now.

 

[JustCurious]

I guess since I haven't used Match in a long time I don't know about their 'app' but all the modern dating 'apps' like Tinder, Bumble, CMB, Hinge, even OKcupid now are all swipe-style apps that emphasize on pics

Online dating using Match.com is not modern? Is it ancient?

 

[JustCurious]

Makes sense. I'm just relaying what I see out there. Also, many apps limit profiles to 150 characters or even less now.

This must be a generational thing, are you under 30?

 

[dvalley]

Online dating using Match.com is not modern? Is it ancient?

Sorta... It's all about the apps now not 'websites'.

Match is still doing good though because many relationship minded people who are serious are willing to pay their monthly fee.

Eharmony is pretty much dead though.

This must be a generational thing, are you under 30?

It is. No, I'm in my early 40s but I usually date mid to late 30s.

 

[GravitySucks]

Personally, the photos do get the first look, but the bio is more important. I'll pass on contacting someone with a great looking photo but an incomparable write up. And will send a note to someone with a great bio and not so great pictures.