That's make two of us. I don't get it either. I guess part of it is just, I guess, cultural. People who grew up with non-working moms and just see it as natural for the wife to not work and don't really think about or distinguish between women with children and women without.
Uh, not really IMHO.
I always thought that a marriage was to represent
the best for both, regardless of the situation driven by culture, habit, or financial need.
As for my MIL (God rest her soul), had the responsibility for keeping six people's "living standards" elevated through her "work" she did over decades, taking care of my FIL and their four childern. My FIL was fortunate to have a good manufacturing union job that allowed her to stay at home and not just "sit there", but be there for the good of the family.
As for my own mother? She was one of those "abnormal" mothers of the 50's, who worked in the factory from an early age. She had two "childern" to take care of in those days - me and my father.
I call my father a child since he acted as one (he suffered from narcissistic personality disorder, until his passing, that was actually found to be related to his own upbringing) who demanded my mother to work (even though he himself had a great job with an great income, $+20k in the 50's). However, every Friday, he expected my mother to endorse her paycheck and give it to him for his "desires" (including airplanes, cars, travel trailers, cabin cruisers, women - one of who was later to become his wife after my mother/he divorced, and many other "toys of life"). BTW, we (meaning he) was always late on paying the "normal bills" and faced our electicity being shut off more than once.
So what is "normal"? Those spouses (either sex, or these days.......).
DW stayed at home for a decade after we were married. In the beginning, since I was in the military and she did not have the possibility to get a job (even though taking the GS exams) along with getting pregenant shortly after we were married (heck, I loved her! - still do, but beyond the age of having childern
)
After the birth of our (disabled) son, she stayed at home, not only to take care of him, but also to take care of me - who was busting my butt, to keep the family going (I have no regrets - that's my "job").
When our son entered a (special) school, she had the desire to work. She said that she wanted to get out a bit and communicate with other folks, after dedicating every waking moment to our son over many years.
While we certainly were not "rich" (nor on the street) at the time, I agreed to her wanting to persue her desires. However "being the man" (yeah, I know I'm going to get slammed on that comment), I did have one "requriement". While I would not have any "claim" on her income (as my father had done to my mother), I also expected her to pick up all the expenses as related to her J*b - that is clothes, car gas/maintenance (I paid for her car, and insurance) and anything related to "her job". The reason for this is that I did not want to depend on her income for any "family" or living expenses. There was always a chance that she would not maintain her employment, either due to loss of job or future "challanges" as related to our son, which she would want to stay at home and meet his needs.
As it turns out, after 40+ years of marriage, we never counted on her income to any extent to allow us a good life. Her income over the years was (and still is, in retirement) is hers to do with what she wants. Primarly it allows her to persue her passion (world-wide travel) over the years, while in addition added more than quite a bit to our joint retirement assets.
I've lived with a MIL that didn't work (but was a "success", IMHO). I lived with a mother that did work (and had nothing to show for it).
I'm not going to take sides. I'm just telling my "life story" to show that it's not a black/white situation in many cases, of what is the norm, regardless of age...