Relationship with children's spouse parent's

[street]

We will be getting our first daughter in-law, in early fall and have known her parent's most of our life. We have known them but never have spent time around them. We also never really knew their children but kind of knew who they were. I have had some interconnection with work, with her dad, while I was working.

We seem to have a lot in common, coming form a very small community and they are great people.

My folks and my wife's parents always had a fun time, when we all got together but it didn't happen very much.

Just wondering how your relationship with children's spouses, parents are? Do both families get together and do you have any contact with them as a new friend, that has developed from the uniting of your children?

 

[Jerry1]

Zero interaction with in-laws since the wedding. Just different lives in different cities. Neither daughter tends to have get togethers that included both sides. Thankfully though, I like both of my daughters husbands. They’re good guys.

 

[MissMolly]

We occasionally get together at my daughter's house with her in-laws for my granddaughter's birthday or maybe Christmas. Her husband has a very small family - his parents, his 2 sons from his first marriage and their wives, one brother (married/2 kids). That's it. Our family, on the other hand is huge - I have 6 brothers and sisters, all married with kids with grandkids. My husband has 4 sisters all married with kids and grandkids and even great-grand kids. But occasionally my son-in-law's folks and his brother's family join us at our house for some things - about once year - usually our 4th of July party. I think our side of the family overwhelms them We all get along fine.

 

[CardsFan]

Interesting you should ask this, as DW and I are going through a similar relationship.

DS has lived in Chicago for about 16 years (38yo now). About 3 years ago he met a wonderful woman, quite a bit younger (30yo now). From the very beginning, every time we went to Chicago for a visit we would socialize with both her parents and her sister (and SO). We have all enjoyed each other's company.

DS and DDIL got married in a small ceremony (10 people) in December 2020. In a side conversation her dad and I talked about how well we all got along, particularly since we had never met before, and agreed from our common experience we, as in-laws, socialize more than any one else we know.

I think the common bond is the love we show for each other's child.

 

[W2R]

My son-in-law's parents are even older than I am, and they have lived all of their lives in a small town near Barcelona, Spain. I met them at the wedding, back in 2009 but that's about it.

Their English is really terrible, my Spanish is worse, and I do not speak Catalan at all. So, most of our communication at the wedding was nodding and smiling. My SIL, who is fluent in all three languages and more, translated for us whenever he had a moment. But I have not seen his family since that day, and we do not write letters or otherwise communicate.

 

[CoolRich59]

We have three married DSs.

First to get married was DS#2, we love his in-laws and have become good friends with them even though they live on the other side of the country. When they are in town, we socialize with them - even without the kids.

Next married was DS#3. His in-laws are nice folks, but have never been able to connect with them. Nothing wrong with them, it just seems we are different.

DS#1 got married last (in 2019). His in-laws are great. They also live on the other side of the country and so we've only seen them a few times. However, they have invited us to visit and we will be taking them up on the invite sometime this year.

 

[Lewis Clark]

My parents and my wife's parents get along well when they see each other, but live in different states and rarely see each other.

My father's parents and my mother's parents became best friends for many decades. They lived near each other during their working lives, and retired near each other in Florida.

 

[tb001]

We got married later in life, when our parents were all older. Our parents have never even met each other! His father had died and his mother wasn’t in good enough shape to travel to the wedding.

It’s a shame they never got to meet. His family has never lived anywhere but nyc and mine have never lived anywhere but deep country. But I think our mothers would have gotten along fabulously. They are so similar in the way they express themselves it’s uncanny.

 

[street]

I'm hoping we can become better acquainted through the years. They are very family oriented, with 3 children in high profile careers all live close and see one another a lot.

They have invited us many times already, for their family gatherings. It has been a very kind thing they have done. There son is turning 30 in a week and they have already invited us an evening with there family BD party.

I actually served with her (future DIL) dad on a board of directors for a couple of years. We always seemed to have a respect for each other, and worked well with each other, but never really got to know each other. Lol

Now we are connected, and is interesting how that works in life.

 

[Sue J]

Our son married a woman from Beijing. He met his in-laws once before they got married and they have been back a few times to visit. One of those times my DH went with him. I did not go because I really hate flying and could not handle a 14 hour flight and then Beijing traffic, etc.

DH spent about 10 days in Beijing (in a nearby hotel) and interacted with DIL's family but it was all through our DIL who is bi-lingual. So it was all very formal and stilted. They like our son and that their daughter was married (especially to an American.) Since then our son and DIL went back when their baby was just a few months old and her parents were thrilled with their grandson.

I have never met them although we have video chatted with them when DIL has been over here and they happen to call her. We all wave and smile and DIL translates a few comments but that's about it.

DILs parents were supposed to come here for a visit in the summer of 2020 but then we had the pandemic and all travel stopped. Our son and DIL would love to have them come and spend a summer here as they have a 3 bedroom house with a nice yard and garden in a great neighborhood. DILs parents live in small apartment in Fengtai, a district in Beijing, and then they go to Hainan for the winter. She would love to have them visit for a while and spend time with their grandson.

So I hope to meet them someday. We share a grandson and I think about them often and what they are missing. But that's what happens with long distance families.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My DIL is from Poland. We have been there twice in 10 years and they have come 3xs. We all get along great but my DIL has to translate. We tried to use translation apps but that only works for very simple dialogue.

 

[WestUniversity]

Thankfully we are separated by many many miles. While one parent is delightful, the other one is absolutely insufferable. A very toxic person. Its a shame because we love the rest of their family...

 

[Car-Guy]

Circumstances have been that we never had a chance to meet them. We're not against it, it just hasn't happened..... Yet....

 

[mystang52]

We get along with DS's in-laws; they live in same town. Early on we went out to dinner with just them, on occasion. We're different people, with different interests, so now we only see them for family reasons.

 

[athena53]

I don't see DDIL's parents a lot- I live in KC, DS and DDIL live in Des Moines, her parents live in a little town 2 hours north of there. So, it's mostly family gatherings in Des Moines.

We share so many values- hard work, education, love for our grandchildren. The grandchildren are their only ones; DDIL's brother married a woman who can't have kids and her sister and her DH are trying and have had a couple of miscarriages. I think they're really happy with DS.

We're in different places economically but what we do with the kids tends to complement each other and have the same goals. They take them camping and to the state fair (pre-COVID) and have rented a condo in Colorado for the extended family. I take the girls for haircuts at Shear Madness and for overnights in the local Embassy Suites. We can't WAIT to resume the overnights to Chicago I took for the older one, who's now 7- the 4-year old is ready to come with us. Not in the other grandparents' budget but they've saved DDIL's favorite books from when she was little, they gift them with things like bird feeders...as I said- lots of values in common. Last time I was up there, DDIL's mother had borrowed free cross-country ski equipment from her local rec department- we all went out and had a ball.

So- they're good people. I grow a little closer to them every time I see them. I do have to avoid the subject of politics with DDIL's dad- he's a big teddy bear of a man and an avid reader so we have many interests in common- but let's just say his politics are very far from center so I avoid the subject!

 

[REWahoo]

Just wondering how your relationship with children's spouses, parents are? Do both families get together and do you have any contact with them as a new friend, that has developed from the uniting of your children?

We have two married daughters. DD#1's parents live in the same town and he (now deceased) was my barber for many years. When our first grandchild was born we would get into extended "arguments" whenever I got a haircut, both claiming that "my" grandson was smarter and more handsome.

 

[street]

^ I like that, and sounds like bragging about the same things had to be a good friendship. Lol

I never would want to be best friends and do everything with in-laws, but I do want to have a connection for family continuity.

 

[ERObjd]

2 of our 3 kids married, met the daughter in laws parents at wedding and that was good enough. We gave email to one in-law and next thing we know we were hit with almost daily Amway emails and Shaklee vitamin emails so I had to block her emails. I guess she was into multilevel marketing.. which is OK for those who like paying for their over priced products , but we have zero interest in it and did not appreciate the scam emails. One asked us to stay connected with facebook. she looked shocked when my wife said "we don't have facebook or twitter or any of those social media things."

I am not against knowing my married kids in-laws..but see no real reason to, so. we dont. Met them at wedding, was cordial and that was the end of it. Likely will never see them again.

 

[copyright1997reloaded]

I got along better with my in-law's than my (now-ex) spouse.

 

[pacergal]

See DD and DSIL parents maybe 1-2 times a year, great folks, we just don't see a lot of each other. But enjoy them when we do.

DS and (nowEx)DILs parents gave me a freaky vibe when we first met, really toxic folks, which is why DS is now divorced.