Fedup
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
It would be a huge turn off except for gold diggers. I remember one guy in college showed me how much he made. Huge mistake. What if it's a lie? Who's to verified.
Single men of ER...chime in pls
- Thread starter dvalley
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Hubby #3 still seems bitter after all these years at having been 'forced' to sign a prenup giving away his right to take his portion of my mother's estate allowed under state law if she were to predecease him. His argument is that she should have trusted him to arrange his estate to send any of my mother's assets he collected to her kids after his death.
I actually attended the signing of the prenup with hubby #3. I had read on the internet that prenups are sometimes challenged by having one of the parties claim that they didn't know what they were doing when they signed. To avoid this, I told hubby #3 outright at the meeting how much he was potentially losing by signing the prenup. He was shocked, and his pen wavered over the document. His lawyer glared daggers at me. It's true, I didn't help foster romance between the two lovebirds by providing actual numbers, but I thought that hubby #3 should understand what he might be losing by signing. He went ahead and signed, but he was clearly unhappy.
I have a rather dim view of the whole prenup business. Why get married under the inheritance laws of a state just to try to undo most of those laws with a prenup? My mom and hubby #3 had cohabited happily for quite a few years before getting married, and I would have preferred that they retain that arrangement. However, unsurprisingly, they didn't ask my advice.
They have always lived at his socio-economic level, and seem fine with that. I once encouraged my mother to see an estate planning lawyer in her area, but the planner declared that people who live where she does can't afford his services.
Souschef
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Interesting- My wife was widowed, and her sons told her to never mention how much money she had just in case someone was a gold digger.My mother was widowed from hubby #2 when she was in her 60s. She told future hubby #3 her net worth practically on their first date, which I thought was a huge mistake. Her net worth was around 20 times his, and he wasn't a pauper.
While we were seeing each other, we both kept it pretty close to the vest. One day, her car broke down, and the repair was quite expensive. I wrote her a check to cover a good part of it. When she looked at the check, she said, "but there are 3 zeros before the decimal point".
I figured it was time to tell her I was not impoverished, so I showed her the NW printout. She was stunned, but it has never been an issue with us.
We both have our separate accounts, but have set up things when one of us goes.
I did that in the first relationship after my wife died. We were both very candid early on, so I didn't think it too risky. I later learned that our assessments of "good finances" were not the same
. She wasn't the least bit demanding while we were together, but once I ended it, she apparently started to see me as the bank - money to move, more money to move, a "loan" after she made a bad decision.Round 2 comes along, and all she knows is I have "enough" and don't have to go back to work when my kids are gone. She's subtly probed a few times and I've stonewalled. If the time comes for disclosure with this one, not sure if she'll be angry that I haven't been willing to spend more or grateful that I can obviously take care of myself. That reaction will set the future course, I think.
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athena53
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Wow- DH and I (second DH, not the spendthrift I described earlier) dated for 6 years before we married and never really threw out numbers for a long time. Each of us knew that the other was LBYM and paying bills on time. I knew DH's assets were far less than mine and so did he. I can't even remember when we actually discussed numbers because it was a non-event.
If I'm in a serious relationship with a guy and after I tell him what I'm worth, his reaction is, "Why didn't you buy me a Rolex on my last birthday?", he's gone.
A kind gesture, but why did you do it? Frankly, I'd be a little insulted if a man paid for my car repair. I'm not a damsel in distress!
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Amethyst
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I had no idea what Mr. A was "worth" when we got married. We didn't discuss net worth. I knew he paid child support, had a house, claimed to pay his bills every month and not carry a balance (which turned out to be true), and drove a very beat-up car he'd bought from a friend. I also knew I loved him. Edit to add: In this whole thread, sex and money are mentioned a lot, but love comes up very seldom. I wonder why that is?
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I don't know why, either. I would have thought that love is only about a million times more important than everything else in life combined.
But what do I know? If I were all that smart, I'd be retired already instead of still counting down my TMYs.
Moemg
Gone but not forgotten
IMO revealing your net worth is about trust and if you do not trust your partner you are not ready for a long term commitment.
athena53
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A wise former boss used to say there are 3 issues that break up a marriage: sex, money and squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle. (My interpretation of that is that while arguments may break out over trivial things, major issues are usually in the background.) Money was certainly a major factor in the breakup of my first marriage.
Before I even think about love, I want to make sure there are no dealbreakers such as major mismatches on philosophies about money or sex. My second husband and I were together for nearly 20 years and we never had an argument. Really. Our core values were so similar we agreed on most things without even discussing them and we didn't sweat the small stuff. If I have another long-term relationship, I want it to be that harmonious.
exnavynuke
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Sex and money *generally* come up a lot faster than one will "fall in love". If you can't get past the 'hurdles' on the way to falling in love, it's pretty well impossible to get to that point. While I may not jump in bed with a woman the first night I meet her, the odds are very high that we'll be sleeping together before I get to the point of "being in love" if history is any indication. Based on history, I'll also have a strong indication of how our values regarding money compare long before that point is reached.
Souschef
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
At the time she was still dealing with the financial fallout of her husbands passing. We were starting to be serious, and she really appreciated it.
Fedup
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
I'm guessing you are not a fan of Tina Turner?
This.
I shared a bed with a chemo pump at end of the last marriage, and I'm willing to do so again. Will have to be another special lady and sorting out the things that have been discussed in this thread is part getting to that level of commitment.
Amethyst
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Maybe it is that the thread really started out with a focus on online dating, and meeting people just for dates.
By contrast, Mr. A. and I worked together. I mean really worked, as in coming in on weekends to deal with work crises, grumbling about the same co-workers, discussing the news, etc. It was obvious we shared the same values. And he had great taste, as I've mentioned earlier. I had given up on finding that in an attractive package.
Intellectual and moral compatibility was the linchpin; I didn't worry about sex. If you are strongly attracted, sex takes care of itself, except of course where medical problems are present. At least, that has been my (admittedly limited) experience. I've only been married twice.
By contrast, Mr. A. and I worked together. I mean really worked, as in coming in on weekends to deal with work crises, grumbling about the same co-workers, discussing the news, etc. It was obvious we shared the same values. And he had great taste, as I've mentioned earlier. I had given up on finding that in an attractive package.
Intellectual and moral compatibility was the linchpin; I didn't worry about sex. If you are strongly attracted, sex takes care of itself, except of course where medical problems are present. At least, that has been my (admittedly limited) experience. I've only been married twice.
This reminded me - about a year after DW and I got married my younger sister hesitantly asked "So how are things going with you and DW?"
I replied "Well, the worst thing I can say about her is that she squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle, but I guess I can live with that". Sister thought that was cute.
DW still squeezes the tube in the middle and I still don't care.
Next month will complete the 29th year so I think it's gonna work.
aja8888
Moderator Emeritus
This reminded me - about a year after DW and I got married my younger sister hesitantly asked "So how are things going with you and DW?"
I replied "Well, the worst thing I can say about her is that she squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle, but I guess I can live with that". Sister thought that was cute.
DW still squeezes the tube in the middle and I still don't care.
Next month will complete the 29th year so I think it's gonna work.
Funny, ever since DW and I have been married, we have separate toothpaste tubes. I wonder if that's an omen of some kind?
I doubt it, we've usually had different brands of toothpaste too. That's one reason why I don't care where she squeezes it.
Fedup
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
We do too, we have separate sink so that's why. Plus my husband just switched over to a different brand because his teeth is more sensitive.
Capwest28
Dryer sheet aficionado
Had to chuckle. We use different types of toothpaste. I have never thought about changing.
HFWR
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I'm not sure which is worse, that a relationship depends on something as minor as squeezing the toothpaste from the middle, or that people who squeeze the toothpaste in the middle annoy me...
Hermit
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Chuckanut
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I have one of these.
https://www.amazon.com/Simon-Stelz-...=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=dtoothepast+tube+squeezer
https://www.amazon.com/Simon-Stelz-...=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=dtoothepast+tube+squeezer
Amethyst
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Toothpaste is cheap. If the toothpaste is messed up, throw it away and get a new tube.
I also read about people fighting over which way the toilet paper is hung. I couldn't care less which way the toilet paper is hung - it still comes off the roll. It only bothers me if people don't replace an empty roll. And even then, I know where the spare rolls are in the bathroom cupboard.
I really think some people look for reasons to disagree. Like the ones who worry about "sex incompatibility" - they probably make a big deal out of who touched what first, or something.
I also read about people fighting over which way the toilet paper is hung. I couldn't care less which way the toilet paper is hung - it still comes off the roll. It only bothers me if people don't replace an empty roll. And even then, I know where the spare rolls are in the bathroom cupboard.
I really think some people look for reasons to disagree. Like the ones who worry about "sex incompatibility" - they probably make a big deal out of who touched what first, or something.
This reminded me - about a year after DW and I got married my younger sister hesitantly asked "So how are things going with you and DW?"
I replied "Well, the worst thing I can say about her is that she squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle, but I guess I can live with that". Sister thought that was cute.
DW still squeezes the tube in the middle and I still don't care.
Next month will complete the 29th year so I think it's gonna work.
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