Stuck newbie
- Thread starter RoadAhead43
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cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
newguy888 said:
He also said something about a dead shark.
Good luck Roadahead, you're gonna need it. People turn to LBYM because its a positive tradeoff for them. Right now, your spouse isnt seeing any upside to this, other than it making you a lot happier and less stressed and being around more. Either she isnt comprehending that benefit or doesnt see it as a benefit.
There are a lot of folks here with a spendy ex-spouse. There are also a lot of folks who found that divorce is a great way to put two people in severe financial and emotional distress that neither fully recovers from.
This is a lot more than selling a house or retiring early. Tread slowly, softly, and watch out for hairballs.
boutros said:
Very true. I have seen married people slowly change their values over time and eventually drift apart. One case was very similar to the OP's: a highly compensated husband working in the IT industry and his wife (and kids) who liked the good life. They married when they were young and grew distant over the years. Once the kids were out of the nest, they ended up divorcing. The husband is happier now, but then again, as CFB pointed out above, divorces can also be messy and taxing (no pun intended) affairs.
Another thing to consider is that your preferences seem to be still in transition, e.g.:
vs.
You may want to give it a bit more time to settle down before you make any drastic decisions. Then again, if your work is really killing you, it may not be easy.
RoadAhead43
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All good points. She is five years my junior and we did buy this house together. In fact, she didn't want to sign the papers...I had to come sign them by myself. And now, I am the one who wants out. What can I say? I changed my mind....I see things differently now. If it were 1962, I'd probably be heading for the nearest commune.
AltaRed
Full time employment: Posting here.
Following up on original post, when I said further family discussion would not be productive, I meant that continued dialogue in and of itself won't likely reach a mutually agreeable solution. Dialogue and discussion has to continue....but a 3rd party would help bridge differences and reach a compromise.
Your last post disturbed me in that your spouse would not accompany you to sign the papers on original purchase. That in itself suggests there has been lack of compromise in your relationship. Your spouse is not likely going to perceive your actions as being fair (both initially and now).
As others have suggested, go about this slow, and please do get a 3rd party involved before making a unilateral decision to put up the McMansion for sale. To the degree possible, you and spouse should be making the next big decisions based on mutual compromise. You will both have to decide if you can do that together....before jumping into a rental (good idea) and using the appropriate amount of time to find a suitable replacement (good idea not to new build).
Your last post disturbed me in that your spouse would not accompany you to sign the papers on original purchase. That in itself suggests there has been lack of compromise in your relationship. Your spouse is not likely going to perceive your actions as being fair (both initially and now).
As others have suggested, go about this slow, and please do get a 3rd party involved before making a unilateral decision to put up the McMansion for sale. To the degree possible, you and spouse should be making the next big decisions based on mutual compromise. You will both have to decide if you can do that together....before jumping into a rental (good idea) and using the appropriate amount of time to find a suitable replacement (good idea not to new build).
RoadAhead43 said:
It sounds like a very drastic change, doesn't it? Have you considered what may be behind it? Stress? Burnout? Midlife crisis? (If so, you can get in line right behind me
) Finally, are you sure that your current state of mind will last? Sometimes a change of scenery or a long vacation can give us a different perspective and make seemingly insurmountable problems much more manageable.From Mrs FI@35,
We have agreed to do the very thing you want to do. Almost every single person we know, says "Why would you sell your awesome house, and quit a high paying job/career?" Our thoughts are why not ? To me having my husband home is a way better quality of life than have him working long hours and having only a few hours of time together once he gets home from the office. To me our big house was a bit overwhelming. Like someone else mentioned the upkeep and bills are high, and we did it all ourselves, not wanting to pay someone else to do it.
We dont have children but I think your kids would more likely love to spend time with you than have you working to pay for a larger house.
But here is where no one seems to have made a comment. Maybe its not just the big mcmansion that your wife doesnt want to get rid of. It could be that while you work all day she has created a life for herself within the area with her friends, neighbors, etc. You mentioned she doesnt work and I dont either. So you sort of create your own " daytime life " and " daytime friends etc." Maybe she is just feeling that she will lose all that and have to start over.
Another thing I might suggest is that maybe you go out and just "look" at what is out there. New homes being built with model homes to tour. I know its hard to beat a big house but sometimes just going in to model homes gets you excited to get something different.
I grew up in a small home with six of us, and I think that having a small place made us closer. ( sharing rooms etc. ) although now days it seems like kids have their own bathrooms, bedrooms and more. That said, the big house always felt a bit cold to me, and a smaller home is much more cozy to me.
I think even with a 2200 square foot home, there is still plenty of space, just not double everything. When we lived in our last house we didnt use half of our bathrooms or bedrooms.
It is tough to downsize so much stuff, and I like your wife, likes stuff too, certain things were easy to get rid of and others werent, but it feels really good to get rid of things. You sort of just keep your favorite things and also you realize that a lot of stuff is just filler and you dont miss it one bit.
I hope you come to some conclusion that works for both of you. Both your wife and I are lucky to have husbands that support us financially and in our case I didnt have any problem supporting him back, I have always thought he worked too much and had to put up with too many office politics.
My suggestion is to really hear the reasons why your wife doesnt want to move, there might be a solution that works.
Either the model home tour will lure her in, and she will be excited about a new home and getting to re-decorate.
Also there could be the possibility of moving somewhere less expensive than Philadelpia and keeping the big house but for a lot less money.
Good luck.
We have agreed to do the very thing you want to do. Almost every single person we know, says "Why would you sell your awesome house, and quit a high paying job/career?" Our thoughts are why not ? To me having my husband home is a way better quality of life than have him working long hours and having only a few hours of time together once he gets home from the office. To me our big house was a bit overwhelming. Like someone else mentioned the upkeep and bills are high, and we did it all ourselves, not wanting to pay someone else to do it.
We dont have children but I think your kids would more likely love to spend time with you than have you working to pay for a larger house.
But here is where no one seems to have made a comment. Maybe its not just the big mcmansion that your wife doesnt want to get rid of. It could be that while you work all day she has created a life for herself within the area with her friends, neighbors, etc. You mentioned she doesnt work and I dont either. So you sort of create your own " daytime life " and " daytime friends etc." Maybe she is just feeling that she will lose all that and have to start over.
Another thing I might suggest is that maybe you go out and just "look" at what is out there. New homes being built with model homes to tour. I know its hard to beat a big house but sometimes just going in to model homes gets you excited to get something different.
I grew up in a small home with six of us, and I think that having a small place made us closer. ( sharing rooms etc. ) although now days it seems like kids have their own bathrooms, bedrooms and more. That said, the big house always felt a bit cold to me, and a smaller home is much more cozy to me.
I think even with a 2200 square foot home, there is still plenty of space, just not double everything. When we lived in our last house we didnt use half of our bathrooms or bedrooms.
It is tough to downsize so much stuff, and I like your wife, likes stuff too, certain things were easy to get rid of and others werent, but it feels really good to get rid of things. You sort of just keep your favorite things and also you realize that a lot of stuff is just filler and you dont miss it one bit.
I hope you come to some conclusion that works for both of you. Both your wife and I are lucky to have husbands that support us financially and in our case I didnt have any problem supporting him back, I have always thought he worked too much and had to put up with too many office politics.
My suggestion is to really hear the reasons why your wife doesnt want to move, there might be a solution that works.
Either the model home tour will lure her in, and she will be excited about a new home and getting to re-decorate.
Also there could be the possibility of moving somewhere less expensive than Philadelpia and keeping the big house but for a lot less money.
Good luck.
jclarksnakes
Full time employment: Posting here.
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RoadAhead43,
....You sound like you are very unhappy. 5000 square feet of house and a half million dollar mortgage seem obscene to me. And aparently it is not bringing real happiness to you. Someone posted recently about living in a crappy little 1800 square foot tract house. Well a crappy little 1800 square foot tract house is exactly what we live in and we are very happy. Our daughters lived here with us during their teen years. We actually lived in some smaller and crappier places when they were younger. It seems to me that a good marriage and family is more important than Mcmansions or other material goods. The most important task in our lives is raising our children. If we raise them to be material oriented rather than people oriented we are failing in our task.
jc
....You sound like you are very unhappy. 5000 square feet of house and a half million dollar mortgage seem obscene to me. And aparently it is not bringing real happiness to you. Someone posted recently about living in a crappy little 1800 square foot tract house. Well a crappy little 1800 square foot tract house is exactly what we live in and we are very happy. Our daughters lived here with us during their teen years. We actually lived in some smaller and crappier places when they were younger. It seems to me that a good marriage and family is more important than Mcmansions or other material goods. The most important task in our lives is raising our children. If we raise them to be material oriented rather than people oriented we are failing in our task.
jc
RoadAhead43
Dryer sheet wannabe
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MrsFI@35,
My wife mainly doesn't like change, and she will agree with that statement. She lived in the same house that she was born in until she left to come move in with me. She grew up in a very small house. We bought this place 4 years ago and have put a ton of sweat equity into with the intention that we would raise our kids here. This is her "nest" so to speak. So I think it's my wanting to yank her from her nest and her resistance to change that are the key elements.
Neither of us have been very happy here. The neighborhood seems cold ( we imagine that everyone is too stressed, working to pay all the expenses), our social life is not what we want, and now I have the additional stress of carrying the costs. To add to that, my business has taken a downturn with the loss of an important client, so I'm faced with having to press even harder to keep my income up over the $200k mark. I have made over $200k/year for the last 8 years and I have to continue that level of earning to keep us comfortable here.
So, I'd kind of like to step off the treadmill a little and reduce costs and take some pressure off. I'm not asking her to go live in a shack. I'm more than willing to compromise by buying a quaint, nice house that may even exceed this house in terms of trimmings, detail, charm,etc, yet has much less square footage. We could probably find a nice house built in the 30s or 40s with plenty of the things we like; hardwood, custom woodwork, stonework, etc. Heck, our McM basically 5ksq ft of dry wall.
Just like you MrsFI, we use about 1/4 of the total square footage in here.
As far as building new, I understand the views on this. However, I see it as a possible compromise. She would definitely be more inclined to go that route. She really detests old stuff and renovations. Plus, my brother in law is a builder who did exactly what I want to do for his own family and now lives debt free. I figure the two of us could build something pretty nice. I would stop working for a year and help build the house. With the two of us working on it, I think we could minimize cost, but I understand it is still a risk.
JClark, it's funny, in some ways I've never been happier. I think it is my growth and personal "enlightement" that has led to my new values and goals, which are much improved over my old "go with the pack" mentality. The house and the trappings are more an annoyance. True happiness goes beyond stuff, I'm sure you will agree.
Thanks all for the discussion, very, very helpful.
My wife mainly doesn't like change, and she will agree with that statement. She lived in the same house that she was born in until she left to come move in with me. She grew up in a very small house. We bought this place 4 years ago and have put a ton of sweat equity into with the intention that we would raise our kids here. This is her "nest" so to speak. So I think it's my wanting to yank her from her nest and her resistance to change that are the key elements.
Neither of us have been very happy here. The neighborhood seems cold ( we imagine that everyone is too stressed, working to pay all the expenses), our social life is not what we want, and now I have the additional stress of carrying the costs. To add to that, my business has taken a downturn with the loss of an important client, so I'm faced with having to press even harder to keep my income up over the $200k mark. I have made over $200k/year for the last 8 years and I have to continue that level of earning to keep us comfortable here.
So, I'd kind of like to step off the treadmill a little and reduce costs and take some pressure off. I'm not asking her to go live in a shack. I'm more than willing to compromise by buying a quaint, nice house that may even exceed this house in terms of trimmings, detail, charm,etc, yet has much less square footage. We could probably find a nice house built in the 30s or 40s with plenty of the things we like; hardwood, custom woodwork, stonework, etc. Heck, our McM basically 5ksq ft of dry wall.
Just like you MrsFI, we use about 1/4 of the total square footage in here.
As far as building new, I understand the views on this. However, I see it as a possible compromise. She would definitely be more inclined to go that route. She really detests old stuff and renovations. Plus, my brother in law is a builder who did exactly what I want to do for his own family and now lives debt free. I figure the two of us could build something pretty nice. I would stop working for a year and help build the house. With the two of us working on it, I think we could minimize cost, but I understand it is still a risk.
JClark, it's funny, in some ways I've never been happier. I think it is my growth and personal "enlightement" that has led to my new values and goals, which are much improved over my old "go with the pack" mentality. The house and the trappings are more an annoyance. True happiness goes beyond stuff, I'm sure you will agree.
Thanks all for the discussion, very, very helpful.
RoadAhead43
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Scrooge,
Wanted to reply to your post. I think my change of heart is due to several factors: age, maturity, intelligence and just plain being tired of the grind.
I for one think that our quality of life in this country( generalizing of course) is really bad. It's amazing how the marketing machine controls so many and people compromise their lives, community and health on a daily basis, making decisions based solely on money/ materialism. I guess it took me awhile (till age 38 or so), to REALLY see the charade.
Now, it is serious. I think our lifestyles (mine included) impact our communities, environment, our country and our world. I want to head in the opposite direction for my own happiness, for my kids, for my country and for my world.
Wanted to reply to your post. I think my change of heart is due to several factors: age, maturity, intelligence and just plain being tired of the grind.
I for one think that our quality of life in this country( generalizing of course) is really bad. It's amazing how the marketing machine controls so many and people compromise their lives, community and health on a daily basis, making decisions based solely on money/ materialism. I guess it took me awhile (till age 38 or so), to REALLY see the charade.
Now, it is serious. I think our lifestyles (mine included) impact our communities, environment, our country and our world. I want to head in the opposite direction for my own happiness, for my kids, for my country and for my world.
AFloat
Dryer sheet aficionado
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RoadAhead3,
I can’t offer much advice on your family issues but I fully understand your work situation. I was an independent IT consultant for 8 years before I just had enough and had to get out. I just burned out on running as fast as I could all the time just to keep up with the work, client relationships, new technology, billings, travel, etc. My health was going down hill and finally we just decided that we had enough and had to get out. We’ve sold the house and now live on a boat and after a year or so of decompressing we’ll decide what to do next. I’m not sure what lies ahead but there is a lot in life besides working yourself to death. If you can, try taking a couple of months off to clear your head and show your family there are good alternatives to what you’re doing now. People who have spent their entire life in the fast lane sometimes don’t realize how many other options there are in life and how rewarding a simpler life can be.
Good luck.
Frank
I can’t offer much advice on your family issues but I fully understand your work situation. I was an independent IT consultant for 8 years before I just had enough and had to get out. I just burned out on running as fast as I could all the time just to keep up with the work, client relationships, new technology, billings, travel, etc. My health was going down hill and finally we just decided that we had enough and had to get out. We’ve sold the house and now live on a boat and after a year or so of decompressing we’ll decide what to do next. I’m not sure what lies ahead but there is a lot in life besides working yourself to death. If you can, try taking a couple of months off to clear your head and show your family there are good alternatives to what you’re doing now. People who have spent their entire life in the fast lane sometimes don’t realize how many other options there are in life and how rewarding a simpler life can be.
Good luck.
Frank
Roadahead,
My situation was very similar to yours. Last year my wife and I were living in a McMansion (3500sf, $400K mortgage). I'm also in IT (partner in a small IT firm), my wife works but our pay is very inequitable (I make about 6 times what she does).
I came to realize that having a huge new house simply wasn't worth it to me. The house payment was huge, and I didn't like the idea of $400K in debt hanging over me. Although we make plenty of money, I just felt that we would be just as happy, or happier, if we could get rid of the big place and find a nice smaller home.
My wife was VERY against the idea of selling the house. And why shouldn't she have been? I was the one making the money and thus worrying about the debt. Getting out from under the debt of a big mortgage was a huge benefit to me, but there really wasn't much in it for her.
Well, it took about a year to convince her, but I patiently kept at it and finally she agreed to sell. We're now living in a 2000sf rental house in the same neighborhood (which we love) and not fretting over the flailing real estate market (NorCal near Sacramento). Six months after the sell, my wife agrees that it was the right thing to do.
We were able to stick the profits from the house into savings (tax free of course) and feel much more free financially than we have in years. The last bit of debt we have ($8K on a 2.9% car loan) will be paid off in a few months. We'll have a ton in savings, no debt and a lot of freedom to live our lives how we want.
I don't think there is anything wrong with material possessions, they can bring a lot of happiness, at least in moderation. But I've come to learn that freedom is more important, and I will never again let material possessions threaten my ability to live my life exactly how I want.
Good luck in working out your plans with your wife. You've got lots of good advice so far on this board. Although I would offer caution in the whole "third party" analysis for a couple of reasons: 1) It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. This is your life, you need to live it the way you want. 2) Anyone can always find someone to agree with them. Your wife could simply go out and find someone to back her position up (and there are probably more people in the world willing to back up a high consumption lifestyle than there are willing to back up LBYM.)
My situation was very similar to yours. Last year my wife and I were living in a McMansion (3500sf, $400K mortgage). I'm also in IT (partner in a small IT firm), my wife works but our pay is very inequitable (I make about 6 times what she does).
I came to realize that having a huge new house simply wasn't worth it to me. The house payment was huge, and I didn't like the idea of $400K in debt hanging over me. Although we make plenty of money, I just felt that we would be just as happy, or happier, if we could get rid of the big place and find a nice smaller home.
My wife was VERY against the idea of selling the house. And why shouldn't she have been? I was the one making the money and thus worrying about the debt. Getting out from under the debt of a big mortgage was a huge benefit to me, but there really wasn't much in it for her.
Well, it took about a year to convince her, but I patiently kept at it and finally she agreed to sell. We're now living in a 2000sf rental house in the same neighborhood (which we love) and not fretting over the flailing real estate market (NorCal near Sacramento). Six months after the sell, my wife agrees that it was the right thing to do.
We were able to stick the profits from the house into savings (tax free of course) and feel much more free financially than we have in years. The last bit of debt we have ($8K on a 2.9% car loan) will be paid off in a few months. We'll have a ton in savings, no debt and a lot of freedom to live our lives how we want.
I don't think there is anything wrong with material possessions, they can bring a lot of happiness, at least in moderation. But I've come to learn that freedom is more important, and I will never again let material possessions threaten my ability to live my life exactly how I want.
Good luck in working out your plans with your wife. You've got lots of good advice so far on this board. Although I would offer caution in the whole "third party" analysis for a couple of reasons: 1) It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. This is your life, you need to live it the way you want. 2) Anyone can always find someone to agree with them. Your wife could simply go out and find someone to back her position up (and there are probably more people in the world willing to back up a high consumption lifestyle than there are willing to back up LBYM.)
AltaRed
Full time employment: Posting here.
ash said:
I am stunned by the misunderstandings regarding 3rd party intervention. No "trained" 3rd party sides with either side nor offers an opinion about what is right! It's about guiding the discussion as a mediator between 2 parties having difficulty having a real conversation and understanding each other. Having said that, it takes both parties to want to do that...
Brat
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I agree that a 3rd party counselor is the route to take.
One approach that should work for the both of you is define your mutual goals and identify the risks of the current lifestyle. Before the two of you can happily make major changes this process is necessary.
She sees you leaving a secure job and a lovely home that you both have invested in, she doesn't understand that you now see risks for her and your daughter. Were you to die your insurance will probably pay the mortgage, but could she meet all the other costs? How long could she maintain that lifestyle, and when the time came to sell the estate the leverage is with buyers.
Assuming you leave your current position agree that under no circumstances will you mortgage the new home, that your business ventures will not risk the family nest.
One approach that should work for the both of you is define your mutual goals and identify the risks of the current lifestyle. Before the two of you can happily make major changes this process is necessary.
She sees you leaving a secure job and a lovely home that you both have invested in, she doesn't understand that you now see risks for her and your daughter. Were you to die your insurance will probably pay the mortgage, but could she meet all the other costs? How long could she maintain that lifestyle, and when the time came to sell the estate the leverage is with buyers.
Assuming you leave your current position agree that under no circumstances will you mortgage the new home, that your business ventures will not risk the family nest.
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
3rd parties sure can be helpful but I've definitely seen plenty of 'trained' 3rd parties take a side or have a bias.
I've seen plenty of "ministers" (your word) give biased advice. Ministers in and of themselves have to be biased. (They certainly aren't going to recommend a divorce for example!)AltaRed said:
With that said, I agree with you that if the relationship is strained and there are basic communication difficulties, then a counselor might be in order. That's just not the gist I was reading. And it was also unclear to me if people were recommending expert advice, or simple mediation, which are two very different things. My apologies if I've misunderstood.
Brat
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
From what I have seen in my family 'ministers' are better at holding hands than resolving this type of issue. What I had is mind is something like a family counselor with an advanced degree in psy or education and a licence to practice counseling.
I can understand why the wife is confused. Evidently OP was the one who wanted to buy this house, the two of them have put a lot of $ and effort into making it magnificent, and NOW he wants to get out of it and quit his job.
I can understand why he thinks they need to change their lifestyle.
Above all, this should not be worked through in front of the child.
I can understand why the wife is confused. Evidently OP was the one who wanted to buy this house, the two of them have put a lot of $ and effort into making it magnificent, and NOW he wants to get out of it and quit his job.
I can understand why he thinks they need to change their lifestyle.
Above all, this should not be worked through in front of the child.
AltaRed
Full time employment: Posting here.
C'est la vie. My original post said 'minister or family psychologist' and I also noted 'counselling services' that employers retain for use by employees. Think it was pretty clear I was talking about a professional 3rd party... and I only mentioned 'minister' since some folks seem to think 'ministers' walk on water... and wouldn't be caught dead in a psychologist's office. .... In any event, both parties need to be agreeable to any process, whatever it is.
From Mrs FI@35
I understand what its like to put a lot of work in to your home. We did that with our first fixer upper house and it was hard to leave even when it was no where near as nice as yours sounds BY FAR.
I also understand totally what you mean about the neighborhoods being cold. It seems like the more you make/the more expensive your home, people have no time for friendships or being neighborly. I find it also true in bigger city area living. Even in our last neighborhood people were friendly but it seems like the garage doors go up, car drives in and the garage doors go down and you sometimes dont even see your neighbors until summer rolls around and yard work forces them to come out. People are so busy with working hectic schedules that there is no time for leisure.
Sounds like its not really the house size your wife is worried about because you mentioned that you dont use much of it.
Now, to me it sounds like it could be a matter of just finding the right place. as you said, nice woodwork, trim and the extras.
Doesnt sound like either of you would miss the neighborhood.
To me its easier to create a new house than to create a new neighborhood.
How about you could sell your house, get a smaller one and bribe the kids with a backyard pool.
That would do it for me. !!! :
I understand what its like to put a lot of work in to your home. We did that with our first fixer upper house and it was hard to leave even when it was no where near as nice as yours sounds BY FAR.
I also understand totally what you mean about the neighborhoods being cold. It seems like the more you make/the more expensive your home, people have no time for friendships or being neighborly. I find it also true in bigger city area living. Even in our last neighborhood people were friendly but it seems like the garage doors go up, car drives in and the garage doors go down and you sometimes dont even see your neighbors until summer rolls around and yard work forces them to come out. People are so busy with working hectic schedules that there is no time for leisure.
Sounds like its not really the house size your wife is worried about because you mentioned that you dont use much of it.
Now, to me it sounds like it could be a matter of just finding the right place. as you said, nice woodwork, trim and the extras.
Doesnt sound like either of you would miss the neighborhood.
To me its easier to create a new house than to create a new neighborhood.
How about you could sell your house, get a smaller one and bribe the kids with a backyard pool.
That would do it for me. !!! :
RoadAhead43
Dryer sheet wannabe
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Ash,
Thanks for the VERY relevant post. I think more people are considering the same type of move, which worries me from a resale standpoint.
How does your new residence compare to the old? Money aside, which one do you prefer? Are you looking at any $$ for improvements to the new place to bring it up to snuff?
Thanks for the VERY relevant post. I think more people are considering the same type of move, which worries me from a resale standpoint.
How does your new residence compare to the old? Money aside, which one do you prefer? Are you looking at any $$ for improvements to the new place to bring it up to snuff?
RoadAhead43
Dryer sheet wannabe
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Afloat,
Is it me or is this just a crazy, stressful field? On top of the myriad of business and client issues, there is the constant stress of keeping up technically and now foreign competition. Seems like a bad way to make a living. There is money to be made, but it is by no means easy money.
Is it me or is this just a crazy, stressful field? On top of the myriad of business and client issues, there is the constant stress of keeping up technically and now foreign competition. Seems like a bad way to make a living. There is money to be made, but it is by no means easy money.
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
IT's a tough job. You succeed when you invisibly effect change on schedule and under budget, and completely avoid downtime. None of which is plausible. If you get close, note the word 'invisible'.
Even the perception issues are tough to manage. I had an IT VP tell me that she wouldnt consider my work successful until we reached "utility provider type uptime percentages, and we're nowhere near that!". The next time we met I showed her charts that demonstrated that our average customer uptime was already better than PG&E and SBC's.
Even the perception issues are tough to manage. I had an IT VP tell me that she wouldnt consider my work successful until we reached "utility provider type uptime percentages, and we're nowhere near that!". The next time we met I showed her charts that demonstrated that our average customer uptime was already better than PG&E and SBC's.
We're renting a house right now, and probably will for at least another year or two while we wait to see what happens with the RE market, which has at the very least stopped going up in our area.RoadAhead43 said:
The house we're renting is no match for the old house! Even though it's in the same neighborhood, our McM was a great house, we loved it. BUT, we still both feel that we made a great move. The cost of the old place was simply too much, in everything from mortgage to utilities.
One of the most helpful practices I have begun doing is equating my spending behavior not with dollars, but with number of hours worked (including taxes, travel, etc.). It has really helped me to put things into perspective.
BTW, I too understand the sweat equity. My wife and I had done a lot of painting and shelf-work in our house. We put a pool in, and landscaping, etc. It was hard to walk away from all of that.
RoadAhead43
Dryer sheet wannabe
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2006
- Messages
- 13
Ash,
Do you find that you are still working as hard as before, or do you really have more free time now ? Have you left your old job? Is your goal to retire early? How have you and your wife adjusted to the lesser material stuff?
I would love to do exactly as you have done. After a rough weekend, due to discussions on this topic, my wife is showing some flexibility...the time may be near.
Do you find that you are still working as hard as before, or do you really have more free time now ? Have you left your old job? Is your goal to retire early? How have you and your wife adjusted to the lesser material stuff?
I would love to do exactly as you have done. After a rough weekend, due to discussions on this topic, my wife is showing some flexibility...the time may be near.
I own a small IT firm (with a business partner) that I am looking to exit from within the next year. So, currently I am working just as hard as before, although that isn't very hard.RoadAhead43 said:
Honestly though, you may be right, since my net worth has increased I do find myself less interested in work.I'd like to be able to semi-retire by age 40 (I'm 36 now). I've only got $600K currently, and by 40 I should have $1M+ total but that's not enough to pull 4% from and give us the lifestyle we want. So...my goal is to lower the lifestyle, as long as it doesn't reduce our happiness. And while we really loved the house, I love the prospect of not working more.
I told my wife about this thread, and how it closely matched our position and she had a good laugh (at me, not at you!). We went through some really tough discussions on the issue, and like I mentioned it took a year for me to convince her (and myself somewhat) that this was the best thing to do.RoadAhead43 said:
