Road,
I hope you're progressing well in your fledgling lifestyle blueprint since your last post.
Yup, spousal (... and to a lesser extent offspring) buy-in are crucial to the sustainability of any structural shifts in your lifestyle. The disconnects I noticed here include a dichotomy of life philosophies (LBYM, true happiness, ... the works); spousal lack(?) of awareness of your not-so-silent cry to end your job-related sufferings; and divergent views on what really matters in life and marriage and family.
Before you talk downsizing, decompressing, de-cluttering and such, you need to pin-down the fact that: at the current life-work trajectory, you'll either drop dead within 12 mths or, if you're still alive beyond the 12 mths, you'll be forced to take drastic measures to either keep (work harder and harder
) or get rid (work hard to sell in a rapidly souring RE market) of the 5,000 sq ft money pit.
Your DW need to fully and rationally comprehend the life (and death) options in hand. Once the point gets across, your house (and all the trimmings) is just a minor detail.
Go search my "Hi, I am ..." post. I was CEO of two subsidiaries of a huge Telco MegaCorp. I came home drained after yet another 16 hour day and was a virtual rat race zombie wired to say/do/act/think the MegaCorp's way 24/7. No amount of cash and perks will compensate for a lost soul ! Sorry MegaCorp (....or IT Consultancy or whatever), my life's not for sale. I refuse to be unhappy and to see my life sucked from me for the sake of a 5,000 sq ft McM and (.... list all the clutter beyond whats in your bedroom and basic kitchen utensils).
In my case, upon getting "it," my DW metamorphosed from a prolific clutter-collecting enterprise to a top-notch advocate of LBYM and intelligent spending. My 7 yr old son is proving to be a masterful LBYM advocate himself. No tantrums at Toys-R-Us with this kid, LOL ! Anyway, DW's regular prodding for me to end the w*rk-induced sufferings played a big part in my pulling the plug literally cold turkey. One of the best decisions I've had to make.
We may not be able to splurge on new toys and trinkets with previous impunity, but I'm home and free and am using my emancipation to enjoy our own simple life's pursuits.
The bottom-line, don't make the 5,000 sq ft plaster edifice
the issue of contention. Stress on your need to stop doing something you hate that are now affecting your health. The McM disposal and downsizing and de-cluttering are just the necessary elements in your bigger goal of maintaining your sanity and staying alive.
Good luck.