This site makes me depressed...

[er33]

I think you are doing well! My own brother who is a high earner is saving virtually nothing despite my 'encouragement' so this is not easy to do!

 

[GatherYeAcorns]

Lots of good information, but this site has destroyed any illusions that I may have had about doing better than average in my retirement financial planning.

I used to pat myself on the back for putting 15%+ away each year, but on this site it seems like most sock away 25% +.....there is just no way to do that on just over $100,000 a year, with a wife that likes horses, among other things.

I also used to think that getting out at 62, maybe 60, with money to live at or above my current means was great, but then I read all these posts from 30 somethings that will be retired long before I am (49 at present).

Guess I am just jealous I just need to save those articles that are periodically published showing how much the AVERAGE 50 year old has saved for retirement, to remind myself that I am doing OK.

Ha! I know how you feel. I'm just an average Joe , but I will semi-retire when I get into my mid-50s and fully retire in my 60s. I'll eat beans and rice and cut out crap I don't need to live if I have to. BTW, appreciate what you have.

 

[GatherYeAcorns]

Lots of good information, but this site has destroyed any illusions that I may have had about doing better than average in my retirement financial planning.

I used to pat myself on the back for putting 15%+ away each year, but on this site it seems like most sock away 25% +.....there is just no way to do that on just over $100,000 a year, with a wife that likes horses, among other things.

I also used to think that getting out at 62, maybe 60, with money to live at or above my current means was great, but then I read all these posts from 30 somethings that will be retired long before I am (49 at present).

Guess I am just jealous I just need to save those articles that are periodically published showing how much the AVERAGE 50 year old has saved for retirement, to remind myself that I am doing OK.

My sister went through a horse phase when her daughters were young and I was astounded at the total costs associated with horse ownership. It made a large power boat or a small plane look thrifty.

I guess you need to decide if you will be working longer to support your wife's spending and how you each feel about that.

That's crazy.

 

[nun]

I used to pat myself on the back for putting 15%+ away each year, but on this site it seems like most sock away 25% +.....there is just no way to do that on just over $100,000 a year, with a wife that likes horses, among other things.

If you are saving at all you are ahead of most folks! and 15% is a good number. Remember this is an ER forum with a small number or ER/investing/frugality nerds......we are NOT NORMAL. and in fact neither are you, that 15% makes you pretty special.

Controlling spending is important, but you have to balance that against quality of life. Have you considered downsizing......instead of horses what about Shetland ponies

 

[pb4uski]

I agree with others that most who frequent this forum are outliers and that 15% is a good savings rate at your income level. I think the bigger problem for you is those darn hayburners - outrageously expensive hobby.

 

[heeyy_joe]

Now now now, feeling better?

 

[Sniggle]

Yes, I believe I am.

I am still chuckling about the suggestion from someone to downsize the horses to shetland ponies....too funny.

All my worry may be for nothing....as this weekend I agreed to join my wife on a competitive trail ride which could possibly result in her receiving a life insurance windfall

 

[obgyn65]

No need to be jealous. Many of us have delayed gratification for decades. Keep healthy, enjoy happy family relationships, do something you like for your job, and you will be far ahead.

Guess I am just jealous I just need to save those articles that are periodically published showing how much the AVERAGE 50 year old has saved for retirement, to remind myself that I am doing OK.

 

[Skyward1]

Ha, I alternate between depression and inspiration depending on my mood but to be serious this place is ultimately a great motivator for me. I thought I was doing fairly well just plodding along when I compared myself to my peers/family etc. but finding ER.org and BH really opened my eyes before it was too late. Coming here helps keep me focused on the goal and that definitely outweighs my occasional feeling of being a slacker.

 

[LitGal]

Slow and steady really does win the race. Keep plugging along. It WILL get there.

I wish I had found this site at age 49; I could have prepared for ER in a much more enlightened manner. Instead, I was working like a maniac, helping DH raise a son with a brain disorder, and just cramming 401K contributions into the MM fund (after 2008) because I had no time to research better options offered there. This site would have educated and inspired me, plus offered practical direction.

So, I hope the OP does not get discouraged. He can plan and save, while benefiting from the collective wisdom here.

 

[jollystomper]

One of the best pieces of advice I received from my father, my high school football coach, and my first boss at Megacorp (they never knew each other but thought along the same lines) was this: "always have a good number of (of course not exclusively) friends and acquaintances who have accomplished more or done better than you have. Do not be jealous of them, but see what you can learn from them and apply towards your life to achieve a similar goal".

I have found that to be invaluable. Maybe I haven't achieved everything that others have, but it has moved me much closer to those goals than if I had not followed that advice.

That is how I look at this forum - folks have achieved ER, which I hope to. So I am happy for them, and look to learn something from their situation that I can apply to my life to help move me closer to that goal. So it is a privilege for me to learn from what others who are doing better have to offer.

 

[Walt34]

Remember this is an ER forum with a small number or ER/investing/frugality nerds......we are NOT NORMAL. and in fact neither are you, that 15% makes you pretty special.

Indeed. As in Lake Wobegon the people here are all above average so they set a higher bar than most.

 

[Tractor guy]

I think I've got over the jealousy thing. My eyes were opened by a couple of unrelated meetings that happened to me about 25 years ago. This was when I had just had my first promotion and was no longer an entry level engineer. I couldn't afford everything I wanted but I could afford everything I needed.

The first meeting was a class on Sunday at our church. One of the young couples was asking for advice. The muffler had fallen out of their old car and they couldn't afford to replace it. They were asking for advice on cheap ways to keep it driveable until their next paycheck. We all offered to help and ended up taking up a collection to tide them over. Secretly, I was feeling pretty good that I wasn't in their shoes. I remember commenting to my spouse later that "we aren't rich but I'm glad that something like that wouldn't be a crisis for us."

The next day I had a 7:30 AM meeting with a guy who was about 4 levels above me in the megacorp and who I new had a salary that was 10-20X mine. He was on the phone as I knocked on the door and finishing up his conversation as I walked in. I overheard him say that he'd been at a board meeting and it sure was interesting seeing how the "other half" lived. This struck me because I considered him to be in "the other half."

Since then, I've met many people who are multi-millionares. None of them considered themselves "rich." All of them "knew someone who was rich."

My conclusion from a lot of these discussions with people at all stations of life is that it doesn't matter how much you have. Unless you are one of the top 5 on Forbes richest list, there is going to be someone else who has more of something that you would like to have. If you're the jealous type, you're always going to be able to find someone to envy.

My personal key to happiness is to decide what I want in life without looking over my shoulder at others. Then decide if it is worth going after and if it is, work to get it. There is a lot of satisfaction to achieving a goal that doesn't need to be tied to being better than someone else.

 

[nun]

My personal key to happiness is to decide what I want in life without looking over my shoulder at others. Then decide if it is worth going after and if it is, work to get it. There is a lot of satisfaction to achieving a goal that doesn't need to be tied to being better than someone else.

Wanting nothing is the key. I try to want nothing, but so far I've always failed.

 

[Milton]

One of the best pieces of advice I received ... was this: "always have a good number of (of course not exclusively) friends and acquaintances who have accomplished more or done better than you have. Do not be jealous of them, but see what you can learn from them and apply towards your life to achieve a similar goal".

Fair enough.

On the other hand, if you socialize mainly with people who have lower incomes than you, it tends to sets a different standard for what is a 'normal' lifestyle and there is little or no pressure to keep up with the Jones' (not that you, I or other people on this board need help resisting such pressure).

 

[pb4uski]

....My conclusion from a lot of these discussions with people at all stations of life is that it doesn't matter how much you have. Unless you are one of the top 5 on Forbes richest list, there is going to be someone else who has more of something that you would like to have. If you're the jealous type, you're always going to be able to find someone to envy.....

Great post. While I consider myself to be more fortunate than many others, at the same time there are many other people who are much richer than I am. It is all relative.

We were on vacation a week ago and were taking a cruise around Charleston Harbor and admired some of the very nice harbor mansions. My wife mentioned something about those homes and I pointed out to her that the couple that trailers their boat to our lake and cruises by our lakefront home probably thinks the same thing - it's all relative.

 

[Milton]

We were on vacation a week ago and were taking a cruise around Charleston Harbor and admired some of the very nice harbor mansions. My wife mentioned something about those homes and I pointed out to her that the couple that trailers their boat to our lake and cruises by our lakefront home probably thinks the same thing - it's all relative.

Right on.

Also, those same beautiful houses also require big bucks to maintain, furnish and insure. Plus the taxes are proportionately large, and the owners will likely need at least small household staffs to handle to cleaning and gardening.

There is nothing wrong with paying all of those ongoing expenses if one wishes and has large discretionary income. But at the end of the day one can only sleep in one bedroom etc., so to me it like an unnecessary financial and psychological burden.

 

[ClockWatcher]

Thanks for expressing what I’ve sometimes felt since discovering this site a few weeks ago. I have found it very difficult not to engage in comparisons, whether with the fancy cars that pass me on the highway, the net worth statistics in the Survey of Consumer Finances, or with other individuals on sites like this one. When I find myself succumbing to comparisons, I try to challenge myself to press harder with my own financial goals. It’s difficult however, with not wanting to change some of the choices I’ve made, like paying for an expensive apartment so I can walk to work instead of take the bus. And having gotten married 1 ½ years ago, it’s no longer just me that’s making the decisions. What I like about this forum is the support that I see for the other posters and the different things that I have learned just by hanging around.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Great post. While I consider myself to be more fortunate than many others, at the same time there are many other people who are much richer than I am. It is all relative.

We were on vacation a week ago and were taking a cruise around Charleston Harbor and admired some of the very nice harbor mansions. My wife mentioned something about those homes and I pointed out to her that the couple that trailers their boat to our lake and cruises by our lakefront home probably thinks the same thing - it's all relative.

Trust me, those house along the Battery require way more upkeep than the average millionaire can afford! But they are pretty!

 

[Hamlet]

A friend of my in architecture says that no matter how big someone's house is, they generally only live in 2500 square ft of it.

Right on.

Also, those same beautiful houses also require big bucks to maintain, furnish and insure. Plus the taxes are proportionately large, and the owners will likely need at least small household staffs to handle to cleaning and gardening.

There is nothing wrong with paying all of those ongoing expenses if one wishes and has large discretionary income. But at the end of the day one can only sleep in one bedroom etc., so to me it like an unnecessary financial and psychological burden.

 

[HFWR]

A friend of my in architecture says that no matter how big someone's house is, they generally only live in 2500 square ft of it.

I guess if you include the garage and patio, I might have 2500sf...

 

[haha]

Thanks for expressing what I’ve sometimes felt since discovering this site a few weeks ago. I have found it very difficult not to engage in comparisons, whether with the fancy cars that pass me on the highway, the net worth statistics in the Survey of Consumer Finances, or with other individuals on sites like this one. When I find myself succumbing to comparisons, I try to challenge myself to press harder with my own financial goals. It’s difficult however, with not wanting to change some of the choices I’ve made, like paying for an expensive apartment so I can walk to work instead of take the bus. And having gotten married 1 ½ years ago, it’s no longer just me that’s making the decisions. What I like about this forum is the support that I see for the other posters and the different things that I have learned just by hanging around.

What you need to worry about are not the people who are richer than you, but those who are poorer. In today's world, they have claims against your wealth.

And the more conservative other posters are, the better for you. Their wealth can withstand some shocks. People who are redefining downward what is needed to be secure in retirement may well wind up on your payroll, if through no other reason than health care subsidies that require someone to pay for them.

Ha

 

[AndrewJackson]

I definitely feel jealous from the big savers on this and other sites. However, I don't feel its a bad thing as it usually gets me more into shape to sacrifice and save.

 

[er33]

There is always someone who is doing better, who is bigger than you. I use it as motivation.

 

[Hamlet]

Of course the extremely wealthy can usually nullify that claim and stack the deck further in their favor by buying up a few folks in Washington to do their bidding.

What you need to worry about are not the people who are richer than you, but those who are poorer. In today's world, they have claims against your wealth.