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Spending some time in military service might help accelerate the process in some individuals.
I recall thinking during my early days in the military that they were a pack of pansies compared to my mother.
Spending some time in military service might help accelerate the process in some individuals.
I recall thinking during my early days in the military that they were a pack of pansies compared to my mother.
You probably didn't view the military as a great improvement in your life. I sure did.When they were getting us ready in basic training for the vietnam, I didn't have that impression, at least compared to my mother
You probably didn't view the military as a great improvement in your life. I sure did.
I have 3 young adults & they were as different as night & day so it can't be parenting...
25 YO--always did what needed to be done. Worked hard but not harder than necessary. Says he probably schmoozed most of his grades up a grade just by getting to know the prof. Finished his Master's in Sports Psych last year. Taking a year in CA w/ a friend so friend could try to break into the music biz (crappy year to do that). Was working at Nike for 6 wks when they closed. Luckily Nike is paying him still & he has funds to pay bills...for now. He has spoken of getting a 2nd Master's (sports/business combo_ that would laser point him to a job in a collegiate athletic department.
DD22. Freaky smart. Major type a personality (no idea where she got that). Child has made goals her whole life, always asked what she needed to do to get X (make drill team, student council, scholarships, etc). First B+ (HS Jr) DEVASTATED her. Just gradated from TCU (DS25 went there also) w/ Honors= BS in Strategic Communication, minors in writing & graphic design. She has worked for a dance studio since it opened 3 years ago; it has grown 10X+ so they are hiring her as their manager--she is the owner's right hand gal. She plans to do freelanch graphic design as well. I never worry about her (tho some anxiety...again, it wasn't us!)
DS19. LOL. This child did NO more than was every asked. EVERY semester Gr. 6-12 that child had a C or a D at midterms & we always had to have a talk & he always brought it to a B. When he started at UNL last fall, he moved into a fraternity & within 48 hours knew that living there was not in his best scholastic interest. We were very impressed with his maturity in that decision. Moved into a dorm, still belongs to the fraternity & has actually stayed on top of his grades this year--all As & Bs. He did admit that he much prefers in person classes.
SUPER different kids all raised in a very similar environment. And totally fits who they are. I do believe parents have an impact (I'm an elementary librarian--trust me, THEY DO). But I also know after being a teacher & mother that each child is born with different nuances. All we can do is create the strongest foundation that we can & pray!
I’ll be following this thread. Interesting topic.
For my daughters it was no problem. They had natural motivation to succeed. For my son it’s another matter entirely. He seems to have little to no motivation.
I’d say I definitely don’t think the third option you list has merit.
Lack of motivation for my son comes from severe social anxiety and what I think is undiagnosed depression. Mixed with addiction in the form of alcoholism. For many years I tried to encourage, cajole, shame, criticize, scold, and do anything else to move the dial within him. None of it worked. Now, for years I’ve pretty much backed off entirely. He’s 24 now. But the result is no different. Regardless of what I do, from nagging to ignoring, it makes no difference. His lack of motivation and action to move his life forward in any meaningful or positive direction remains. I’m sick about it, but all I can do is pray for him and love him within the context he lives.
He was furloughed in the early days of Covid shutdowns. He went on UI and quickly figured out that he’s making more unemployed than when he was working. He hasn’t lifted a finger to job search since he made this realization. I’m sick about it but just observe from a distance and hope for the best for him. I read the new stimulus proposal from Democrats proposes extra $600/week through January. I hope that doesn’t happen. If it does my son is effectively retired for a long while.
I hope you can consider checking out Al-Anon as you have more company than you might think! When addiction enters the picture we can often make the mistake of believing that there is something we can do to motivate the addict to stop. Try various Al-Anon support groups as the "flavor" can vary from one to another before you find a group that "fits."
There are online Al-Anon groups as well.
Best wishes with your challenging son!
Don