children

[claire]

is there anyone else out there who doesnt have or want any? :

 

[HFWR]

Have one (almost 25), but don't want any...

 

[Maximillion]

More and more couples are making the decision not to have any, and many single women are going the artificial route to have a child.

Chacun a son gout.

 

[Cool Dood]

la mort de l'Europe....

 

[Martha]

None for spouse and I.

When we were younger and could have had children, we weren't well suited for it. Neither of us had much patience.

I already assigned our replacements to Laurence and Brewer.

 

[Nords]

is there anyone else out there who doesnt have or want any? :

"Ask about our affordable rentals-- we deliver and we pay you!"

 

[cj]

I concur with Martha. DH & I were both too busy when we were at that age, and we really didn't have the desire to have them anyway. I like other people's children for short periods of time. Never regretted the decision not to have them. Everyone is different.

CJ

 

[SC]

Same here. Not ready for parenthood when younger, and no desire for them now, although other people's kids can be a real joy in small doses.

And it's not like the population isn't exploding even without our contribution...

SC

 

[Maximillion]

I have no idea what my life would have been without my two Sons , and although there are times, Fatherhood has been the most pleasant experiance of my life.

Chikdren are the only reason your ancestors existed.

I am one of 9 children, my Wife had 7 siblings.

 

[Rustic23]

I know some will not ever be able to understand, however, for those who have chosen not to have or adopt children will miss one of the true joys of life…… grandchildren! For you see there were times when I would have gladly put my children in a box, especially the male, and left them there for 10 or 15 years, but never a time I don’t marvel at the antics of the grandchildren. It may be that being able to give them back make the difference. We have let out children know the ‘Only reason to have kids is to get grandkids!”

 

[astromeria]

I don't especially like children--except my own  : Most of my friends don;t have kids (high tech women).

My firstborn is getting married shortly at age 30. Not interested in kids, but her intended is  Secondborn sez, "Grandchildren? Don't look at me!" 
I was unable to have more kids after him, so I had none with hubster #2. But my ex had 3 more with the young wife  . I will get to enjoy the pleasure of their company <cough> at the wedding.

 

[Sheryl]

I've never had an urge to have children. I did not want the stress in my life of trying to combine a carrer and a family and I was more interested in my career than in babies. No regrets.

My S.O.'s son just got married and has promised to make him a grand father within two years. That is close enough for me to grandchildren. I don't think we are going to be the doting types.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Child-free! No kids. but lots of pets. Didn't want the stress and hassle, plus we really love the freedom. Always figured that if the idea just jumped all over us that we would, but it hasn't yet and the clock is winding down (I'm 35). More interested in retirement than child-rearing, but we like our niece and nephews in small doses. No patience and the screaming wears on us...nothing like the feeling of being able to walk out of the room while someone else is inches away from those powerful little lungs...but I'm so glad others (including my parents) didn't feel like we do!
Sarah

 

[kat]

I know some will not ever be able to understand, however, for those who have chosen not to have or adopt children will miss one of the true joys of life…… grandchildren! For you see there were times when I would have gladly put my children in a box, especially the male, and left them there for 10 or 15 years, but never a time I don’t marvel at the antics of the grandchildren. It may be that being able to give them back make the difference. We have let out children know the ‘Only reason to have kids is to get grandkids!”

I hear you. I see on their faces the immense joy my parents get from their grandchildren. I like witnessing it.

As for me, I thoroughly enjoy my nieces and nephews and the unique differences among them. Last year my sister's oldest, 9 years old, called me up and asked me if I could take her Christmas shopping..... I almost cried, it was so sweet. The next day her parents told me they had never seen HER so happy as she was from our trip..... Being an aunt suits me just fine.

kate

 

[farmerEd]

I have 4...all under age 10, and its got to one of the most exhausting (and thankless) jobs in the world raising them...I wouldn't trade it though.

I do suspect that someday, after the last one leaves for college, and I re-retire (i.e. more in the classic sense) and my wife and I are free to travel and enjoy the peace and quite and solitude more usually associated with retired folks...that I would be willing to bet that none of you that have never had kids will ever be able to enjoy the peace and quite as much as I will 

 

[SteveR]

I did my duty to the family and created two males to carry on the family name. There are no other boys in either my mother or farther's side so my two are it. Neither are married yet (ages 21 and 27) but that could change in a year or two. I have 4 step-grandkids ages 6-13 so I became an instant grandfather 18 months ago. It has been a wierd experience with a bunch of kids I don't really know calling me "grandpa". I keep looking behind me expecting to see some old fart standing there. But, no, it is me. I am now the old fart. Our relationship is growing but I don't expect them to me to ever really feel the same kind of bond you get when you share flesh and blood.

I am glad I had kids and will be happier when they get out of school. They don't live at home so it is nice and quiet most of the time now and my time is mine (except when DW is there).

 

[HobbyDave]

My wife and I are getting towards the deciding point as well, and we've gone back and forth a few times.

We're both 28 right now, but just starting into a good section of our careers (Both of us just moved from software engineers into management). So we're both making a pretty bundle, we moved into a nice new ouse (not above our means, but not really below either), and are doing well for ourselves. As has been stated in plenty of journals, 35 is around the last age you want to aim for children, as past that point you start to have increased number of birth defects, etc.

So we're trying to figure out what our priorities are, and what we'd like to do. Too bad life isn't like a video game.. "Ok, didn't enjoy that life too much without kids, lets reload and try our early 30's again without the condoms".

On one side of the ring, weighing in at 9 lbs 3 ounces, we have Children.

We do not want our children raised by relatives, babysitters, child care, etc (as we believe we'd be missing a large point of having children). So if we do have children, one of us would need to stay home for at least the first few years (at least until they're in school full time).

Now we also both feel pretty negatively about the public school system, so we're also leaning towards home schooling. That would basically knock out the next 18 years for one parent if we have kids.

Financially we would need to make multiple adjustments. Unless we get very large raises over the next few years (possible?), we can't afford our house / insurance / cars / etc on one salary. Currently one salary would cover costs, but leave no room for wiggle (I'm too paranoid to handle having no wiggle room in a budget). So we would likely need to move, probably sell one car (we have a new VW Bug.. pretty fun car, but not practical), and downgrade our lifestyle in general. Our savings rate would also be sharply cut for somewhat obvious reasons.

Now we're pretty sure we could afford kids (and afford the time) in around 15 years (after RE), but we would be busting right past the age we could actually have them. We've mentioned the idea of adoption when we get a bit older, but who knows. That's pretty far down the road

In the other corner, we have the titan of financial prosperity, the demon of free time, the master of golf... childless 2 income family!

Without children, we certainly have a lot of financial bonuses. Two incomes going up, two maxed 401k's, etc. As we go along, we're getting better at cutting our expenses, paying down debt, etc. Other than our house, our expenses have been going down over the last few years rather than up. So I figure we'll be sitting pretty within a few years as we pay down our cars (excessive purchases, which we've both somewhat regretted), put extra towards investing, etc.

As I've mentioned to my wife (since I run the numbers), if we don't have kids, retiring isn't an "if", it's just a when. We're looking at a possible 40ish retirement, more likely 45 if we don't rush things, certainly 50, and what the heck would we be doing working at age 55 when we could be on cruise ships all year long?

And the winner is?!

No idea. We "think" we would like kids. We both enjoy when they're around. We get a little google eyed when a kid makes a cute face in a restaurant at us. We also both walk away when a kid is screaming at a family party, so who knows? (I think usually we're frustrated with the parent, not the kid). Anyway, it's a very tough decision. It's made more difficult by the fact of the time constraints. As I mentioned, we'd be perfectly happy putting off kids until our mid 40's, but that's not really in the cards. We might miss not having kids, or we might regret them (both very sad situations). Who knows?

 

[Sheryl]

I've always thought that if you don't have a very strong wish or desire to have kids, don't. You would probably be doing it for the wrong reasons.

I think there must be a gene that causes one to want to remain child free. I have three cousins on my mom's side, only one reproduced. Two cousins on my dad's side, neither reproduced. My brother had two kids. So only two out of the seven people in that generation had kids. And you can see that reproducing wasn't really gone wild in our parent's generation either as they are both from families of two kids. We are a dying breed, literally.

 

[Outtahere]

I never wanted kids, have no maternal instincts at all unless it's a baby animal (pretty much anything but a monkey, too much like a human baby).  This unfortunately limited my choices in mates over the years as most of the men I dated talked about having kids, that was the kiss of death for them.  Finally found a man with grown children, worked for me and the fact that I didn't want any worked for him, a match made in heaven.

 

[REWahoo]

We are a dying breed, literally.

Wouldn't that be, "We are dying because we don't breed, literally."?

 

[CyclingInvestor]

I always knew I did not want kids. As soon as I found a doctor
who would snip a young, unmarried guy, I had it done (at 27),
before I got married.

It is not that I hate children, I just do not particularly enjoy
their presence, and did not want the responsibility of raising
them. Dogs suit me much better. Most of my friends. male and
female, are also happily child-free (and own animals). Most are
programmers or engineers. The few that do have children seem
happy about it. I do not know anyone who regrets their decision
either way.

 

[HobbyDave]

I've always thought that if you don't have a very strong wish or desire to have kids, don't. You would probably be doing it for the wrong reasons.

I think that's similar to the argument that some people say that if you're not "certain" you should get married to someone, then they are not the right person for you. While romantic, I think it's a very incorrect assumption (for multiple reasons, which I won't get into here because it's a RE board, not a marriage board

Anyway, I think that often things are not black & white in life. I personally like kids. If I had 10 million in my bank account right now, I believe I'd quit my job and throw away the condoms (at least for a couple years However, I believe that money / time does factor into all decisions, even having kids.

Sometimes having children seems like a religion to people. They freak out if you suggest that you are trying to consider the financial aspects of having kids before doing the deed. They think it's blasphemous to run a budget to see if you can afford them without selling the house. They think that pondering the decision for awhile is at the same level as saying "Well, my wife has more money, but my mistress is better in bed".

I personally think people should think longer before becoming parents. It's not as if we're lacking in children at the moment, there are lots to go around. I've seen time and time again a young couple gets married, and wham, babies start popping out.. and then they suddenly realize that they aren't a good couple and split. Or how a couple that just got married, and said "we're going to start having kids in a few months, and one of us will stay home to take care of the kids".. I asked how they were going to afford their house (they just bought a new one), when I knew their combined salary was barely enough.. they seriously were surprised at the idea... "we'll figure it out when the time comes" was the answer.

Anyway, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. I think it's always a good idea to think about something. I thought before getting engaged, I thought before getting married, I thought before buying our latest house (maybe not enough), and now I'm thinking before having kids. Even if I do end up wanting them, I think the thoughts are important.

 

[dusk_to_dawn]

I have one son. Raising a child is the hardest thing I have ever done. Thank god DW is there to help do most of it. I have no idea how single moms do it. Had we not had a child, we would probably be retired now. I wouldn't change a thing though. The world needs good people and I am doing my best to put one more out there.

So............ for those that don't have kids, who are your beneficiaries? Assuming you don't spend it all, who/what is going to get your stash?

 

[Sheryl]

Wouldn't that be, "We are dying because we don't breed, literally."? 

Both, I think.

 

[HobbyDave]

So............ for those that don't have kids, who are your beneficiaries? Assuming you don't spend it all, who/what is going to get your stash?

Heck if I care, you want it?