children

[Maximillion]

CFB, does your wife give you an allowance or does she just let you use her Credit Card

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Saw one of your kids today. Gave him a buck to buy a new cardboard sign. Took it out of my allowance.

 

[HFWR]

Children...

Appropriate thread name...

 

[brewer12345]

This is not to in any way gloss over the challenges and difficulties, but things are better than they were.  We can't get out of the store or resturant without a small crowd, everyone saying things like, "my sister/cousin/uncle/neighbor has DS and he/she is the most wonderful person!" and share a personal story.  

Laurence, do you guys appreciate this sort of thing as support/friendliness, or do you feel like people are pointing you out, albeit politely? I try really hard not to make a big deal out of or even acknowledge anyone's developmental/physical/mental disabilities, since I think I would want to be treated just like everyone else if I were in their shoes.

 

[Maximillion]

CFB, I would do the same for your Children, if you ever had any

 

[laurence]

Laurence, do you guys appreciate this sort of thing as support/friendliness, or do you feel like people are pointing you out, albeit politely?  I try really hard not to make a big deal out of or even acknowledge anyone's developmental/physical/mental disabilities, since I think I would want to be treated just like everyone else if I were in their shoes.

It almost always comes across well. Honestly, ignoring the elephant in the room (which some people do) only makes it awkward. I can't speak for other disabilities, but with DS it comes across as more of a celebration, not a "look at the freak!" session. Awknowledging (sic) the difference does not mean labeling some one as not equal. The only time we get upset is when people say things like, "I would have had an abortion.".

So to sum up, when some one engages us it always dissapates any tension that might be in the room, which isn't often. Even if they engage awkwardly, the sincerity shines through. So far, people are batting 1.000 in that regard.

 

[brewer12345]

The only time we get upset is when people say things like, "I would have had an abortion.".   

I hear you on that one. I really still cannot fathom why the medical profession seems almost eager to put forth the idea of abortion when DS is detected in an unborn kid. They are still your kid...

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

CFB, I would do the same for your Children, if you ever had any

Are you usually drunk When you post or is this, Just a special time in your life?

 

[Maximillion]

CFB, on the question of Drunkeness, I defer to you ,the expert.

Alcohol in Canada is almost twice the cost of the same product in the US, so drunkeness is not really an issue here.

Alcoholism is further controlled by Limited Access as only Government Stores are allowed to sell it, and they are usually closed by 6.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

i envy your luxury of pondering whether or not to have kids. being born gay, i was never really afforded such decision. i suppose i could adopt, though even that is illegal in the state of florida.

i very much enjoyed the company of my little cousins when they were young. my cousin raised them knowing both their uncle & me as gay. my brother & sil however decided to keep me in the closet to "protect the innocence" of their young children. it was ok for heterosexuality to be flaunted before them in family life and on television, but gays could only exist on t.v., not in real life. so i was never very comfortable with them and didn't get to enjoy them as much as i would have liked. too bad, i would have made one hell of a great uncle.

still, i like to think my life valuable, even if i didn't accomplish some great act like producing another generation. and even if i were a breeder, looking back, had i the choice of having kids like my brother still working to pay their way through college or me retired early with my paid for convertible and future boat, i think i would not have changed a thing about my life. only i sure wish my brother & sil, while raising their kids, had accepted me better in theirs.

 

[laurence]

Get out of the south!

My uncle adopted two kids here in CA, no prob.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

Get out of the south! 

My uncle adopted two kids here in CA, no prob.

<big huge smile> thanx laurence. only i'm not sure i want to give up that boat and i don't think i can afford both and it's a bit late to redo the last 49 years of planning lol. so i'll have to make do.

i had a very moving experience a few weeks ago at the movies. the young man at the ticket counter had no hands and no arms. i couldn't see how much body there was below the counter. he had the most beautiful face. his left arm stopped just above the sleeve of his short sleeved shirt and hanging from there was a hand-like appendage with three fingers. i told him my movie and put my money directly into his "hand." i freaked out at how quickly he got me my ticket and change. he had this way of scooting the change across the counter so that it stopped directly in front of me, just short of the edge. i could tell immediately this guy was a great table hockey player. i thanked him and he told me to enjoy my movie but in those three words his voice said so much more.

early to the movie, i sat for a while and could not get this young man out of my mind. i wondered how does he go to the bathroom? what if he has an itch? how did he make it this far in life? i thought of all the supportive people he must have around him and i felt for his parents who, though surely must fear the day he will be without them, have obviously done everything they could to make him as independent as possible.

i thought about the idea of knowingly bringing such a child into this world. not knowing if i could do it, i started thinking about the meaning of all this. i could see thinking "how cruel to make someone live through that." i could see thinking "how compassionate to help someone live like that."

i looked in terms of reincarnation which i am not necessarily a believer in but to use only as a point of reference. as the structure of most reincarnation thought processes utilize karma i wondered, what horrible thing must a person have previously committed to justify life sans appendages. i thought there must be many such souls, flagging their spritual arms to have the chance for penance at the price of such an existance. "pick me, pick me," they cry. and how compassionate the parents to offer them such opportunity, that there might be a world even harder to live than armless at a movie ticket counter.

i looked in terms of nothing particularly spiritual, of the random chance of birth, of the luck of the womb. and i thought how cruel that life would allow for this. that this innocent child be made to live this hard life. and i thought how compassionate that life would allow this. that these innocent parents might have the opportunity to shower such love.

 

[jayp465]

No kids .. No wife ... 48 yrs old ... most likely will never have any.

 

[Calgary_Girl]

I hear you on that one.  I really still cannot fathom why the medical profession seems almost eager to put forth the idea of abortion when DS is detected in an unborn kid.  They are still your kid...

This is why DH and I decided not to do any pre-natal testing when we found out that I was pregnant (even though I'm 33). Regardless of what the results would have been, this is still our child and we can deal with whatever curve ball life may throw at us.

 

[brewer12345]

This is why DH and I decided not to do any pre-natal testing when we found out that I was pregnant (even though I'm 33).  Regardless of what the results would have been, this is still our child and we can deal with whatever curve ball life may throw at us. 

A wise decision, IMO. We had a standard blood test done that allegedly screens for down's syndrome, but is actually so prone to error that it is useless for all practical purposes. They told us the number was high, sent us for a second ultrasound and a week of fretting, to tell us it was nothing. If we do this again, no testing.

 

[J-Lu]

I was 35 for my first pregnancy, which is considered to be the year that things can start to get "scary". I also declined the amnio test. Unless you are considering abortion (and we were not) , I really don't see any value. There is a chance that you can miscarry from it.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

At 44, we decided not to take any 'tests' either. Then we both spent 9 months worrying.

 

[laurence]

A wise decision, IMO.  We had a standard blood test done that allegedly screens for down's syndrome, but is actually so prone to error that it is useless for all practical purposes.  They told us the number was high, sent us for a second ultrasound and a week of fretting, to tell us it was nothing.  If we do this again, no testing.

We took that test, too. Told us she was "normal". Terrible test.

SCFB, if you took the test and it came back positive, you would have spent the time worrying, too. And now that you know about false negatives...well.

 

[brewer12345]

SCFB, if you took the test and it came back positive, you would have spent the time worrying, too.  And now that you know about false negatives...well. 

I think I could stand a false negative. After all, you're gonna have to deal with whatever it is anyway and there's nothing you can do about it, so a few months of less worry sounds OK to me.

I'm not sure my liver and hairline can stand another false positive.

 

[P.S.]

Once upon a time didn't want any. Never much interested in kids, even as one. Ambivalent baby-sitter. Didn't even expect to get married in my line of work.
Well, did get married, and once hit 30, the "clock" started ticking. A couple of years later, ticking became bong-ing. Still wasn't even sure I wan't any kids, although DH did.

"Ummm, so if we started having children, how many do you think you might want?"
"Five!"

Well, DS is now five months old and we are just really blessed, really really thankful. There's life before I got pregnant, and life NOW. The life before is a hazy blip. If you want, I could post 300+ pics of this cute little guy.

 

[Bimmerbill]

I'll be 40 in a few monts and my wife is 41.  We decided it was "now or never" and gave it a shot.  My daughter is 5 weeks old today! 

I was never comfortable with kids, especially really young babies.  I liked kids when they were old enough to climb on my lap and I could read to them.

But, I must say it's been amazing so far having one of my own.  I think its the future possibilites that's so exciting.  And the challenge to raise the child "right" to take advantages of all the possibilities. 

We were against the amnio, but after talking with the geneticist (she was like a Vegas odds maker, running the odds on everything) we decided to do it.  It was pretty scary.  Things turned out fine tho.

Now I know what people saying it isdifferent holding your own flesh and blood are talking about. 

 

[old woman]

is there anyone else out there who doesnt have or want any? :

I don't have any but would have loved to have some. I will be 58 this month so it is a little late to start now.

 

[old woman]

So............ for those that don't have kids, who are your beneficiaries?  Assuming you don't spend it all, who/what is going to get your stash?


I need to make a new will, long term boyfriend will get some cash and maybe a life tenancy in my house. I will leave cash and my house to my niece and nephew. Boyfriend will get my boat and furniture and stuff like that. I might change my mind and leave a trust for a great niece with down syndrome she will be 7 this month and probably won't ever earn a decent living but her parents are doing fine so they will take care of her. Or I might fund a wildlife rescue charity.
My current will leaves my house to my mom but she is 79 and doesn't need the money. My niece and nephew are on my 401K plan and my boyfriend on all other investment accounts.

 

[Maximillion]

I know, had I no children and No long term Partner who was needy, monies to Sick Kids in Toronto for Cancer Research, monies to my Alma Mater, who lent me funds so I could graduate, monies to the local library to fund New Media.

 

[Irwin41]

My wife 5x and I 61 are without. I was 41 when we got married (first time) and didn't want to have to worry about college costs at the time I was trying to retire. We do have two deadbeat cats we have to put up with. Just like having a permanent 2 year old.