Teenage Views Of Parents

[yakers]

I thought I would start a new thread, a spin off of the "Hi Everyone" thread. On that thread TH, John Gault and the usual host of posters recounted difficulities either in their teen age years or with their teen agers. I was a pretty "good kid" and managed to hold my rebellion until I went away to college. Didn't realize that system had been working for so many for so long. Left a good kid and came back a good son but in the middle I am sure my parents & I were glad we didn't see each other.
Now my younger son is at home and will be 16 soon. He was a really difficult child; noisy, did not take change well, ADHD, and who knows what. I shuddered to think how his teen age years would work out. Well, they have been great in hte last couple years. He has a good head, and a really good heart. Once of the nicest kids in a fairly nice group of kids. He has taken to music seriously. He is a drummer in the HS marching band and had a full drum set at home (its music to my ears, although my wife could wish for more quiet.) He is learning to drive and my blood pressure doesn't go up too much when he drives with me as his necessary adult.
Older boy was another story. Smart and did well in most things. It took him forever to finish college but he always worked, was in school, had a place to live, a girl friend, a car, a computer and I only contributed to tuition. He now has a grad degree, a real job, a wife and a two week old daughter. So except for the slow career start his life has went well. He and I have good financial discussions now, he even asks about his retirement savings.
But my younger son, I am soooo happy that this is turning into a good story. You don't know how worried I was.

 

[LovesLife]

Sometimes I feel like I am always holding my breath with the youngest. It could be a lot worse than it is but it certainly hasn't been easy, either.

LovesLife

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

You can always roll them up in a rug and put them in a closet until its time to give them their trust fund.

 

[LovesLife]

Th,

Good idea.

LovesLife

 

[hydroguy]

I was a pretty "good kid" and managed to hold my rebellion until I went away to college. Didn't realize that system had been working for so many for so long. Left a good kid and came back a good son but in the middle I am sure my parents & I were glad we didn't see each other.


Oh man......that is exactly what I did too. I was such a hell raiser in college. Those were the days

 

[Spanky]

Is it accidental that the first kid tends to be responsible and the second kid is full of resentment and rebellious? My first kid does very well and never have to be told to take initiatives. The second one is lazy and has to be told to do anything, i.e., getting up in the morning, doing the homework, paying attention at school.

Spanky

 

[TromboneAl]

My daughter is the ideal kid -- smart, conscientious, works hard -- but it's still pretty difficult at times. I love her but am counting the days until she leaves for college (currently 106 days).

Her blowups have become less frequent in the last year.

Recommended book on teenagers:

Get Out of my Life, but First Can You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?

 

[REWahoo]

Is it accidental that the first kid tends to be responsible and the second kid is full of resentment and rebellious?

Had the same experience with my second vs. the first. Very happy to say they both turned out to be OK as adults/moms. More than OK, actually.

REW

 

[REWahoo]

Had the same experience with my second vs. the first. Very happy to say they both turned out to be OK as adults/moms. More than OK, actually.

And the rebellious one now has a daughter just like her mom was as a little girl. I think I see payback just around the corner. Sweet justice!!

REW

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Hi Spanky. I doubt if birth order has much impact. Our first born
(male) was a major problem in his teen years, I'm talkin' arrests and drug rehab. Turned out excellent. College grad, married and
very solid citizen.

Second (daughter) was never any problem except for a few of
her boyfriends. I dealt with them in my own way.

Our last born (18 years after the first) was no problem until she got into high school. She was pampered shamelessly. We are reaping
the results of that even as I type these words.

JG

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Hmm...perhaps this explains why when I told my dad my girlriend was pregnant he looked skyward, raised his hands in a victory stance and proclaimed "Ahhhh!! Sweet, sweet revenge is mine! Mine!!"
:

 

[laurence]

Second (daughter) was never any problem except for a few of
her boyfriends. I dealt with them in my own way.

JG

Are there a few holes in the desert?

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

There could be.

In case gabe turned out to be a girl, I was practicing my best "Look pal, I have a gun and a shovel and nobody will miss you." routine.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Are there a few holes in the desert? 

It's all history now. But, what a happy ending. She married the one
guy who was my favorite of all her suitors. Every parent should get so lucky. Four (4) beautiful intelligent well adjusted grandbabies and
counting. One of the happiest parts of my ER life.

JG

 

[wildcat]

I was a late bloomer but came out just fine. Spent a few years living in Teenage Wasteland. Grew up real quick when I had to pay for everything.

 

[Dreamer]

Yakers

I was a very good kid until I was 18 and out on my own and then I did things that I would have a nervous breakdown now if my own kids did them.

How old is your oldest son? I have a 27 yr old son who is still in college. He works part-time and is pretty self-sufficient. I can't wait until he is able to get a real job with benefits and a decent salary.

My daughter is 16 yrs old and we have some bad times and some good times. This week is a good week. She makes very good grades and she played clarinet in the high school band and switched last year to trombone. She tried out and made it for the team that dances and high kicks at the front of the band next year. She is taking AP classes next year also. She drives and always has access to a car (we already had 4 vehicles before she got her license and there is only 3 people at home now), but she is throwing a fit wanting her own car. So far, we are hanging tough, but she keeps going and going and going, on and on and on. She will probably wear us down shortly! I am going to have to read the book that Trombone Al recommended. I hate to admit it, but last week I was thinking the same thing except it was only a little over 2 years to go before college.

I also don't like the beginning of the dating stage. I think it is even worse when you have a girl. (I so hated sexist comments like that when I was a teenager!) I am going to have to keep the gun and shovel comment in the back of my mind.

I am sure I will miss her tremendously when she is gone.

Dreamer

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Yakers

I also don't like the beginning of the dating stage.  I think it is even worse when you have a girl. (I so hated sexist comments like that when I was a teenager!)  I am going to have to keep the gun and shovel comment in the back of my mind.

I am sure I will miss her tremendously when she is gone. 

Dreamer

I sure miss my kids (3). Two live out of state and the third is estranged.
Interesting that the older talented levelheaded daughter had the
most weird scary boyfriends and the younger less mature one
seemed to pick from a better gene pool. May never figure that one out.
I agree about the dating being worst with girls though, which
reminds me of an old nostrum which I am too refined to
post in this family oriented venue.

JG

 

[bruce1]

I am going to have to keep the gun and shovel comment in the back of my mind.

Dreamer

My cousin let his daughters boyfriends choose their bullet on the first date. Only the serious came back for a second date. I think he remembered what he was like in his teen years

Bruce

 

[Mr._johngalt]

My cousin let his daughters boyfriends choose their bullet on the first date.  Only the serious came back for a second date. I think he remembered what he was like in his teen years

Bruce

I do recall one daughter's boyfriend visiting. I asked him if he liked guns
and then showed him a rather massive handgun that I owned at the time. Just wanted to "plant the seed". I liked this kid.
Imagine my meetings with the ones I didn't care for

JG

 

[Nords]

Considering my teenage record I'm not looking forward to our daughter's teen years, and there are certainly days when I'm tired of being a parent (a life sentence without parole).

Our kid is the genetic reincarnation of my deceased mother. (We have two identical kindergarten photos taken 55 years apart.) We call it "vengeance from the grave". I never really got to know my mother when I was an adult and our kid's likeness could have been fodder for a dozen psychiatrists. However our kid has been growing like a weed-- nearly 5'8" at age 12-- so the semblance is passing.

We caught her in a lie last week. It was one of those things that started small a couple months ago and slowly grew as the guilt gnawed at her. At its inception we wondered "Hey, do you think she's really doing that or just lying about it?" but we decided that this would deliver a more effective lesson if we just let it run.

Last week it grew too blatant to ignore and we had the "You're so busted" conversation. It turns out that she's wanted to discuss the situation for weeks but was positive that we'd never agree to her idea. She also knew that she'd blow her temper if she tried to talk it over with us, so lying was clearly the only logical remaining option.

We all decided that writing us a note is the best way for her to propose these ideas without triggering her temper during the process. It also lets us parents discuss our response instead of reacting. Her solution to the original issue is way too complicated to be easily executed, but we agreed to it because it's her idea and she's willing to do the work. At least now we all know how to renegotiate when the time comes.

Ironically the usual punishment-- suspension of all electronic-device privileges-- would have punished us parents even worse. So we pulled out the elephant gun and assigned three hours of supervised yardwork (one hour per day). She also had to discuss how she got into the situation and how she'd avoid it next time. (Hey, we're optimists.) We also pointed out that we've had over four decades of collective military experience learning how to tell when people are lying to us. Weirdly, reviewing the warning signs led into "Dad's tips on becoming a better liar". Hopefully she retains the core concept that it's just easier to tell the truth.

She also learned that an hour of yardwork isn't impossible, that it's kinda nice to sit on the lanai with a frosty beverage to review the results of your efforts, and that she's always just an hour away from making a few quick bucks. Wait until her Grandpa learns that I've taught her how to trim hedges & clean up yard waste.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Best tips on being a better liar.

Tell "A" truth, just not "THE" truth...

 

[Lazarus]

My teenage Daughter was somewhat rebellious. The problems centered on her boyfriend. Tried showing him my gun collection trick, but it didn’t work. She was living at home, going to school and working. Found out she was funneling her boyfriend money while living off me. The last straw was when she bought him a car. My wife was not amused either. She invited Daughter to move out. She is on her own now. I’m sure she is learning a lot.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

My teenage Daughter was somewhat rebellious. The problems centered on her boyfriend. Tried showing him my gun collection trick, but it didn’t work. She was living at home, going to school and working. Found out she was funneling her boyfriend money while living off me. The last straw was when she bought him a car. My wife was not amused either. She invited  Daughter to move out. She is on her own now. I’m sure she is learning a lot.

The worst "boyfriend" had to be physically ejected from my house.
Picture me dragging him by the collar to the front door. I was taking
a chance since I am 5-9 and 155# and he had 25 years on me.
I suppose I could have ended up in the ER. Got him out though.
Eventually my daughter wised up.

JG

 

[Nords]

Picture me dragging him by the collar to the front door.

My favorite "Married With Children" scenes were Ed O'Neill dragging Christina Applegate's hapless boyfriends by their collars-- right into the doorframes. Sometimes it took him two or three tries to get them out the door...

 

[Dreamer]

Hey you guys-you are not helping me feel any better. As a matter of fact, I am starting to feel more nervous! Is there any laws about keeping daughters locked up until they are at least 25 years old??

Dreamer