divorce attorney

[HadEnuff]

The first thing for your son to do is to honestly assess what is being fought over. Emotions run hot on both sides. Often the desire to "win" the battle overrides the better sense.

Circumstances leading up to a divorce often place the trust level between the parties at zero, compounded by anger and resentment. And of course, what one person feels is "fair" is often different from what the other party feels is "fair".

Unless the value of what is being fought over is over a hundred thousand or so, (and by that I meant the difference between what "he" wants and what "she" wants, not the total size of the pie), your son would probably be better off acquiescing, and getting started putting his life back together. At 40 (I got the Big D at age 42) he has plenty of time to get back on the FIRE track.

I have relatives and friends who have practiced (and some still practice) divorce law. It can be incredibly time consuming, and while some divorce attorneys do like to prime the pump, even the ones who are conscientiously trying to get to a settlement can still suck up a lot of money.

 

[glinka]

mediation was tried but she is going all out to the extreme.

 

[John Galt III]

From my experience: ask around about different divorce attorneys and what "type" they are. Divorce Recovery groups are an excellent source for referrals and descriptions. The divorce lawyers all know each other and the opportunity for corruption is there: sending lots of unnecessary letters to the other lawyer at $300 per letter, etc. Kickbacks. The usual. But some attorneys will have a reputation for NOT being corrupt. Use those, obviously. As far as mediation, my ex wanted me to go to a mediator. I did, and it was obvious from the first minute that the mediator was favoring the ex. I paid for that session, but did not go again. My ex was out for the maximum payoff (which apparently was her modus operandi from the beginning).

 

[Chuckanut]

Divorce Recovery groups are an excellent source for referrals and descriptions.

Divorce Recovery groups are highly recommended. Far cheaper than counselors and psychologists, and far better in terms of helping one through the process. Meeting with others in the same boat is by far the best 'therapy' for those needing emotional help. Most seem to be offered by churches and other religious institutions.

 

[CaptTom]

I've seen husbands drug through the mud time after time again. Like Jerry Reed said: "We split it down the middle and she got the better half." The wife is often torturing the husband and being needlessly vindictive in a way only a female will do. Men seldom show as bad behavior that a wife puts out.

I can attest that this can certainly be the case, although either gender can be jerks.

mediation was tried but she is going all out to the extreme.

Assuming that this is getting one-sided, I have a politically incorrect piece of advice: Hire a female attorney.

An honest man goes into court with a couple of strikes against him. First, the system is built around an assumption of honesty. "Do you swear to tell the truth" and all that. Someone who chooses not to, or can't, be honest has a distinct advantage.

Second, society has decided, for whatever reason, that men are generally to blame. There's a strong bias to "punish" the man and help the "poor" woman. Maybe it's usually true, I don't know. But that's the bias you face.

If you get emotional in court, you have a temper and you're probably an abuser. If you remain stoic, you're a "cold fish" and no doubt to blame for the failed relationship. In every way, a man has the burden to prove he's not the bad guy.

A woman attorney does not bring that baggage. She can say and do things that you (the man) can not.

Believe me, I know lots of woman who were taken advantage of by guys in divorce court. This advice assumes the OP is NOT a jerk, and is trying to do the right thing.

One final observation: No-one wins in a divorce. You will never be able to prove that you're right and your spouse is wrong. The judge, mediator or whoever doesn't care who's to blame, or who left their socks on the floor. They want it over, with as little drama as possible. Stick to the facts, stay above the mudslinging, and move on with your life. Good luck!

 

[Walt34]

I don't like the generalizations about lawyers here- both my ex-husband's and my lawyer were reasonable people.

Agreed there are exceptions to the stereotypes. In my divorce my attorney (affiliated with the union) charged me $100 +court fees in 1983-84. (In MD you have to be separated for a year before even filing, at least at the time.) That said, there was little for us to argue about - there were no children and we each had good steady jobs with almost identical pay and benefits. We each took the furniture we'd had before the marriage and split the stuff acquired since. I have to give the ex credit, that divorce remains one of the more amicable ones I've ever heard of, there was none of the "revenge-seeking" behavior so often seen.

 

[flintnational]

Sorry your family is going through this. Another vote for mediation. I don't have any divorce experience, but have used mediation successfully in business settings. But just like attorneys, make sure you get a good mediator.

FN

 

[prose3589]

Again, I am a divorce attorney. I can assure you we are not all blood suckers. I know there are some out there that give us all a bad name. Most good divorce lawyers try desperately to settle these cases amicably. I also serve as a mediator and I represent children in the nastiest "custody" battles in my jurisdiction. I can swear that almost no one wants to drag those cases on. There are no winners! Many times the clients have unreasonable expectations. I suggest that you also check the State bar association for the state you live in. They will have the disciplinary record for any potential attorney. Best of luck. Hoping for quick resolution.

 

[Pilot2013]

Went through this is 1998. When 1 or the other (in my case, my ex-wife) wants to be vindictive or a pain, mediation is a waste of time.

Ask around, find the the guys that say their ex had the biggest SOB or B!%$# attorney, find them and hire them.

Good luck.

 

[Texas Proud]

Two of my DWs friends have been divorced in the last few years...

Both had bad lawyers... but both of the men also seemed to have bad lawyers... one of the guys spent $80K in total on both lawyers (he had to pay his DWs fee in the end)... I helped out a bit since his lawyer was saying that the value of the guys retirement barely went up for the years they were married... I calculated it at over $100K.... in the end I think she got $80K and a piece of land near a lake...

The other one got screwed.... but then again they were not married long and he had no money and LOTS of debt (BTW, he is a financial advisor!!!!).... she came from overseas and he had signed a paper that said he would support her to the US gvmt.... in the end her lawyer got him to agree to two years of payments (which he has missed the last 5 months).... nothing else....

 

[haha]

...

The other one got screwed.... but then again they were not married long and he had no money and LOTS of debt (BTW, he is a financial advisor!!!!).... she came from overseas and he had signed a paper that said he would support her to the US gvmt.... in the end her lawyer got him to agree to two years of payments (which he has missed the last 5 months).... nothing else....

Can't squeeze blood from a turnip...

Ha

 

[Texas Proud]

Can't squeeze blood from a turnip...

Ha

True.... but IMO signing away a potential future benefit to get it now is not a smart move...

Then again she is now engaged and IIRC she would not get anything after she got remarried so looking back 20/20 it was a wash... maybe the lawyer thought 2 years agreed too was better than fighting...

 

[CaliKid]

Good Point. And you made it for free!

Divorce attorneys are like the people who run the on-line matching sites for singles. Their incentive is to keep the subscribers unattached and searching so they pay the monthly fees for as long as possible. A quick easy match with Mr. or Ms. Right means they make less money.

Hmmm..... What is wrong with this picture?

This could be said for many attorneys as well as countless other professions that have possible conflicts IF they are unethical people. How about doctors that own the x-ray equipment and keep on sending patients for x-rays (paid by insurance) for example!? The reality is that good attorneys are likely so busy they want to help you and move on to the next case. Yes, there are horrible unethical attorneys who churn cases but I would say the vast majority of the highly rated, high quality, focused practice, attorneys do not do that.

 

[Texas Proud]

This could be said for many attorneys as well as countless other professions that have possible conflicts IF they are unethical people. How about doctors that own the x-ray equipment and keep on sending patients for x-rays (paid by insurance) for example!? The reality is that good attorneys are likely so busy they want to help you and move on to the next case. Yes, there are horrible unethical attorneys who churn cases but I would say the vast majority of the highly rated, high quality, focused practice, attorneys do not do that.

We got at least a decent one when my son was charged with a crime for a fight in school... (he did not start it, but was charged anyway).... the lawyer agreed to a fixed price thinking it would go quickly... but it got rescheduled 3 times due to witnesses not showing up or evidence not being there.... the prosecutor did not want to drop it for some reason... so he was there 4 times and had to review the evidence etc. and was ready to take to trial if need be for what he priced as probably a one time and done case....

 

[Bamaman]

Can't squeeze blood from a turnip...

Ha

No, but you can throw the turnip in jail!

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

Don't know if this is the proper place to look for this kind of advice but here goes. My son, age 40 is going through divorce. His attorney is not representing him well and seems to want to drop the case. Son says he can't afford the attorney, keeps getting more expensive. Sons wife if being nasty, so costs are higher. Don't want and haven't been asked for financial support for attorney. at a loss as to what if anything I can do. Are attorneys that say they are "attorney for men" anything? Or just hype?
Part of me says stay away from whole situation but would like to do what I can. Any advice?

RAOUL FELDER , He is as vicious as he is famous.