Elder parents

[Nords]

Talking to geriatric care managers is something that I could / should do.
Thanks

I'm somewhat accustomed to using my persistence and my force of personality to get things done. However I couldn't have pulled off what we did in less than 10 days without "Team Nords" guiding me through the jungle. Here's a recap:

I found an Oahu geriatric care manager who referred me to two of them in Dad's town. I called them both, explained the situation, and asked them if they could stand by for emergency calls or other referrals. Both agreed and didn't even ask for money up front-- apparently they usually get this call as a crisis in progress so they were quite happy to have the information ahead of time.

When Dad ended up in the hospital ER, I called one of those two care managers in his town. She checked in with the ICU to see if they needed anything before we arrived. When I flew in, she helped us talk Dad through the "You can't go home yet" conversation, and found us a geriatric care manager in the city where he ended up. (At one point she even found us a lawyer on a Sunday afternoon to discuss the finer points of POAs and guardianship. Try doing that in a strange town before Monday morning.) The two care managers worked with the hospital's discharge coordinator to find a skilled nursing facility in the city (which otherwise would have been random calls from the phone book and Internet listings), and then the city care manager made sure that the facility was really no-foolin' ready to take care of Dad as soon as we arrived from the 250-mile drive. I was in no mood to be met with "Oh, you know what Mr. Nords, we need another day or two..."

Then the city care manager found us a new lawyer for guardianship (we'd crossed lines into a new county with new rules). He's also tracking down a neurologist in case we need to have a full-blown neurophysical assessment done to persuade the long-term care insurance company to approve the claim. If Dad ends up wandering or bolting with his Alzheimer's symptoms then the care manager will help us find a facility with a (locked-door) memory-care unit.

The town care manager has also helped with Dad's apartment cleanout (a housecleaner and a carpet cleaner). She earned every penny of her $800 of hourly help/advice.

The city care manager has only charged $200 so far, although we probably owe him another $100 or so for the neurologist referral. The town lawyer was "only" $200, and we've spent another $1850 on the city lawyer to process the guardianship/conservatorship petitions. We're also spending $2000-$2500 for a psychologist to affirm that Dad's incapable of handling his affairs (for the court petition) which may also come in handy for the LTC insurance claim. If the neurologist is needed then I'm sure that'll be at least $2500.

The lawyer probably has another $1000-$2000 ahead of her, including coordinating a court appearance where my brother will show up in person and I'll teleconference in. I'll stay in touch with the care manager as long as Dad is alive, and in touch with the lawyer for the inevitable probate.

Thousands of dollars to find someone who knows the town/city, how the system works, which people to call, and what their vocabulary means. Peace of mind = priceless.

Could you tell me more about the alarm button?

It's amazing what can be done with a touch-screen laptop, a wireless network, various (non-video) sensors, a wireless blood-pressure cuff and other computerized medical equipment, an alarm button or an alarm bracelet, and a website for everyone to coordinate.

EDIT: Feh, forgot the link: http://ihealthhome.net/?page_id=282

 

[GregLee]

Medical Alert Service by Philips Lifeline
Here is the one my Mom has . She wears it around her neck and if she activates it 911 is called.

We had an alarm button that activated an audible alarm by radio control (rather than calling 911). It was extremely useful. My mother's room was the other side of the house from my bedroom, so if she got into trouble of some sort, I could not hear her. With the remote alarm, I could just take the sounding device to bed with me and not worry so much about her that I couldn't get a night's rest, myself.

 

[Moemg]

.

Who knows how well this will work long term. I can't travel anywhere other than for a couple of nights. And then I will need to have a relative sub for me. But they all live out of town so I don't expect to get a lot of help out of them. Not complaining, but those are the facts.

A lot of assisted living facilities offer respite care to give caregivers a break . The cost in Florida is $100 to $ 125 a night but in Pa. the cost was $85 so that might be an option .

 

[JakeBrake]

Medical Alert Service by Philips Lifeline
Here is the one my Mom has . She wears it around her neck and if she activates it 911 is called . She has fallen a few times so it has been great . They have different brands in different areas .

The trouble with these is that a person with advanced dementia probably will not have the mental wherewithal to use it.

My mother was not mentally able to punch the button that was pinned onto her gown at the nursing home. We relied on her room mate who was a retired nurse to keep an eye on her. The retired nurse was mentally acute, but her body had given out.

 

[GregLee]

My mother was not mentally able to punch the button that was pinned onto her gown at the nursing home.

It might have been mental incapacity, but maybe not. My mother's doctor thought she had Alzheimer's, but I wasn't convinced. Specifically, in regard to button pushing, my mother couldn't see the button (macular degeneration), and she had trouble finding the top-side of the device, because her hands were so crippled by arthritis and seemed to have lost sensation. But I cut out a small square of plastic and taped it to the button, and then, with some practice, she could feel that big lump and push on that to activate the button. It was really a loss of physical function involved, not mental function.

 

[chinaco]

The dilemma...


Parents do not want to lose their independence. They want to make their own decisions.

The child becomes the parent and begins to take over making certain decisions.

It causes friction.

Every child who takes care of a parent (has a parent move in that needs help goes through this to some degree). It is a stress and strain on all concerned.

Of course... parents went through the reverse when kids became teenagers.

IMO - If the parent chooses assisted living, that should be their choice...assuming they are competent (e.g., no Dementia or Alzheimers) and they are making a choice where the assistance will meet their actual needs.