Family Guilt?

[RetiredGypsy]

How easy has it been for you in the past to tell your family that you will not be changing your plans so you can go on their vacation, especially when they try to lay the guilt on thick?

 

[W2R]

You have a right to lead your own life. I suggest being pleasant but firm. They'll probably try to lay the guilt on thick like that the first few times, but if you are consistently pleasant and firm, over the years they may begin to accept it.

 

[chinaco]

Not long. We take family vacations from time to time. We just had to cancel one because of a conflict. No hurt feelings (as far as we can tell).

For most people, it is not the message but the delivery that counts.

Of course, if others have their established plans disrupted... you should expect them to be disappointed. It is natural.

 

[Buckeye]

Did you make your plans before or after you knew when the family vacation was going to be? How guilty should you feel?

 

[RetiredGypsy]

The plans were made a couple months before I knew. I don't feel guilty at all, but I hate having it laid on so thick.

 

[Notmuchlonger]

The plans were made a couple months before I knew. I don't feel guilty at all, but I hate having it laid on so thick.

Perhaps they were disappointed you could not attend and this way their way of dealing with it.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

We stopped taking family vacations years before we stopped working...I'm talking about the ones with the MIL, FIL, BILs, SILs, and all of the kids. It was a good thing when all of the kids were young (ours are the youngest), but as the kids got older the family vacations lost a lot of appeal...especially to the kids. We began taking vacations that were more interesting to our kids. We declined a trip or two of the "family vacations", explaining that the kids wanted to go "here" or "there" instead. MIL and FIL were disappointed but understood about kids wanting more adventure in their trips. Eventually the "family vacations" sort of stopped happening.

After we pulled the plug: Sometimes, our kids ask us to join them for their spring break and summer vacations, and we do. We just drove from CA to TX for a Big Bend spring break with DS and family. So, I guess that we now take a few family trips...with our kids. Sometimes, we meet BIL and SIL for a day or two, but nothing that qualifies for a "family trip".

Guilt...what guilt?!