How to protect alcoholic relative?

[omni550]

Does anyone know of a cat fostering service in the Tampa, FL area? We need to try to find someone who will care for two indoor cats for six months. Neighbors, friends and family have been explored already.

Perhaps call one of the links on this list and explain your situation:

catrescue

omni

 

[Klubbie]

I posted another response but then saw above where you said the relative agreed to go to treatment. I am so glad to hear that. As someone who watched his sister almost die from alcoholism and see the impact first hand the disease has on one's family, I can feel nothing but relief for you.

 

[Aerides]

Wow, great updates. As an outsider looking in this is a fascinating story. I'd recommend you also get the locks changed asap - guarantee that the con man has an extra set. And since you won't be there long term in person, maybe look into a security setup as well.

ETA: in a large area like Tampa there are bound to be tons of smaller and larger cat rescue and foster networks you can find.

 

[Moemg]

I am so glad it all worked out for the best .

 

[Scuba]

Perhaps call one of the links on this list and explain your situation:

catrescue

omni

Thanks Omni. Today we called our visited every cat rescue in and around Tampa. Some have foster programs, but no one will take cats to foster and later return to their owner. My sister’s last resort is to offer to pay her neighbor to visit her cats three times per week. I have suggested this is not right, definitely isn’t putting the cats’ needs first as they would get very lonely with minimal human companionship for six months. I think she should just give them up for adoption. In her current state, she can’t care for them properly. Even if her rehab is successful, I think pet ownership is a responsibility she shouldn’t take on until she readjusts to life post-rehab.

We’ll see what happens. Appreciate the referrals.

 

[Scuba]

Wow, great updates. As an outsider looking in this is a fascinating story. I'd recommend you also get the locks changed asap - guarantee that the con man has an extra set. And since you won't be there long term in person, maybe look into a security setup as well.

ETA: in a large area like Tampa there are bound to be tons of smaller and larger cat rescue and foster networks you can find.

Yes this has been quite the drama. Two police officers watched Mr. Con Man move out this morning. Yay!! If he returns to the property, trespassing charges can be filed. Neighbors have been alerted and asked to call police if they see him hanging around, or see anything amiss at her place.

Mr. Con Man is quite angry and is still threatening a civil suit. I doubt he’ll follow through but if he does, I think he will lose.

That’s the good news. Also good news that she will go to rehab. Bad news is she’s only going to stay out of jail. She is still in major denial about her alcoholism. I hope they can help her change that in the rehab program. If they don’t, nothing much will change. She did finalize the sale of her car today so at least she can’t drive anymore.

Many thanks to you all. Your support and suggestions have really helped, both from a practical perspective as well as helping me see that many other have been down this path and can relate. Alcoholism is a terrible thing. It’s very hard not to be angry about it.

Once I get home, I’ll have to figure out her finances better. DH & I will not subsidize her, but I’ll be deciding what bills to pay and not pay. There is no way she can cover all of the outstanding medical bills, credit card bills, etc. as she is months behind on them. Her resources are less than $85K and the only income she now has is SS at something like $1,100/month. I’ll probably start a separate thread on that once I figure out more details but I think she’s going to have to default on a lot of bills to survive. At least she shouldn’t be spending much in rehab.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I am surprised a rescue group won’t foster and return her cats. Sad that no friends can help out. I have kept friend’s dogs when there has been a need. I think knowing she can keep her cats would be beneficial in her recovery.

 

[Scuba]

I am surprised a rescue group won’t foster and return her cats. Sad that no friends can help out. I have kept friend’s dogs when there has been a need. I think knowing she can keep her cats would be beneficial in her recovery.

She has alienated most of her friends due to her alcoholism. Remaining friends are allergic, have their own pets, or don’t want the responsibility. Part of the problem for anyone who knows her cats is that she has always allowed them everywhere including the kitchen counters and dining room table.

I think foster programs aren’t designed for long-term care of animals that will eventually go back to their owners. Several have suggested boarding, which is designed for such situations, but she can’t afford that. I thought about hiring someone to stay in her home such as someone on trustedhousesitters, but her place is a mess and she has no furniture in the living room. Piles of stuff everywhere.

 

[Amethyst]

I think it's more that they don't want to set a precedent. Then have a bunch of snowbirds, etc. dumping their pets for "fostering" (cheap boarding) for 3-6 months at a time. Some people will lie to save money.

I am surprised a rescue group won’t foster and return her cats. Sad that no friends can help out. I have kept friend’s dogs when there has been a need. I think knowing she can keep her cats would be beneficial in her recovery.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Even if she has alienated her friends they should do it for the cats. My son went into a year treatment program and we drove across the country to get his 2 big old dogs.

 

[ER Eddie]

Wow, I'm just reading through this thread. What a stressful time you've been through!

I'm glad things worked out in the end. I was pondering what the best advice would be, as I was reading through, but wasn't coming up with anything brilliant ... so I'm glad things worked out. Seems like you handled a touchy situation very well.

I can understand why her alcoholism would've spiralled out of control when her husband was removed from the home; he must've been a stabilizing force.

Good luck with sorting out the mess of her finances. She was probably just a couple months away from some financial train-wreck. That is what we call "our lives became unmanageable" in the alcoholism biz.

I love the con man's threats of a civil law suit. lol. What a clown.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Eddie, I found it so strange that the guy thought he had a right to be there. The sister certainly dodged a bullet by getting rid of him. I hope the treatment works.

 

[Amethyst]

The scary thing is, if he'd been there much longer, he might have even had a bit of a case...because his clothes and belongings were there, he had established a "pattern of living," etc. He could have pretended to be the sister's "caretaker" and she might have let him get away with this.

Having her husband removed from the home must have been a terrible morale drain, unless it was her idea, which it sounds like it wasn't.

Eddie, I found it so strange that the guy thought he had a right to be there. The sister certainly dodged a bullet by getting rid of him. I hope the treatment works.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Compared to your first post, Scuba, those results so far are amazing. Even though your relative may be choosing long-term rehab over the possibility of a jail term (for the DUIs?), she at least will be in a place that reinforces sobriety and at her age, the program may finally take. You have a good heart.

 

[Amethyst]

I think everyone can agree, they are serious contenders for Sister and BIL of the Year.

Compared to your first post, Scuba, those results so far are amazing. Even though your relative may be choosing long-term rehab over the possibility of a jail term (for the DUIs?), she at least will be in a place that reinforces sobriety and at her age, the program may finally take. You have a good heart.

 

[Scuba]

I think it's more that they don't want to set a precedent. Then have a bunch of snowbirds, etc. dumping their pets for "fostering" (cheap boarding) for 3-6 months at a time. Some people will lie to save money.

I didn’t think of that. I’ll bet you’re right!

 

[Scuba]

I think everyone can agree, they are serious contenders for Sister and BIL of the Year.

Awww, you guys are very sweet! However we still have two more days to get her into rehab. Unfortunately she had a stash of vodka somewhere and has been wasted since Saturday evening. It’s Sunday night now and we were supposed to take her for intake interviews tomorrow morning. Not sure if she’ll be conscious to do that. We found some of her stash and poured it out but there must be more. We hid her wallet, cash, etc and she doesn’t have a car so the stash must be in the house somewhere.

We are calling her attorney in the morning. If she’s still wasted then, we might call paramedics and have her taken to the hospital. They could dry her out there and discharge her straight to rehab.

We CANNOT WAIT to go home Tuesday. This trip is even worse than when we helped DS & BIL clean up after Katrina!

 

[Scuba]

The scary thing is, if he'd been there much longer, he might have even had a bit of a case...because his clothes and belongings were there, he had established a "pattern of living," etc. He could have pretended to be the sister's "caretaker" and she might have let him get away with this.



Having her husband removed from the home must have been a terrible morale drain, unless it was her idea, which it sounds like it wasn't.

You’re absolutely right. We are very lucky the police even got involved. They said FL law is slanted towards tenant rights and because he had moved so much stuff in and had a key, he technically was her tenant already. The police here know DS and appreciate her vulnerability so that helped. What a jerk that con man was, preying on a lonely, depressed 65-year-old alcoholic. Sad and I’m very grateful we got rid of him pretty easily.

 

[Teacher Terry]

You guys are angels!

 

[Scuba]

You guys are angels!

Thank you! We tried. We’re at the airport about to fly home. The con man is hopefully gone for good, but DS is still avoiding going to rehab. She was supposed to go with us to do intake interviews yesterday and check in to one of two options today. Instead, she was so drunk yesterday that she passed out on the way from her front door to the car. We had to put her on a quilt and drag her to the car. Rehab won’t take drunk people so we took her to detox. They wouldn’t let her check in without her being medically cleared by a hospital so she spent last night in the hospital having all kinds of tests.

The hospital concluded she’s fine except for being drunk (over .3 blood alcohol) and released her today. She told us she was ready to go straight to detox, but we had to leave for the airport so the hospital said they would transport her. The nurse called me a half hour later and said she decided to go home instead.

I see death or jail in her near future. Clearly she has no intention of stopping. I’ll be sad for her, but we did everything in our power to try to help her. At least I can go home with a clear conscience. I suspected this would happen so today I gave her all of her unpaid bills back and told her she’ll need to handle sorting these out until she’s in rehab or jail. Other than helping her retain ownership of her home by ensuring that property taxes and insurance are kept up to date, I’m probably not going to help pay other bills. This is her mess to fix and her being drunk the last 3 days of our visit, plus lying about going to detox, did not motivate me to be more helpful.

Thanks again for all of your support. You all are the angels for caring enough to comment!

 

[Aerides]

You've done all you can. And I agree there are only a couple of outcomes here, neither pleasant, both soon. But I'm glad you left anyway, she has to want to get sober, but it doesn't appear she wants to.

 

[omni550]

Scuba,

So heartbreaking to hear. She's making her choices.

You've done all you can do.

omni

 

[braumeister]

Yes, you've done more than many would have even considered, so please don't guilt-trip yourself no matter what happens.

At that blood alcohol level, death seems more likely than jail, and without at least some commitment from her, there is nothing that anyone can do.

Maybe time to turn your focus back onto your own life.

 

[Idnar7]

I think I would consider a restraining order against the neighbor. He obviously doesn't want to lose what he had. Even if she is in rehab he could try and visit and worm his way back in. It is especially bad if he is next door. I don't see how could continue living next door to him long term. Best of luck. You are amazing people. It would just be too easy to write her off.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Scuba, you and your DH are still angels. Peace.