Introvert Party Hosting

[jIMOh]

This has been fun. Thanks to all of you for your responses. Let me reiterate several points.

1) For those of you who have asked - Yes, I really am an introvert and I have the MBTI scores to prove it .
2) It is clear that there are many people on this list who are more introverted than I - some by a large margin, apparently. I need to relay this to DW when she complains about my "misanthropic" tendencies.
3) Some of you seem to have missed the point - I also HATE GOING TO PARTIES, but by hosting one I can maintain enough control to make it, yes, enjoyable.
4) Related to the last, Saturday night I spent probably 75% of the evening in conversation with one person or a couple in rooms where there were no other people present. Control the environment!
5) I am reminded of a thread on public speaking and introversion. Several introverts reported that they could address crowds without being nervous, it was all about being in control of the situation. Similarly, in my last 2 j*bs, I sometimes had occasion to address large crowds. I felt NO apprehension in doing this, I knew what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. The networking that had to be done afterward, on the other hand, was brutal. I never had anything to say, I always felt like I was walking a tightrope and any verbal misstep would lead to disaster.
6) In short, it's all about control. By being in control, I can, once a year, throw a party that makes a lot of people happy. If it takes me a few days to decompress afterward, so what, I'm retired now and I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to.

I am a very outgoing introvert (most of my friends think I am an extrovert). I know where my energy comes from though...

I love public speaking and being an expert.
I do very well when presenting to groups of people I don't know- spoke to groups of 500+ at user groups and 10-30 plus on a regular basis for w*rk.

I don't do well speaking to groups of people I do know... for example presenting to colleagues makes me very very nervous/anxious.

I am an intovert which likes being in control, and if I am in control, I tend to find blissful peace with just about anything I do.
I definitely get where you are coming from...

 

[Ronstar]

I very seldom like going to parties, let alone host one. But DW is less of an introvert than I, and she insists on hosting family gatherings. I've learned to tolerate those. I do enjoy outdoor parties more than indoor, so if I were to host a party, it would be outside.

 

[RunningBum]

Not trying to be sarcastic here but this really doesn't make any sense to me. If a person was really an introvert type, why would they even want to host a party? Wouldn't it be hard enough to get them to go to a party, let alone hosting one of their own?

Introverted doesn't necessarily mean no parties. I like parties just fine, just not super loud or crowded parties. Hosting a party seems like a good way to control the atmosphere and your own interactions. You have all kinds of excuses to bail out of a conversation you don't want to be in.

 

[youbet]

Introverted doesn't necessarily mean no parties. I like parties just fine, just not super loud or crowded parties. .

These "introvert" discussion always leave me a bit confused. For example, I don't consider myself an introvert. Yet, I don't enjoy loud or crowded parties either.

Perhaps the issue is that most folks are somewhere between introvert and extrovert and folks in the middle range might choose to identify themselves differently, despite being nearly the same?

 

[youbet]

Not trying to be sarcastic here but this really doesn't make any sense to me. If a person was really an introvert type, why would they even want to host a party? Wouldn't it be hard enough to get them to go to a party, let alone hosting one of their own?

+1. See my post above.

 

[hakuna matata]

As an extrovert this thread has been enlightening. I used to be introverted but something about 25 years ago clicked and I went from one extreme to the other.

My wife and I are both pretty extroverted, host 2-3 parties a year, usually 30-40 people max. But at these parties everyone pretty much knows everyone, but we occasionally add another fun couple we have met. We host a Summer Solstice party to kick off the summer, a Halloween party and usually a themed party sometime during the year--the last one was a Crooner party. Guests had to dress up nicely and we had martinis and played crooner music like Sinatra, Tony Bennett, etc

But then again we are the type of people that when we go out to the bar we sit AT the bar and we end up meeting people. Some interesting/fun and some just ...er...interesting. This year at our annual Halloween party we invited (2) new couples and they hit it off immediately with our established friends. But I knew that going in as I know what kind of people we are interested in meeting. One couple we met at a bar and hit it off with them and had been to dinner a few times with them, so I knew they would fit. The other couple we met at a local small grocery that sells pizza and beer and has an outdoor terrace. We were there with another couple and this couple started talking to us and we hit it off. Two days before our Halloween party they called us wanting to get together and so we invited them to the party! They hit it off immediately with everyone there. A gamble on their part but I liked that about them and it was what I initially liked about them, they took the initiative to start talking to us at the terrace.

There are several of our friends who are introverts who come to this party and they do well but then again they know everyone there. Funny thing is that almost universally they are musicians. I always am shocked by that because on 'stage' they are very extroverted, but it is clearly an act for them, because off stage they are very introverted. The music allows them to interact.

I don't know for me 'talking' to someone is easy enough. Usually you can just ask someone about themselves and you can't get most people to shut up!

But I agree hosting the party is easier than going to one. At our party we know everyone, but when we go to a party you never know if you will know more than the host. But I always look at it as an opportunity to maybe meet a new friend.

 

[Moemg]

I am introverted but I enjoy going to parties . Of course this means I need reciprocate so I throw a party at least once a year . One year I did not feel like doing it at home so I had a party at a local restaurant . We all had a good time and all I had to do was pay the bill.As for having a massive 50-100 people party ,no thanks I would rather have root canal.

 

[RetireAge50]

If I have to go the more people the better, keeps me out of the spotlight. Or if we have a get together it is only with close family and friends.

 

[jjquantz]

These "introvert" discussion always leave me a bit confused. For example, I don't consider myself an introvert. Yet, I don't enjoy loud or crowded parties either.

Perhaps the issue is that most folks are somewhere between introvert and extrovert and folks in the middle range might choose to identify themselves differently, despite being nearly the same?

Best definition/explanation that I have heard is that extroverts are "energized" being around people and introverts are drained of energy in the same situation.

There is no doubt that I find being around people a lot of work - it's why I gave up teaching as a career. By the end of my teaching career I would come home at the end of the day and just retreat into the music room for 2-3 hours. This was no longer fair to DW and it was time to find something else to do. Any extended interaction with others is something that I find tiring - less so with good friends and much more so with strangers.

So my party hosting is something that requires an effort on my part because it takes us out of our comfort zone. We are pretty wiped out by the end of the evening. But we've done it for so long that we know how to handle it. A couple of days of quiet and we can start planning for next year. An extrovert might say, "A couple of days of rest and we can start planning for next weekend."

 

[TallTim]

I am introverted but I enjoy going to parties . Of course this means I need reciprocate so I throw a party at least once a year . One year I did not feel like doing it at home so I had a party at a local restaurant . We all had a good time and all I had to do was pay the bill.As for having a massive 50-100 people party ,no thanks I would rather have root canal.

DW is a 100% extrovert and would have 6-10 people over for dinner/drinks/games/socializing several days a week if left to her own devices. I would rather have small groups of closer friends maybe monthly max. We just had our annual holiday party for about 70 people ... so I've had to adjust and moderate and so has she over the years ...

The above compromise has worked well for us when I'm feeling too overwhelmed with social events at the house; that way, we don't have all the in-house disruption of prep, decoration, cooking (even when you hire caterers there is a ton to do to get ready to deal with them taking over your kitchen), and clean-up ... go to a restaurant, have a nice time, sign a credit card slip and leave is my kind of evening!

 

[youbet]

Best definition/explanation that I have heard is that extroverts are "energized" being around people and introverts are drained of energy in the same situation.

There is no doubt that I find being around people a lot of work - it's why I gave up teaching as a career. By the end of my teaching career I would come home at the end of the day and just retreat into the music room for 2-3 hours. This was no longer fair to DW and it was time to find something else to do. Any extended interaction with others is something that I find tiring - less so with good friends and much more so with strangers.

Thanks for that.

That would make me somewhere just to the introvert side of middle in the introvert to extrovert continue-em. I enjoy substantial amounts of time to myself or with just DW or a close friend. But, I can get too much of that and, for example, might sometimes head to the pub for a stout with the boys, even strangers, just for some fresh inputs and experiences.

When I was working, this need for "newness" or "freshness" was met at MegaCorp where being thrust into interactions with people unfamiliar to me was fairly frequent.

So, I guess we're all somewhere along that continue-em. We just tend to think of the extremes when the terms introvert and extrovert are tossed about.

 

[harley]

Introvert?

This sounds like a group of cranky old folks, not introverts. I show up as an introvert on every personality test ever devised, but I don't mind parties, even when I don't know people. Free food and drink, music, interesting (sometimes) conversations to listen in on, and you get to see the inside of other people's house. What's not to like?

 

[jjquantz]

DW is a 100% extrovert and would have 6-10 people over for dinner/drinks/games/socializing several days a week if left to her own devices. I would rather have small groups of closer friends maybe monthly max. We just had our annual holiday party for about 70 people ... so I've had to adjust and moderate and so has she over the years ...

The above compromise has worked well for us when I'm feeling too overwhelmed with social events at the house; that way, we don't have all the in-house disruption of prep, decoration, cooking (even when you hire caterers there is a ton to do to get ready to deal with them taking over your kitchen), and clean-up ... go to a restaurant, have a nice time, sign a credit card slip and leave is my kind of evening!

The prep is what gets DW going about the whole thing! She loves to plan the menu, cook the food, decorate the house, etc. I also love the fact that we can (over)feed 60-70 people on about $150 and everyone thinks that it is incredible food. Cooking from scratch is SO much cheaper than eating out or catering. We don't even notice a bump in the grocery bill from supplying the party (except for the 10 bottles of wine that we have on hand and we always end up receiving more wine/more expensive wine than we purchase). I would absolutely freak out if I had to pay to have this event catered! Plus, that would take away half of my escape points that let me survive the evening.

 

[HFWR]

I enjoy small get-togethers with close friends. A party with 70 people would be my version of hell. Not to mention that 70 people in my house would resemble a crowded subway car...

 

[Dash man]

I had to go to a party for my wife's company last Friday. It was a miserable experience for me. With all the loud talkers and a band playing in the background I don't think I understood ten words the whole evening. I followed DW for introductions then found a corner to sit. I left three times to find a quiet spot to keep a migraine from setting in, then went back to my corner so DW could find me. Thank God this is my last one since she will be done before next years's party...of course, that's what I thought last year.


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[Willers]

I am both shy and introverted (different things), but I actually enjoy parties in most cases. I try to break into a few small groups that make it manageable and have met a few close friends that way. They drag me out of my comfort zone and I'm rarely sorry I went (or hosted). I'll never be the life of the party, and some are pure torture, but I've often been surprised. Also, if you can find a raving extrovert to hang with you can just let them run and not even have to work at it...

 

[youbet]

This sounds like a group of cranky old folks, not introverts. I show up as an introvert on every personality test ever devised, but I don't mind parties, even when I don't know people. Free food and drink, music, interesting (sometimes) conversations to listen in on, and you get to see the inside of other people's house. What's not to like?

It's not the least bit unusual for people to be able to take psych tests, especially personality type tests, and get whatever results they want. I've taken most of the commonly circulating personality tests and easily had them come out however I wished.

Perhaps you consider "introvert" the desirable tag to have. Therefore, despite whatever your personality type really is, you come out introvert. Perhaps in reality, you're somewhere along the continue-em between introvert and extrovert like most folks.......

 

[youbet]

I am introverted but I enjoy going to parties . Of course this means I need reciprocate so I throw a party at least once a year . One year I did not feel like doing it at home so I had a party at a local restaurant . We all had a good time and all I had to do was pay the bill.As for having a massive 50-100 people party ,no thanks I would rather have root canal.

+1

I'm not an extreme introvert or extrovert. As mentioned earlier, I'm comfortable with time alone, just with DW or a friend, etc. Yet, from time to time I crave interaction with "new" and "fresh" personalities. I'm somewhere between introverted and extroverted. But, like you, no big parties at my house for me. The thought of all the planning and work sends shivers down my spine. DW feels the same way. We haven't had a big crowd to the house since our son graduated from high school in '92.

We do regularly have some relatives and friends over and enjoy that. But they're low maintenance, clean up after themselves and have low expectations of the amount of preparation we're going to do.

It's not the introvert vs extrovert thing for us. It's the work and hassle factor!

 

[Music Lover]

There are several of our friends who are introverts who come to this party and they do well but then again they know everyone there. Funny thing is that almost universally they are musicians. I always am shocked by that because on 'stage' they are very extroverted, but it is clearly an act for them, because off stage they are very introverted. The music allows them to interact.

I'm a bit of an introvert and not comfortable making small talk with strangers, but I really enjoy playing live music and am completely relaxed playing in front of hundreds of people.

 

[hakuna matata]

I'm a bit of an introvert and not comfortable making small talk with strangers, but I really enjoy playing live music and am completely relaxed playing in front of hundreds of people.

I swear of all the introverts I know, 90% of them are musicians. We have gotten to know a lot of local musicians here (we often have live music at our parties and are big supporters of the local music scene here at clubs,etc). There is one guy who is the same gregarious person on stage and off stage, but most of them seem to have this banter they do on stage but off stage they are pretty quiet. My wife and I both have observed that and found it interesting--the contrast. See I am extroverted and there is NO WAY I would play in front of a crowd like that---not even if I was better than I am!

 

[Meadbh]

I swear of all the introverts I know, 90% of them are musicians. We have gotten to know a lot of local musicians here (we often have live music at our parties and are big supporters of the local music scene here at clubs,etc). There is one guy who is the same gregarious person on stage and off stage, but most of them seem to have this banter they do on stage but off stage they are pretty quiet. My wife and I both have observed that and found it interesting--the contrast. See I am extroverted and there is NO WAY I would play in front of a crowd like that---not even if I was better than I am!

Professionals hone the skills of their profession over many years, so that they become second nature. If that includes performing on stage, public speaking, etc, they can be experts at those things without changing their personalities. For example, one of my friends has been a professional orchestra musician for over 40 years. She performs flawlessly and with passion on stage, including featured solo pieces. Off stage she is a quiet introvert with no pretensions whatsoever.

I myself am a strong introvert, but did whatever it took to succeed in my career. That included becoming an effective public speaker and leader. In ER I have reverted somewhat to my true self. I now realize the continual effort I had to put into "acting the part" for decades.

 

[Music Lover]

Professionals hone the skills of their profession over many years, so that they become second nature. If that includes performing on stage, public speaking, etc, they can be experts at those things without changing their personalities. For example, one of my friends has been a professional orchestra musician for over 40 years. She performs flawlessly and with passion on stage, including featured solo pieces. Off stage she is a quiet introvert with no pretensions whatsoever.

In my case, I'm far from an accomplished musician...I'm just a guy who plays bass and guitar in a couple bar bands, and although they are fairly "good" bar bands, none of us are pros. But, even with my limited talent, I'm still far more comfortable plugging away at a song on stage or strumming to a few campfire songs than I am trying to carry a conversation.

It has happened where I've made eye contact with a lady while playing and we've exchanged smiles, and I can sense some interest. Then the set ends and it's like a switch is turned off, and I revert right back to introvert mode, and more often than not I never make the effort to talk to her.

 

[Meadbh]

In my case, I'm far from an accomplished musician...I'm just a guy who plays bass and guitar in a couple bar bands, and although they are fairly "good" bar bands, none of us are pros. But, even with my limited talent, I'm still far more comfortable plugging away at a song on stage or strumming to a few campfire songs than I am trying to carry a conversation.

It has happened where I've made eye contact with a lady while playing and we've exchanged smiles, and I can sense some interest. Then the set ends and it's like a switch is turned off, and I revert right back to introvert mode, and more often than not I never make the effort to talk to her.

I do miss the Winnipeg music scene! I think you are being modest.

 

[tmm99]

The word "introvert" and "party" do not go together in my book. Period. If you are willing to host a party, you are not an introvert IMO...


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[Lucantes]

I guess most of my confusion over this issue comes from the fact that some people seem to put a large amount of value on the personality testing (such as MBTI), and the associated labeling, where I just don't (doesn't mean I am right and you are wrong, just means we have a difference of opinion and that is cool too! ).
I am more in the camp of Popeye "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam" and I am okay with the yam that I yam!
Some days I like a party , some days I don't .
Some days I like large parties, some days I don't.
Some days I like being alone, some days I don't.
The only thing I have figured out about the pattern, or lack there of, is that I am human and my behavior varies from time to time. except for bacon, I always love bacon!