It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

[Keim]

True story:

I live in Idaho, and I can't find a single place in town to buy Idaho potatoes. Our local Rotary clubs big fundraiser is selling Idaho potatoes-cuz we can't get'em in the north end of the state.

They are all sent out of state!

Four guys are driving across country together: one from
Idaho, one from Nebraska, one from Florida, and one from New
York.

A short way down the road, the man from Idaho starts to pull
potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window.

The man from Iowa turns to him and asks, "What the heck are
you doing?"

The man from Idaho says, "We have so many of these things in
Idaho they're lying around on the ground. I'm sick of
looking at them!"

A few miles down the road, the man from Nebraska begins
pulling ears of corn from his bag and throwing them out the
window.

The man from Florida asks, "What are you doing that for?"

The Nebraskan replies, "We have so many of these things in
Nebraska, I'm sick of looking at them!"

Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car
door and pushes the New Yorker out.
​

 

[JPatrick]

Four guys are driving across country together: one from
Idaho, one from Nebraska, one from Florida, and one from New
York.

A short way down the road, the man from Idaho starts to pull
potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window.

The man from Iowa turns to him and asks, "What the heck are
you doing?"

The man from Idaho says, "We have so many of these things in
Idaho they're lying around on the ground. I'm sick of
looking at them!"

A few miles down the road, the man from Nebraska begins
pulling ears of corn from his bag and throwing them out the
window.

The man from Florida asks, "What are you doing that for?"

The Nebraskan replies, "We have so many of these things in
Nebraska, I'm sick of looking at them!"

Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car
door and pushes the New Yorker out.
​

Yup!

 

[frayne]

The IRS sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!!

I guess it was because of my response to the question : "List all dependents?"
I replied -

"12 million illegal immigrants;
"3 million crack heads;
"42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
"2 million people in over 243 prisons;
"Half of Mexico ; and
"535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

 

[eytonxav]

Anyone get one of these at McDonalds?

 

[haha]

Great jokes! Keep 'em coming.

 

[Nords]

Ten years ago, Steve Jobs was alive, Bob Hope was alive and Johnny Cash was alive.

Now we’re outta jobs, outta hope and outta cash.​

I've read that people are very concerned about Kevin Bacon staying healthy...

 

[kevink]

Bank of America customer letter

A Letter from Bank of America « Borowitz Report

 

[zedd]

Possibly the best cartoon ever

Possibly the best cartoon ever

 

[zedd]

Phone rings in the middle of the night. The husband picks up the receiver and after a brief pause responds in a gruff tone: "Hell how would I know thats two thousand miles away" and then abruptly slams down the receiver.

The wife asks: "Who was that?"

The husband replies in a sleepy tone: " I dunno. Somebody asking if the coast was clear."

 

[Alan]

On a bitterly cold winter's morning, a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through. So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to14 inches of snow today. You must park...." and the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding in his voice the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."

 

[MichaelB]

Thought this was creative

 

[powerplay]

The Tug Toner -

Get Ripped With Tug Toner - YouTube

 

[MichaelB]

An Irishman's explanation of the financial crisis, both Ireland and the US. Those easily offended by vulgarities should probably not listen.
Irish Wanking Bankers - YouTube
Wall Street Wankers - An Irishman Abroad - YouTube

 

[packrat44]

True story:

I live in Idaho, and I can't find a single place in town to buy Idaho potatoes. Our local Rotary clubs big fundraiser is selling Idaho potatoes-cuz we can't get'em in the north end of the state.

They are all sent out of state!

Same with Washington. The apples all seem to go elsewhere.

 

[MichaelB]

From the Onion (it's satire) Chef Ted Allen Cooks his Favorite Pretentious Foodie BS meal here

 

[Nemo2]

From the Onion (it's satire) Chef Ted Allen Cooks his Favorite Pretentious Foodie BS meal here

 

[Meadbh]

From the Onion (it's satire) Chef Ted Allen Cooks his Favorite Pretentious Foodie BS meal here

 

[TromboneAl]

The Tug Toner -

Get Ripped With Tug Toner - YouTube

I thought this was hilarious, and forwarded it to a friend who apparently doesn't share our sense of humor. He thought it was "weird." I hate it when that happens.

 

[Alan]

I thought this was hilarious, and forwarded it to a friend who apparently doesn't share our sense of humor. He thought it was "weird." I hate it when that happens.

Never mind Al, at least on this site we appreciate "weird". Maybe being weird should be a requirement of membership.

 

[braumeister]

Never mind Al, at least on this site we appreciate "weird". Maybe being weird should be a requirement of membership.

Hey, I resemble that remark!

 

[TromboneAl]

I think I watch too many late-night talk shows. We were with another couple, and I responded to something with the standard punchline "...and if the erection lasts more than four hours, call you doctor." It was appropriate to the conversation, and I was sure it would get a big laugh, but instead it just got blank stares. They aren't prudes; I think they had just never heard that phrase before.

It's a fine line between being a colorful character and weird/creepy.

 

[REWahoo]

It's a fine line between being a colorful character and weird/creepy.

And if anyone knows how to cross that line, it's you Al.

 

[Nords]

And if anyone knows how to cross that line, it's you Al.

Al, maybe you're just playing hopscotch with it...

 

[shaycool]

Good Irish Joke


At a recent Irish wedding some one yelled, "All married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."


The bartender was crushed to death!

 

[Chuckanut]

The President of the USA, the smartest man in the world, an old priest and a young hippy lad are all flying cross country in an airplane. Suddenly the pilot appears and tells them 'The engines are gone and we are going to crash. We only have four parachutes and I am taking one," then he grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane.

The President says " I am the president and too important to die". He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane.

The smartest man in world says "The world would suffer without me!" He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane.

Now, only the old priest and the young hippy lad are left. And one parachute.

The old priest says "My son, I have lived a long life, and I know I will be with God. Take the last parachute and save yourself."

The young hippy replies "That is not necessary father, there are two parachutes. We can both be saved!"

The old priest asks "How can this be? Is it the miracle of the loaves and fishes again?"

The hippy answers " No father. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on."