Losing things

[BigNick]

So far, in nearly 7 years of ER starting at age 51, I haven't actually permanently lost anything. But I've misplaced things so many times. Is this early-onset dementia or just a series of CRAFT (Can't Remember A Thing) moments?

Yesterday I couldn't find my house keys. No biggie, as I have lots of copies and I only need the one key, but there were a couple of loyalty card fobs and an occasionally-useful USB stick on there. Searched everywhere. Tried to remember when I last had them and worked out that I used them to enter the house on Monday evening, so they "must be here". Emptied the trash because on a previous occasion I dropped the mailbox key in there absent-mindedly, but no dice.

Felt way more down about this than I needed to, as I had had a small neurological incident a couple of days prior and been to the ER as a precaution. (Double-checked that I didn't lose the keys there, as they put me on a gurney and my effects went into a bag, but if I had lost them there, I wouldn't have got back home afterwards.)

Went to bed and as I was undressing, found that for some reason I had put my keys in the left butt pocket of my jeans, where I never, ever put anything...

Still, perhaps not as bad as a friend who lost his credit card. He called the bank and cancelled the card, and spent the rest of the day trying to work out how he could have lost it. When he went to bed, he found that he had stuffed the card into his sock.

 

[Badger]

I would not want to assume any reasons for your "mysteries". But if it makes you feel better many of us deal with the same experiences. My bicycle riding buddy who is 13 years younger (at 58), a retired air traffic controller, and former military with top secret clearance have the same experiences as well as I. I attribute it to having a lot on our mind. Too many decisions to make with all the fun choices for our free time.


Cheers!

 

[f35phixer]

well i also have the same issue sometimes, This morning i somehow MISPLACED my coffee mug lid?


Are you on Stains? I have family history with dementia and was really getting scared that it was hitting me for all the stupid stuff i was doing / forgetting etc.


Went to Dr and had whole bunch of tests MRI's / CATScan /Cognitive test , nothing really found but normal brain degrading, I went off stains and i got better after about 6 months, i mean MUCH better.... Anyway, i still have my moments, i try to SLOWDOWN and slowdown some more. I still work and what i do, you need to be on top of game, no jacking up stuff.

 

[zinger1457]

You're not alone, these tracking devices like 'Tile' seem to be popular and big sellers.

 

[MichaelB]

DW often tells me I’ve lost my mind.

 

[sdtech]

I couldn’t find my phone, so I went to my iPad to use the find phone app that makes your phone start dinging. Couldn’t find the iPad. Normal day for me.

 

[Telly]

I have been "losing things", sometimes once a day. I have figured out why. It is momentary, usually self-generated, "micro-diversions" (I just coined that phrase!).

Examples:
- I am getting ready to take my daily walk. But having had them a few minutes earlier, I have just misplaced my cell phone, or keys, or cap. I then have to search all over. When I find the missing item, I realize then WHY it's there... I set it down momentarily because I did something else just for a moment, something that was not in the original path. Like going to another part of the house to check if I turned a fan off, picked up a piece of mail on table, etc. etc.
- I'm working on something. I turn around to reach for a tool I just had... and it's gone! Where did it go? It was just "here". Look and look. And once again, when I find it, its spatial displacement was due to a micro-diversion.

For me anyway, I find that I am multi-tasking on a micro level, and that momentary diversion gets me to walk away from the now-completed diversion, often leaving something I needed "temporarily set down", and not picked up when I walk away.

I am working on being more aware of these micro-diversions, and NOT putting something down for a moment where it doesn't belong!

I am getting much better about keys and phone(s).

I am getting much better about tools in cabinets... When having many tools in hands, do NOT set the "one tool too many" down on a tool shelf where it doesn't belong for even a moment to dig some other one out.

I still need to get better about those work gloves...

 

[RunningBum]

Not uncommon, as you can see from the other replies. I learned to be much, much more careful about where I put things like keys. I have a set place for them. If I discover I didn't put them there, I immediately go put them there, no saying "Well, I'll remember that I put them on my dresser, so no problem" because I won't.

The "find my phone" utility is priceless. Last month I had a phone slide out of new shorts at my son's house, and he noticed. Later when I got home, I couldn't find my phone and was convinced I left it at a gas station or grocery store back in town (1/2 hour away) after looking various places at home. I got in my car and 2 minutes into my drive remembered I could search. So I went back home and got on my computer and asked google to find my phone. First it located it at my house, so I asked it to ring it. It was literally a foot from my ear, on the back of the couch I was sitting on.

 

[eytonxav]

What about when you go into a particular room and then can't remember the reason you went there? I'm not sure which is worse, misplacing things or the room thing.

 

[Red Badger]

^^^ You misplaced a room??!!

Just kidding!

Now, what was I going to say?

 

[MRG]

I watched my untreated ADD DF lose everything he tried to keep. Keys, glasses, he never tried to carry a wallet because he knew he'd lose it. I'm ADD as well but try to manage.

Yesterday I "lost" my wallet and my knife at different times.

 

[SumDay]

I 'lose' my phone 20 times a day.

 

[imoldernu]

I've written more than I should have on this subject, but would refer back to this post (#134) made about 5 years ago...

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/sharing-23-years-of-frugal-retirement-62251-2.html#post1429279

Not to suggest that I have any medical knowledge of the subject, but a word of caution about too much worry about losing things.

Based on most studies of evaluating Alzheiers/Dementia I am now in stage 4 of AZ.

What I take from this is that one should not be too concerned about short term memory loss, (as in losing things)... ie... not to panic. To a great degree, this is common., and even if there is a longer term problem, (as in my case), the progression can be very slow.

For short term memory, my plan is thus:

Every day actions are a two step process.
- 1. Pay by credit card... 2. Automatic.. back to wallet.
- 1. Lock the door... 2. check to be sure.
- 1. Before breakfast... 2. Check mailbox and bring in morning paper
- 1. Dishes after a meal... 2. Clear counter... always.
- 1. Parking at Walmart... 2. Look back for lane number
- 1. Prescriptions... 2. 7 day pill holder in sight on bathroom sink
- 1. Auto seatbelt... 2. On before putting key in ignition.
- 1. Important papers/mail etc... 2. In one single pile for continuous review.
- 1. House items.... 2. A place for everything and everything in its' place.

Simple and a no-brainer, yes? The list can go on for dozens or hundreds of everyday actions. But... "Won't I forget?" Yes... takes lots of embedding to get to becoming automatic, but it has worked for me.

Overall, our society has become so complex that the challenges of memory have become common. Multi-tasking has become a normal mental process.
"Not to worry" no, of course not... but being overly concerned, could unnecessarily exacerbate anxiety.

 

[ckelly78z]

I keep losing things which later, turn up in places that I know for a fact that I looked...my son likes "borrowing" things is usually the answer I have been looking for.

 

[copyright1997reloaded]

You're not alone, these tracking devices like 'Tile' seem to be popular and big sellers.

I bought some of these but can't find where I put them.

 

[ivinsfan]

The key and phone thing was an easy fix in our house.. Entryway.. very small attractive oak shelf mounted by an outlet at EYEBALL height. Come in place keys and DH's phone on shelf (it's a flip phone) plug phone into charger. Just do it, on the rare time the key isn't there it's in his pants pocket. If the key comes out of the pocket it goes on the shelf.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I read most of that is normal unless you are doing some bizarre like putting your keys in the freezer.

 

[marko]

My one, big, weird obsession is when I misplace something, no matter how unimportant it is, I MUST find it. It's not the value, it's that it's lost.

I'll spend two hours tearing the house apart looking for a missing pencil until I find it (then I can throw it away). I'm a crazy-man, I know.

Drives DW nuts and I don't know what childhood trauma caused it but it's so ingrained in me.

What I have found is (like Imoldernu) to have a set of habits that become automatic, unthinking actions that put things in their place all the time.

 

[ivinsfan]

Gee, we "lost" a battery operated chain-saw . Wanted it last weekend and couldn't find it the usual place. Hunted though every outbuilding on the farmsite. But now I'm ticked because I never touch it, it's DH thing.

Make him go to the other farm and look there because his always borrows stuff to work at the other places. Nothing, then he just says someone much have stolen it. Been here 30 plus years and never had anything taken.

I went back to the "usual" storage place and tore it apart .. In the back corner on the ground inside a black plastic trash bag, I found the bright green chainsaw. Virtually an entire afternoon wasted and it was in the first place he looked. Let's just say it was really quiet at supper that night.

 

[scrabbler1]

One thing I have noticed over the years is how I forget something routine if I have to remember several unusual items, particularly if I have to go out somewhere. It reminds me of a 1994 episode from "Married With Children" when Kelly goes on a game show and Al loads her up with lots of knowledge and trivia, only to have Kelly forget a basic sports fact about Al (how he scored 4 touchdowns in his big high school football game) in order to win the prize.


This piece of dialog from the episode describes Kelly's problem (emphasis mine)


"Bud Bundy: You have to understand, Kelly's brain can hold anything. But there are some things you have to know. One: that it's totally empty.


Al: Woudn't you know it.


Bud Bundy: And two: that you can't just shove information into her head. You have to be careful. Feed her information slowly, bit by bit, drop by drop, until she's full.


Al: Full?


Bud Bundy: Oh, yeah. Kelly's brain can actually get full with information. And then you got to be really careful. Because each new thought after that will totally replace an old one. That's why Kelly forgot to wear a blouse on the day she went to take her drivers ed exam."


What happened with Kelly is what happens to me sometimes. I will remember all the unusual things I have to do or take with me when I go out, but then forget the one easy, routine thing. Drives me bananas sometimes.

 

[W2R]

So far, in nearly 7 years of ER starting at age 51, I haven't actually permanently lost anything. But I've misplaced things so many times. Is this early-onset dementia or just a series of CRAFT (Can't Remember A Thing) moments?

Yesterday I couldn't find my house keys. No biggie, as I have lots of copies and I only need the one key, but there were a couple of loyalty card fobs and an occasionally-useful USB stick on there. Searched everywhere. Tried to remember when I last had them and worked out that I used them to enter the house on Monday evening, so they "must be here". Emptied the trash because on a previous occasion I dropped the mailbox key in there absent-mindedly, but no dice.

Felt way more down about this than I needed to, as I had had a small neurological incident a couple of days prior and been to the ER as a precaution. (Double-checked that I didn't lose the keys there, as they put me on a gurney and my effects went into a bag, but if I had lost them there, I wouldn't have got back home afterwards.)

Went to bed and as I was undressing, found that for some reason I had put my keys in the left butt pocket of my jeans, where I never, ever put anything...

Still, perhaps not as bad as a friend who lost his credit card. He called the bank and cancelled the card, and spent the rest of the day trying to work out how he could have lost it. When he went to bed, he found that he had stuffed the card into his sock.

I am almost 71 years old and I pretty much never lose things like car keys or credit cards. Believe me, it's a lot easier not to lose such things if/when one lives alone. Nobody else is there to move something from where I put it.

Also it helps that I don't really use keys. My car doesn't have keys - - it has push button ignition and remote entry, with a key fob, and the key fob is tethered to my purse so I always have it (and my driver's license) with me. Also I have push button deadbolts on all external doors to my house, so I can't lose my house keys. As for my phone, it is either in my purse or the recharging station. It's not allowed to be anyplace else, ever.

On the other hand, what I DO often lose is whatever seldom used word or name I am trying to think of when I am conversing with F. That is so annoying and I hope it is not the onset of dementia. F says it happens to everybody. He says our minds are like file cabinets and at our age they are full, so when we remember one thing another thing falls out. OK.....

 

[pacergal]

We also have a shelf and key holder right inside our door. Still have to help DH search for keys, wallet, phone frequently. I try to be diligent about putting things back after use, as I can be forgetful/easily distracted.
I read an article that said we can't really "multi task", that our brain can only process/"do" one thing at a time, but can switch gears rapidly. I am unable to find it right now, but it was interesting, due to so much expectation and information about multi tasking.

 

[redduck]

I read most of that is normal unless you are doing some bizarre like putting your keys in the freezer.

It wouldn't be bizarre if that's where you keep your keys on a regular basis.

 

[Bamaman]

I'm with you all on temporarily misplacing things. Most of what I'm looking for are keys and tools. My wife is better than me, however she's never had a keyring (which drives me nuts.) I often have to physically backtrack where I've been walking to find what I'm looking for.

Last week, I finally went to the locksmith and got duplicate car and house keys. And I finally got a keychain for my wife that backs up my keychain. So if I really lose any keys, at least I've got a backup--and am not locked out of any house or car.

Another problem with keeping up with tools is that I never quit building. And we have a lake house 1/2 hour from our main home where there's always projects in process. I often run back and forth--finding what I'm looking for.

 

[T-Minus]

For as long as I can remember, I have been a compulsive “thing loser”. As a result, I have had to come up with systems to accommodate this shortcoming, such as:

- Key rack in laundry room by garage (when I enter the house, the keys ALWAYS go on the proper hook)
- Wallet is always in the right rear pocket or on right dresser caddy
- Reading glasses are always in the left front jacket pocket (unless it’s too warm, then I get messed up)
- Pen is always in shirt pocket (don’t buy shirts without pockets). Friends love teasing me about this until they need a pen.
- TV remote is always on the round table beside the couch
- Checkbook, tools, stamps & envelopes, etc. all have their places.

My 26 YO Son loses things too and is finally starting to create his own system. Seems a bit OCD, but it’s literally the system that keeps me from losing things.

BTW - the “find my phone” feature is a lifesaver. As for reading glasses, I just have multiples everywhere...