Marriage Proposal on FIRE Forum

[haha]

My goodness, all this talk of sex while I am still working my way through morning coffee and chocolate babka is fairly icky

Perhaps it's the chocolate babka? That sounds pretty icky.

Ha

 

[Amethyst]

You are right on the money, pun intended. There is truly no need to go all out, just to get acquainted.many more budget- minded choices than there used to be, and no need to display coupons!

This is probably dependent on where you live, but do dates really have to cost a lot of money? There are always a bunch of free or cheap events around where we live. I think we do a lot of fun activities and don't spend that much. This past week did activities like hiking at scenic parks for free, attended a free music crawl and saw Imagine Dragon in concert with tickets bought during a Groupon sale.

 

[Amethyst]

And sticky.

Perhaps it's the chocolate babka? That sounds pretty icky.

Ha

 

[kgtest]

+++1
rofl

Whoopsie Prenup!

 

[dvalley]

Some of my little clan is male. All are chortling at your strong men paragraph. It sounds like you put in some real effort, which does you credit. Nobody likes to be the one who's doing all the work.

I don't put in much effort at all other than what I consider to be a man's job in dating i.e. to ask her out and if she accepts show her a good time and seduce her with my charm

You could always just get yourself a sex robot.

"One of the most advanced sex robots with AI capabilities has reportedly reached the prototype stage and is currently undergoing ‘field testing’ in the household of one lonely man.

"A 60-year old father of two who calls himself Brick Dollbanger online has become the first person in the world to try out Harmony, a sophisticated anatomically-correct AI robot, designed by Realbotix.

"The current Harmony package, including the head and a Realdoll body, costs approximately $15,000, the newspaper adds, and in Dollbanger’s own words, "if having sex with a real woman is a 10, then a sex doll is eight, eight and a half."

"He also insisted that Harmony is more than a mere sex doll to him, and that he believes that "it will be a relationship."

https://sputniknews.com/viral/201807281066762957-sex-robot-artificial-intelligence/

Didn't click the link but I wouldn't be surprised if those become fairly common in a decade or two based on where men are going. But then women have been using handheld robots for decades
Thankfully, I have no need to resort to robots these days...

This is probably dependent on where you live, but do dates really have to cost a lot of money? There are always a bunch of free or cheap events around where we live. I think we do a lot of fun activities and don't spend that much. This past week did activities like hiking at scenic parks for free, attended a free music crawl and saw Imagine Dragon in concert with tickets bought during a Groupon sale.

Heck, no, and I'd be perfectly happy on dates that are low-cost but interesting to both of us- a hike or a bike ride on a nice day, our excellent art museum, which is free except for special exhibits, lunch at an ethnic restaurant, which is less likely to include alcohol.

You are right on the money, pun intended. There is truly no need to go all out, just to get acquainted.many more budget- minded choices than there used to be, and no need to display coupons!

Which is what I was trying to say three pages ago that said lunch/dinner dates are only not necessary but women feel less pressured by the wining and dining and are already on guard due to the perceived expectation. At that point one wrong joke and it's Uber for her
I do coffee/drinks for the first date, may be even the second date but with some sort of activity (bowling, hiking, etc).

 

[simple girl]

My husband asked me out to dinner and a movie followed by a party for our first date. I asked if he would like to come over and cookout at my place instead. I always hated going out to dinner as a first date - trying to make conversation was always uncomfortable for me, as well as the whole who pays, etc.

He came over, I put him to work chopping veggies and helping me with grilling, and we had a blast! We still LOVE cooking together - it's one of our favorite hobbies we share.

At the party that night, people kept asking us if we were married. They were shocked to learn it was our first date. I guess you could say we hit it off right away.

I think for first dates doing something other than going to dinner is a great idea. Takes a lot of pressure off and helps you get to know the person on a different level.

 

[dvalley]

Whoopsie Prenup!

Who were you asking?

 

[dvalley]

My husband asked me out to dinner and a movie followed by a party for our first date. I asked if he would like to come over and cookout at my place instead.

That's awesome that it worked out! However, this is VERY rare and even dangerous. One, it automatically sends the signal that at least a make out session is going to happen, if not more. Two, you don't know who you're inviting into your home and if it doesn't work out now they know where you live. Hopefully they're not the stalkers or vindictive type.

 

[simple girl]

That's awesome that it worked out! However, this is VERY rare and even dangerous. One, it automatically sends the signal that at least a make out session is going to happen, if not more. Two, you don't know who you're inviting into your home and if it doesn't work out now they know where you live. Hopefully they're not the stalkers or vindictive type.

Tell me about it. I would never do it now, for exactly those reasons!

However, at the time, I was young and more trusting. Thankfully my gut was right on this one!

 

[Dreamer]

After reading this thread, I hope that my DH and myself, live long lives and I am never in the dating scene again. I think that having to go on a first date again, would be a nightmare.

 

[scrabbler1]

To me it depends on the woman. Sometimes, they're just testing you -- they make a gesture of offering to pay (makes them feel more respectable, I imagine), and the expectation is that you'll say "Oh, no, I got it." However, if you take them up on their offer and let them pay half, they don't say anything at the time, but internally they think less of you. To them, you're now a cheapskate who has violated the implicit social agreement that men pay. I've known women who held a resentment about that, and then brought it up later as ammo.

With other women, it's an honest, genuine offer. I still haven't found a good way of distinguishing the two. I usually just default to paying.

I've heard advice that you should ask a woman to pay half on the first date, to screen out the mercenaries and set the tone for the relationship, but I don't know if I'd want to start off that way.

Most of the women I dated back in my 20s and 30s were either unemployed or made less money than I did. I wouldn't expect them to even offer to pay. But if they did make an offer, I would suggest they leave the tip or at least some money toward it. That would tell me they weren't in it for the free meal but also wouldn't overly burden them with the cost of their share of the dinner.

 

[The Onceler]

I was about to offer myself up for adoption to one of the wonderful wealthy members of this forum, but concluded that would be a thread jack. I will need to start a new one.

 

[Major Tom]

And sticky.

 

[Chuckanut]

I agree with most of what you said, it's common sense stuff. However, the above sentence is where I'm going to challenge you a bit. Why is it that a man has to prove himself to you "intellectually" but you don't have to prove yourself to him sexually? See the unfairness? I can say: I *have* to feel that physical connection before wanting to invest my time, money and emotions into someone.

I don't see where she said anything about having to prove herself to him, one way or the others. We really don't know what was going on in his mind, maybe she had already demonstrated what he was interested in and proved herself to him? In any case that is the couple's thing to work through.

 

[Newventurer]

I do show pictures from my international trips because I want guys to know that, to me, "travel" means something more than a weekend trip to the Ozarks on a Harley.

Perhaps you just haven’t found a guy with the right equipment...most guys know if you are going to take a gal on a weekend to the Ozarks, that you need a Goldwing and most importantly, a trailer My wife wouldn’t go otherwise.

 

[robnplunder]

Hmm, I haven't check the forum lately and had no idea that we have came to this. LOL.

 

[TimeMeasure]

After reading about all the considerations involved in dating... the psychology of who might be judging whom for what... it all just sounds wearying. After awhile, I think one would just say to oneself, “Forget all this. Too complicated. I will just be who I am, and be considerate and friendly. An open-hearted, kind, sincere woman will be willing to bumble through any misunderstandings together with a good will, and anyone else is not worth bothering with anyway.”

A couple other thoughts from reading all this talk on dating...

It’s good to have standards, but it also helps to approach relationships with flexibility and a willingness to discover the person, rather than determining whether they meet a fixed set of criteria. Taken to the extreme, a relationship approached as a transaction with a fungible unit meeting certain criteria is difficult to transition into a “real” relationship. Better to approach the other as a real person from the start. DW and I have sometimes talked about how, if we had both been online (e.g. the “match” site or others), just looking at profiles that match our criteria, we probably never would have crossed paths. So many “obvious” differences (age difference, background, etc.) would have augured against it. But getting to know each other as individuals, we became fast friends, and eventually almost inseparable.

Which leads to the second thought. Easier said than done, perhaps, but meeting “in real life” seems to have advantages over meeting online - because it’s easier to gauge the real person, and also because it probably helps one to be more “in the moment,” learning who the other person really is.

 

[sturbridge]

After reading this thread, I hope that my DH and myself, live long lives and I am never in the dating scene again. I think that having to go on a first date again, would be a nightmare.

Me too. I don't think I would date again. Especially since the whole "I buy her a dinner, she owes me sex" attitude is still around. Or the "I open her car door, I do anachronistic man moves, she must fall in love with me because I'm following the rules I think women like". Yikes. I thought those attitudes would have died with the people my father's age.

 

[Music Lover]

Me too. I don't think I would date again. Especially since the whole "I buy her a dinner, she owes me sex" attitude is still around. Or the "I open her car door, I do anachronistic man moves, she must fall in love with me because I'm following the rules I think women like". Yikes. I thought those attitudes would have died with the people my father's age.

I don't know anyone, male or female, who thinks that sex is owed after buying dinner.

I also hold doors for both men and women...it's simple common courtesy if I get there first or if the other person has their hands full. Perhaps I'm dense and have missed the signs, but I don't recall offending a woman by holding a door for her.

 

[sturbridge]

It's not the holding of doors. Its the expectation that all women are the same, and that if one just follows the recipe, success is assured and the resulting entitlement attitude.

 

[athena53]

DW and I have sometimes talked about how, if we had both been online (e.g. the “match” site or others), just looking at profiles that match our criteria, we probably never would have crossed paths. So many “obvious” differences (age difference, background, etc.) would have augured against it. But getting to know each other as individuals, we became fast friends, and eventually almost inseparable.

You're right about that. My second husband was 15 years older, had "some college" (dropped out because he ran out of money), smoked (he quit about a year after we met) and made half what I did. We met in a Bible study class! It was a wonderful marriage.

 

[Music Lover]

DW and I have sometimes talked about how, if we had both been online (e.g. the “match” site or others), just looking at profiles that match our criteria, we probably never would have crossed paths.

True story...I ran across my current GF's profile online and for some reason wasn't really interested. A few months later I later met her through a friend of a friend and we hit it off immediately. I had no indication she was someone I had passed by when online until I saw a picture of her on her basement fridge taken in Mexico wearing a 4' wide hat holding a gallon size margarita. For some reason I remembered that pic from her profile and asked her if she was ever on that dating site with that pic and found out that she was...

 

[Moemg]

Also a true story my SO and I met on a dating site 18 years ago .The only reason we met was because I made myself one year younger . I had been widowed and cried for a year so I figured that year could not count . If I had not done that we would have never met since I would have been over his age guidelines .

 

[dvalley]

Me too. I don't think I would date again. Especially since the whole "I buy her a dinner, she owes me sex" attitude is still around. Or the "I open her car door, I do anachronistic man moves, she must fall in love with me because I'm following the rules I think women like". Yikes. I thought those attitudes would have died with the people my father's age.

While you're taking this too literally but I'm curious in your mind what attitude should a man have then and two why so many expectations from the man to act a certain way, do certain things, what's appropriate and isn't (by who's standard anyway?)...that attitude should've also died a long time ago too, no?

 

[Amethyst]

Mr. A. and I met at work. We would not have met on OLD. No way I could have believed someone that much older, could be so attractive and so much like me. We all know that more than a few years' age difference means you see things totally differently and have little in common, right?

Furthermore, I do not see how an online profile could adequately convey that our internal value system is almost identical. We figured that out by working together - the same things and people annoyed or amused both of us, and we had the same all-out attitude toward work and straightforward attitude toward others. Also, of all the men I have ever met, he has the most egalitarian attitude toward women. He sees them as equal (not "superior") to men in every respect except physical strength. He admired the few women who, at that time, had achieved high rank at our agency, and said there should be more. Other men his age, meanwhile, were saying the women were "taking all the promotions because of affirmative action."

When he invited me over to his home, I was suspicious, because that can mean trouble; but he wanted to show off his art, book, and music collections. Those sealed the deal Why don't more men like and understand art?

After reading about all the considerations involved in dating... the psychology of who might be judging whom for what... it all just sounds wearying. After awhile, I think one would just say to oneself, “Forget all this. Too complicated. I will just be who I am, and be considerate and friendly. An open-hearted, kind, sincere woman will be willing to bumble through any misunderstandings together with a good will, and anyone else is not worth bothering with anyway.”

A couple other thoughts from reading all this talk on dating...

It’s good to have standards, but it also helps to approach relationships with flexibility and a willingness to discover the person, rather than determining whether they meet a fixed set of criteria. Taken to the extreme, a relationship approached as a transaction with a fungible unit meeting certain criteria is difficult to transition into a “real” relationship. Better to approach the other as a real person from the start. DW and I have sometimes talked about how, if we had both been online (e.g. the “match” site or others), just looking at profiles that match our criteria, we probably never would have crossed paths. So many “obvious” differences (age difference, background, etc.) would have augured against it. But getting to know each other as individuals, we became fast friends, and eventually almost inseparable.

Which leads to the second thought. Easier said than done, perhaps, but meeting “in real life” seems to have advantages over meeting online - because it’s easier to gauge the real person, and also because it probably helps one to be more “in the moment,” learning who the other person really is.